19. A Thane’s Guidance
A Thane’s Guidance
“ W e’ll make it a quiet affair,” Lenn said from his spot by the window in my receiving room, tugging absently at the gray hairs of his beard.
“The Feast of Jól is only a week away. Mistress Ulfhild is busy preparing for the festivities.
There's no need to hold another banquet so close to Jól. I suggest you invite only the Jarlum and a few other notable members of the court.”
“The fewer people to ridicule me, the better.”
“No one is going to ridicule you, Vor.” He turned, giving me a discerning look.
“You’re right,” I amended sweetly, “they won’t do it to my face.” My saccharine smile fell quickly and Lenn rolled his eyes. “Another thing to add to the list of catastrophes inaugurating my reign.”
Lenn trudged over, kneeling beside my chair and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Don’t say you forgot, and no one will know, skatten min. And even if they did know, they’d be hard pressed to blame you after all you’ve been through.”
“Tell that to Reynar,” I groused. “You should have seen him earlier, Lenn. He was reserved enough when I told him about the huathe. But the moment he spotted a potential weakness, that conniving little bastard went right back to his smug attitude. If I didn’t already know, I’d never guess you two are related. ”
He exhaled a heavy sigh, hanging his head. “Reynar is our father’s son, through and through. As long as you don’t allow him to walk all over you, he is easily cowed.”
“Mmm, you mean the way my mother did?” I couldn’t help the bitterness in my voice. The icy numbness that spread through my heart the night before still refused to thaw.
“That isn’t fair, Vor,” Lenn replied harshly, standing up.
“You don’t know what it was like when Petra first took the throne.
She was but a girl of fifteen, and there was unrest among the Jarlum after what happened with your grandmother.
” I flinched, remembering the stories and the acid in Corbyn’s voice when he’d spoken of her.
“I’ll not excuse everything he did, but Reynar was a younger man then, and a slave to his ambition.
He saw an opportunity when Petra inherited a queendom in shambles from her mother.
There were whispers of another Drakon War. ”
My heart dropped into my stomach, and shame crept over my skin in a flush. I knew she’d been young when she became Queen, but I never thought about what my mother went through after my grandmother’s death. How she must’ve been treated in the wake of that awful incident.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I had no idea.”
“I know you didn’t,” he said, rubbing his eyes.
“She never wanted you to be afraid of the crown, or the things that come with it. Times are different now—she thought you would be fine. But in those days, Petra had to walk on eggshells to keep everyone calm. Don’t blame her for Reynar’s vice.
She did her best with what she was given.
Even after your father came along.” This last part, he said more to himself.
At the mention of my father, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end.
Lord Emund Stendahl.
We did not speak of him much after he’d left Kjarra three years ago.
I could not say I was sorry to see the bastard go.
The Citadel had suffered his violent temper and lecherous ways for too long as it was.
Yet somehow, my mother was sadder after he was gone.
I never knew why. Lenn, for his part, hated him more than anyone in this world.
It was clear even mentioning my father caused Lenn pain.
The pain in my own chest welled up like a bloody wound. “I’m sorry, Lenn. I shouldn’t have spoken about her that way. I just…” I’d let the confrontation with Lukas affect me too much.
He turned back to me, concern clear on his face. “What is it?” he asked. “What’s happened?”
Did he sense my sorrow with his heartsthread? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer, nor explain where it stemmed from. But if I couldn’t tell Lenn, who could I tell?
“It’s Lukas.” The words came out of me in a throaty whisper, which was enough to turn the concern on Lenn’s face into obvious alarm.
He hastened back to my side, dropping on both knees and placing his rough hands on either side of my face. “What did he do, Asvoria? Did he hurt you?”
I shook my head. It wasn’t the type of pain Lenn referred to that clawed at my chest now. There were no wounds on my skin or bruises visible under the surface. No broken bones that needed mending. Only a staggering, aching hurt, the likes of which I’d never experienced.
“No more than I have hurt him,” I admitted.
Understanding washed over Lenn in a visible wave, his face instantly relaxing and his shoulders slumping.
He pulled me out of my chair, folding me into his enormous arms. I melted into him, burying my face into the bear on his chest. Strength and healing, the two things I needed most, wrapping me in a tight embrace.
“Tell me what happened,” he said.
My eyes squeezed shut, sinking me into a void of darkness.
“He’s been acting different lately—it’s gotten worse since Mother died.
Questioning my choices and pushing my boundaries.
Insisting I let someone else hunt down the huathe because he ‘ doesn’t trust other people.
’ It was stifling, Lenn. I knew we’d need to spend some time apart but—” I paused, a flicker of doubt extinguishing my words.
Something told me it wouldn’t be wise to repeat the accusations Lukas had hurled at me and Corbyn. I’d cast enough doubt over the Talon lately—I didn’t want to stir any more undue hatred toward him.
Slowly, I pulled out of Lenn’s embrace, looking up at him. “But the way we left things,” I continued, “I don’t know where we go from here—how we can move past it”
“Vor,” he rumbled softly, “I feel your pain, more than you can know. But a broken betrothal to the son of a Jarla is a serious matter.”
The Shadow prickled against my mind, making her presence known.
My jaw clenched tightly at Lenn’s words.
It was something I hadn’t thought about, but I could no longer ignore the greater consequences of what happened between us.
How I felt about Lukas didn’t matter—a betrothal was a contract.
And Lenn already said my mother had done a lot of compromising in the earlier days of her reign.
Did that include the promise of my hand?
Had I risked my mother’s carefully thought-out plans for my own stubborn pride?
“What do I do?” I cringed at the weakness in my own voice.
Lenn’s eyes swam with sympathy. “Talk to him, love. I don’t presume to know what’s happened between you two, but I know Lukas. He’s a good lad, and he may yet come around.” He stood, taking my hands and drawing me up with him.
Even if Lukas agreed to stop pushing back on my need to find the huathe, how could we come back from what he’d said about Corbyn?
He believed I’d encouraged whatever attachment he thought he saw.
How could he ever trust there was nothing to worry about when Corbyn was almost constantly near me?
If the Shadow was right—that Lukas had harbored these thoughts for some time—what could I even say to convince him?
“I will try,” I finally said, giving him a shallow nod. I didn’t know how far it would get me, but I would try... The Shadow sent a feeling of comforting warmth.
Lenn chucked my chin with his knuckles, his own little gesture of affection. “I’ll take care of the arrangements for the ceremony,” he assured me. “You just show up tomorrow with those two lizards and it’ll be done.”
I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up in my chest. “Lizards? Really?”
“No,” he replied, smiling widely, “but I made you laugh, didn’t I?”
Something he’d always been able to do, no matter the circumstances. He was the clear blue sky after a rainstorm.
I breathed in deeply, nodding. “Thank you, Lenn. Truly.”
He patted me on the cheek before turning to leave, and a jagged piece of my heart slid back into place.
When I returned to my chambers, a note sat waiting for me on the table by the hearth. It was folded neatly and bore only my name in an even neater script. I reached for the note, instantly recognizing the hand. A pit opened in my stomach.
I unfolded the paper carefully, hoping beyond hope that it wasn’t from who I thought it was. But the words within shattered that denial.
‘Asvoria, I will be returning to the Citadel for the Jól feast. I wish to speak with you. — Father’