Chapter 19
Hidden Secrets
It’d been two days since Alissa last saw Eldric.
He hadn’t stopped by to check on her as he had been doing, nor did he spend the night with them in the tent like the first two nights in Nyfrel.
Even with all the unspoken words hanging there, she blamed him for the way things turned out between them.
For being such a coward to face her after their argument.
Desi was changing the bandage around Alissa’s leg injury when Eldric stormed into the medical office. His fists were closed tight, hanging by his sides; his exhales were so loud that the pair could sense his irritation from across the room.
The healer was talking, something about Alissa responding well to the medication, but she wasn’t paying any attention to her and all the annoying medical terms and potion names.
All she paid attention to at that moment was him.
Eldric walked to the back, where the potions cabinet was.
Her gaze followed him all the way, even when Desi waved at her to catch her attention.
He started packing up some of the belongings he had left behind. When he finished, he lifted the rucksack on his shoulder and, with firm steps, headed to the exit without a single word.
“Where are you going?” Alissa asked.
“That’s none of your business.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Oh, come on, Van Myr! You can’t be that upset about our silly argument.”
The fact that she didn’t even know what truly upset him made him even madder.
He halted halfway to the exit, taking a deep breath.
Eldric turned around, and the killer stare, followed by the sudden tension in the air, was enough for Desi to decide to leave before the drama became unbearable.
She could finish patching up Alissa’s leg later.
He faced Alissa, his eyes bloodshot with fury. “You lied.”
Alissa frowned. He certainly was exaggerating to think that omitting information about her reasons for leaving Bryniard could be considered a lie.
That was her first thought, but when his expression changed to a painful stare, she understood which one of her lies he was referring to.
Alissa couldn’t find within her the strength to deny it; she was tired of lying and pretending, so instead, she nodded.
With her confirmation, Eldric resumed his way to the exit, the determination to leave the ungrateful woman behind and never look back marking every step out of there. But before he could leave, her pained moan caught his attention.
Eldric glanced back once again to find her walking to him.
Her knees faltered with the effort she had put into her small movements, and a new drop of blood ran down her thigh over the barely patched injury.
He cursed under his breath and dropped his rucksack to the floor, meeting her where she nearly fainted with a single stride.
One of his arms was instinctively under her knees, the other behind her back.
Lifting her in his arms, he walked her back to the cot.
“Damn it, Alissa! You know you can’t make that much effort yet. You’re still recovering.” His grunt was made out of both anger and concern in equal measures.
Her vision blurred, and exhaustion began to set in. She instinctively let her head fall to the space between his shoulder and his neck, a place she could not have anticipated she would have fit in so perfectly. With eyes shut, she sighed, feeling the soft cotton of his shirt against her cheeks.
The way her head lay against him, the sensation of her deep exhales brushing the sensitive skin of his neck, and how she cradled herself in his arms, made hating her so much harder for him.
Eldric gently lay her down, and his chest tightened with the sight of her injury bleeding once again.
He hated himself for letting her ruin the outraged facade he wore when he first walked in, but before the man could dig deeper within himself and recover some of the pride he had left, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it.
The anguish that was usually reserved for Alissa’s fear of losing her daughter had increased when the idea of continuing her journey without Eldric sparked a mess of emotions. Maybe it was finally time to confide everything to him.
“Let me explain, please.”
Eldric studied her. He wished he had the willpower to walk away, but the single tear sliding down her cheek made it impossible. Instead, he grabbed the stool Desi had been sitting on and waited in silence, hoping he would not surrender to her wishes once again.
“Eldric, did you know I have a daughter?”
He was expecting her to do many things. To curse him, shout at him, even punch him in the face, but he was not expecting that admission. His eyes widened in surprise, and he fought back a smile.
“No,” he whispered, almost speechless. “What’s her name?”
“Dhalia.”
“I bet she’s adorable.” There was no sarcasm in his voice. “How old is she?”
“Five.”
He didn’t know why she had decided to tell him about it now when the urgency of their conversation begged for other admissions, but he couldn’t deny the fact that she was finally opening up to him, and it brought some relief to his shoulders.
“Are you married?” he asked before he could stop himself. A subtle pinch in his heart was ignored.
Alissa chuckled. “No. Her father was a young man from Bryniard. I had known him all my life. When I was eighteen, I fell in love with him. I ended up pregnant after dating him for only a couple of months.”
She looked at the ceiling as she spoke, her mind going back to the time she fell in love with the man with curly blond hair and blue eyes.
He was so beautiful that she never believed he would reciprocate her feelings.
There were so many things about herself that were a cause for insecurities: her full cheeks and the faint sun spots right on the cheekbones, her nose that was not as delicate as she wished it would be, and the curves of her body that had become more prominent since she became a mother.
Perhaps that was why she accepted a relationship she didn’t deserve at the time.
She remembered the moment she found out a life was growing inside her, how the fear was so easily replaced by joy.
Only to become heartbroken as she learned her daughter would grow up without a father.
It seemed like a lifetime ago. It’d been only six years.
“Of course, he didn’t react well when I told him he would be a father.”
Eldric listened, knowing how hard it was for her to share such intimate parts of her story, which made him want to hold her. All the resentment he had been feeling was almost entirely gone.
“What happened then?” He cleared his throat.
“I never saw him again.” She shrugged. “It’s odd, isn’t it?
Not seeing him after that day, when we lived in a small town surrounded by a literal wall.
” Alissa shook her head. “He might have tried to cross the wall and died trying. Like my father did.” Her confession about her father’s story came out accidentally, yet seeing the look on Eldric’s face, she didn’t regret telling it to him.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, it was a long time ago. But this was just an introduction to what I really want you to know.”
He frowned and shifted in his seat, preparing for what was coming next.
