Chapter 40
Red’s childminder, Sylvia, was lovely, as Bella found out when she went round the next day.
Red’s Ellie was already there, crawling after a squeaky ball, and Markie wriggled about in Bella’s arms until she put him down, so he could try to crawl after it too.
Sylvia wanted two babies to look after because they could play together and keep each other company.
‘I just want to do one or two mornings a week to start with,’ Bella said, barely believing she would be able to do it, leave her son here with this woman who seemed nice but was still a stranger.
‘No problem, we’ll start gradually – then we’ll all be happy, won’t we?’ Sylvia directed this question at Markie who was now up again bouncing happily on her knee. ‘When do you want me to start?’ she asked with a smile.
‘Er… shall I bring him for two hours tomorrow and you can see how you get along,’ Bella heard herself say… thinking, oh no, what am I doing?
‘Yes, that’s fine.’
When she left Sylvia’s, Bella felt a euphoric sort of panic. Oh God, could she handle this?
As she was lifting the buggy up the stairs to her front door, her mobile went off. She scrabbled to get it out of the changing bag, hoping it would be Don.
And it was.
‘Oh, honey,’ she said, fumbling to open the door without tipping Markie down the stairs. ‘I’m really sorry. I’m really, really sorry—’ She pushed the buggy into the hall and sat down on the floor.
‘Look,’ Don said, ‘I’m phoning because I’m not going to be able to come today.’
‘OK,’ Bella said, dreading that this meant he didn’t want to see her yet.
‘My stupid bloody job,’ he said angrily. ‘I was supposed to get some time off, but I’ve now been given this piece of nonsense to chase on the south coast for a couple of days.’
‘Oh,’ she said, feeling a crash of disappointment. He was going away again. They weren’t going to see each other for days and they wouldn’t be able to sort anything out.
‘I’m still angry with you,’ Don added.
‘I love you,’ she said, ‘I really love you, Don. I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I couldn’t bear to lose you, please?—’
He gave a long sigh, then said, ‘I’m going to stay away till the weekend. I think we both need the time to calm down and think things through.’
‘If it’s what you want,’ she said. ‘But promise me you’ll come at the weekend.’
‘I promise.’
‘Tell me about Markie,’ he said, changing tack, ‘I really miss him.’
‘He’s gorgeous,’ she said, trying to swallow down her tears. ‘He’s wearing an adorable red cardigan and woolly hat. He’s sitting up in his buggy looking at me. His eyes are going to be dark like mine, I’m afraid.’
‘That’s nice,’ said Don, ‘I like dark eyes.’
‘I wish he’d got yours. I like yours best,’ she said. ‘And his new favourite toy is the bunch of house keys which is a bit scary because I keep thinking he’s going to drop them in a drain when we’re out.’
‘We should leave some spares with your friend round the corner.’
‘You are so sensible!’ she managed a slight laugh.
‘Just because you’re such a wild child,’ he said.
‘Don, please, I’m never going to do anything like that again.’
There was a pause before he said, ‘OK, I have to go, Bella. I’ll call you and I’ll be there at the weekend.’
‘Take care,’ she said.
‘Bye,’ he answered simply.
She clicked off the phone and unloaded Markie from the buggy, carrying him down to the kitchen. She still couldn’t really tell what her husband was thinking. He was still angry, but she took the ‘I like dark eyes’ comment as a good sign. Listen to me, I’m like some stupid teenager, she thought, and I’ve behaved like a stupid teenager too.
She had mixed feelings herself – she wanted Don back, no doubt about that, but the Don who’d bought out a flower stall for her, who’d rushed her down the aisle in a passionate leap of faith, who’d held on to her when she was giving birth and willed her to get through.
At 7p.m. on the dot that evening, Red arrived to help put Markie down for the night without needing to be breastfed to sleep. She had assured Bella that it could be done and he would sleep much better for it. But Bella didn’t believe her.
‘Hello.’ Red breezed in with a kiss and a clinking carrier bag. ‘Essential supplies,’ she explained.
‘I feel like I’m letting a witch into my house,’ Bella joked nervously. ‘Are you going to put a spell on my son?’
‘No!’ Red snorted, following her into the sitting room. ‘Trust me, I promise this will work, every night from now on. You just have to follow the process.’
She slapped her coat over the back of a chair and put her bag on the coffee table, spotting a framed photo there.
‘God, your dad is so young looking… doesn’t he look handsome holding Markie!’ she said.
Bella laughed out loud. ‘You are about to be so embarrassed!’
‘No!! It’s not?’
Bella nodded vigorously. ‘Oh yeah.’
‘Well, wow, he’s very good-looking, but— er— quite a bit older than you.’
‘Thirteen years,’ Bella answered. ‘He went grey really young, but I think it’s sexy, obviously I have a father complex or something.’
‘Right.’ Red put the photo down and emptied out her bag of goodies. ‘For you – a choice of comfort aids: bottle of red, bottle of white, large packet of crisps.’
Bella thanked Red profusely.
‘Also, lavender oil, to keep both of you calm and finally—’ Red fished the last thing from her bag, ‘this is for you, Markie.’ She pulled out a little beige towelling bunny with long, dangly ears.
‘Thank you.’ Bella was really touched.
Markie grabbed the bunny with his hands and giggled.
‘OK, we’ve got bath, a feed and story time to fit in before bed at eight on the dot. Lead the way,’ Red told Bella.
After his bath, Markie was breastfed downstairs on the sofa with the TV on loud and the lights turned up to ensure he didn’t fall asleep.
Finally, he’d eaten his fill and was looking dopily tired.
