57
I’m finally back at work. I’d taken time off in an attempt to deal with everything and to visit my family.
Seeing them was exactly what I needed to help myself feel a little more like normal.
I’ve also spoken to my teachers, and they’ve all agreed to give me extensions and to help me catch up on the four weeks I’ve missed.
I finish counting the till at the end of my shift and make my way out the back to check my phone.
I’m not even disappointed anymore when I don’t see Brooks’ name on my screen.
If anything, I’m numb. Better to not expect anything, then there’s no chance I’ll have to feel the gut-wrenching disappointment.
I look at the spot where Brooks used to stand, waiting for me. I don’t have any expectation of seeing him there. It’s just out of habit. I don’t even think I want to see him.
The tram ride feels like it takes longer than it should, and the walk back to the apartment feels even longer. My 'feet are killing me when I walk in the door to find Luna, Gaia, Sam and Amir standing around the kitchen, drinks in hand.
“Chilled for you as ordered, my lady.” Luna walks over to me, placing a tall champagne glass in my hand. She dips her head as if she’s bowing.
“Thank you, peasant,” I reply with a giggle. It feels good to laugh again.
“How was work? It sucks that they gave away your regular shifts.”
“It was fine. Working all day on a Friday when I’m supposed to be studying isn’t ideal, but I took four weeks leave with no notice.
I can’t expect them to hold my double-time Sunday shift forever,” I say with a shrug.
I greet everyone and make my way to my bedroom, placing the glass on the bedside table.
I bend down to take my shoes off, and an involuntary sigh leaves my lips.
I reach for my feet and begin to rub the sore arches.
“You ok?” Sam asks, peering his head through the crack in the door.
“I’m sure I’ll live to walk another day.” I laugh, continuing to rub my feet.
“I’m glad to hear it, but that’s not what I meant. We haven’t had a chance to talk lately and I’ve been wanting to tell you how sorry I am about that night. Jeremy’s birthday. I didn’t have the right to put myself in the middle and I hope me doing so didn’t have anything to do with Brooks leaving.”
I smile in an attempt to relieve some of his guilt. I’m grateful for the apology, but I’m not sure what to say.
“No. That had nothing to do with you. Brooks left because–” I hesitate, not knowing what version of the truth I want Sam to know.
“Things just didn’t work out. It’s for the best. I promise.
My heart is healing, and I’m finally feeling like my old self again.
Now, I’d better start getting ready or Luna is going to kill me for holding up the party.
” I stand up, open my wardrobe and lift my drink from the table, and Sam slips out of the room with a smile spreading across his face.
“Hey, you ok?” I hear Luna’s voice from the gap in the door.
“I wish people would stop asking me that,” I say with a sigh, rolling my eyes.
“Sorry. Just checking in.” She takes a seat at the end of my bed, scanning the contents of my wardrobe. “That one.” She points to a green dress.
“Are you sure? Not too summer-casual?”
“It’s beautiful, and you’ll look beautiful in it,” she says, smiling up at me. I can tell by the look in her eye that she didn’t just come in here to help me with my outfit choice. “Everything ok with Sam?”
“Sam?” I ask, feigning innocence. I lean over and flick the door closed before slipping down my black pants and lifting my blouse over my head.
“Well, and you can tell me if I’m out of line, but,” Luna starts, with uncharacteristic hesitation.
I pull the dress over my head and down my body.
She’s right. This dress is beautiful. “Before we moved here, you were madly in love with Mark.” I look at her, slightly confused.
I did not expect her to start with that.
“Until you weren’t. You broke up with him, we moved here, and the same day you met Brooks.
And then you were madly in love with him.
” I walk over to the bed and take a seat next to her.
Where on earth is she going with this? “You tend to throw yourself into relationships, and when you love, you love deeply. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing.
” She’s nervous. I can tell by the way she’s picking at the skin around her fingernails.
I place my hand on top of hers to let her know that she can keep going without worrying about my feelings.
“Sam is great, and we’ve all noticed that you two have a connection.
I thought you should have been together from the start, but that’s not the point.
The point is, Sam is very sweet, and he likes you, like really likes you, and Abi, you deserve someone like him, but you’ve been through so much, things that he has no clue about.
Just please take some time for your heart to heal before you fall madly in love again.
That’s all I’m asking. I don’t want either of you to get hurt. ”
“Thank you. It’s sweet of you to worry about me and Sam.
But when I was with Brooks, we were together all the time.
” She dramatically nods her head. Choosing to ignore her, I continue.
“My thoughts were consumed by him, by how he might react or feel at any given moment. It was exhausting. I’ve been enjoying spending time with you lately and working to get our friendship back to where it was.
It’s just scary, you know? I don’t know how to be alone. ”
“You’re not alone. You’ll always have me,” she says, taking me in her arms and squeezing me tightly.