Chapter Eleven
I gaze out at the mass lake, tuning in to the twins’ playful debate over who will take charge of the music on the Bluetooth speaker.
I chuckle softly at their silly bickering.
No matter how much time passes, some things remain the same.
Glancing up at the sky I notice the overcast, but overall, it’s a perfect day to be here.
Before long, the chilly days will set in, and the mountains will be blanketed in snow.
I pull my phone from my swim shorts and quickly scan the surveillance feeds from the bar and the house.
As I scroll through my contacts, my thumb stops on Raina’s name.
I had saved her number after I got home that night from the bar; my restless mind wouldn’t let me do anything else.
I convinced myself there were good reasons to keep it.
But honestly, that doesn’t matter much now.
I know exactly where she lives and works.
If I wanted to find her, I’m pretty sure I could track her down with little effort. Unless she’s somewhere with him.
Beck settles down next to me with a dramatic sigh—I can only assume Blake won the battle. “You are lucky to be an only child,” she teases.
“I’m pretty sure I put up with your brother just as much as you do.” I glance over at her and give a playful nudge.
She leans back on her hands, arms stretched out behind her, and looks up at the sky for a moment before tilting her head and flashing me a knowing smile. “Yeah…you are right. We’re both screwed.”
A large hand grips my shoulder, and soon after, Blake crouches down between us. “You guys just can’t help but say my name, can you?” he teases with a grin.
Beck rolls her eyes at him. “Can’t resist,” she replies dryly, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Blake nods proudly and straightens up, rolling his shoulders as he scoots backwards.
I can already tell what he’s planning. Beck and I exchange a knowing glance.
With a playful wink, Blake takes off, sprinting toward us.
Just as we shift apart, he dashes in between us, performs a front flip off the ledge, and gives us both the middle finger on his way down to the water. Classic Blake.
“The water feels amazing…bring your asses down here!” he yells from below.
Beck shouts back, “Be there in a minute!”
I look down at Blake floating on his back, catching him rolling his eyes.
“I’m going to make a lap to the other side…
you both better be in the water when I make it back!
” Beck and I both snicker at his demands.
Things then get quiet for a moment as we both stare out at the place that made some of our best childhood memories.
This has always been a safe place for me, somewhere close to what home used to be, but far enough to escape the hell I endured.
I hear Beck take a deep breath next to me, running her fingers through her auburn hair. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this place…even after all this time.”
I nod in agreement. “Yeah…I feel the same.”
She lets out a soft laugh. “I still picture us as kids here…and you…before everything changed.”
I shift slightly at her words, pulling out my Zippo from my pocket and flicking the lid back and forth with my thumb. “I’m still me, Beck.”
We lapse into silence for a moment, and I see her turn a bit to face me.
“Are you really, though? Sometimes I feel like I hardly know you anymore…ever since that night…with us.” I can hear the hurt in her voice, and it breaks something in me.
I never wanted things to turn out this way.
I never meant to make her feel like this.
All I ever wanted was to keep her safe—from me.
Frustration wells up inside me as I snap the lid shut on my Zippo. “I’m not sixteen anymore, B...everything changed after that night, and you know it.”
I notice her biting her bottom lip while she nervously rubs her arm.
“Like how you felt about me?” She clears her throat, taking a moment to gather her words.
“I thought our moment was something special...I wanted it to be special for us, so badly. But then everything fell apart right after. I spent months questioning everything. But then we gave it another shot, and the way you looked at me that night made me believe it was all just a huge mistake between us.”
I can’t believe how many years have gone by, and she’s still felt this way.
And it’s my fault. I never took the time to fully explain myself to her.
Back then, I was just a teenager, grappling with grief and all the sudden changes in my life.
And as time went on, I turned into a shadow of my former self.
I buried my fears and pain, thinking I was shielding those I loved.
But in reality, I ended up hurting someone I truly care about.
I scoot closer to her, resting my right hand on her leg.
She glances down, studying the mix of scars and tattoos that decorate my skin.
For a moment, I see her hesitate, but then she softly places her hand over mine, her fingers gently brushing my wrist. I flinch a little at the sensitivity around the scarred areas she touches, but I don’t pull away.
“Beck…I never meant to hurt you, and maybe it was selfish of me to think you understood why things happened the way they did.” I run my free hand through my hair, my thoughts tangled.
“That first night with you was unforgettable…I wanted that for us, too—I craved more than just that moment with you. But then it all fell apart. The fire…losing my mom and uncle. I fought so damn hard to push it all aside, to separate those memories, but you have to understand. While we were sharing something beautiful, my family was trapped in that burning house.” A tear slips from the corner of her sapphire eyes, but she quickly wipes it away, giving a slow nod.
“Please know…it’s not your fault. It’s just awful how everything turned out because…
I know things between us could be different if not for that.
But no matter how hard I try to move on…
I can’t, and I’m really fucking sorry that you got caught in all of it.
” I take a deep breath and give her leg a gentle squeeze.
When she meets my gaze, her watery eyes search mine.
“Beck, believe me when I say this…I love you so damn much. I want nothing more than for you to be happy…even though that happiness can never come from me.”
She quickly looks away, nodding in acceptance, understanding the weight of my words. Then she squeezes my hand back and asks, “Are you happy…Ezra?”
I shift my focus back to the lake, noticing Blake making his way back from his lap. “Yeah…as much as I can be,” I reply, lying just a bit. I feel her eyes on me as we both process the conversation that we’ve needed to have for so long.
“Well, I love you, too…and I want you to be happy as well.” Looking back at her, I manage a genuine smile. I slide my hand from beneath hers and rest it on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Holy shit, check out how huge this thing is!” Blake yells from below.
Beck and I quickly reposition ourselves, releasing each other’s hands.
Peering over the edge, we get a view of Blake’s bare ass surfacing from the water as he floats face down.
It takes all my willpower not to get up and find a rock to toss at him.
Beck and I exchange glances, unable to suppress the laughter bubbling up inside us.
Leave it to dumbass Blake to lighten the mood.
Finally, Beck stands up, brushing off her legs. “Are you getting in?” she asks.
“Yeah…I just need a smoke real quick. I’ll see you down there.
” She smiles before diving in. I close my eyes and take a long, deep breath, feeling the tension in my shoulders ease.
It’s as if we’ve both been holding on to so much for too long, and all we needed was that conversation.
I can’t help but feel guilty for leaving her in the dark for so long.
But I truly hope that the tension that hung between us is finally behind us now.