Before
Em
EM WANDERED INTO THE den to find Shae sprawled across one end of the couch, her arm slung over the back, eyes fixed on the TV. The soft glow of the screen washed the room in shifting blues and golds, the low murmur of dialogue filling the space.
“What ‘cha watching?” Em said, dropping down onto the opposite corner of the couch.
“Dateline.”
Shae pulled her feet in, making room for Em—not bothering to take her eyes off the screen.
“Dateline? Hmm,” Em said.
“Is that your way of saying you don’t approve?"
“Maybe,” Em said, sinking back against the couch, tucking her socked feet beneath her. She eyed the remote, resting on the soft Boucle fabric of the couch next to Shae’s knee.
“Maybe something more light-hearted?” Em suggested.
“No thanks,” Shae smirked, flashing her eyes toward Em.
Em watched for a moment, trying to piece together what was happening on-screen. It took her all of thirty seconds to decide she didn’t enjoy it.
She eyed the remote again, then pressed closer, attempting to be inconspicuous, and snatched it up, immediately changing the channel.
“Hey—” Shae protested, twisting toward her.
Em grinned. “That was creepy and depressing.”
“You watched, like, none of it.”
“Exactly.”
“Em. Give it back.”
“Hmm, let me think about it.” Em put a finger to her chin. “No thanks,” she said, mimicking Shae’s earlier words.
Shae lunged, and Em squealed, springing to her feet. Clutching the remote to her chest as she darted around the coffee table, laughter bursting from her.
“Em.”
“Make me.”
Em pointed the remote toward the TV from where she stood and flipped through a few more channels.
“That’s it,” Shae said. She leapt across the coffee table, clearing the space in two steps, and caught Em around her waist. They stumbled together, momentum carrying them down to the rug in a chaos of laughter and tangled limbs.
The remote slid free of Em’s hand and disappeared beneath the coffee table. Both heads turned to watch it roll out of sight.
“Now look what you did,” Shae said with amusement.
Shae braced herself over Em, hands planted on either side of her shoulders.
A laugh rolled out of Em, “Maybe you shouldn’t be so boring.”
“Oh, I’m boring now?” Shae cocked a brow. “Then why are you down here with me instead of upstairs with Lennon?”
Em’s laughter faded, and her smile went with it. Her chest lifted, falling in jagged stuttering motions.
Shae’s face went slack, her eyes searching Em’s.
Her gaze dipped briefly to Em’s mouth, and Em’s followed.
Shae bent her arms slightly, drifting closer until their faces were only inches apart, the moment intensifying with everything unspoken between them.
So close that all it would take was one short movement for their lips to meet.
Em’s whole body hummed with anticipation, everything narrowing to just breath and the uneven thud in her chest.
Then Shae squeezed her eyes shut. Exhaling deeply as she rolled over onto the floor beside her, eyes pinned to the ceiling.
Em lingered beside her a moment longer before sitting up, and Shae followed her lead, their shoulders brushing as they leaned against the coffee table.
What they’d almost done hung in the air, unfinished and still aching.
The silence was broken by footsteps in the hall.
“There you are,” Lennon said, poking her head into the den. “I’ve been looking for you.”
Em scrambled to her feet. “Hey. I was just—ahh.”
“Come on,” Lennon said. “Let’s go get ready for the party.”
Em followed Lennon out into the hall, but not before stealing one last look back. Shae was still watching her, with her guarded green eyes that pulled at Em.
Upstairs, Lennon eased down into the chair next to her vanity while Em flopped down onto her bed.
“So,” Lennon said, kicking her shoes off. “Party tonight. Thoughts?”
Em shrugged. “Should be fun.”
“Brodie Taylor will be there, and I am going to kiss him.” Lennon sang.
She lifted the bottle of perfume from her vanity and doused herself in it.
“You sound confident in that.” Em coughed. “Just don’t suffocate him!” She waved a hand in front of her face, swatting away the smell. Then threw herself backwards on the bed.
