Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
ISLA
I keep my eyes closed until Dare’s breath starts to slow, until his arm goes limp around me, and he slips out of me.
Tears are tracking down my face, which is why I kept my eyes turned away even though I wanted to see him the last time we made love, wanted to look into those dark green eyes of his.
But he already knew something was wrong, and I couldn’t explain myself. But I couldn’t stop crying, either.
I’ve always been pretty stoic when it comes to heartbreak, but it’s different now. Maybe because I was never truly in love before, maybe because this situation is so crazy, maybe because of the pregnancy hormones.
It doesn’t matter.
I slowly extricate myself from Dare’s arm.
He’s snoring, so I know he won’t stir. He sleeps like the dead, unlike Cillian, which is why I waited until today to do this.
I’m only sad that I couldn’t say goodbye to Liam. Not that Dare and Cill know this was goodbye. Not yet, at least. But if I think about it, Liam and I had such a sweet night the last time I saw him that I guess it’s for the best. Nothing can ruin it now.
I can’t wait any longer. I can’t hide my feelings, and I can’t let them suspect what is really happening to me.
This is the perfect opportunity, and God knows when the stars will align again in a way that allows me this chance.
I’ve got plenty of daylight, and Dare will be asleep for hours. He’s a night owl, so we usually sleep in together after he arrives for his shift.
I’ll miss this. Miss him. Miss all of them.
Choking back a sob, I clamp my hand over my mouth, standing next to the bed and looking at Dare's slack, handsome face.
I take a deep, shaking breath.
So much of me wants to shake Dare awake, tell him everything, burst into tears, and let him comfort me. But I can’t.
I put a hand on my still flat belly.
I have to protect them. All of them. I don’t want the guys fighting among each other, and I don’t want this baby to be in the life. I had enough of a preview when I was a kid, even if the guys are nothing like my father.
But God, it’s so hard.
I don’t want to leave, especially with Dare naked in my bed, but it’s the only way. He’s the only one who sleeps this hard, and I know he trusts me.
And that makes me feel even worse. Because I want to be worthy of his trust, and what I’m about to do will destroy him and will destroy his memory of me.
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I grab the bag I packed and stashed while Cillian was making us dinner. I look around on the floor until I find Dare’s sweatpants, and I take out his keys and his wallet.
I take out the cash, around five hundred dollars, and stuff it in my bag along with the keys. I leave his phone, just seeing that it’s around nine in the morning. Time to get the hell out of here, just in case one of the others shows up.
I put on a pair of Cillian’s sweats and one of Liam’s t-shirts, putting on my shoes and grabbing Dare’s sunglasses from the living room.
This way I’ll have something from each of them to remember them by.
Something to pass on to my baby from her dads.
Because to me, this baby belongs to all three of them.
My hand trembles as I hesitate before turning the knob.
I could still turn back. I could forget all about this, confess to Dare everything that’s been going on.
He’d probably even understand.
But Liam wouldn’t. I’m not sure about Cillian, honestly, but it doesn’t matter.
I still don’t know who the father is, and I honestly don’t care, and none of them are going to be happy about that.
I gather myself, turning the knob and walking out into the sunlight.
It takes me far too long to figure out how to get Dare’s seat pulled up, but I’m grateful to see that the car is an automatic, at least. I can’t drive a stick.
Backing into the road, I hurry, knowing that as soon as Dare wakes up, he’ll track the car down. I only need it for a few minutes. I stop at the first gas station, buying myself a map, which is hard to find in today’s technological age and a bottle of water with Dare’s cash.
The cashier stares hard at me and tilts his head.
“Ma’am?”
“Huh?” I look up.
“Are you... okay?”
I frown, confused, but then wetness sticks on my collarbone, and I realize I’m still crying. I sniffle, wiping at my face and trying to smile at the cashier.
“Not really, but thanks for asking.” I take my purchases and rush back outside. I want to sit in the car and cry, but I don’t have time.
I’m running for the southern state border, knowing that Dare will track me as far as he can. I’m only going to be using cash from here on out, but I’m still a little worried.
Once I’m safe and sound and out of Dare’s reach, I’ll call Colleen, the woman who started all this, and try to explain everything, see if she’ll help me with money until I can figure out how to get to my bank and close my accounts.
