Before
Shae
SHAE BURST THROUGH THE heavy doors of the library, the scent of old paper and leather settling around her as she scanned the room out of habit, angling toward her usual table near the windows. The space was quiet as usual, making Shae itch to disrupt it.
She rounded the table, dropping her books onto the surface with a loud thump. The noise carried even further than she hoped it would, heads swiveling to eye her.
“Shhh,” the librarian whispered.
“Sorry, Mrs. Reeves,” Shae said, not bothering to keep her voice low. Mrs. Reeves peered over her glasses at her, unimpressed.
Shae slid into her seat, opening her math book to the page she’d bookmarked with a sheet of paper. She pulled the pencil from behind her ear and erased the answers marked with a red X, then paused, tapping her pencil idly, her eyes drifting across the room.
“Do you mind?” The boy across from her quietly snapped, his eyes flashing down to her pencil.
“Okay,” Shae stressed, dropping her pencil onto the table. It rolled off the edge and onto the floor. She bent down to retrieve it and down the aisle to her right—spotted Em and almost forgot what she was looking for in the first place.
Em sat cross-legged on the carpet between two tall shelves, a book open across her lap. She flicked her eyes up at Shae, one corner of her mouth lifting in an amused smile. Then shook her head incredulously before fixing her gaze back down at her book.
Shae stood, the pencil sliding back behind her ear on instinct, and crossed the shelves over to Em.
“Cali! Fancy seeing you here, in thee…” her eyes rolled over the books on the shelf, pulling one free with a half-dressed man on the cover, “romance section? Hmm, who would have thunk.”
She returned the book to the shelf and took a seat next to Em on the floor—close enough that their shoulders nearly brushed. Then she reached across Em, folding the cover back to read the title. Her hand lingering there, close to Em’s.
“So, you’re into this type of thing, I take it?”
Em bookmarked her spot and closed the book. “Type of thing?” she asked, tucking it into her backpack.
“Yeah—like love and shit,” Shae smirked. “You are going to check that book out, right? Or were you planning to sneak out of here with it?” Her brows lifted. “Didn’t peg you for that type, but I love a good surprise.” She leaned back, waiting for Em’s response.
“I’m gonna check it out. I’ll take it out of my bag when I get to the front.” Em replied.
“Oh, so you’re embarrassed? Here, give it to me,” Shae said, reaching for the backpack. “I’ll check it out.”
Em swatted her hand out of the way playfully. “I got it,” she chuckled.
“Hey, I was just trying to help you out.”
“So why are you in here? Because it’s obvious it’s not for books,” Em asked.
“Algebra. I got a C on the test in Mrs. Litt’s class, and she thinks I can do better.” She made air quotes. “She gave me a day to correct all the wrong answers.”
“So you came to the library to make a bunch of noise in protest?”
“Who me? Oh, you heard that?”
“You weren’t exactly trying to be quiet. Pretty sure everyone heard that.”
Shae shrugged, scooting farther down against the wall, propping her feet up on the shallow ledge of the bookcase in front of her. “That was actually one of my quieter moments.”
Shae pulled a Blow Pop from her pocket, unwrapping it and popping it into her mouth. “Want one?” she offered.
“I’m good,” Em said, giggling.
Shae rolled the lollipop around once in her mouth before crunching down on it—the sound loud against the quiet of the library.
“No food allowed in the library,” Shae said. “Gotta eat this before I get busted.”
“Hemingway. Feet down from the bookcase.” Mrs. Reeves demanded as she passed by the aisle.
Shae straightened, shoving the stick from her Blow Pop into her pocket. “Whew, close call. I swear there are cameras all over this place.” Her eyes swept the ceiling, then lifted a hand up at a camera in a teasing wave and gave a slow, exaggerated smile. “Can’t get away with anything around here.”
“Hemingway? Is that your last name?”
“Sure is, Cali.” Shae stood, straightening her skirt. “Just like the Author.”
She strolled back to her table, gathering her books, and glanced back at Em, still seated on the floor watching her. She tipped her chin toward the clock as the bell rang. Then lifted her hand in a quick wave and headed out of the library for the field house.
The Field House always smelled like sweaty socks and rubber, poorly disguised beneath the faint sting of cleaning solution. Shae rushed into the locker room, flinging open her locker door and pulling her PE kit from inside it—navy nylon shorts and a white collegiate t-shirt.
“Knew you’d cut it close,” a voice called from two rows down.
Shae pulled her shirt the rest of the way over her head, spotting Kira perched on the bench further away, halfway changed. Her dark curls piled messily into a bun atop her head.
“I had to make it all the way from the library,” Shae huffed. “That’s way across campus! There was no way,” Shae checked the clock on the wall. “At least I’m not late.”