“What’s up with you?” Lennon swiveled in her chair. “Do you not want to go?”
“No. I do,” Em said, levering herself upright. “I’m just tired.”
Lennon studied her for a moment, eyes narrowing slightly.
“Okay,” she leaned back in her chair. “Then explain why you practically ran out of the den like it was on fire.”
Em hesitated. “I didn’t.”
Lennon came and sat next to her on the bed.
“If I ask you a question, will you promise to be honest with me?”
Em’s insides swooped down, small but noticeable. Some part of her knew what this was about but had been avoiding it. She struggled to be honest with herself these days, let alone anyone else.
“Do you have a thing for her— my sister?”
Em’s eyes jumped to Lennon’s, but she didn’t see what she expected. There was no judgment there—only curiosity.
“I’ve wondered for a while,” Lennon continued. “But lately it just feels like—do you?”
Claustrophobia set in, the walls closing in on Em.
She held her breath, then answered. “Yeah.”
Lennon shifted her weight on the bed, reaching for Em’s hand.
“Oh, Em,” she reached out, grabbing her hand. “I had a feeling.”
“I didn’t realize what it was at first,” Em said. “I mean… I knew I liked her. I just didn’t understand why it felt so much stronger than how I liked everyone else.”
She picked at the seam of her jeans. “But as we’ve gotten older, it’s become a lot harder to ignore what I’m feeling.”
Lennon shifted toward Em, tucking her feet up. “How long have you felt this way?”
“Since the day we met,” Em admitted. “Before I even knew you were sisters.”
Lennon snorted a laugh. “Wow.”
“I tried not to,” Em said. “I really did.”
“I get it,” Lennon said reassuringly. “I know you did.”
They sat in silence for a minute, then Lennon’s voice came out, curious, “And Shae? Does she feel the same way?”
Em let the question linger, “I don’t know,” she said, “Sometimes I think so, but—”
“Sometimes I think so too.” Lennon looked down blankly as if replaying scenes in her head. Then she smirked, quirking a brow. “Maybe I could help you get the girl.”
A knock sounded at the door, and Em covered Lennon’s mouth, “Shh. Keep your voice down.”
“You guys almost ready?” Shae called from the other side.
“Yeah,” Lennon said, standing. “We’re just finishing up.”
Lennon reached out her hand, pulling Em to her feet. “Here,” she said, dousing her with perfume.
“Lennon, no.” Em tried to back away, but Lennon caught hold of her arm, pulling her back over. “Let me just—” She cupped Em’s breasts, pushing her boobs up higher on her chest.
“Lennon!”
? · ? · ?
The party was already loud by the time they arrived.
Music blared through the living room, and laughter echoed down the hall from the kitchen.
There couldn’t have been more than twenty people there, but it was still overwhelming for Em.
She didn’t recognize many of the faces, outside of Lennon, Shae, and Brodie’s, whom she had met on only a few occasions.
Shae hovered in the kitchen, leaning against the counter.
Em drifted over and took up a spot beside her, their shoulders nearly touching.
They exchanged quick smiles, but neither of them said much.
It was easier that way—not acknowledging whatever it was that seemed to always be lingering between them.
“Do you know anyone here?” Shae asked, breaking the silence.
“Not really. You?”
“A few— but nobody I’d hang with outside of school.”
“I’m pretty sure we are just here for Brodie. Lennon’s crushing pretty hard.”
Someone across the room blurted, “Shae, Josh Raskin has a crush on you.”
A chorus of reactions followed.
“Shut up, Brayden!” A boy called out.
“Called it.” Another voice rang out.
“Looks like you’ve got some admirers,” Em said, bumping Shae with her shoulder.
“Who wants to play seven minutes in heaven?” Another voice called out.
A ripple of excitement spread instantly, and people started forming a circle in the middle of the living room.
Names were called at random, and groans and cheers followed as different pairs were shoved into the closet. Em and Shae moved toward the excitement. Em stole glances at Shae, her back against the wall, arms crossed—a crooked smile on her face.
