Chapter Seven
Em
THE SAND DRAGGED AT Em’s feet as she walked back toward Lennon. The wind had picked up, tugging loose strands of hair across her face.
Em could still feel the conversation lingering, heavy in her mind. If Shae wasn’t willing to let her in, they’d only end up circling each other the way they’d always done, and she needed that cycle to end.
She was starting to miss the ease of her life at NYU. Yes, classes were difficult, but she had always enjoyed school, and she couldn’t help but feel like she was trading one form of hard for another, less predictable version.
Not having anything that was all her own anymore made her feel a loss of control over everything around her.
She wanted to fix things with Shae, but at what cost, and what would she lose along the way?
She’d grown used to a life without Shae, and coming back here was opening old wounds, ones with ugly scars.
“How was that?” Lennon asked as Em returned, her voice low but curious.
Em sat down next to her and dropped her face into her hands. “Ugh. I’m just so frustrated.”
Lennon stayed quiet, waiting.
“Your sister has the most impressive emotional defense system I’ve ever seen.” Em spoke through her hands.
“And that’s psych speech for—what exactly? Complicated and stubborn?”
“The second any real feelings emerge, or someone gets close, she shuts the whole thing down. It’s like someone slammed a door right before you had a chance to walk through it.”
“Oh, don’t I know it,” Lennon scoffed. “She wasn’t always like that, though. Remember?”
Em dug her fingers into the ground, bringing up a fist full of damp, cool sand, sifting it through her hands. How could she forget? Shae was like a magnet to her since day one.
“Give it some time. She'll come around. She always does.”
“Well, she’d be a fascinating case study in emotional self-preservation.” Em sighed, staring off into the distance. “May-
be I just, I don’t know—”
Before she could finish, a cheer erupted from the volleyball game behind them as someone spiked a ball into the sand.
Brodie flopped down beside them, out of breath.
“Hey. You good, Em?” he asked, leaning past Lennon to look at her.
“Yeah,” she said softly. “Thanks, Brodie.”
His eyes traveled from Em to Lennon. “We talking about Shae?”
“Yeah,” Lennon answered. “She tried to talk to her out there.”
“Let me guess, walls up, heart locked, key buried?” He bounced the volleyball against the sand and caught it.
Em huffed out a sound that tried and failed to be a laugh. “Pretty much.”
“Yeah... that’s gonna take a minute,” Brodie said, shaking his head.
Someone called his name from across the beach, and he stood.
“Hang in there, yeah?”
“Thanks, B,” Em said.
Lennon reached out and pulled Em into a side hug. Em leaned her head on Lennon’s shoulder and stared out over the water, her eyes on Shae—hoping at some point she’d let her in.
Em’s attention drifted toward the shoreline. Shae stood ankle-deep in the water with Claire and Seth, wind pushing her hair into her face as she laughed over at them. The sound carried faintly across the sand. It was strange to have her this close, yet she was still miles away.
Once back at the house, Em went straight upstairs while everyone else hung out downstairs. So much was weighing on her mind, and she needed the space. A knock sounded from the other side of the door, the doorknob clicking as it turned.
“Hey Em, you sleeping? I’m coming in,” Lennon whispered, the door squeaking as it opened.
Em was sitting up in her bed, already in her pj’s, scrolling through her phone.
“Hey… whatcha doing? You went upstairs without saying much. Everything okay?” Lennon asked softly.
“Yeah, I was just—I don’t know. Len… Don’t be mad, but I think I might fly home.”
“Home? … Like to your parents' place in Colorado, home?”
Em knit her eyebrows together, nodding her head.
“Em, no. You said you hated it there. Like, isn’t it in the middle of nowhere?” She hiked herself up on the bed, criss-crossing her legs.
“It’s just a small town, it’s not that bad,” Em said, adjusting her position on the bed to give Lennon more space.
Lennon glanced down to see Em’s phone screen open to flight schedules.
“You’ve been here less than two weeks. What about Harbor Light? Can’t you give it a little longer? Please?”
Em picked on a loose thread on the hem of her shorts.
“It's just a lot. I don’t want to end up spending my whole summer being rejected by the person I’ve practically been in love with my entire adult life.
” She let out a breath through her nose, rubbing at the back of her neck.
“I’d rather spend this time figuring out how to move forward. Find closure without… closure.”
Em glanced out the window, squinting into the sunlight streaming through.
“To be honest, Harbor Light is great, but it’s only part-time, and I could be spending this time planning what I want to do now that I’ve graduated.
” She fidgeted with a ring on her finger.
“Maybe look for some internships or apply for grad school. My parents’ home is the perfect place to do that. ”
A quiet laugh slipped out of her, and she dragged her hands through her hair.
“I’ve even thought about doing some travelling, believe it or not.
My friend, Halle from NYU, is backpacking through Europe, and I’m sure she’d be thrilled to have me join.
” She lifted her shoulder in a half-shrug. “I’m just sorta out of place here.”
Lennon ran her palms over her thighs and shook her head. “Em, this was supposed to be our big hurrah before all that serious stuff. And you can look for internships and apply for grad school here if that’s what you want. I know it’s not as quiet here, but—”
Lennon leaned forward, her elbows propped on her knees.
“I mean, okay if you want to travel—just know, it may not feel like it, but we all want you here. I want you here!” Lennon scrunched her shoulders, letting them drop.
“Please don’t go, you’re my girl!” She tilted her head and pushed out her bottom lip in a pout, giving Em the biggest puppy dog eyes.
“Please don’t make me beg. I am not against getting on my knees.”
“Don’t let Brodie hear you say that,” Em joked. They both giggled, and Lennon paused, giving some space to the weight of Em’s concern.
Lennon sat up on her knees. “Look, I have your back. No matter what. All summer. Fuck Shae!” She lifted a middle finger above her head. “Not really. I mean, she’s my sister, and I love her, but… I love you too, and I’ve got you!”
Lennon tilted her head, furrowing her brows. “Just please, be patient. Everything will happen the way it’s supposed to. Let’s just focus on having fun, okay?” She reached out, rubbing Em’s arm. “We know how to do that!” Lennon was silent, giving her space to respond.
“Okayyy.” Em gave in.
“Ohh, thank God,” Lennon let out a sigh of relief, bringing her hand to her chest. She leaned over, enveloping Em in a hug. “I honestly believe this summer will be memorable. Let’s just get the hard stuff out of the way.” She finished, still clinging to Em as if the hug was an anchor.