Chapter 17 Permanent – Amara
PERMANENT
AMARA
“DO YOU BELIEVE me now?” Vexar asks.
I have no idea how to answer that. Whatever’s going on here isn’t just some party trick—like tapping out my heartbeats—I can feel his emotions. As much as I want to scoff and berate him for trying to fool me, I can’t. He isn’t trying to fool me. This is real.
Fucking hell, this is real.
The foundation of my reality begins to shake as it has so many times over the past year.
Let’s just say being abducted by aliens can really do a number on your sense of what’s real.
My human understanding of the universe has been smashed over the head so many times, I don’t trust myself to know the difference between fact and fiction anymore.
At least not out here. Everything’s just so much stranger than I thought possible.
Maybe I just need to accept that some things are beyond my understanding.
Like this. This is beyond my understanding.
“I’m not sure what I believe,” I say.
He rubs his thumbs over the backs of my hands as his two hearts thud against my palms, one of them mirroring my pulse.
He’s nervous. And hopeful. And I can feel that.
Not in the same way I feel my own emotions, more like having a stray thought slip through the back of my mind.
But it’s still there. And I’ve never experienced anything quite like it. I feel strangely whole.
“You’re so … calm,” I say.
“I have had a lot of practice controlling my emotions.”
I hum, but it’s a quiet, thoughtful sound. “Just for the sake of confirmation or whatever, can you tell me what you’re feeling right now?” An echo of anxiety passes through the back of my mind, but it’s small in comparison to everything else I’m feeling from him.
“Curiosity, excitement, and … desire,” he says, glancing down to where my hands are still pressed to his chest.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so vulnerable, but the strange part is, it doesn’t feel scary. It feels good. But the urge to devour him is nearing the level of inescapable compulsion, and I’m not sure how to handle it. My eyes keep locking on his mouth, and each time it gets harder to look away.
“So this is part of the … bond?” I choke out, clenching my legs together. “Being able to feel each other's emotions?”
“I believe it is called a tether, although I know very little about it. And yes, it is part of the bond.”
Bond. Tether. It all sounds very … permanent. Very ensnaring.
I drop my hands from his chest and brush the hair back from my face. “If you don’t know anything about these tethers, how did you know we had one?”
“You’ve been noticing my emotions all day, as I have been noticing yours.
” His head tilts as he waits for me to agree with him, but I honestly don’t know what he means.
“When I was telling you about my experience in the arena, you knew what I was feeling despite me doing everything in my power to hide it. No one can read me when I do not want them to, and yet, you did.”
My mouth drops open as I think back to that moment. His face was blank, but it was like his sadness was infecting me. I blow out a breath through pinched lips. “I still don’t get what this all means…”
“That we are paired. Mates.”
I frown. “Didn’t you say a ‘mate’ is the equivalent of ‘marriage’ for you?
I’m a human. And a slave. And I broke your vow.
And you’re a king.” I cut myself off before I start sounding whiny or insecure.
I’m neither of those things, but I am a realist. The one thing I know to be true is that my life is not some happy fairytale with godmothers and ball gowns.
There’s no Prince Charming or magical love that will solve all my problems, and it’s more likely I’ll have my heels sliced off than wear glass slippers to a ball.
Vexar reaches for my hand, but I pull back. He grimaces and says, “None of that matters now. You are mine, and I am yours.”
Nope. “No.” I point a finger at him. “I don’t belong to you. Besides, isn’t your government supposed to choose your mate?”
He runs a hand down his face. “You have a lot of fight for someone so small.”
My mouth drops open. “And you’ve got a lot of confidence for someone so wounded!”
He doesn't look amused, and I have to admit it isn’t my best work.
“I will have white hair long before I should,” he mumbles in what I assume is Vhorathi. Fortunately, my translator makes quick work of it.
“The fuck did you just say?” Even while I’m verbally sparring with him, my body is betraying me—prickling and tingling beneath his gaze and with the deep vibrations of his voice. Worse than that, I’m enjoying arguing with him. Like, a lot. I’m so fucked.
“Amara, that rule does not apply to us. To this. Our bond supersedes any chosen mate, and any outdated rule.” The muscles in his jaw tick.
“If you choose to accept the bond, it will be binding in every sense of the word. No one will separate us, and I will not let any harm come to you.” He shakes his head.
“That did not come out right. Even if you do not accept the bond, I will not let any harm come to you.”
Binding. He said, “binding”. One more word that tightens my chest and sparks a perverse sort of interest. Would it really be so bad to just—
Oh god, I’m considering this. I’m considering going along with this. The urge to just say ‘fuck it’ and kiss him is almost too much to bear. Except at some point, this fantasy is going to fall apart, and he’ll realize he can’t save me. What happens then?
That annoying voice in the back of my head chimes in with another, Trust him.
Even if I went along with all of this and he managed to get us out of here alive, what then? I’d be tethered to a stranger for the rest of my life? I don’t know if that’s something I should even be considering. Then again, I sort of want to. I mean, what do I have to lose?
Breathing gets hard, like sucking air through a straw.
Would it really be so bad being stuck with Vexar forever? He’s handsome, kind, thoughtful, and introspective. He’s great. But I don’t know him. At least, not really. It feels like I do, but I’m smarter than that.
Then again, maybe this is a chance to do something greater. Something bigger. A chance to be a team with someone again. And damn if that isn’t the most tempting part of all of this.
I take a steadying breath and ask the most important question I have, “Will you help me stop Gaius?” He already said he would, but now that I can feel his emotions, any promise he makes will hold a lot more weight. It’s the one thing I need to know before letting myself have this.
His expression turns serious, and he says, “I will.”
And I believe him.