Chapter Twenty-Nine
ARINA
So this is what it’s like to have friends.
It was a foreign concept because I’d been so isolated since my awakening, but I was starting to understand exactly what I’d been missing all these years.
Connection, interaction, conversation. I’d missed it all.
For the last three years, I’d immersed myself in movies and books because that was all I had outside of my parents.
Now, my cheeks hurt from smiling, and I’d laughed so much my stomach ached.
The walls I’d built to distance myself from everyone were crumbling and, for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t afraid to let people in.
I could have friends, and I could talk to them, as long as I kept my designation a secret.
So far, so good.
Even more than meeting more troupe members, I loved seeing Daze in his element. He’d barely stopped blushing from the time he introduced me, but it was nice to see him so happy. He was comfortable, relaxed, and not worried about walking on eggshells with Night.
I laughed, I listened, and I completely lost track of time. Before I knew it, people were mobilizing, preparing for the opening number.
Nerves turned my stomach.
It was almost time for me to go on stage.
In front of thousands of people.
“You’re going to hang out back here,” Daze said, nudging me with his elbow. I looked up slowly to meet his gaze, trying my best to swallow the panic bubbling up my throat. “Zero will tell you what to do. You’re going to do great.”
I nodded numbly.
I’d already done the routine once. This was nothing new, I reminded myself. If anything, it was the thought of an enormous audience watching that had me most on edge.
Would anyone recognize me? Surely not. This clown disguise was the next best thing to a mask, and they’d be too far away to tell anyway.
But what if I trip walking to the target?
What if Zero leaves me stuck to it without offering to help after?
Insane possibilities brewed and spilled over in my mind.
“Break a leg,” I said, and then panicked right after. “Or don’t. Actually, please don’t. That would be terrible.”
“Break a leg.” Daze winked and hurried off to catch up with the rest of the aerialists.
Once I was alone, my anxiety kicked in full force, gnawing at my insides.
I spun on the spot, looking for familiar faces, but Bobbitt was nowhere to be found.
There were a couple of performers I’d seen in passing, but I wasn’t comfortable enough to approach them.
Instead, I stood in the middle of the room, looking awkward.
Some circus members were moving toward the arena entrance, some disappearing through the opening to wait in the darkness.
They’d remain there until the creepy music started, hiding in the shadows through Hallow’s welcome spiel.
I tried to map out what was happening in my head since I’d watched it all the night before.
“Lost, little pet?”
The words sent my heart racing, and heat sank straight to my core. I spun around to find Zero standing there. My cheeks burned as his rich caramel-popcorn scent swept around me, tugging at me like invisible strings, beckoning me closer.
Why did this stupid asshole have to be so hot? Even in a jumpsuit and a jester hat, which would have looked ridiculous on anyone else, he was gorgeous.
As he glared down at me, memories from last night’s dream came rushing back. His hand around my throat. His knife against my thighs. Us dancing in a circus tent.
I shook my head to clear it.
“Just waiting on you. About time you showed up,” I said with as much snark as I could muster.
He chuckled dryly, his eyes dropping momentarily to my outfit. Suddenly, I felt completely exposed and wanted to cover all the skin that was showing. The fishnets I thought were enough now felt invisible, and I itched to cover the cleavage spilling out of my top.
“Did you have fun last night?” he asked.
I paused. What?
What did he mean last night? He’d seen me after my shower. Why hadn’t he asked me then, if he cared so much?
“With Daze?” I asked, still wondering why he cared. “Yeah, it was fun. I’d never been to a club before.”
He shook his head, and a grin curled his lips.
“No, I meant after. I heard you last night.” In a blink, he was so close to me that I could feel his breath on my skin.
Another wave of his scent slammed into me, making my knees weak, and my heart stuttered.
“Were you thinking about me when you touched yourself?”
I gasped and jumped back, the blood that had been blushing my cheeks draining from them.
He’d… heard me?
Embarrassment reached inside me and wrenched my insides.
There was no way.
I’d been so careful and quiet .
