Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
CILLIAN
The trip to Burberry gives me some time to think, and God knows I need it.
I’m losing my mind about the girl we’ve kidnapped, and I can't exactly talk to my best friends about it.
Some part of me knew she was trouble when I’d seen her first in person, in that red dress of hers that left so little to the imagination. The way she’d flirted with me even in the elevator... that should have been a clue that she was a wildcard.
But the way I feel about her? That’s the real curveball, if I’m honest with myself.
I want her, and not just because she has a tight little body and a pretty face.
She’s smart, too, witty and intellectual, with so much under the surface.
I want to get to know her. I want to... want to come home to her.
And I don’t even know what that means for me.
Dare is head over heels for her, and even Liam feels something for her, even if he tries denying it left and right. I can see it all over his face, feel it in how jealous he gets.
So, what do I expect? Her to choose me of all people? Why would she? She knows I have blood on my hands.
Even though I haven’t revealed too much, I’ve told her enough that Liam’s right—if she escapes, she’d have something on us.
But she doesn’t want to escape.
Hell, any time Dare takes a shift, she could run out of the house, and she never has.
Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I think we have something. In the way she touches me. The way she speaks to me so gently. It’s like she’s different for each of us, giving us something we need. Something to heal that dark hole inside our souls.
I want that for myself. So bad. But how can I take that away from my two best friends, my brothers?
But God, some part of me wants to, some jealous, caveman instinct.
I want to throw her over my shoulder and keep her locked away from the world, protect her, make sure no one else touches her.
Then, on the other hand, some of the hottest moments I’ve ever had were of all of us pleasuring her. Focusing on her. Sharing her.
How has my life become so complicated?
Enough.
I try to focus on the road. These thoughts get me nowhere, especially now that I’m so far away and getting farther by the minute.
It’s becoming increasingly hard to keep my eyes open.
I’m just outside of Burberry, and as much as I’d like to go ahead and get to that hospital, my body needs sleep, or I’m going to wrap myself around a tree.
It probably wouldn’t have stopped me before Isla, but I want a chance to get back to her, to see her again, feel her again, taste her again.
I stop at a hotel, giving my alias, Richard Mathis.
“Thank you, Mr. Mathis. Here is your key.”
“Thank you.” I take it and walk toward the elevator.
Looking at the key in my hand, I shake my head. I could buy this whole hotel if I wanted it. But I’m a simple guy. Just give me an air mattress on the floor, and I’ll be happy. I didn’t have much more than that when I was a kid, before Ronan took me in.
Thinking about Ronan makes my stomach sour.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that the man I idolized growing up isn't the world's best guy, but seeing him like I did at the meeting... it’s hard.
He’d barely recognized me.
Closing the door behind me when I enter the room, my mind wanders back to the safehouse.
What are Isla and Liam doing right now? Probably at each other’s throats. Maybe with their hands all over each other.
My fists clench.
It’s not even that I’m jealous of the sex, per se; it’s more the chemistry, palpable in the air, when they’re around each other.
And Liam keeps denying it, pushing her away, but never really letting her go, never really giving up on her, which is starting to piss me off.
After all, it was his idea to make her our “pet”. He’s not innocent in all this.
I grab my phone and call the one man I know will understand, even if I won’t talk about it.
“What?” Dare barks into the phone.
“You’re in a mood.”
“Yeah, well, God knows what Liam and Isla are doing.”
“You think he’d actually let her—”
“Let her? He’s practically drooling for her, Cill. Don’t tell me you don’t see it.”
“You’re one to talk.”
“Aye, but at least I’m upfront about it! Liam acts so judgy about me trusting her, but he wants her too. He’s just too stubborn and too proud to admit it.”
But what does she want?
It’s something that none of us have asked her, and it keeps me up at night.
“I’m in Burberry, catching a few z’s now. I’ll call you when I get to the hospital in a few hours.”
“Aye.”
Dare hangs up without a goodbye, which is unusual for him. He really is sulking.
Not that I can blame him. Every time my eyes drift closed, my mind goes to the moment she was taking me in her mouth and Liam was fucking her from behind, his blue eyes wild.
It makes me all twisted inside, but in the best way.
It doesn’t make any sense.
I do manage a thin few hours of sleep, and when I wake, it’s daylight. Not quite time for visiting hours, and I’ve got to put on my best performance.
By the time I head to the hospital, I’ve had a brief workout in the hotel gym, breakfast, and two cups of coffee. The second cup was too much, and I’m jittery, but I need some kind of boost to deal with people.
“Excuse me.” I keep my voice low and even as the nurse bustles around at the nurse’s station.
She huffs out a breath, but when she turns, her eyes widen, and so does her smile.
“Oh, hello there. What can I help you with, sir?”
I don’t often think about my looks, but today, I’m grateful she finds me attractive.
I give her a weak smile. “My sister was admitted here yesterday. We haven’t seen her in months. I was hoping to get some information.”
“What's the name, hun?" She gives me a once-over.
“Rivers. Imogen Rivers.”
She freezes, the smile disappearing from her face. “I can... I can take you to her.”
I frown but don’t ask any more questions, and she leads me to the basement... the morgue.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.”
Is it really her? Really Maggie Sullivan? After all this time we’ve had Isla kidnapped, is this finally going to prove she is who she says she is without a shadow of a doubt?
