Chapter Eleven
DAZE
In the light of day, Arina was pretty. Which was saying something because I didn’t typically notice things like that.
Scratch that, I didn’t typically notice women like that.
Men’s six packs and chiseled backs? I’d never missed a chance to gawk. Give me thick biceps, chin stubble, and a V-line all day. But sitting across the table from Arina, with warm sunlight filtering in through the window and hitting her features just right… It stirred something in me.
Something foreign. New. I didn’t understand it.
Was it the borderline criminal aspect that did it for me? Or the fact that she was fearless and bold, trekking across the state by herself?
Or was it just her ?
We’d settled on a little diner a block away from the event center. I didn’t want to drag her all over the city, when we were both clearly exhausted. Insomnia had kicked my ass last night, and Night being a dick this morning hadn’t helped.
He’d probably be pissed if he knew where I was .
But if he wanted boyfriend privileges, he’d have to do more than fuck me occasionally. He didn’t want a relationship, so I was free to do what I wanted, even if it pissed him off.
While Arina perused the laminated menu, I studied her features.
Her pale, round face and her plump lips.
Her stormy gray eyes that glittered in the light, and the way strands of dark hair fell haphazardly around her face from her messy bun.
My gaze dipped lower, to the ivory skin exposed by her tank top, and landed on her nipples tenting the thin material.
Had I ever given a woman’s nipples a second glance? No. But now, I couldn’t seem to drag my eyes away.
Until hers snapped up to look at me and shattered the daydream. I blinked and pretended to be studying my menu, heat prickling over my cheeks.
“Fifteen dollars for a sandwich?” she whispered, jabbing her finger at something on the page. She sounded a little panicked. “That’s highway robbery.”
I laughed but cut the sound off with a cough when I saw the concern in her eyes. She was serious.
“Don’t worry about it.” I waved my hand and smiled reassuringly. “It’s on me.”
She simply blinked at me for a second, the divot between her brows deepening with worry. “No, I… I can’t take handouts.”
Shit. That wasn’t how I meant it. I didn’t want her to feel bad about me buying her lunch, especially when it had been my idea.
“Seriously, I wouldn’t have dragged you somewhere just to make you pay,” I explained. “And you still owe me the long version of your funny story. Call it even.”
She looked undecided for another long second before her eyes slipped back down to the menu.
“Fine,” she muttered, followed by an even softer, “thank you.”
A tall, slender waitress with blonde curls sidled over to take our order, her strong vanilla body spray engulfing the table. I scrunched my nose as she walked away, but the scent was still thick in the air. I could almost taste it.
“Do you think her nose works?” I muttered when she was out of earshot.
To my relief, Arina smiled, and warmth spread through my chest. I could get used to her looking at me like that, with kind tenderness banked in her eyes.
Night certainly never looked at me that way.
“I’ve heard some betas do that to try and attract alphas,” she whispered back, leaning in over the table. “But it always winds up being overkill.”
I looked across the small diner to the kitchen door our waitress had disappeared through.
Did that shit really work? Would Night, Revel, or Zero find that attractive?
Or would they be just as turned off as I was?
I knew scents and pheromones worked differently for alphas, but in no world could I imagine them thinking a pound of perfume smelled good.
A few seconds later, our waitress was waltzing back over with our drinks. She set a coke down in front of me and placed a glass of water in front of Arina, then walked away again. I held my breath for a moment, waiting for the sickly-sweet scent to diffuse.
“So,” I said, leaning back in the booth. “Tell me your funny story. How did you accidentally get to Dallas?”
Pink tinged her pale cheeks, and her full lips curled into a bashful smile. “Okay, maybe it does involve some entering, but I didn’t break into anything, I swear.”
So she was going to be honest. Good.
“I was so tired last night,” she continued. “I could barely keep my eyes open, and I didn’t want to sleep on the sidewalk. Honestly, the thought of sleeping anywhere out in the open gives me hives. You never know what could happen.”
I nodded along. She wasn’t wrong; there were enough sick fucks out there to make anyone wary, much less a petite, defenseless woman.
“I thought about trying to find you, but I didn’t want to wake anyone up.” She shifted in the booth, looking increasingly uncomfortable. “So I… crashed on one of the flatbeds under a tarp.”
“You slept on one of the equipment trucks?”
She nodded slowly.
“And I take it you didn’t wake up until it was too late?”
“Yep.”
“Damn,” I said. “That is kind of funny. Just a little bit.”
She smiled. “I was trying to get away without anyone seeing, but you saw how that went. Revel found me, and I… kind of threw you under the bus. Sorry about that. But I want to thank you again for saving my ass.” She reached across the table and placed her hand on mine.
Electric sparks zipped across my skin at the touch.
I stared down at her slender fingers for a moment before dragging my gaze up to meet hers again.
Heat crept over me, followed by my shirt sticking to my sweaty skin.
Did it suddenly get several degrees warmer in here?
“Thanks for lying and for not letting him call the cops,” she said.
“N-no problem.” She withdrew her hand, and I immediately missed her touch. I cleared my throat and tugged at the collar of my shirt, looking out the window next to us at the busy downtown street. “You have a warrant or something? Is that why you didn’t want the police called?”
She shook her head in my peripheral. “No warrants. That I know of, anyway.”