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stammered.
He chuckled once and tapped his ear. “Did you know that alphas have heightened senses of hearing? No? I wouldn’t expect a beta like you to know about that.” He closed the distance between us again, and a heartbeat throbbed to life between my thighs.
For a moment, staring up at him, the circus melted away, and I forgot what was happening. My brain shorted out, and my omega instincts screamed at me, tearing me apart from the inside, urging me closer.
I backstepped instead. “Then yours doesn’t work very well.” I refused to give this clown any more satisfaction.
“Maybe you’re right,” he said. “Maybe I heard what I wanted to hear, so it would help me get off too.”
My eyes widened in horror, and my jaw fell slack, but it didn’t stop the throb between my legs from picking up its pace. Not only had he listened to me masturbating—to thoughts of him, no less—but he’d jacked off to it.
My head swam, and I needed to sit down.
“You’re disgusting,” I spat.
“And you like it, pet . There’s no use denying it.” His laugh crept over my skin. “Too bad I won’t get to work you up again tonight with my blades. I was almost looking forward to it.”
I paused, my brows furrowing. It almost sounded like he was insinuating that… I wouldn’t be part of his act tonight.
But that couldn’t be right.
“What do you mean?” I didn’t want to entertain him any longer than I had to, but my curiosity was too much to ignore.
Confusion—fake, if I had to guess—crossed his face. “No one told you?”
The eerie violin song started up in the arena, making my hair stand on end. Though I wasn’t part of the opening number, it wouldn’t be long until I took the stage. And Zero was here, messing with me, forcing my anxiety higher with every second he kept talking.
I huffed, my patience running thin. “No, no one told me anything. But I’m guessing you’re going to.”
“Hmm… strange.” He tapped his chin, exaggerating the motion. I wanted to break his fingers, but I settled on an intense look of annoyance. “I thought surely Daze would have told you. There was a last-minute change; you’re swapping places with Sevyn.”
Sevyn?
I knew her name from the clown bus, but I hadn’t met her yet. She was always in the company of another extra, and they looked kind of similar, even though they weren’t twins.
“Why? I haven’t practiced anything else,” I said, feeling uneasy.
He shrugged a single shoulder. “That’s above my pay grade. All I know is I’m performing with Sevyn tonight.”
I crossed my arms haughtily, which only pushed my cleavage up more and left me feeling self-conscious, so I dropped them again.
“That’s fine. I wasn’t really excited about performing with you again anyway,” I grumbled, trying to fight my annoyance at the last-minute change. “What am I doing then? Am I even going on stage?”
It wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world if he said no. I could find Bobbitt and help her in the stands or something, get another night to watch the show and learn. It was just a shame that we’d spent so long getting me dolled up for it not to be seen.
“Oh yeah, you’re performing in another act. But don’t worry, you’ll just be standing there again,” he said, looking at his nails pretentiously. “Hard to fuck up, even for you.”
I glared, wishing I could slap him just once. The sick fuck would probably enjoy it. Maybe even ask for seconds.
I huffed.
“Okay, then where am I standing?”
The smile that twisted his face was unhinged, even for him. It was sinister, like he’d just discovered the plot twist to some horror movie, and his golden eyes darkened as he looked at me.
“You’ll be performing with Revel,” he said, shattering through the facade of confidence I’d mustered. “In the motorcycle cage.”
No.
My heart skipped a painful beat, and Zero threw his head back in laughter before walking away.
I felt like a rug had been jerked out from beneath my feet, and I fought to keep my breathing level. I loathed every second of riding on the back of Revel’s motorcycle. Now they expected me to stand in a steel death trap with bikes racing around me? That was the last place I wanted to be.
A shaky breath knocked from my lips at the thought of them crashing into me.
Death by tire tread. Not the way I want to go out.
Hallow’s booming voice crept into the backstage area and music exploded, signaling the start of the opening number. The show had begun, and there was no way for me to get out of it now without potentially ruining Revel’s act.
Shit.
It seemed my little bit of luck had officially run out.