‘Now take him upstairs,’ commanded Red. ‘Read him a nice little book on your knee, then dim the lights, lie him in his cot with his little bunny and say “Good night” really nicely and leave when he’s still awake. No cheating.’
‘He’ll howl the house down and I won’t be able to stand it,’ Bella insisted.
‘We will not leave him, I promise. Trust me.’
‘OK, OK, I’ll give it a go, but I’m giving in if it gets too awful.’
‘OK.’
When Bella settled Markie down in the cot, he kicked off his blanket with a giggle, and looked wide awake again. But she stroked his little forehead and said ‘Night, night, Mummy loves you so much,’ then she stepped out of the room, leaving the light on low.
There was silence for a moment, then a surprised cry.
By the time Bella got downstairs to Red, muffled roars were coming from the baby monitor in her hand.
‘OK.’ Red pulled an alarm clock from her coat pocket and handed Bella a glass of wine.
‘Sit down for two minutes. We’ll time it, two minutes, that’s all. Then you can go to the door of Markie’s room and tell him it’s OK, you’re just downstairs, then leave.’
‘Right,’ Bella said dubiously.
She gulped at her wine then went upstairs again and did exactly as she was told. Markie stopped crying for the few moments she was at the door but bellowed with renewed vigour when she left.
‘Bloody hell,’ she told Red when she got back down. ‘Do you really expect him to fall asleep like this?’
‘He will, trust me.’ Red urged her to finish her wine, poured her another glass and opened the crisps. ‘OK,’ she said. ‘You’ve got to wait four minutes now.’
Bella didn’t feel she could argue.
They sat for four minutes, Bella slugging back the wine and staring grimly at the monitor. The lights rose and fell on the monitor. Markie was screaming his head off.
‘OK,’ Red said as the clock hand nudged towards the four-minute mark. ‘Just do exactly the same again, poke your head round the door and speak to him, then leave.’
Bella was shocked when she saw Markie this time, he was bright red and his hair was matted to his head with sweat. He looked furious and didn’t stop screaming when he saw her. She spoke as soothingly as she could, then came down the stairs quickly.
‘Are you sure he’s going to be OK?’ she asked Red anxiously. ‘He looks really hot.’
‘He’ll be fine, now more wine, more crisps,’ Red said. ‘You’ve got to deal with the full eight-minute wait this time.’
‘Oh, Jeez.’ Bella fixed her eyes on the alarm clock, which seemed to be standing still. ‘You’re sure this is working?’
‘The clock? Of course!’ Red answered.
Somewhere around minute seven, Markie’s cries began to grow a little bit less desperate, then abruptly they stopped.
Bella looked at the monitor. She went out into the hall… silence. What!? He must be lying in his cot wondering what to do next to get her attention.
Red looked at her and smiled triumphantly.
‘He’s going to start up again in a second,’ Bella told her.
‘He is sound asleep,’ said Red. ‘Believe me, if he had an ounce of strength left, he’d still be bawling at the top of his lungs.’
Bella turned the monitor up; she could hear the quiet rustle of her son’s breath.
‘I don’t believe it!’ she was completely astonished that her baby could actually go to sleep without being breastfed, rocked, walked or soothed in some way.
‘And I bet he doesn’t wake up again till the morning,’ Red said. ‘Because he’s learned to fall asleep without you.’
‘In one lesson?!’
‘Well, it might take a few nights,’ Red replied. ‘Tomorrow night, just do the same and soon you’ll be able to put him down without a squeak.’
‘OK.’ Bella was still unconvinced. ‘Can I go and check him?’
‘No! He’s fine… OK, you can go in five minutes,’ Red answered.
Five minutes later, Bella tiptoed into Markie’s room and found him, just as Red had promised, fast asleep in his bed.
Light-hearted and full of relief, she went back down to the sitting room where she and Red had a cosy chat.
They talked weaning, favourite purées and Bella felt at least some of her anxieties about Markie were allayed.
Then they got more personal and talked about themselves. Asked about her parents, Bella confided how tricky they could be and, no, they hadn’t come to visit from Italy yet. Red sympathised, especially as she was close to all her family.
‘It’s the Polish and Jamaican way,’ she said, giving a glimpse into her unique colouring. ‘Keep your family close, no matter what.’
‘That sounds nice,’ Bella told her.
‘So,’ Red topped up their glasses. ‘So… what about Don. When did you meet? And how?’
Bella told her, reminding herself what a whirlwind romance it had been.
‘God, you two didn’t hang about, did you?’ was her new friend’s verdict.
‘We just knew it was right and that we were ready, I suppose,’ Bella answered. ‘Everything has always been really full-on between us. What’s happening now is weird… because I just don’t know what he’s thinking.’
‘I hope you guys will be OK,’ Red said.
‘Yeah.’ Bella thought about her husband. She had to get herself together and get him back.
It was time for Red to go, as she slipped on her coat, she asked, ‘So is Markie going to Sylvia’s tomorrow?’
‘Yes… I think so.’ Bella still wasn’t sure if she could bring herself to do it.
‘We have to go out, to distract you, otherwise you’ll just sit here worrying about him and phoning Sylvia every ten minutes.’
‘You’re probably right. But don’t you have work?’
‘I can make an exception.’
‘Where can we go in two hours?’
‘We’ll go to the shopping centre and the market down the road,’ answered Red.
Bella raised her eyebrows. She couldn’t see any reason to go there.
‘Bella! There’s plenty of good stuff to be found down there,’ Red teased her. ‘It will be fun. I’ll meet you at Sylvia’s.’
They were at the door now. ‘OK,’ Bella said. ‘See you tomorrow 10a.m. and thanks so much for tonight.’