I slowly walk up to the covered body and slip the blanket off the face.
Though there are clear differences, especially now I have spent too much time with Isla, Maggie still looks too much like Isla for comfort. It’s nearly uncanny.
I ask the nurse for a moment alone with “my sister”.
She nods. “Of course.”
As soon as she leaves, I pull out my phone and take a few pictures to have as evidence to show Ronan.
That bullet hole in the middle of her forehead, a forehead so much like Isla’s, makes me flinch.
I put the phone away in my back pocket.
Looking at the doppelganger to the woman I’m starting to have feelings for lying here on a stretcher, lifeless, murdered, is making my stomach roll.
I mumble a Gaelic blessing and cover her face once more, unable to keep looking down at her pale, dead expression.
Stepping out of the morgue, I thank the nurse and leave the hospital as fast as I can.
Over three hundred. That’s how many people have met their end by my hand. And though I hate it every single time, none of them has shaken me up so bad as this stranger.
I’m supposed to go back to the hotel, check in with Dare, and then drive back.
I’m supposed to be happy this is the real Maggie and that Isla was telling the truth.
I’m supposed to not care about her being dead.
And in a way, I don’t. Maggie being dead means I don’t have to be the one to end her life. That I don’t have to drag her back to Ronan and watch the man I love like a father blur yet another line.
But for a second there, it wasn’t Maggie on the stretcher; it was Isla, and that almost destroyed what little was left of me.
I have to go back. Now. I have to see her, Isla, make sure she is safe, she is alive. She is still mine, even if just a little.
I can’t get Maggie’s dead face out of my mind.
Maybe she’d been a traitor, but she didn’t deserve to die.
I get into my car, taking off for home, knowing the hours ahead will seem like days, but I just need to see Isla. Need to make sure she’s really there and not lying on a slab at Burberry morgue.
Because seeing that just made me realize something important.
I’m just as crazy about Isla as Dare is, maybe more. I’ve never felt this way about a woman, and even though I can never tell her, at least I can be honest with myself.
She’ll never choose me, anyway.
I unlock the door to the safehouse, and my jaw drops to the floor.
Isla is cuddled up with her head on Liam’s shoulder, his arm draped around her. And he’s... asleep. Liam Hayes, of all people, asleep wrapped up with a target.
A target that now, we have no reason to keep.
Ignoring the pangs of jealousy shooting through me, I shake Liam awake.
“I've got news.”
Isla stretches, and her shirt rides up, exposing her navel.
I look away, my dick twitching in my slacks. I’ve never felt so feral about someone before, wanting her all the time. It should scare me, but I’ve never felt this rush before, and all I want is more.
With how delirious I am from lack of sleep, I’m thankful Liam’s here. Otherwise, my big mouth might betray me and lay it all on the table for her, forcing her to outright reject me.
It would kill me.
And it would ruin our friendship if Liam knew how I feel about her.
He pretends to dislike her, pretends that she’s just a target, unimportant, but I know him. I know he sees she’s so much more.
Having grown up with him as my brother, I’ve never fought with Liam like this, he’s never been this abrasive. He’s struggling with his feelings for her, just like I am, and it’s clear as day.
They are still cuddled up on the couch, and Liam doesn’t even pull away immediately, waiting for Isla to stand before he shifts and looks up at me.
“What happened?”
“I found her.”
His eyes widen, and he sits up straight. “You did? Where is she? In the trunk?”
I swallow hard. “The morgue. Bullet through the head.”
Isla stares at me, shell-shocked. “She’s dead?”
I nod tightly without looking at her. If I look at her I might pull her into my lap, tell her that I’m crazy about her and seeing someone that looked like her on a slab in the morgue was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
Liam frowns. “Are you sure it’s her?”
“Here.” I hand him my phone, and as he looks at the pictures, something flashes across his face, brief, and then his expression shutters.
“Good.”
But I can tell that he’s conflicted, it’s in his blue eyes even if he’s trying to hide it.
Taking back my phone, I put it in the same pocket I took it from. “You think it could have been one of your da’s other men? Maybe he got killed in the process and that’s why it wasn’t reported. Or hell, we weren’t Maggie’s only enemies.”
Liam nods, looking off into space instead of focusing on me.
“Liam?”
His gaze snaps to mine, but he doesn’t speak.
I frown. “Are you all right?”
“Fine.” He stands, brushing off his clothes.
He usually can’t stand to be rumpled, but here he was, cuddling with Isla fully clothed on the couch, not a care in the world about how his clothes fare.
Fuck, I’m jealous. Should have been me.
On the other hand, Liam needs this as much as, if not more than, I do.
The darkness that swallows me whole all day, every day, haunts Liam too. But in his case, he has the future of the clan on his shoulders to add to his troubles. The fact that Ronan is not himself and makes Liam’s life harder than it should be is not helpful either.
If it comes to it, it’ll shred me to pieces, but I’ll step aside so that he can have this one good thing in his life.
He never relinquishes control, and having witnessed this moment between them, even as my heart breaks, makes me happy for my brother.
He needs this, needs some light in his life; otherwise, he might get lost to the darkness.
But if her light shines only on Liam, if I’m denied of it, I can’t help but fear the darkness might drown me forever.