Chapter 41
The sound of crying woke Bella – as it had done for the past seven months. She opened her eyes and looked at daylight filtering in through the white curtains. Daylight?! She leaned over to look at the clock – 7.26a.m.! She was waking up from the first full night’s sleep she’d had since her son was born. Apart from the incredible weight of the full breasts lying on top of her chest like bricks, it felt amazing!
She went through to Markie’s room and bent down to pick him up out of his bed. He smiled and giggled, stretching up his chubby hands. She took him back to bed with her and they curled up together, Markie ravenous to feed.
He gazed up at her with his brow furrowed and she felt overwhelmed with how much she adored him. Feeding was the only time he lay quiet in her arms now, as he’d grown into such a wriggly, inquisitive little thing. She would miss this time so much.
She spent the next two hours in a mild panic – breakfast, changing, dressing, packing one hundred assorted bits and pieces into Markie’s bag, so that he wouldn’t be without his favourite drink, snack, toy, whatever else she thought he needed to survive two whole hours without her. She packed a sheet of paper into his bag with her home number, her mobile, Don’s mobile. You’re being ridiculous, she kept telling herself. Relax.
Red was at Sylvia’s waiting for her and Bella was able to hand Markie over without feeling too awful. She babbled out a torrent of instructions about drink times and nap times, despite her impression that Sylvia was listening but probably not going to worry about it too much.
‘She thinks I’m totally neurotic, doesn’t she?’ Bella asked Red as they walked away from the house.
‘And who could blame her?’ Red teased, then added, ‘Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ll learn to let go bit by bit.’
As they approached the shopping centre, Red was talking about Bella’s work.
‘Couldn’t you go part-time, or work from home… set up on your own like I did?’
‘These are all possibilities…’ Bella agreed. ‘I’m trying to get my head round them.
‘And here we are,’ Bella surveyed the stalls selling limp vegetables, the tatty supermarket, handful of chain stores and a discount jewellers. ‘Where do you want to go?’
‘We’re heading for the café, but not until we’ve trawled round the amazing clothes shops. Follow me!’
Bella wondered what on earth Red could mean. All she could see were the cheap chains with sale signs plastered on the windows. Red was making a beeline for one of them. ‘Really?’ she asked, surprised.
‘Come on!’ said Red.
Once they were in, Red scanned the racks like a pro. ‘OK, Bella, we are finally getting you out of your leggings and tartan shirt and propelling you back into fashion.’
Bella was looking through the stuff and laughing. ‘Sequinned denim?! You can’t make me do this!’
‘Look at these perfectly acceptable grey combat trousers… ￡8 on the sale rail… padded waistcoat ￡12, T-shirts, a fiver… black three-quarter sleeved shirt… Bella, you are going to come out of here a new woman for less than fifty quid.’
They went to the changing room with armfuls of stuff.
‘Oh my God, it’s a size 16,’ wailed Bella pulling on a close-fitting top.
‘The sizes are very small here,’ Red warned.
‘And made with child labour in third world countries?’ Bella wondered.
‘No, this lot are OK,’ Red assured her. ‘The stuff’s decently made in Morocco and Portugal.’
‘And how come your stomach is so flat already?’ Bella asked, eyeing Red up in the long, narrow mirror.
‘Gym twice a week. I’ve gone since Ellie was tiny,’ came the smug reply.
‘Ah! I remember the gym. I still have membership for the fancy one, down in Belsize Park.’
‘Well, go!’ Red replied. ‘If you don’t go when you stop feeding, you’ll be sorry. They probably have a crèche.’
‘Yeah, I know, I just couldn’t bear to leave him in there.’
‘But you’re getting over that, aren’t you? Looks very good,’ Red nodded at Bella in the sporty, grey trousers and a tight red long-sleeved T-shirt with a flower on the front.
‘Is it mutton dressed as the proverbial?’
‘No! It’s homeworker, computer nerd fashion. You’ve got to get some trainers. What about this?’ Red asked, modelling a spray-on denim skirt embroidered with multicoloured flowers. ‘Hot off the catwalk. This is real designer diffusion. This stuff is “inspired by” the big names and in the shops three days after the shows. True designer diffusion.’
‘How do you know all this?’ said Bella, trying on a fuzzy white zip-up jacket made of long curls of acrylic wool. ‘Ha ha, look at this. Outrageous!’ She laughed.
‘I do accounting work for them,’ Red replied.
‘Really! Do you get a discount?’ Bella joked.
She liked all the shiny fabric stuff. She was thinking how wipe-clean it would be and decided on a pair of beige sporty trousers, the grey combats and a long black skirt, all in the same shiny stuff with drawstrings and plastic buckles.
