Chapter Thirty
ARINA
Is it too late to drop out of the circus?
No one will care if I get my backpack right now and leave.
I can be gone before Daze or Bobbitt notice.
I’ll be far enough away by the time they realize that no one will be able to find me…
My thoughts cartwheeled as I leaned against the entrance to the arena, staring down the short hallway that led to the performance floor.
I caught glimpses of the performers moving through the opening number, flashes of color and glints of light.
I was grappling with accepting the performance update and carefully considering an impossible decision.
What was I going to do?
On the one hand, Zero had assured me I’d just be standing there. If I closed my eyes, maybe I could pretend like I was back in front of the bullseye. I doubted it, not with the dirt bikes whizzing around me. Not with the death glare I was sure to get from Revel the second I stepped into his cage.
Every breath was forced, and my limbs were numb.
This wasn’t what I planned at all.
Everything was unraveling around me. The haphazard plan I’d stitched together was falling apart, and I didn’t have a backup.
I had to go on stage, but how could I, knowing what was waiting for me?
“Arina?” Someone called my name, but I barely heard them, too consumed by my thoughts. It wasn’t until they tapped my shoulder that I turned around.
It was one of the assistants—Syxx or Sevyn, I couldn’t be sure—wearing a vibrant tulle dress that matched her pink hair. Rhinestones glittered on her face, and her mouth was curled into a polite smile.
“Hey,” I said, finding my voice.
“I’m Syxx.” She shoved her hand at me aggressively, and I shook it, afraid of what she might do if I didn’t.
“Nice to meet you,” I said.
“Sev would have come to say hi, but she’s changing her outfit,” she rushed. “She’s not taking any chances with Zero this time.”
I blinked at her. “Umm… taking her chances?”
“Yeah, he nearly took off her finger once.” Syxx nodded. “Cut my ear one time, too. Anyhoo, she’s changing. You’ll meet her later.”
“Right,” I murmured, not sure what else to say.
Her head tilted to the side. “How are you feeling?”
I could only force a laugh. “Nervous. I thought I knew what I was doing, performing with Zero, but?—”
“—they swapped you with Sevyn?”
Disappointment sank in my stomach. Obviously, I was the last person to know about the switch up. Had Daze known and forgotten to mention it? Had Bobbitt? Did they assume I already knew?
I nodded. “Yeah, and I just?—”
“—don’t know what to do?”
I stared at her, half annoyed, half impressed with the way she finished my sentences.
“Yes,” I answered slowly. Was she reading my mind? “We didn’t practice or anything, and I’m sure I’ll screw it up. Besides, Revel hates me so…”
“Revel hates everyone.” She waved a hand and smiled. “Don’t worry about that. As for the act, I’ve assisted lots of times. I could give you pointers if you want.”
My ears perked up, but I wasn’t sure why she’d offer to help me. I hadn’t even spoken to her before. It was suspicious, but I didn’t have any other option. I’d have to be on stage in minutes.
“Sure. That’d be great,” I said. “I’ll take anything at this point.”
She grinned widely and began walking me through what to expect and where to stand, since that had conveniently been left out by everyone else. It was clear Zero wanted me to fail—hell, Revel did too. They wanted me to embarrass myself in front of a crowd, but I wouldn’t do them the service.
I’d soak in every word Syxx had to spare and do my best when I got in the cage. It would have to be enough.
It has to be enough to impress Hallow.
“I’ll walk out with you,” she assured me. “Help you into the cage.”
“Are you sure? You won’t get in trouble, will you?”
“Hardly.” She shook her head, her hands on her hips. “I’m a floater, which means I help with any and everything. It’s my job to make sure behind the scenes shit flows smoothly.”
“And right now I’m behind the scenes shit?” I joked nervously.
She giggles. “No. We all know what it’s like to be in your shoes.
We were all new once,” she explained, her tone gentle.
“And we’re all where we are today because someone offered us a hand, pulled us up when we were down.
Our troupe is only as strong as our weakest link—not to say that you’re weak—but it helps us all when we help our newbies. ”
I could have cried with relief, but I held it together. I was so damn appreciative of her help, but all I could manage was a feeble, “Thank you.”
This could work; at least I wasn’t completely alone.
Syxx might just be the miracle I needed to make it through tonight.
“Now, you can move in the cage, but keep it minimal, obviously,” she said, taking up a professional posture with her feet together and her arms above her head. “Don’t worry too much about them hitting you. Revel and his team are good— really good. I’ve done this act fifty times or more.”
I tried to find reassurance in her words, but my insides wormed with nerves. As she went over tips and tricks, half of which I forgot as soon as she said them, the giant metal cage rolled past us, pushed by a group of stagehands. My eyes jumped to it, and my heart dropped.