Then a boy called over to her.
“Your turn, Shae.”
A handful of voices shouted. “Pick Josh!”
Shae opened her mouth in protest, but the group spurred her on. Em’s stomach churned with trepidation at the thought of Shae spending time alone with anyone here in a tiny closet.
“Fine. I choose Lennon,” Shae said.
“She can’t do that,” a boy said. “That’s cheating.”
Lennon shot to her feet from where she sat beside Brodie. She seized Shae’s hand, then crossed the room, caught Em’s wrist, and hauled them both toward the closet.
She yanked the closet door open, releasing a burst of stale, warm air, and shoved them inside.
“Squish in,” she said, closing the door behind them.
Em backed into a tiny, uncluttered pocket. The wall, cool against her shoulders as Shae stepped in close. Coats and plastic bins were crowding them from every side.
“Seven minutes starts now,” Lennon called from outside the door.
Teasing erupted instantly.
“Oooooh.”
“That’s hot.”
“Bro, shut up,” Brodie snapped. “They’re friends. She just doesn’t like any of you.”
It was so dark in there, Em could barely make out where Shae stood—if not for the warmth of her breath against her skin.
“I wonder how much time’s passed.” Shae said.
“Maybe… thirty seconds,” Em said.
Shae laughed at this, and the sound sent a strange rush through Em’s chest.
Quiet settled in again, heavier this time. The only sound coming from the partygoers on the other side of the door.
Their foreheads touched unintentionally, a natural consequence of being stuffed into a confined, dark space together. Shae drew back a second, then changed her mind, settling back into place.
Em was hyper-aware of how close their bodies were. Shae leaned in even closer, her hands on the wall behind Em, bracketing either side of her.
“There’s hardly any room in here,” Shae said.
“I know.” Em brought a hand up to Shae’s waist, a subtle invitation to close the gap between them.
“Shae,” Em let out a quiet, trembling breath.
Her skin came alive as Shae blew velvety air like smoke across her mouth, the warm cinnamon of it teasing her tongue.
“Butterflies.” Em whispered into the small space between them.
Shae’s body tensed.
“Five Minutes.” A voice called from outside the door.
“It’s way too hot in here,” Shae said, flinging the door open and darting out.
Light spilled into the closet, hitting Em’s eyes like daggers. She let her head fall back against the wall, the energy being siphoned from her, the absence of Shae louder than the noise outside.
Em hesitated before stepping out, her cheeks burning, her eyes searching the room for Lennon. But she wasn’t there.
“They went out back,” Brodie called over, pointing her in the correct direction. “Shae didn’t seem happy.”
Em followed his gesture toward the kitchen, already overhearing the conversation as she passed through the dining area.
“Why would you do that, Lennon? Why would you put us in a closet together?” Shae’s voice was shaky and threaded with an anger she was trying to contain.
“I just, I thought that—”
“I’m not queer. Just because I hang out with Amber doesn’t mean I’m into that.”
“Shae, I—”
“No. You don’t get to plan my life for me, Len.”
“I don’t want to plan your life. It was just a game, Shae.
I didn’t want you to end up in there with one of these dudes you hardly know.
I thought this would be better.” Lennon tucked her arms across her chest. “But… It’s okay if you are or if you aren’t into girls.
I love you no matter what. I want you to be happy. You and Em seem to—”
“What, Len? Fuck!”
The word tore out of her, echoing loudly across the yard and in through the screen door. Em jolted, her hand involuntarily clutching the collar of her shirt, her eyes filling with tears. A tight sting pushed to the surface of her throat that she bit back.
“Just leave me alone,” Shae choked out.
There was a brief silence. Then, Lennon opened the screen door, her face littered with pink blotches.
Em immediately wrapped her arms around her, tears rolling down both their faces.
“You wanna go?” Em tucked a hair behind Lennon’s ear, and she nodded, wiping dry the tears with the palms of her hands. Em gathered their things, and the two of them made their way out the back.