“Yet,” Kira said, reaching down to tie one of her shoes. She popped to her feet, bounding toward the door. “Cue bell,” her hand hovered on the door handle as the bell outside rang through campus. “Let’s go, let’s go.” Kira hurried her.
Shae dashed over, tightening the drawstring on her shorts as she followed Kira out of the locker room.
Stations were set up across the gym floor—jump ropes, Plyo boxes, medicine balls. Her teacher, Mrs. Bringham, stood behind the setup in her navy collegiate polo and shorts, a whistle and a timer in hand.
“Bring it in, girls. Come on.” She waved the class over.
“We’re not all girls!” A boy snapped.
“Could have fooled me.” Shae shot back.
The boy scowled at her, and Shae responded by lifting her finger in a quick, deliberate salute.
“It’s drills today, five students per station. We rotate. Let’s go.” Mrs. Bringham clapped her hands together. “You’ve got three minutes on each exercise.”
She blew her whistle, and the gym erupted into motion, everyone breaking off into loose clusters.
Amber made a beeline for Shae and Kira, her straight black hair twisted high into two tight buns, adding to her height. Amber was a storm condensed into five feet.
“Juniper—you’re with us.” She called, pointing to a girl with a halo of red curls. “You too, Prestley.”
The girls jogged over, and they all found their place—Shae squatting down to pick up the jump rope.
“Did you see we have a new girl from California?” Amber said, “She’s cute.”
“She’s straight, Amber,” Shae said matter-of-factly.
“How do you know?” Amber asked, lifting a brow. “You have to be queer to have gaydar.”
Shae huffed a breath. “I just saw her in the library. She was reading a romance novel with Jason Momoa’s twin on the cover.” Shae stopped jumping, stepping over the rope before starting up again. “Pretty sure that’s a solid indication.”
“This reminds me.” Juniper chimed in, her red curls bouncing into her face with each jump. “Who’s everyone going to fall formal with?”
“Fall formal?” Shae scoffed. She grinned over at Kira. “Wanna be my date?”
“Of course,” Kira confirmed.
“Done,” Shae said firmly.
Mrs. Bringham blew the whistle, and they rotated. Shae moved to the plyo box, her muscles already burning.
“Who are you going with, Amber?” Kira asked, breathlessly as she gripped the medicine ball and slammed it back to the floor. “I don’t know.” Amber rolled her shoulders. “There aren’t enough queer people in this school. It’s lame.”
“You could ask Nelson,” Shae suggested between jumps. “They identify as queer.”
“Yeah,” Amber shot back, “and they’re definitely not my type.”
“You’re the one who said you didn’t have room to be picky,” Shae said, landing lightly and springing back up again.
“That’s literally not what I said.”
“Hemingway. Price.” Mrs. Bringham’s voice cut through the noise. “Rowing room. Ten minutes. I want you two looking sharp out there on Friday.”
Shae exhaled steadily, jogging across the polished wood floors, sweat dripping down her spine. Amber swung open the door to the rowing room, heat rolling out to meet them as they stepped inside.
Just walking into the rowing room made Shae’s skin feel damp. It was toastier compared to the main gym and dense with the metallic tang of exertion and the faint scent of lake water that never quite left the ergs.
Amber waited for Shae to enter and gently shut the door behind them. Shae climbed onto an open erg without hesitation, strapping her feet in. There was a large timer by the door, and Amber set it for eleven minutes before climbing onto her erg.
“You ready?” Shae asked, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. “Ten minutes. Go.”
“She hates us,” Amber said, over the clack of chains starting up.
“No, she loves us.” Shae countered. “Which is worse.”
Amber shot her a sideways look. “Same thing.”
Shae locked in, letting the rhythm take over. Legs, core, arms, release. Again and again. Her muscles started burning as her lungs pulled in the warm air, sweat beading at her temples.
“So…” Amber trailed off. “You ever going to tell her?”
“Who?” Shae asked, jaw clenched as she pulled back.
“Kira,” Amber asked between strokes. “You gonna tell her you think you’re… gay.”
Shae flinched, her pace lagging before picking back up again. “I don’t know. I should probably tell Lennon first,” she said, her eyes flicking to the timer. “Five minutes.”
“Maybe. Or not, if you don’t feel ready. I’m not going to say anything.”
Shae pulled a deep breath of air through her nose and then went full power. Her arms and legs were on fire, but she didn’t quit; she powered through with laser focus until the timer went off. Then slowed to a stop, her knuckles white and fingers stiff.
“It’s okay, you know?” Amber reassured her with a soft smile. “It feels like a big deal at first, but it’s going to be fine.”
Shae dropped the handle, letting it snap back into place. She leaned her elbows on her knees, her breath coming out hard and uneven.
“Maybe,” she said, the word insignificant against the curtain of anxiety in her chest.