Chapter Eighteen
Tris
Rolling over in bed, my eyes flutter open. With a groan, I clutch my comforter, not sure why I’m suddenly awake. The clock on my nightstand says it’s three in the morning.
Absolutely not.
It took me forever to fall asleep tonight, and not without trying.
I throw my arm over my eyes and roll onto my side.
I’m almost back to sleep when Ellie’s bark sounds through the wall.
My body jolts, arm hitting the pillow. It’s not like her to bark at night, and she’s never done that in all the time that Levi has lived here.
There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach, but I try to ignore it.
Maybe it’s nothing.
She barks again, and this time there’s a whiny note at the end, like something’s wrong.
I’m out of bed and heading next door before I can think it over.
My knuckles tap on the door, but no one answers.
I bang harder, and I can hear Ellie on the other side, scratching.
That sinking feeling in my stomach returns, and this time it hits with an urgency.
I rush back into my place to grab the spare key to Levi’s.
I don’t care how mad or hurt I am after our conversation earlier this week. It doesn’t matter.
Something is wrong.
As soon as I’m in, Ellie nudges my leg and takes off for the master bedroom.
I stumble through the dark, but thanks to the similar layout, I find my way to his room quickly.
Ice-cold fear tears through me as my eyes adjust in the darkness and I find Levi curled in the fetal position on his bed, shaking.
“Levi!” My hand flies over my mouth.
His face and bare chest glisten with sweat in the filtered light streaming through the windows, and when I call his name, he doesn’t answer.
His face contorts as if he’s in pain, and Ellie nudges her nose into him, whining, but he doesn’t respond.
Driven by my fear, I climb into his bed and reach for his face. His hair is damp from perspiration.
“Levi! Levi, open your eyes. Look at me.”
His eyes barely flutter.
“Levi,” I choke out, scared and unsure what to do.
His eyes open, then roll to the back of his head. He’s burning up, and I have no idea how long he’s been like this. Ellie whines again, mirroring my concern.
“I’ll figure this out. He’ll be okay,” I tell her, hoping that it’s true.
I leap from the bed and search the bathroom for a thermometer and some towels.
“Come on, come on. There has to be something in here that I can use.” I open and close cabinets and drawers until I find what I’m looking for.
“Yes!” I pull a washcloth out from under the sink, soak it in cold water, and bring it back to Levi, placing it on his head.
He starts to groan, and his trembling worsens.
With shaking hands, I take his temperature.
One hundred and four.
I nearly drop the thermometer. “Oh, my God.” My breaths come quick and short. This isn’t a simple fever. This is life-threatening. Growing up, I learned that any temperature higher than one hundred and four can lead to permanent damage.
“Levi,” I try again. “Levi, open your eyes, please.”
I feel the washcloth on his head, but it’s already become too warm. “Damn it!”
“Levi, I need to get you to the hospital. Can you hear me?” I push his hair out of his face. The bathroom light shines across the room, and he struggles to open his eyes. A small shred of hope shoots through me when his jade-green eyes lock onto mine.
“Hey, look at me.” I reach down, holding his face in my hands. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”
His eyes glaze over, and suddenly it’s like he’s gone somewhere else.
“She saved me,” he says, eyes unfocused and looking past me. “Help her. Help her,” he repeats over and over.
“Levi, what are you talking about?” My brows furrow as I try to understand him, but we’re running out of time. “I have to go get my phone and call for help.”
“No!” he yells, gripping my arm with shocking force. “Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me again.” His voice breaks like a man completely shattered. “Please, Krystal. Don’t.” His words trail off at the same time as my heart stutters.
He’s in his mind, reliving a nightmare, one that doesn’t go away when he wakes up.
I don’t have time to think about the way my heart aches in my chest. I need him to be okay.
“Don’t go. Please,” he begs again when I try to move.
I’m running out of options. My heart pounds, my mind is racing. I need to lower his temperature, but going back and forth a hundred times isn’t going to keep this towel cold, unless...
“Come with me, Levi. I need you to come with me.” I wrap his arm around my shoulders and start to pull him toward the edge of the bed. “Please.”
