Chapter 16 March of Entropy – Vexar #2
“I’m sorry, this is just a lot. Humans don’t do this.
We … we get to know each other over a long period of time and…
” She shakes her head. “I guess, I just don’t get it.
What does this mean? Like, if we do survive, what then?
We spend time together and figure out if we actually like each other, or if we’re just trauma-bonded, or what? ”
There is only one way for me to answer this, and I do not like it. My thoughts trail down to the bandage on her knee, and my chest tightens. I cannot tell her.
“The choice is yours,” I say. “You will be free of this place, and you can decide your own fate.” I hate the lie as it leaves my mouth, but I continue anyway.
“If you would like, I can take you home. To Earth. Or, you could come with me. Back to my home and my people.” I stare at our hands, her small fingers curled around my palms, and a deep fear grips my gut.
I cannot take her back to Earth, not until I know how long she was on that Tusku ship for.
Years may have passed without her knowledge, and there might be nothing left for her to return to.
“And if I go with you?” she asks quietly.
My eyes pop up. “Whatever you desire.”
She releases my hands and steps back. “I need to think.” She paces across the room a few times before stopping to face me. “This is crazy, you know that, right?”
“I suppose, for you, it must feel that way.” Her culture has no reference for this. “But for me, this is a life-long wish come true.”
I feel her heart stutter in my chest. “Oh.” Her eyes move frantically as if she is searching for something. “And this is something you want? With me?”
“More than anything.”
She barks out a humorless laugh and quickly covers her mouth as she turns her back to me.
I stand, uncertain if I should approach or not.
A second later, my decision is made. I step up behind her and am almost surprised by her size.
The top of her head barely reaches my chest. Hesitantly, I place a hand on her shoulder, and she turns her head to stare at it.
My fears melt when she does not try to pull away. If anything, she seems to relax.
“What if I still don’t believe you?” she asks, focus still trained on my hand.
“Which part?”
My hand slides down her arm as she spins to face me and slowly tilts her head back, eyes scanning up my body until they lock on mine. “Fucking hell,” she whispers. “You … uh”—her throat works down a swallow—“are bigger than I thought.”
“Which part do you still not believe?” I ask again, resisting the urge to do more than just hold her elbow. I want to touch all of her. I want her to touch all of me.
“All of it,” she says.
I take a step back and hold out my hand between us, palm up. She moves towards me, sliding her hand into mine like it’s the most natural thing in the world. And it does feel that way. Natural and easy.
“Can I show you something else?” I ask.
“Something else?” Her brows rise with a taunting, irreverent expression that sends a throbbing heat between my legs. Gods, if this is what she does to me with a single look, I will be forever at her mercy.
“I did not mean … that,” I cough out.
“Uh huh,” she says, her expression far lighter than it had been before. She is teasing me. This is good.
I guide us back to the bed, where I sit on the edge and pull her towards me. The way her breath catches as I press her palms back to my chest is a pleasure I doubt I will ever forget.
“What’s up with you wanting me to touch your chest all the time?” she asks. “I mean, it’s a nice chest, but I don’t need to be touching it all the time, just like, some of the time.”
I press her hands more firmly to my skin, holding back a laugh as her teeth latch onto her bottom lip.
“I will always want your hands on me,” I whisper. Her eyes go wide, but I do not give her a chance to respond. “I am not certain this will work, but I have a theory. Do you trust me?” She stays silent, so I continue. “Close your eyes and clear your mind. Then, focus on me—on the space between us.”
“Really? We’re meditating now?”
“Trust me. Please.”
Reluctantly, she closes her eyes, and I can’t deny I am impressed by her endless fight.
“Keep focusing on me and the space between us. Maybe imagine opening a door and seeing me on the other side?” I wait a few moments, wondering if she is actually trying or just playing along, when a surge of emotion floods the space between us.
The ghost of connection I felt before turns into something formidable and all-encompassing.
Wave after wave of emotion crashes into me—fear, pain, confusion, desire, rage, relief—and for a moment, I am lost in her torrents.
Discipline and control.
I do not know what else to do, so I work to calm the deluge. Sweat beads on my brow, but my efforts prevail, and her raging river slows to a manageable, trickling stream.
Her mind is an expanse of chaos, and the one emotion that burns the brightest also sinks a blade into my heart.
It is the evidence of my failure, and seeing how deeply it has scarred her is a pain beyond words.
But she is here. She is alive. And she is stronger than I thought possible, carrying an immense burden without losing her kindness or humor. It is a miracle. She is a miracle.
And I am a monster.
I take a deep breath before allowing some of my emotions to slip into the space between us, grateful for the years I spent developing control over my mind. Some things, I am not yet ready to share.
She finds me quickly, slipping between my body and soul like a set of phantom hands. It is … uncomfortable, and more intimidating than I anticipated. While she may have felt some of my emotions before, this is different. It is deeply intimate.
Her hand jerks beneath mine, and I feel her surprise.
“Oh my god,” she whispers. “Is that … you?”
She opens her eyes, and I ask, “Do you believe me now?”