Chapter Thirty-One
REVEL
I was going to fucking kill Zero.
The second I got my hands on him after the show, he was dead. Hopefully Hallow would figure out how to replace his act, because we wouldn’t have a knife-wielding clown anymore.
Why the hell would he do this?
I told him I didn’t want to perform with Arina—I didn’t want her in my cage—but this, going behind everyone’s back and swapping the assistants, was a step too far.
I moved my bike up higher on the metal wall of the sphere, as did Rowdy and Blaze, to make sure there was plenty of room for her.
We’d ridden with more than three bikes and an assistant, but I wouldn’t risk it with someone untrained in the cage.
Especially when she looked like she was going to pass out.
I knew she hated motorcycles. She’d clung to me for dear life when I gave her a ride.
Maybe that was part of why I didn’t want to perform with her—I wanted to scare her out of the circus without traumatizing her.
This, being trapped in a cage with us racing around her, might do the trick, but it felt wrong.
Maliciousness was Zero’s thing. The fucker got off on pain and suffering.
But for me, seeing her tremble and trying to hold herself together for the sake of the show was too much. My alpha instincts wanted me to talk to her, to calm her down, but there wasn’t time. If she could hold on for a couple of minutes, it would be over.
“Just don’t move,” I barked out, even though I was sure she wasn’t going anywhere. She looked too afraid to do anything more than stand there.
I made eye contact with Rowdy and Blaze, and we took off simultaneously.
We’d been riding together for so many years now that I didn’t have to tell them what to do; they already knew.
When plans changed, they pivoted better than anyone else.
We were constantly in sync, and if I couldn’t perform for any reason, they knew the routine well enough to do it in their sleep.
We whipped around the cage, riding around the middle before going from top to bottom.
All the while, my eyes kept drifting back to Arina.
She changed poses, lifting her hands toward the sky like Syxx did during her performances, and I fought the urge to reach out.
I knew it would drive the crowd wild, but I didn’t want to scare her any more than she already was.
If she freaked out or screamed or broke character?—
Not worth it.
I kept riding, watching her carefully to make sure she didn’t faint or have a meltdown. Sobbing we could handle, but navigating around a sprawled body would be more difficult.
For a few minutes, things went perfectly. Then Rowdy skirted a little too low on one of the rotations, and Arina whimpered, the noise piercing through me as though she’d cried out. I nearly slammed on my breaks against my will, and I growled at the near misstep.
Clearly, the beta woman wasn’t the only one stressed about her being in the cage.
And I hated that I fucking cared.
I motioned to the other riders, and we came to a stop, almost exactly in our original positions. I expected Arina to relax some now that we weren’t moving, but she looked paler than she had before. Maybe a little wobbly?
Fuck.
Before I could say anything, the cage door was opening again and Syxx was there, urging Arina out of the sphere. She slipped on the last step, nearly toppling into the pink-haired assistant, before disappearing into the darkness. Then, three more dirt bikes joined us in the cage.
I tamped down my desire to check on Arina, to make sure she was okay after being shoved into the cage with us, but we had to finish our act. Beating back my internal turmoil, I motioned to the other riders once we were all settled, and we took off again.
For the first time ever, I couldn’t get out of the cage fast enough.
I led my stuntmen around the arena one final time out of habit, then whizzed off to the backstage area. My eyes were already scanning the space for any flash of a frilly red dress by the time I parked and pulled off my helmet. There was no sign of Arina.
A twinge of annoyance tightened my chest. I didn’t know why I cared if she was upset—I’d been trying to run her off since she showed up in Dallas—but… I did. A little.
“Revel?”
It was Blaze. He’d parked beside me and taken off his helmet, leaving his red mohawk plastered to his head with sweat.
“You good?”
“I’m fine,” I gritted out, though that wasn’t entirely the truth. I was… irritated, to say the least. Conflicted? Angry?
My jaw clenched.
Definitely angry.
I was mad at Zero for fucking with my act, at Arina for agreeing to it, and at myself…
She wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for me. Zero had called it out to my face, but I denied it.
I could deny it all I wanted, but that didn’t change the facts. I’d brought Arina straight to the caravan, even if I never imagined her wanting to join. I was the reason she was here, stuck like me, in this whimsical, obnoxious hell.
It was my fault, which only fanned the flames of my rage.
With a growl, I shoved my helmet at Blaze and stormed off, anger and confusion fighting for dominance. My alpha instincts urged me to find the beta and see if she was okay, while my logic said it was a waste of time.
“Syxx!” I barked when I caught a glimpse of hot-pink hair. She was hurrying across the space, looking determined as usual.
At the sound of my voice, she jumped to attention, whipping around to meet my eyes.
“Where’s Arina?” I demanded, making it over to her in a few, quick strides.
