Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
CILLIAN
I showered, changed my clothes, argued with myself, lost that argument, and now I’m on my way to see Isla. My shift isn’t supposed to start until tomorrow at dawn, but I can’t wait to see her.
At least I was able to realize what’s really important: Isla.
I’m mad about her. Crazy. Want to see her all the time, be with her, touch her. She’s everything to me, she’s mine, and she doesn’t even know it yet.
I don’t care what Liam and Dare think. She’ll choose me. After the other night, I know it.
She loves me back, even if she hasn’t said it.
When I arrive at the cottage, Dare’s car is nowhere to be found.
He wouldn’t have left Isla on her own, would he? Or take her out?
I frown.
It’s dangerous to have her out in the open. Even though Liam has informed his father that Maggie is dead, Cormac doesn’t know it. He’ll still be after Maggie, and Isla is the closest thing still breathing.
And if she gets hurt, I'll kill him.
The door is unlocked when I try the knob, and my throat tightens.
“Dare? Isla?”
There’s this dark void in the pit of my stomach.
They’ve run away together.
My heart aches, but I ignore it, rushing to Isla’s room.
There’s Dare, snoring like a bear on his stomach, the sheet draped over his naked body. But Isla is nowhere to be found.
That void in my stomach widens, like a bottomless abyss.
She’s gone. She left us. Even though I know it to be true, I search the house anyway, hoping and praying I’m wrong.
I’m not. She’s nowhere.
Of course, she left. She’s probably been planning this for weeks. The way she’s pretended to be sick makes so much sense now.
Despair settles over me like a dark cloud, and I stand in the kitchen for God knows how long, staring into space. I allowed myself to have hope, and this is what happens.
Stupid.
As if she ever would have chosen me, anyway, when Dare and Liam were right there.
She obviously has a closer connection with Liam than anyone suspects, given how I found them cuddling on the couch.
Liam doesn’t cuddle.
And Dare has been crazy about her since day one, buying her gifts, showering her with affection. Even if she didn’t betray us, I was an idiot for believing I ever had a shot.
Who am I? Nothing but Ronan’s weapon. Nobody. No one has ever loved me, and no one ever will.
I slowly walk back to Isla’s old room, a tiny arrow piercing my heart when I see all her things, the books Liam brought her, all the gifts Dare gave her.
She left everything behind. She left us behind.
Dare is still blissfully sleeping, ignorant, and I almost feel bad when I shake him awake.
“Huh?” His eyes are bleary when he looks at me. He yawns, rubbing his face with one hand. “What are you doing here? Did I sleep all the way through until the next day like Rip van Winkle?”
I don’t laugh, don’t smile, don’t react at all.
He slowly sits up, likely seeing my face and realizing something is wrong.
“Where’s Isla?”
“She took your car.”
Dare’s eyes widen, his face falling. “You’re not serious.”
My throat feels like there’s a rock in it when I speak. “She’s gone, Dare. She left us.”
“No.” Dare stands up, putting on his sweats, checking his pockets. “No, she didn’t leave.” He pulls out his phone and keeps searching in his pocket.
I sigh. “Your keys and wallet are gone, aren’t they?”
“I just... I misplaced them.” Desperation is evident on his face. “I probably put them down in the kitchen when I came in—”
I take his bare shoulder in my hands, forcing him to look at me. “It’s over, Dare. She split. We have to figure out how to find her.”
Before she gets hurt.
God, even knowing she’s betrayed us all, I want her back. I don’t care.
What was she supposed to do? We had her prisoner for months.
Of course, she’d want to escape. She never cared about any of us.
Dare breathes hard, his chest heaving. “She’s not gone. She just... Maybe she went to the store or something, I don’t know.”
“Dare...”
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to tell him.
He’s struggling to breathe, tears welling in his eyes, and I know he’s hurting as bad as I am.
My heart aches for him, despite my jealousy of their close relationship. She might never have chosen me, but he had a real chance with her.
Dare literally howls, rushing past me to upheave the mattress, throwing it against the wall, swiping everything off the nightstand and dresser, just destroying the room.
I move to the doorway, letting him do it, knowing he needs this more than he needs me to talk him down.
He doesn’t stop until there is nothing left in its place, and he even punches several holes in the drywall, yelling. When he’s done, he’s exhausted, and his knuckles are split.
There’s already a bandage around one of them, seeping red.
He struggles to catch his breath, bent over, doubled as if he’s going to hurl.
I’m about to hurl myself, and I barely make it to the bathroom before I throw up what little I have in my stomach.
I wash my face and stare at myself in the mirror.
My eyes are so light they’re almost transparent, and I look about ten years older than my years.
This is what heartbreak does to a person, I guess.
When I return to Isla’s room, Dare’s got his shirt on, bouncing on his heels.
He wipes at his eyes. “We have to find her. Liam’s going to fucking kill me.”
His voice breaks, and I know it’s not Liam he’s worried about.
I nod. “It’s after noon. She could have been gone for hours.”
Dare sets his jaw. “So, we’ll find her. I didn’t have that much cash, she’ll have to use my credit cards. When she does, I’ll find her.”
I don’t say that she’s too smart for that, that she’ll seek out other options, he doesn’t need to hear it.
“We have to call Liam.”
Dare takes a deep breath and gives me a mirthless smile as he picks up his trusted Betsy. “Wanna play rock-paper-scissors?”
I bark out a dark chuckle and shake my head. “I’ll do it.”
My hands are trembling when I take out the phone.
Liam’s at work.
I don’t know how he’ll react. Liam is a hothead, so he might go off the rails, might hurt Dare.
I have to make sure he doesn’t do that.
The pit in my stomach is still there but lessened. I feel mostly numb, can barely feel my fingers as I pull up Liam’s contact.
Thank God. Numb is better than that aching hole in my gut.
The phone rings three times, and I hope he’s too busy, hope it goes to voicemail. Leaving him a message would be so much easier than hearing his voice.
“Hayes.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again.
Dare is sitting on the couch, Betsy closed on his lap, his head in his hands. I can’t imagine what’s going through his head.
“She’s gone.”
It’s all I can say without breaking down.
He doesn’t answer for a long moment.
Oh God, I’m going to throw up again.
“Stay there.” His voice sounds far away, like he’s on speakerphone.
I turn to Dare after Liam hangs up. “He’s on his way.”
Dare doesn’t answer. I didn’t expect him to.
Without speaking, I head to my car, not wanting Dare to witness what’s about to happen.
I’m about to lose it, and I don’t ever lose it.
I get into my car, breathing hard, tears pricking at the backs of my eyes, and I slam my hands down on the steering wheel over and over until my palms sting. I don’t yell like Dare, can’t bring myself to. I know it would turn into sobbing.
Something tells me she’s in the wind, that we’ll never see her again.
Isla’s gone, and she took any light my life could have with her.