Chapter Two
Em
EM WOKE TO THE sound of a door clicking shut and muted footsteps moving down the hallway. Her eyes shifted to the clock on the bedside table—almost six am. She curled her knees into her chest, pulling the covers up to her chin, allowing her thoughts to drift.
She’d hardly slept last night. By the time the music quieted outside, she’d replayed Shae’s face in her mind over a dozen times, her eyes, so green and still so impossibly guarded, the freckles dusting Shae’s nose, and that mouth…
that mouth that she had so desperately wanted to know all these years.
Her eyes had accidentally dropped to it for a second, and her stomach did a slow, unexpected flip.
When she glanced up, Shae was glaring back at her with an empty stare, leaving Em wondering if any feelings remained between them or if it was still only her hanging on.
When Lennon invited her here this summer, she was extremely apprehensive.
Lennon had insisted everything would be fine, that settling things with Shae wouldn’t be difficult.
Em knew Shae well enough to know this wasn’t exactly true.
It would be difficult, but this was a level of hard she wasn’t prepared for.
Em had been under the impression that Shae knew she’d be spending the summer here.
That is, until she overheard Lennon’s phone conversation with Shae.
Now it was clear to Em that Lennon was playing peacemaker after all.
And maybe that is what the two of them needed, but not this way.
The realization frustrated her, but that was Lennon—always nudging people toward each other, whether they were ready or not.
Overhearing Shae on the line yesterday say “I can’t stand her” stayed with her, immediately making her second-guess her decision to come, the mountain between them now larger than she’d surmised. The words replayed in her head all night.
There was a time when Shae was the closest person in her life—Lennon was her best friend. But Shae? Shae had been her safe space. Now, Shae wouldn’t even look her in the eye.
In all the time that had passed between them, there wasn’t a month that went by that she didn’t think about Shae. Not harshly anymore, but persistently.
They weren’t kids anymore, and Em hoped they could stop focusing on what happened and start building on things that moved them forward… in more ways than just this.
She had her volunteer work at Harbor Light, an LGBTQ+ youth support hotline she’d committed to here for the summer. She was looking forward to those couple of days away from the house each week, to clear her mind and be helpful elsewhere.
Last night was the beginning of building something new with Shae, too, she hoped.
Em willed herself to fall back to sleep before ultimately deciding it was useless. She threw back the covers and plucked her phone off the nightstand. Then padded barefoot downstairs to the kitchen in her oversized sweatshirt, her hair kinked in spots after going to bed with it still wet.
The early light cut across the kitchen tiles in slanted beams. The house was quiet, but for the drip of the coffee maker she had just switched on.
Em waited patiently at the counter while it brewed, then poured herself a cup before taking a seat at the island.
Lennon came in behind her, rubbing sleep from her eyes, and drew down a mug from the shelf.
“You’re up early,” she said.
“Internal alarm clock. I’m used to being up for class right about now.”
Em had just graduated with her bachelor’s in applied psych-ology from New York University and had most of her classes set for mornings. She was always somewhat of an early riser. Though she mostly enjoyed having evenings to study or be with friends.
“Did you talk to her?” Lennon asked, keeping her voice low.
Em hesitated. “No. It wasn’t the right time. She’s pretty closed off. And still super pissed at you.” Em told Lennon, “Plus, first day back and all.”
Lennon gave a swift nod, her hand tightening around her coffee cup. “Yeah, she’s not thrilled with me. Yikes. Guess I’m going to have to eat that today. Having a twin is a delight, really.”
Em smiled faintly. “You’d never know you were twins.
Em watched from the window as Shae bounded up the dunes toward the house, Shae’s muscles pulsing, her skin slick with sweat.
Her sports bra and running shorts were clinging to her like a second skin.
She had tattoos now, halfway down one of her arms. Em couldn’t quite make out what the images were, though.
It had been dark last night, and from this distance it still wasn’t clear.
Em’s fingers tightened around the mug in her hand, and she adjusted her shoulders. She’d never seen her like that. Still soft around the edges, but she moved differently, confident and more controlled.
A thought slipped in uninvited of her own hands tracing those arms, their bodies pressed close. She bit down on her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. “Damn it!”
Em hurried from the window and leaned over the counter next to Lennon, pretending to make small talk as Shae stepped into the kitchen, her skin flushed and glowing. Shae hustled past them, snagged a banana from the counter, and slipped up the stairs without a word.
“Going for a swim?” Lennon yelled up the stairs at her.
“Blow me,” Shae yelled back.
“I would, but we’re—” The door upstairs slammed shut, cut-ting off her last word. “Family”
Lennon’s comeback was swiftly interrupted as Claire swept into the kitchen full of confidence, already dressed to the nines. Dip-ped in lip gloss and sunshine.
“What are we yelling about? Geez!"
“OMG,” she continued, lowering her voice as she got closer to them. “I just passed your sister in the hall and—” She placed her arm on Lennon's, “I’m sorry, but your sister is so hot. Her body is ugh, yummy. Like, is she training for something or just casually built like a star fucking athlete?”
Lennon turned, holding up a hand, “I’ve heard it all, please spare me.”
Em fidgeted with the mug against the counter. She turned it, pretending to analyze the sand dollar design, then took a long sip, desperately trying to hold in the words that clung to the back of her throat. Her eyes drifted back to the staircase.
Em didn’t disagree with Claire, and overhearing women talk about Shae in her presence had frankly become something she was once all too familiar with. But the fact that it was Claire irked her.