He’s able to stand, but it takes every ounce of strength I have to half-drag, half-carry him from the bed to the bathroom.
“Come on,” I say, through gritted teeth. Every inch forward is a fight, one I refuse to give up. “Just a few more steps.”
Finally, we collapse into the shower, and I turn on lukewarm water, not caring as it soaks through both our clothes.
“It’s okay,” I whisper.
I run my fingers melodically through his hair, his head in my lap, our bodies entwined, as the water sprays down on us.
My eyes trace over the scars that stretch down his neck, over his shoulder and chest, stopping when they get close to his heart.
For the first time, I notice the robin tattoo that sits there, and though he’s never told me its significance, somehow I know it’s meant for her.
Pieces start to fall into place, the reason why he reacted so harshly to my own robin visiting suddenly becomes clear. It’s always been about her.
I try to imagine for the first time what it must have been like for him to lose her the way he did, but I know that it’s a pain that goes far beyond my imagination.
Still, holding him here right now, I think about the panic that shot through me when I saw him curled up in bed, the way my heart still feels as though someone has their fist around it, the fear that’s still coursing through me at the thought of him not being okay.
My throat constricts as I fight to deny the truth that’s clawing its way through my chest and turn my attention back to his temperature.
I let the water run lukewarm, letting it settle over his fevered skin, careful to keep him from tipping into shock. Minute by minute, the shaking slows, our fingers pruney, until he finally relaxes against me.
After what feels like more than an hour, we run out of warm water, so I turn it off. The movement must jostle him awake because his eyes blink open and his gaze slowly finds mine.
“Hey, you,” I say softly, trying to smile even though for some reason all I want is to cry. “Let’s get you back to bed, okay?”
Luckily, he’s able to stand on his own now, so after making sure he’s stable on his feet, I grab him a change of clothes and promise to be right back.
He nods, but that’s the only indication I have that he’s here with me.
Running next door, I throw on dry clothes, grab him a drink with electrolytes and the bottle of Ibuprofen, my phone, and hurry back. I’m already standing outside the bathroom door when it opens again.
“Let me help you get to bed.”
He stumbles twice, but we make it. I take his temperature and breathe a sigh of relief when this time it reads one hundred and one. It’s still a fever, but it’s not as dangerous anymore.
“Take these.” I hand him two Ibuprofen and the drink.
He finishes the whole drink while Ellie lies at the edge of the bed, watching.
I sit on the side of the bed, unsure of what to do now.
He’s stable, but his temperature could return.
My stomach twists as I try to figure out what’s next.
I’ve barely moved to throw out the bottle when Levi’s arm wraps around my waist and pulls me to him.
“Don’t go,” he rasps, pulling me until my chest is flush against his.
“Levi,” I whisper, coming completely undone as he holds me in his arms, possibly still believing I’m another woman.
“Please,” he sighs, his voice sounding gruff from disuse. “I need you.”
When I don’t move again, his body relaxes.
The tension he’s been holding ebbs slowly, allowing him to finally find rest. I’m still wrapped in him when I’m sure he’s fallen asleep.
I know I’m going to regret this in the morning.
I know this is a memory that is bound to hurt, but I need to make sure he’s okay.
I take in a jagged breath and pretend that this is what he wants.
That I’m who he wants.
Gently, my fingers trace the lines of his face while he sleeps, pushing aside a stray light-brown hair from where it falls on his brow.
I’ve never taken the time to see him this close before, and it hits me just how beautiful he is.
I’m sure it’s not a word that he’d ever like to hear himself described as, but it’s true.
His beard is trimmed so I can make out the sharp angles of his chiseled jaw.
His features are strong and defined, but as he sleeps now, unbothered by the thoughts that plague him while he’s awake, there’s a gentleness here that I have a feeling not many ever get to see.
He breathes deeply and pulls me closer, so I nestle my head into his chest, listening to the soft beat of his heart as it echoes the slow, hollowing out of mine.
I’m surrounded by his scent and the warmth of him.
Closing my eyes, I allow it to carry me, following him into a sweet sleep-filled escape.