Then she chose three long-sleeved T-shirts with wild designs on the front and a short silvery-grey anorak lined with fleece. Red made her buy an over the shoulder rucksacky thing, teasing her that a mock croc kelly bag just wouldn’t go with her new outfits.
The total bill was less than a week’s groceries, so Bella paid without any accompanying feelings of guilt.
‘Superdrug next,’ said Red.
So, they went to Superdrug and browsed the make-up stands like schoolgirls.
‘You can’t buy red nail polish. It’s the most boring shade in the world,’ Red insisted.
‘I’m not buying green!’ said Bella.
‘Why not?’
‘It’s so teenage.’
‘So? You’re only late twenties, not a hundred. You don’t need to wear camel and dress like your mother just yet.’
‘What about silver grey, to go with my new anorak?’
‘I think there’s a daring side to your nature just waiting to be unearthed.’
‘No, believe me, I’ve spent years trying to bury it.’
‘Really! But you always look quite… conservative.’
‘Yeah, fashion was never my thing, just recreational drugs and casual sex.’
‘Maybe you could channel your need to shock into something a little less harmful.’
‘Like green nail polish?’
‘Try it!’ Red laughed.
There was time for coffee in an organic, ceramic mug kind of place tucked round the back of the centre which Bella had never noticed before. Although, as soon as she was seated, she double-checked her phone for messages.
‘Stop panicking. The babies are fine,’ Red said firmly.
And when Bella was back at Sylvia’s house thirty-five minutes later, it was obvious that Red was right. Markie was fast asleep in his buggy and Ellie was playing with the baby Lego in the middle of the sitting room floor.
‘He’s been good as gold,’ Sylvia told her.
Bella drove Markie home while Ellie stayed on with Sylvia because Red had gone home to do some work.
Work… Bella mused to herself as she took her sleeping baby out of the car… work. She couldn’t deny she was a little jealous of Red, who would now be sitting in her office, making calls, using all those cool, logical parts of her brain and earning money.
A massive part of the stress situation with Don would be eased if she was earning a good income again. Their overdrafts were maxed and realistically, if she didn’t have a job very soon, they would have to put the house on the market. That thought instantly depressed her.
She got into the house and put Markie, still sleeping in his car seat, into the sitting room, leaving the door open so she could hear him when he woke.
Then she took the bags from the morning’s shopping trip upstairs and decided to have another quick try on. On went the long skirt, with the deep slit up the front, then she pulled on pop socks and her gym trainers and one of the new long-sleeved T-shirts. She put the silver anorak on top and laughed at herself in the mirror.
It was a very different look, but comfortable and kind of cool – she looked at her old clothes lying in a heap on the floor – why had she skulked about in that stuff for so long?
This was a touch internet-geek chic. She looked in the mirror and Red’s comment about designer diffusion came to mind.
Brand names for less… internet chic. She had the strange, exhilarating feeling that something was coming together in her head… then, wow! The pieces slid into place and she had the most amazingly good idea.
‘Oh my God!’ she said out loud. ‘That’s it! That is it!Brilliant!’
She sat down on the bed and her thoughts raced. It was so good… her hands were trembling and it couldn’t wait. She picked up her phone and called a familiar number.
A very familiar voice answered, ‘Good afternoon, Prentice and Partners, Kitty speaking?’
‘Kits!’ she almost shouted.
‘Bella! Hello, how are you?’ Kitty answered excitedly, then in a whisper added, ‘What’s happened, Bella? No one will tell me anything. I’ve just got to say you’re unavailable right now.’
‘You could have phoned!’
‘Yeah, well, but I didn’t want to impose.’
‘Impose! I’m rattling round the house with a new baby staving off nervous breakdown central and you’re worried about imposing! Jesus, Kitty. What would the sisterhood say?’
‘God, I’m sorry, Bella. I never thought about it like that. Are you coming back?’
‘We’ll see. How is everyone anyway?’
‘Good, same as usual, we’ve got a new girl. Bit of a cow to be honest, twenty-three or something.’
‘Hector isn’t a partner, is he?’ Bella tried not to squeak.
‘Oh God, no, he got a written warning from Susan last week.’
‘Really? And what about Susan?’
‘Susan is pining for you.’ Kitty’s voice was conspiratorially low. ‘Chris is good… said he saw you at the weekend.’
Bella felt herself blush.
‘Yes… er… I really miss you guys,’ Bella said.
‘And how’s your little boy?’ Kitty asked.
‘Oh, he’s fantastic, adorable. Anyway, I want to see Susan, but turn up kind of unannounced, when she’s there, but not in a meeting.’
‘Well…’ she could hear Kitty tapping her way through Susan’s agenda, ‘your best bet is early morning, tomorrow or Friday.’
‘OK, well I think Friday will be best. Will you ring me if anything changes and she’s not available then?’
‘Yeah sure. But tell me… what is this about?’