Claire, blissfully unaware of the emotional landmines in the room, helped herself to a granola bar from a box on the counter and kept talking.
“It’s not only that she’s stunning, she also has quite a bit of intrigue. I don’t want to be that desperate first-day crush. But… I think I’m gonna join her and cool some of this heat off me,” she hesitated before adding, “Would that be weird? What do you guys think?”
Em did a slow nod, sticking her lips out in silent protest. Hell no, is what she wanted to say. She wanted to tell her to back the fuck off, but what right did she have? Shae wasn’t hers… she never was.
Claire was displaying the type of low-pressure availability that just might work on Shae, given the current state of things. She had confidence, Em would give her that.
“Go for it,” Lennon said, flashing Em an apologetic look.
Shae returned in an all-black bikini, her hair disheveled. Her ponytail now lopsided like she had pulled off her clothes and re-dressed in a hurry. She moved past them like they didn’t exist, mak-ing a beeline for the door.
“You heading to the water? May I join you?” Claire asked eagerly.
Shae’s eyes swept over her, stone-faced. “It’s a free country,” she said, marching out the door without waiting.
Claire squealed. “Perfect!” She spun on her heels and dashed back upstairs.
Lennon crinkled her nose over at Em and Em’s brows lifted, then fell. They stared back at each other from opposite sides of the island. Em drummed her fingers against the curved edge of the counter before she pushed off it, reaching for her coffee.
“Find a way to talk to her,” Lennon urged, eyeing Em over the rim of her mug.
Em raised a brow. “You’re one to talk. She barely looked at you.”
Claire rushed back down the stairs in a tiny fluorescent green thong bikini, hands full, and rushed out the door.
“She never stays long!” Lennon yelled after Claire, the war-ning completely ignored as the door slammed shut behind her.
“Yep, didn’t hear a word,” Lennon said.
The two watched out the window as Claire hurried across the sand, towel and cellphone in hand, calling something down the beach to Shae.
“She irritates me,” Em said.
“That’s because you’re into the same person,” Lennon replied, not bothering to hide her smirk as she ambled over to the fridge, grabbing out the creamer.
More footsteps on the stairs ensued, heavier this time. Brodie rounded the corner, shirtless and grinning, his hair tousled from sleep. He strolled up to Lennon, pressing a sweet kiss against her cheek.
“Morning, ladies. So much commotion down here this AM. What’s all the yelling about?” He leaned into the window to make out what had their attention.
Shae and Claire were now standing together at the edge of the surf, Claire chatting animatedly while Shae stared out over the water, unmoved.
“Mmm,” Brodie said. “Drama already?”
“Something like that,” Em answered, but her eyes never left Shae.
For the first time since arriving here, she second-guessed her decision to come and stay here for the summer. Especially if staying only meant watching Shae with other girls, like she had the last time she’d seen her. She wanted to be the girl, her girl, but Shae wasn’t giving her the time of day.
Shae and Claire stepped back into the house, their skin still damp, hair clinging to their necks. Lennon and Em were sitting down to eat, plates half full and coffee cooling in their mugs.
Shae’s face had a look of both irritation and fatigue, as if the point of her going for a run and dip in the ocean had completely backfired once Claire entered the equation.
Claire, on the other hand, beamed with post-ocean energy, still talking like she hadn’t taken a single breath since sunrise. It was her superpower, weaponized small talk.
“Hey. We made pancakes,” Em’s voice was light and aimed directly at Shae.
“Chocolate chip, your favor…” Em continued, before letting her words drop off.
Shae’s eyes met hers, and Em instinctively shifted her gaze over to Claire.
“There’s bacon and eggs too… if you don’t want that.
” The last of this sentence hung quieter in her throat.
Em could feel Shae’s stare lingering on her long enough for her to feel the weight of it and met it reluctantly with her own. She knew chocolate chip pancakes were Shae’s favorite, and that senti-ment transferred between them.
“Thanks,” Shae said, deliberately reticent.
She made herself a plate with eggs and bacon, leaving the pancakes untouched and disappearing out the back door.
It had been Em’s idea to make the pancakes, and Lennon agreed it was just the peace offering they both needed. Because who didn’t like getting wooed with sugary sweetness for breakfast?
Em had watched out of the corner of her eye as Shae made her plate.
She had anticipated her taking at least one of the pancakes, but the fact that she avoided them altogether frustrated her.
She couldn’t help but feel like this was intentional, like she had chosen not to remember.
Shae knew how to make her blood boil, in more ways than one.
“Pool.” Lennon guessed as the door closed.
“I’m gonna join her,” Claire said, determination in her tone. She scooted her chair away from the counter.
“Could you not?” Lennon’s voice came out clipped and cold. Claire froze, confusion and hurt flickering through her expression.
“I… no?”
“I need to talk to her,” Lennon said, gentler this time, “About all this.” She whirled her finger above her head.
“She really hates me right now, and if we don’t all want to be walking on eggshells around her the next couple weeks, then I’ve gotta fix things, but I think she needs a minute first. Nobody needs her hangry on top of everything else. ”
“Oh. Okay, sure,” Claire shrank a little but attempted to mask it with a smile.
For a minute, Em felt bad for her. Claire was standing smack in the middle of something she didn’t fully understand. It was clear she was trying to make a connection, that she was being genuine. As much as that hurt Em to think about, she also knew what it was like to be drawn to Shae.
Claire sat down beside Em, and Em forced the most polite smile she could manage, considering her true feelings. Claire might have been the only person in the room not to notice the undercurrent flowing between them all, but it was clear she was starting to catch on.