14. Benjamin #2
He looks the way I feel. Like the idea of Abby sick and suffering is squeezing all the air out of his lungs and keeping his heart from fully beating.
I look over at Dash next.
He’s impossible to read. But that’s almost the same thing as the pained look on Kane’s face. Dash went from happy and flirty to shutting down again.
“How did all of this affect you?” I ask her. “You said it makes you usually feel optimistic. But the cancer is the reason that you don’t feel bold?”
“Not in relationships,” she admits.
Something in her voice makes Dash also come closer. We’re now surrounding her. Her hand is in mine, Kane is stroking her back, and Dash now reaches up to cup her face.
“You can tell us anything,” he says gruffly.
“The cancer tore my family apart,” she says, her voice shaky.
“It consumed our lives. Doctors’ appointments, treatments, it felt like we were always waiting for bad news.
My parents poured everything into me emotionally, physically with their time and energy, and financially.
They didn’t have anything left for my sister.
And now she doesn’t really have anything left for us. ”
Her voice breaks slightly on the end of the sentence, and it takes her a moment before she continues.
Now I understand what she was talking about when she mentioned her sister before.
“Emily doesn’t speak to us or spend time with us.
It’s really painful for my parents and for me, but we don’t feel like we can press it because it’s our fault she felt pushed away and left out.
We don’t really know her husband or kids.
” She shakes her head. “I just can’t be the reason for another family to break up. ”
It takes me a moment to realize that she’s talking about us. Me, Kane, and Dash.
“You’re not going to break us up,” Kane says, clearly arriving at the realization before I do.
“You don’t know that,” she says. “This is a really unusual situation. None of us has done this before, right? We don’t know how it’s going to go.
” She takes another shaky breath. “And there’s a chance I could get sick again.
It could come back,” she says softly. “And I won’t put anyone through that again.
Especially three people. Three people like you.
” She laughs softly, but there’s no humor in the sound.
“You three freaked out when my ceiling caved in. I can’t imagine how you’d react if I got sick.
I can’t risk wrecking what you have together. ”
She looks down at the floor, and the three of us exchange looks.
It’s clear none of us really know what to say.
We’re all still reeling from the news that she was sick, and the idea that it could happen again is like a knife to the gut. But worse is that even the possibility that it could happen again would keep her, and us, from being happy together.
It’s also clear that Dash and Kane are hoping I’m going to come up with something.
It only takes me a few seconds to realize what I need to say. And it’s the last thing any of us want. But it’s what Abby needs. At least initially.
“I understand why you feel like you need space and time,” I finally tell her.
I lift my hand and stroke it over her hair.
“I hear you, I promise I do. My mom had cancer. It was a difficult time, and it put a lot of fear in our family. But we got through it and she’s doing great today.
We know how to deal with the hard stuff, I promise. ”
“Oh, Benjamin, I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m glad she’s doing well.”
“Look I know this has gone really fast and the three of us, well, we’re…a lot.” I give my brothers a reassuring smile. “But you have to know that we are all in this, Abby. The three of us are really strong. We’ve known each other for such a long time and been through a lot. Our bond is solid.”
She looks up at me and there is a flicker of hope in her eyes that makes my heart thump hard in my chest.
“But I understand that we will have to prove that to you,” I say. “I get that.”
She takes a deep, relieved breath.
“We can give you time and space, but only a little bit,” I tell her, making myself smile.
“We’re not letting you go entirely. And I don’t want you to go clear to your parents’ house and drive back and forth.
That’s too much time on the road. I’ll get you an apartment in the building with Magda, and we’ll all keep seeing each other. ”
“The building with Magda?” she asks. “What building?”
“I’ve got her set up in a new apartment,” I tell her. “The moving company got her settled today. The building is only a year old and fully secure. She told me she loves it.”
Abby laughs with disbelief but then shakes her head. “I’m sure I can’t afford that.”
“You can,” I assure her.
I’m making up the difference between what she and Magda were paying at their old building, of course, but they don’t need to know that.
“I know the owner, and he is willing to work within your finances. Whatever you were paying at your previous building is what you’re going to pay at this new place. ”
Magda fully accepted that. I don’t know if she believed me entirely or not, but she didn’t argue or ask too many questions.
I wait for Abby to call my bluff, though.
After a few seconds, however, she decides not to argue with me about it. I don’t know if it’s because she realizes she’ll lose or because she realizes how much I need to take care of her like this.
“Thank you, Benjamin, that’s really nice of you and your friend.”
“I’ll do anything for you, Abby,” I tell her honestly.
Then I look at my brothers. “And tonight you can sleep in the guestroom alone. It’s been a big day.”
It’s clear neither of them loves that answer, but they both nod.
Abby looks from me to Dash to Kane, then she smiles softly. “But after ice cream sundaes, right?” she asks.
Some of the tension eases out of all of us and Kane gives her what seems to be an actual, genuine grin.
“Hell yes, we’re having ice cream sundaes,” he tells her. He touches her nose with his. “With extra strawberry sauce.”