For now, I make my way to the bus station and lock Dare’s keys in his car.
I still can’t stop crying, and the bus station attendant takes one look at me and hurriedly says, “Where to?”
“Anywhere. Anywhere but here.”
“You gotta give me a city, baby.” She’s an older Black woman, around sixty, and her dark eyes are kind.
I pick out a random city from the map, uncaring. I just have to get across the border, and then maybe I’ll be able to figure things out.
When she gives me the ticket, I head immediately to the bathroom and throw up, sitting on the closed toilet after and covering my mouth while choked sobs come from my throat as if ripped out of me.
I look at the delicate diamond watch that Dare bought me as a present and realize I’ve been crying in the bathroom for over half an hour.
After washing my face, I stare at myself in the mirror for a long time.
I’ve got to do this, right? It’s breaking my heart, but I have to. For the baby. For the guys.
I’ve finally stopped crying, feeling numb, and the only time I tear up again is when the bus is pulling away from the station. I keep staring at Dare’s red car, wishing I could just go back home to the cottage.
It’s strange to think the place I was imprisoned in became my home, but that’s what happened.
“Traveling for business or pleasure?”
I blink, turning to see a young man, around my age, sitting across from me.
“Not interested.”
“Bitch,” he whispers under his breath, and I think about how the guys would have punched him in his mouth for that comment.
But I don’t have their protection anymore, so I have to be careful. I assume Liam will tell his father Maggie Sullivan has been taken care of, but I’m sure she played more than one Irish mobster.
I wish I had my laptop, which I could use to do some research and figure out what enemies she might have, but even if I had it, Dare would use my internet usage to ping me.
So, it’s for the best. All of this is for the best. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
“What did you say?” the guy across from me asks.
“Not talking to you.”
“Crazy,” he mutters, but I don’t care.
All I care about now is this baby. The only part of my wild summer with three Irish gangsters that I’ll get to keep, other than memories.
I squeeze my eyes shut against the burn of tears.
Don’t let me forget. Please, God, don’t ever let me forget the color of Liam’s eyes. Or the way Cillian half-smiles. Or Dare's easy belly laugh.
I wait for everyone, especially the asshole across from me, to exit the bus before I get off, and it seems that the universe is telling me I made the right decision because there’s a tiny bed and breakfast advertised on a billboard.
It’s about a mile down the street, according to the sign, and I decide to hoof it.
Wheezing and breathing hard, I tug open the door to the bed and breakfast, my shoes squelching on the dirty carpet.
It’s not the world’s best place, but I slept in worse places when my mother first left my father.
I look at the receptionist and take off my sunglasses, revealing my eyes, which are probably bloodshot.
“I need a place to stay, and I need to pay cash.”
The man, balding, slightly fat, barks, “A hundred and fifty bucks a night.”
I grit my teeth and hand over the cash. I suspect he’s overcharging me because of my situation, but I don’t really have a choice.
“Gotta have a name for the system.”
“Uh, Chloe… Richards.”
He raises a gray eyebrow but just types it in the computer and hands me a key, an actual key instead of a room card.
Thank God this place accepts cash, because I know if I use a credit card Dare will find me.
I head to the elevator.
“Doesn’t work.”
A voice behind me startles me.
Oh great.
It’s the asshole from the bus.
“Thanks.”
I can feel his eyes on me as I trudge to the staircase. At least he didn’t try to talk to me this time.
I’m exhausted and nauseous from not eating by the time I get to the room. The sign says they offer a dinner buffet, so I’ll be able to eat after a nap.
I’m too exhausted right now to figure out food, even though my stomach is rumbling.
Baby’s hungry, I guess.
“Sorry, sweetie.” I rub my stomach. “I’ll get some food in you soon.”
The peeling wallpaper depresses me, nothing like the warm, yellow walls in my room at the cottage. I’d gotten really accustomed to my cell, I guess.
It started to feel like home.
This place isn’t homey at all.
I crawl into the bed and at least, the duvet is clean as I pull it over me, shivering. The sheen of sweat on my skin has turned me cold in the air conditioning.
I squeeze my eyes shut, seeing their faces in my mind, wishing for arms around me.