Alissa parted her lips to speak and closed them again. She did the same thing a few times, struggling to find the right words. “Do you remember when we talked about something called Senectus Subita the night we argued?”
Of course he remembered—he had been thinking about that since first hearing of it. He nodded.
“Dhalia will be the next victim to die from it.” Alissa’s voice wobbled, and her hands trembled a little on her lap.
“What?” Eldric blinked, not knowing words could strike him so deeply. “How?”
“That’s a story for another time, Eldric.
The point is, I need to be back in Bryniard with a cure before she runs out of time.
When you told me it would take me months to get to the capital without you, I just panicked and said the first thing that came to my mind.
I know it was wrong, and it was never my intention to lie to you.
I just couldn’t afford to waste that much time.
Not when it’s my daughter’s life at stake.
” She sighed, her lips pressed together as she tried to hold back the tears.
“I know this is no excuse for what I did, and I’m sorry. ”
His heart melted at how she fell apart right there. He let the rational side of him step aside for a moment and let the tender, protective parts of him surface as he moved forward to hold her hand. Having been lied to didn’t really seem too terrible when her reasons for doing so were that strong.
When she looked down to hide her tears from Eldric, he let go of her hand only so that he could lift her chin. He wanted to look into her eyes. This new, real version of her was so beautiful, he would not let her hide it from him, not anymore.
When he wiped her tears away, she blushed. If only she knew that all he saw then was a strong, resilient woman capable of anything to save the people she loved. Eldric admired her now more than ever.
He leaned forward on the stool, closer to where she sat on the cot, and their eyes met.
“Alissa, I’m so sorry you are going through this,” he whispered, never leaving her gaze.
“And I’m sorry I snapped at you that night.
I shouldn’t have asked. I—” His thumb was still on her cheek, moving sideways in a gentle caress.
“It’s okay. You were right about that.” She tried to look away again, embarrassed about the confession she was about to make, but he held her gaze with such intensity she was hypnotized.
“You know I’m not often comfortable talking about my feelings, so please know I’m making an effort here.”
What was it about this new Alissa that made him want to hold her so bad?
“I have difficulty trusting people,” she said.
“Last time I trusted a man, I ended up having to raise a baby on my own. But I want you to know that I do trust you, Eldric. I trust you with my life, and I’m so glad we found you on our way here.
Freyah and I both would be dead if it weren’t for you, and I will always be thankful for that. ”
His lips curved up in a shy smile, and she could swear his eyes were glowing.
Alissa took a deep breath. “But I understand if you would want to leave after I lied to you, now that you know our reasons to be here and that we made you into a fugitive. I won’t judge you.
” She bit her lip, wishing she did not have to say it.
“No matter what your decision is, whether you want to leave without us or not, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for us. Everything, Eldric.”
When he shut his eyes and they remained closed for way too long, Alissa feared his decision would break her heart.
Eldric had never believed in luck or coincidences.
He believed there was a purpose behind everything.
The moment he heard Alissa say those words, he made sense of why they found each other so early on their path, why he had been tasked with bringing that shipment out of Bryniard right when she was hiding inside.
It can’t have been a coincidence.
When she poured her heart out to him, he knew that helping her save Dhalia and the people of Bryniard had to be his new purpose in life.
Maybe it was always supposed to be this.
Perhaps becoming a Royal Guard in Heldraine had only been the means to the end, the way he was meant to cross paths with her.
No matter what happened next, saving her people would be more honorable than anything he had ever done on behalf of the Crown.
Now that he was free, he would truly devote the rest of his life to helping others.
Eldric felt a wave of resolve rush through his mind and heart.
He cupped Alissa’s face between his hands, his green eyes still fiercely looking at her.
“You said you trust me.”
“I do,” she confirmed in a murmur, her heart racing.
“Then trust my words, Alissa. We will find the cure for your daughter’s condition, together. And I will follow you back to Bryniard to help your people. You can count on me for all of it moving forward.”
“Are you not mad I lied to you?”
Eldric was quiet for a moment, thinking about everything she had told him. “Not anymore,” he answered with a smile.
“I don’t deserve that much kindness from you.
” Her tears were becoming more insistent, her heart full as those precious words were spoken.
She was glad to have found someone else to trust, to help share the weight on her shoulders.
Alissa closed her eyes—processing the last few moments seemed too much for her exhausted mind.
“We will save her, Alissa.” There was so much will and confidence hidden behind Eldric’s statement.
Alissa desperately wanted to believe him. “Do you promise?”
“I promise,” he said despite himself.
Eldric picked up the tray Desi had left behind when she was patching Alissa’s leg.
His fingers gently traced the skin around her injury, sending a sequence of unwanted shivers through her.
He finished Desi’s work with so much care and grace, Alissa wished she had never seen that side of him, only because she feared how it made her feel.
When he finished, he scooched in beside her, pulling her closer to hold her in his arms. When she started crying, her sobs didn’t frighten him; they only made him more certain of his decision.
His fingers slid through the soft strands of her hair.
He wished he could heal her physical and emotional pain from that hug, but her pain was far beyond that. He knew that now.
They had never been affectionate or sensitive to one another before. In fact, they had only ever shown each other their flawed sides. But right there in his arms, Alissa was overcome by an unexpected sense of calm and peace she had long forgotten. Being there with him felt oddly right.
“Promise me you’ll be less of an idiot in the training sessions from now on,” she said.
Eldric couldn’t help but laugh. Even in times like this, her humor was on point.
“I shouldn’t make a promise I can’t keep, darling.” His eyes danced with amusement, a smirk on his lips.
Alissa pushed Eldric away with a grin, but it only made him strengthen his hold of her. They lay there for a while longer, recharging each other’s faith that everything would be alright in the end.
It was the first time she felt at home since leaving Bryniard.