I couldn’t think as Hallow’s voice echoed through the arena with Revel’s introduction.
My chest clenched.
It was almost impossible to breathe.
“Prepare yourself for an alpha who thrives on death-defying acts,” Hallow said, their voice making goosebumps pebble on my skin. “Give it up for Revel and his team.”
The roar of dirt bikes tore through me, and I was shaking before I realized it.
“Come on,” Syxx said, tugging on my arm, dragging me down the short hall toward the arena.
I wanted to dig my heels in, to fight her pulling on me and defiantly stay backstage, but I knew it wasn’t an option.
Heart in my throat and stomach on the floor, I followed behind Syxx who bounced her way confidently toward the enormous metal cage.
Her tulle dress flounced around her with every step like a paid actor.
The arena was lit up in familiar shades of red and purple, but the stands surrounding the space were almost completely pitch black.
I knew there were thousands of people out there, and I could hear them—faintly—but the roar of the dirt bike engines as they shot up the inflatable ramp and flipped through the air drowned out everything but the upbeat circus music playing.
It was beating like a war drum, warning me to turn back, to run away.
“We’ll wait here until they’re ready,” Syxx said in my ear, but I hardly heard her.
My pulse was racing faster, my mind spinning out of control.
I can do this.
I can… do this.
Can I do this?
After their jumps, the stuntmen did a lap around the arena, revving their bikes and hyping up the crowd. Then, they were pulling up to the metal cage, parking in a line several feet away, as two stagehands, both dressed in striped jumpsuits with thick mustaches, unbolted the door and lowered it.
One dirt bike rolled up the ramp, making the entire metal contraption rattle, and my heart sank further. How is it still in my chest? I’d seen them perform once before, but it couldn’t be safe.
I looked to Syxx for reassurance, but a growl ripped through my thoughts.
“What the hell is she doing here?”
Revel was standing over his bike, his ice-blue eyes locked on me through his helmet.
Unlike the one I’d worn when he picked me up on the highway, this one didn’t have plastic covering his face.
His white braids were tied with an elastic, hanging down his back, and he was dressed in a black jumpsuit to match the other performers.
“She’s assisting,” Syxx answered, speaking loud enough that her voice carried over the roar of their motors.
“No way in hell,” he snapped back. “Whose idea was this?”
Another bike rolled into the cage, taking his position.
Syxx shrugged. “Zero said it came from Hallow. Don’t shoot the messenger.”
Revel’s eyes narrowed, bouncing between Syxx and me like we’d personally set out to sabotage his act. I met his gaze, not even sure what emotion my features conveyed. I was too afraid to process anything or open my mouth.
A third motorcycle moved to ride into the cage, but the alpha threw up a hand to stop him. The other rider looked confused for a second but didn’t object. Of course he didn’t. This was Revel’s act. He ran this part of the show; whatever he said, went.
Obviously, no one had told Revel the plan either, and he wasn’t fucking happy about it.
Good. We could finally agree on something.
“We’ll do a round of three,” Revel said, loud enough for everyone in the vicinity to hear. “Then get her out of here.”
Syxx nodded sharply. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I latched on to the ‘get her out of here.’ That part, I was on board with.
With a final evil glare in my direction, Revel cut ahead of the other stuntmen and rode into the cage. The rest of his riders shot off across the arena, in the direction of the inflatable ramp, and Syxx gestured to the cage.
“Careful on your way up,” she warned. “Don’t lose your footing.”
My legs felt like lead as I moved to the entrance, staring up into the enormous metal sphere where the three riders waited for me. Like walking in front of a firing squad, or climbing into a lion’s den, every move I made was forced and nearly impossible.
One step after the other, I carefully climbed into the cage.
Somehow, I made it to the middle with my legs feeling like jelly, and the clang of metal on metal shot through me as the door shut behind me. Every muscle in my body was tense, like it was preparing for impact.
The realization that there was no escape sank in.
There was no running. No hiding.
Just me in a steel trap with three dirt bikes and one furious alpha.
My bottom lip wobbled, and I caught it between my teeth, refusing to break down despite the panic slamming through me. I had to hold it together. I couldn’t let Zero win. I couldn’t disappoint Hallow and risk getting kicked out of the circus.
If I wanted to keep my spot in the troupe, I had to handle this like a professional. The show must go on.
And if I survived, I’d have one well-deserved mental breakdown afterward…
I inhaled deeply, trying to calm myself.
“Are you okay, Arina?” someone asked, and I nodded automatically. I wasn’t okay, not by a long shot, but I had to suck it up and get through this act.
The three bikes revved, stilling the blood in my veins. I held my breath, holding my hands up the way Syxx had shown me but forgetting everything else I was supposed to do.
All I could do was stare out at the darkened stands as the bikes started moving.