‘I can’t… not just yet. But I promise, you’ll be the first to know if Susan goes for it.’
‘Bella!’
‘I’ll see you Friday.’
‘OK, be like that then! Bye.’
‘Bye.’
As soon as Bella had hung up from Kitty, Bella knew she had a message to send.
Hey Chris, I am so sorry about Sunday. What an idiot I was. No wine for me ever again. Thank you for being so kind. Hope we can completely forget about it. Bella
It took just a few moments for the reply to arrive.
Of course. My fault for pouring so quickly. Hope the hangover has finally cleared. See you soon, I hope.C
Thank goodness for that.
Bella took a deep breath and hit the button on another very favourite contact. There was something else she had to sort out. The ringing tone hummed in her ear, twice, three times, she could feel her resolve draining away, maybe this wasn’t a good time… maybe she would leave this till the evening.
But then there was a brisk ‘Hello?’ at the other end.
‘Tania, darling, it’s Bella.’
‘Bella?! God— hello!’ There was a tiny pause, so Bella launched in.
‘I’m so, so sorry I was so awful, Tania. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to phone you back. I’m so sorry. I miss you so much.’
Then Bella held her breath, hoping this would be OK.
‘Oh, Bella, I’m sorry too,’ Tania said. ‘I’m so glad you’ve phoned. I wanted to phone too. It’s OK. It’s all totally fine. We were both very stressed out— you with the baby, me with Greg.’
‘Greg? What’s happened?’ Bella asked.
‘I can’t believe you don’t know about this,’ Tania replied.
‘About what?’
‘Greg is married.’
‘What!?’
‘Yeah,’ Tania continued. ‘All those weekends with his parents and not wanting us to live together… turns out he’s got a wife and three kids.’
‘Oh. My. God!’ Bella was stunned. She had not seen that coming.
‘Yeah, I found out— well, it’s a long story. I was phoning you that night to tell you how suspicious I was.’
‘Oh no,’ Bella cut in, ‘I am so, so sorry. I thought I had the biggest problems in the world and obviously I didn’t.’
That was months ago! How had Tania got through this without her? She was so angry with herself that she hadn’t been there, hadn’t been the shoulder for her friend to cry on.
‘How are you doing?’ Bella asked.
‘Not too bad. I was miserable as sin for weeks. But on the upside, I lost about a stone, so I look amazing. I just worked like a demon, which kept me busy, and redecorated the flat… and bought a new car.’
‘No—!’
‘A shiny, red Ferrari.’ Tania cut in.
‘You absolute cow!’ Bella joked, before adding sincerely, ‘I can’t believe you didn’t phone me.’
‘I couldn’t handle it, Bella – there you are all married and happy and babied up and I’m starting out single again.’
‘Oh yeah,’ said Bella. ‘Well, let me tell you, it’s been non-stop bliss all the way. I resigned from my job, Don and I are having a trial separation. We’re practically broke, but thank God, thank God, my son is finally sleeping through the night.’
‘What?’ It was Tania’s turn to be shocked.
‘Yeah, it’s this amazing thing where you put them in bed awake and they cry at first but then they fall asleep by themselves and?—’
‘Not the baby!’ Tania was practically shrieking now. ‘You and Don are separated?!’
‘Yeah, but hopefully not for long. It’s been so stressful and I kind of made a pass at Chris, my colleague, but I’m really hoping Don might forgive me?—’
‘What! Slow down, you’re babbling, girl.’
‘Do you have time for the whole thing?’
‘Well, if you could give me the short version now, then maybe we could meet on Saturday and you can tell me the full saga.’
After Bella’s quick outlining of events, they arranged to meet on Saturday morning.
‘At the gym please,’ Bella said. ‘I have to go back there. I still look like a blancmange.’
‘Ha ha – I’m slim and slinky,’ sang Tania. ‘It’s role-reversal time.’
‘What is the point in being friends with you if you’re going to look better than me?’ Bella teased, delighted that she and Tania were straight back in best friend mode again.
‘Bitch!’ Tania shrieked. ‘Get your flabby arse in gear. No wonder your man’s looking elsewhere.’
‘He’s not!’ Bella screamed down the phone. ‘I’m the one who looked and leapt?—’
‘Bella! You are a mother now. You have to behave responsibly,’ Tania said in mock-shock.
‘I’m dying to see you,’ Bella replied. ‘Shall we say 10.30ish? We’ll do a class, then sauna, then long lunch?’ She was thinking, four hours away from my son. I can cope, I will cope. Don can look after him. He can cope.
‘Perfect.’
‘Tania, I’ve missed you so, so much,’ Bella gushed, feeling tearful.
‘Me too,’ Tania answered. ‘Let’s be best friends forever and ever.’
‘Amen.’ Bella laughed. ‘See you Saturday.’
‘Byeee.’