Chapter 42
Don called at nine-ish, as he had done every evening since he’d left the house. The calls were short and they mainly talked about Markie, who was a safe topic.
It was the third time she’d put Markie to bed without a breastfeed and he had only cried for six and a half minutes in total.
‘I’m sleeping like a champion,’ she told Don. ‘I go to bed at 10p.m. and don’t wake up until Markie stirs at 7. It’s just bliss. I feel like a normal, sane human being again, it’s amazing.’
‘Are you still breastfeeding?’
‘Yeah, three feeds a day, which is really nice for us.’
‘Good, and the childminder is working out OK?’
‘She’s lovely. She’s going to take him for two full mornings, tomorrow and Friday.’
‘Wow, what have you got planned?’
‘Totally top secret. I’ll tell you about it on Saturday. You are going to come on Saturday, aren’t you?’ She held her phone tightly, needing him to say yes.
‘Of course,’ he said but didn’t elaborate.
‘I’m planning to go to the gym in the morning to meet Tania, because I thought you’d want some time on your own with Markie and then hopefully he’ll sleep in the afternoon and we can talk.’
‘That’s good, Bella,’ he said, then added, ‘You’re going to the gym? To meet Tania? You sound back to your old—’ he began but stopped.
‘Not my old self,’ she said, understanding his thought. ‘I’m working out my new self. My Bella-with-baby self.’
‘Yeah… I’m working on my new self too,’ he said. ‘I really miss Markie,’ he added. ‘Can’t wait to see him.’
‘Yeah.’ She decided not to add ‘I really miss you’ because if he didn’t say it back, her heart would break.
‘OK,’ he said. ‘Good night, Bella.’ She detected a vein of tenderness in those words which comforted her.
‘Good night, sweetheart.’
Afterwards, she went upstairs to see her son. She tiptoed into the room and looked at him in the dim glow of the night light. He was on his side with his hands curled up in front of him, he felt warm and slightly damp to touch, still sweaty from his little cry at bedtime.
She listened to his gentle breathing and leaned over to inhale his warm butter smell. He was perfect. She’d never felt anything like this, so full up with love. It was calming and grounding and heart-expanding.
Somehow, there was going to be room in her heart for all this baby love and for Don too and for loving her job and her friends and, she really should face it, her parents.
She’d thought at first that Markie was going to use up all her love and there wouldn’t be any left for anyone else. But she was learning that Markie had opened the floodgates. She’d made this incredible amount of extra love in her life for him and now she was going to spread it about.
She could feel her eyes grow watery again. I’m turning into a complete softie, she thought… and I quite like it.
She stroked her little boy on the head then left the room.
Downstairs, she threw together a quick supper, then went up to the attic office taking her laptop with her. She had the plan, now she needed to research it.
Three hours later, she finally went to bed, tired but excited. This was going to work.
The next morning Bella drove into town once she had dropped Markie off at Sylvia’s. If she was to face Susan tomorrow, she needed to psyche herself up for it. She was going to present a radical new plan so she felt it was fitting to have a radical new image to go with it.
Combat trousers and kaleidoscope tops were fine for home, but the new work look was going to have to be a little more sober.
No more tight skirts, high heels, stockings and cleavage. What did she have to prove? She was married with a baby. She knew she was attractive and damn good at her job. It was time to get on with it – she wanted sleek, streamlined, professional. There was no reason for her office clothes to ‘work’ at a cocktail party any more either. Once she’d put in the hours, she was going home.
Anyway, she was online, she was on the phone – why the hell did she need to be at the office all day long?
She parked the car and headed out onto Regent Street. It was late November, cold but blue-skied, crisp and not quite 10a.m., so the shop doors were just opening and the pavements were quiet.
An hour later, after careful consultation with a good assistant, Bella had found exactly the right thing: a long, lean, light grey trouser suit, which looked perfect with her shorter hair. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and couldn’t believe how much younger and fitter she looked. The suit shoulders were narrow and unpadded, the jacket skimmed down to mid-thigh and the trousers were fluid without being wide.
Underneath, she tried out a grey knitted-silk sleeveless top, cut straight at the top. No more cleavage but bare arms instead, still sexy but in a kind of sporty way. She decided on the same top in pale green as well.
Her new coat was a slick mac, knee length with a hood and warm lining. Now she decided on a new briefcase as well – shiny black nylon, big enough for a laptop, mobile, car keys and a few nappies.
She handed over her card without flinching because as of tomorrow she was going to have a brand-new job. She was sure of it.
Several shops later and she’d bought two new pairs of shoes, futuristic loafers in black and grey leather with low, trainer-like moulded rubber soles – cool.
Then came new make-up: sludgy green eye shadow, brownish lipstick. Then new underwear. She explained the still-breastfeeding situation to the assistant, who suggested a grey jersey sports bra and matching hot pants.
Bella looked at herself in the mirror and began to see the outline of the figure she’d once had. The breasts were still over-heavy, but the tummy was diminishing. She would get there.
It was already heading for 12.30p.m., so she had time for a quick sandwich before she raced back to Sylvia’s for 1.30.
She spent the afternoon playing with Markie, then after she’d given him supper, a bath and tucked him up in bed, she got down to work again.
Poor Susan, she had no idea what was about to hit her.