58
I’m tired. My feet hurt, and now we’re standing huddled against the outside of the loud club, in the pouring rain, waiting for an Uber.
The next car to pull up is ours. Sam takes a step forward and opens the back door for us.
Gaia, Luna and I slide into the back seat as Sam closes the door behind me and hops into the front.
The windscreen wipers swish back and forth frantically, but however hard they try, they just can’t seem to keep up with the steady flow of rain. It feels a lot like my life lately.
The car pulls up in front of the apartment building.
We pile out and sprint through the rain towards the courtyard, sticking to the edges in an attempt to stay dry.
Luna unlocks the door, holding it open for Gaia to enter first. I go to follow, but Sam catches my arm, pulling me back.
Luna looks at me, asking if I’m ok with her concerned eyes.
I nod, and she goes into the apartment, closing the door behind her.
I turn to face Sam. I always found it funny when TV shows and movies had couples fight or make up in the rain, water pouring over their faces, eyes squinting, trying to keep the rain out.
But now that is Sam standing in front of me, his wet t-shirt clinging to his chest, his tattoo glistening, water dripping off his floppy hair.
I can see why they do it. It’s incredibly hot.
“I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable,” he says loudly, trying to project his voice over the pelting rain.
All night, I have felt his gaze on me, watching me.
He sat to keep me company when Luna and Gaia danced.
He chatted about university, the gym, and everything but Brooks.
I stayed quiet, enjoying the way his smooth voice calmed my mind.
“You didn’t make me feel uncomfortable.”
“Good, because the last thing I ever want to do is make you feel that way.” He runs his hand through his wet hair. “It was nice to see you tonight. You seem like your old self.” He takes a step forward at the same time as I instinctively take a step back.
“I wouldn’t say exactly like my old self.”
“Well, you seem happier.” His hand reaches out and touches mine.
This time, I don’t pull away. Looking into his stunning blue eyes, I feel a familiar flutter creep back in.
I love Brooks, but the way Sam is looking at me right now makes me want to kiss him, feel his soft lips against mine and let them take away the lonely, dark pit that sits in my stomach while I lie in bed at night.
It’s not even Brooks that I’m longing for in the darkness.
It’s the feeling of belonging to someone.
The feeling of contentment that comes when you think you’ve found your missing puzzle piece.
“I am happier,” I reply, taking a step closer, feeling a chill.
I shudder in my wet dress. Sam releases my hand, bringing both of his to my arms and rubbing them to bring the warmth back.
How could I have overlooked him so easily?
A bead of water drips from his lock of hair, landing on my face.
He swipes his thumb over my cheek, brushing the drop away.
“Can I kiss you?” Sam whispers, just loud enough for me to hear over the rain.
Without thinking, I nod, and his nervous breath flutters on my face as his lips gently sweep over mine.
They are so soft, more perfect than I ever could have imagined.
His hand cups my jaw, and I feel the need to melt into him until Luna’s warning replays in my head. This isn’t a good idea.
“I can’t,” I whisper, but I don’t pull away. Sam freezes, his lips brushing against mine again, but he doesn’t take the kiss any further.
“I’m sorry,” he says, letting out a sigh and pulling away.
“Don’t be. I’m not.” I grab his hand to stop him from walking away. “I just can’t right now.”
“You still love him?” Sam asks, looking down at our hands and then back up into my eyes. If only he knew the full story about what happened between us. I wonder if he’d be looking at me differently right now.
“I don’t want to be with him,” I say, not answering his question. “I don’t think I want to be with anyone right now. I need to be on my own, as scary as that sounds. But at least I’ll know that when I stop being scared, then maybe I’ll be ready. For us.”
“Friends, then?” A gentle smile spreads across his lips.
“For now,” I reply, squeezing his hand before I turn to leave.