Before
Em
EM PULLED UP JUST down the street from the Hemingway residence and shifted her car into park.
She unfolded the mirror above her head, swiping her forefingers under her damp eyes, wiping clear the smudges of mascara beneath.
Her face was still dotted with pink blotches she couldn’t do anything about; it always did this when she cried.
She swiped open her phone. Shooting a text over to Lennon.
“Oh, Emmaline,” she said, surprised. “I wasn’t expecting you, dear. I thought you were a delivery person.” She took a step back, getting a better look at Em, her shoulders sinking, “Come in, sweetheart. Let me get Lennon, she—”
“Actually,” she interrupted, her fingers tightening around the strap of her bag. “Can I talk to Shae?”
June’s eyebrows lifted slightly, pausing only a second before answering, “Of course, she’s in her room. Why don’t you head on up?”
An anchor dropped to Em’s stomach, sending everything inside into a slow churn. She was about to knock when the door swung open. Shae stood in the doorway in her boxer shorts and a tee. She held up her phone.
“June texted me, said you were on your way up.”
Em threw herself into Shae’s arms. The tears came before she had a chance to try to stop them. Shae didn’t hesitate; she wrapped her arms tightly around Em, the pressure working to steady her. She breathed in deep, trying to get her words out, but they wouldn’t come.
“Hey.” Shae’s voice was soothing and assuring. “Whatever it is, it will be okay.” She walked them backward through the doorway, swiping the door shut with her toe.
Em stepped back, blotting her tears with the sleeves of her sweater. She sat on the edge of Shae’s bed, and Shae took a seat next to her, her hand settling softly against Em’s back.
“They’re getting a divorce.” Em managed through a whisper of tears.
“I heard them arguing from my room, which they never do. They hardly talk to each other, much less yell. My mom said she was done trying. My dad suggested therapy, but she said no, she said she wants a divorce and that she’s not in love with him anymore. ”
She tapped her heel anxiously against the edge of the bedframe.
“I haven’t told anyone this yet, but—my mom cheated on him.
With an old coworker back in California.
” Em sniffled. “She snuck around, lying about it for a year before my dad found out. It’s been almost five years now, and they are still struggling.
” Em looked up, searching Shae’s eyes. She didn’t need Shae to feel sorry for her.
She just wanted someone, anyone, to know.
“There’s more,” she held onto her words a little longer before speaking again, sucking in her bottom lip.
“I knew about it. I found out a couple months in. Saw them at my mom’s office in a…
heated moment.” Her brows pulled together.
“I kept it from my dad. I lied. My parents still don’t even know I know about the cheating. I—didn’t wanna make it worse.”
She didn’t want to make it worse or make it easier on them to separate.
She had friends whose parents were divorced, and she refused to let her life look like that.
It was selfish. Now, sometimes she thought keeping that secret only ended up making it harder.
They only held it together for her, and she knew that.
They pretended to love, for no good reason. None of it was real.
Shae’s brows furrowed, “That’s a lot to hold in.”
“I was pretending too. I was a part of it all.” Em had never said that part aloud, and hearing it have a voice made her feel ashamed, but there was no judgment in Shae’s eyes, only tenderness.
“Maybe they should get divorced.” Em continued. “If you don’t love each other, why even stay? I don’t want to be the reason they aren’t happy. I don’t know how I ever wanted that. What kind of person would want that?”
She slid her hand around Em’s back, drawing her closer. “Em. You’re an amazing person. It’s not your fault. It’s just how life goes sometimes.”
They hugged again, the comfort of Shae’s arms centering her. She didn’t let go. She wrapped her arms tightly around her until Em shifted away on her own.
Shae searched her eyes, then gave Em a soft smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and causing an inhale to stall halfway up Em’s chest. Shae leaned down, untying Em’s shoes and tugging them off before setting them beside the bed. Then she scooted backward, resting her head on her pillow.
“Here,” Shae patted the spot beside her. “Come lie with me.”
Em hesitated a moment before climbing up next to Shae. Shae slid an arm beneath her, and Em relaxed, settling her head into the crook of it. She rested her arm on Shae’s waist, and Shae sucked in a shallow breath. Em could see her heart pounding through her shirt.
“Hey,” Shae said. “Whatever happens with your parents, you aren’t alone in it, okay?”
Em nodded, her body beginning to relax. The moment from earlier with her parents began to fade, and exhaustion took over. She allowed her eyes to fall closed. Shae reached down, pulling the blanket up and over them.
“Do your parents know you’re here?”
“Yes. I told them.”
“Do you want to stay?”
“If that’s okay?”
“Em, it’s always going to be okay.”
In that moment, Em knew for sure every feeling she’d ever had for Shae was real. Shae was someone she wanted, despite what anyone else would ever think. She wanted to feel this way with Shae forever.
She moved in closer to Shae, their bodies molding to one another.
“Shae, if I tell you something, will you promise me it won’t change things between us?”
Shae shifted beneath her, locking eyes with Em.
“I promise,” she said.
Em was hesitant, her insides unraveling. She wanted so badly to be honest with Shae about things relating to them, but she risked Shae not being ready, and she was afraid to lose her. She’d rather have her in her life as a friend than not at all. But this was one thing she needed her to know.
“Shae, I—” she stopped herself, blowing out a long, even breath. Tears welled up in her eyes, and one slid to her cheek. Shae quickly swiped it with her thumb. “I have feelings for you.” Em drew her lips into her mouth, her brows knit together.
Shae’s breath stalled while Em’s picked up. Em wiped at her own tears as the silence hung between them. Then they came, the words Em never had expected.
“I do too.”
Em reached down, cautiously lacing her fingers with Shae’s.
Shae didn’t pull away, so Em inched closer until her body was flush against Shae’s.
Em’s heart skipped like a stone on water.
Shae let go of Em’s hand and wrapped an arm around her, holding her close.
Em tucked her head under Shae’s chin, finally able to relax, and closed her eyes.