That she knows of. I laughed and tried again. “Not a fan of law enforcement?”
When I looked back at her, her expression was distant. Worried. Sad.
What the hell happened to her?
“Let’s just say someone is looking for me,” she said, her eyes flitting around nervously like she was looking for eavesdroppers. “Maybe several someones. And I really don’t want to be found.”
She was running, which was how a lot of people ended up with the circus. Revel and Night had both run away from dark, abusive pasts they never spoke about. Even Hallow, according to what I’d heard from the rest of the troupe, had run away when they were a kid.
Finding the circus at our darkest moment was a story we all knew too well.
I hadn’t run away, per se, but I’d been lost, unsure what path to take when the circus found me.
The circus showed up for everyone when they needed it, even when they didn't realize it. It was a haven for the broken, a sanctuary for the unwanted.
And now, Arina was here.
Last night, I’d been captivated by the idea of a new troupe member. A new face, a new act. It was all so exciting. But everything that happened after had nearly changed my mind.
I’d tried to talk to Night after he made me suck him off, even masturbated on the couch at full volume while he read his book. He’d barely looked in my direction. As soon as we parked in Dallas, he’d left without a word—or gesture—and I hadn’t heard from him since.
I didn't mean to piss him off. I didn't think it would be an issue, all things considered, but clearly Night didn’t want to hear about Arina. He’d been in a mood ever since I brought her up last night.
If she joined the circus? I could already imagine how angry he’d be with me.
Not to mention Revel… He was adamant about her not joining, and he was clearly pissed that she’d made it to Dallas with us.
And Zero…
I cringed.
He’d eat her alive.
The waitress dropped off our order and winked in my direction before trotting off to her next table. I ignored her and dug into my plate, painfully aware of Arina picking at her food.
Was she afraid to eat in front of me? Had our conversation spoiled her appetite?
I’d never been on a date with a woman, or anything resembling one, and I was confident I was fucking all of this up.
Not that this was a date. It wasn’t.
It was just a lunch date.
No . Just a lunch …
Flustered, I tried to make conversation.
“So, what’s next for you, Arina?” I asked, hating how well her name rolled off my tongue.
“I’m not sure.” She took a bite of her sandwich, and I watched her throat bob with a swallow. “I didn’t have any real plans before, and now… now, I have even less plans. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
She met my gaze, and I could see the fear in her eyes. She tried to hide it, and mostly succeeded, but at that moment it bled from her like blood from an open wound. She was terrified, with nothing and no one to turn to.
No one except me.
Guilt and nerves and a hundred other emotions roiled in my stomach. They squeezed at my chest, making it hard to breathe, and the diner suddenly felt much smaller.
She wasn’t asking me for help, but I couldn’t leave her stranded. Not when I had a crew of friends and resources at my disposal. Not when I knew firsthand what the circus could do to her, for her.
The question formed and flew out of my mouth before I could stop it or give it a second thought.
“Do you want to join the circus?”
She froze. The fear in her eyes morphed into curiosity, and she took another bite of her sandwich to fill the silence. Then another. A full minute passed before she said anything at all.
“Revel wasn’t too fond of that idea,” she answered finally, her voice soft.
“Yeah, well, Revel isn’t in charge.” I shrugged. “To be fair, I’m not either. You’d have to talk to Hallow, but they’re chill. Mostly.”
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. I could see the gears turning in her mind as she mulled it over. My anticipation mounted with each passing second, my insides twisting into knots.
This has to be how contortionists feel when they turn themselves into pretzels.
I was just as conflicted as she seemed, and I didn’t even know what I wanted her answer to be. If she agreed, I’d probably catch hell from Revel and Night. They’d be pissed, and there’d be no avoiding them.
But if she walked away…
I’ll be pissed at myself.
The realization shocked and terrified me.
“I don’t know anything about the circus,” she said and sighed. “I’ve never even been to one. Besides, I don’t have a talent. What could I possibly do in a show?”
“We’ll teach you,” I assured her. “Train you. I didn’t know anything about the circus either, but I learned.”
“And if I’m not any good? If I can’t learn?”
I lifted a single shoulder. “Not everyone in the circus goes on stage. Some of them help break down and set up. Some handle props. Some of the clowns just walk around and hand out flyers. I know we can find you something to do.”
She scrunched her nose. “If I wanted to do something boring, I’d get a job at the grocery store down the street.”
I nearly choked on my drink as I laughed. “That’s fair. Besides, performers make the big bucks.”
She lit up at the sound of that but then went back to picking at her food. I shifted, watching her grow more uncomfortable by the second.
I’m really fucking this up.
“Daze, I…” She hesitated, chewing the corner of her mouth.
“You don’t have to decide right this second.” I attempted a sympathetic smile. “We’re in town for the next three days. Think about it, but don’t let Revel be the reason you walk away.”
There was a long beat of silence that seemed to stretch on forever.
Finally, she nodded. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
“You’ll do what?” Excitement shot through my system, though I tried to tamp it down. “You’ll think about it?”
“I’ll talk to Hallow.” She smiled shyly. “But only because you asked.”
I couldn’t fight the grin working its way across my face, but I didn’t want her to think I was insane. Maybe I was a little crazy for thinking this plan would work, but it was out of my hands now.
Arina’s fate with the circus was officially up to the ringleader.