“Gone,” she answered with a frown. “I tried to calm her down, but the poor thing took off.”
“Excuse me? Gone?”
Her eyes drifted over to the exit and mine followed.
Fuck.
Maybe my act had been the straw that broke her back, the thing she needed to realize she didn’t have what it took to be part of the Knotty Sideshow after all. And as relieved as I should have felt, I was… numb.
I stared at the exit, silently at war with myself, wondering why I wasn’t happy that I’d gotten exactly what I wanted. If she was leaving, all the better. One less useless beta to worry about?—
“Revel,” Syxx said, her voice piercing through my internal turmoil. I reluctantly looked down to meet her eyes, annoyed by the judgement in them. “I won’t say a word if you go after her. At least to make sure she’s okay.”
I opened my mouth to ask her why the hell she hadn’t run after her, but I knew the answer to that.
Syxx floated around the performances, helping and ensuring everything went according to plan.
Since I was technically finished until the finale, it would make more sense if I went and checked on her, even if I didn’t want to.
I growled, my annoyance flaring. “You better not.”
Before she could reply, I took off toward the exit, wondering how far Arina could have made it on her short legs. I emerged into the hall that wrapped around the backstage area, whipping my head both ways. No sign of her.
With another growl, I went left and took off toward the parking lot. If she wasn’t hiding somewhere in the building, which was still a possibility, she probably went back to the clown bus. To calm down? To pack her things?
All of the above…
I broke into a jog, crossing the lot toward the bus as my thoughts still churned.
What I really wanted to do was introduce Zero’s face to my fist—it was long overdue—but I’d have to catch him after his act.
No sense in fucking up another headlining performance tonight, not when Hallow was probably already seething.
Honestly, the act hadn’t gone badly. Arina had done much better than I thought, but her freakout afterward… we’d hear about that for sure.
I didn’t bother knocking on the bus door, instead opening it and hopping up the three steps leading inside.
I slammed to a stop in the aisle when my eyes fell on Arina.
She was staring at me wide-eyed, makeup running down her face.
The corset-top of her dress was undone, and she was clinging to the material to keep her chest covered.
She’d kicked off her boots and tossed her tiny top hat on the ground.
Seeing her in this state, hysterical and undressing, short-circuited something in my brain. Every thought I had, everything I planned to say, dissolved.
“What do you want?” she snapped, turning away. She grabbed her backpack out of a cabinet and threw it on one of the bunks.
“What are you doing?” I countered.
It was probably the dumbest thing I could have asked; it was clear what she was doing. But I needed to hear her say it, to admit the words out loud.
“I’m leaving,” she said sharply. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Yes. It was what I’d wanted every second since she showed up in Dallas.
And yet… hearing her say the words I’d longed to hear didn’t fill me with relief like I expected. In fact, I didn’t feel anything at all.
I was numb to my core.
Taking several steps forward, I paused halfway down the bus. Being that I took up most of the aisle, I didn’t want her to feel trapped. She’d already been trapped in the motorcycle cage, and I didn’t want to add to her hysterics.
I casually leaned against a set of cabinets, giving her plenty of room if she decided to storm past me. My eyes moved to land on her again, watching in silence as she stuffed clothes into her bag.
“Did you just come here to gloat?” she asked without looking in my direction. “To rub it in? I get it, Revel. I don’t belong here. I was stupid to think I could do any of this.”
“No, I didn’t come here to gloat,” I answered, my voice low. “I’m not sure why I came, to be honest. I guess I wanted… to see if you were okay.”
She laughed so loud that I nearly jumped, and her eyes finally cut in my direction. “You’re such an asshole. You don’t care if I’m okay.”
I didn’t.
At least… I hadn’t before she’d been tossed in my cage and left to fend for herself.
After seeing the terror in her eyes, a switch had flipped in my brain. I wasn’t like Night and Zero. I might not have wanted her in the sideshow, but I didn’t get off on her fear and misery. I had a heart, cold and hardened as it was. I didn’t want her to suffer; I just didn’t want her here.
“I wouldn’t have wasted my time coming to check on you.” My tone was more clipped than I intended, and I looked away, glaring straight ahead.
The sounds of her shifting around stopped, and I looked over to see her staring at me. Fresh tears welled in her eyes, and her bottom lip wobbled.
Christ.
Crying women didn’t bother me. Normally, I wouldn’t have batted an eye. But these were tears I’d caused.
I didn’t know how to handle that.
Flirty sluts begging for my knot? I could deal with that all night. Needy women I could fuck and then ghost the next day? Easy.
But this?
A woman I’d caused a fair amount of distress trying to hold herself together as she faced me with her chin held high. It didn’t sit right with me.
“Well, if you’ve gotten your fill, please leave, so I can change,” she said, managing to keep her voice level despite her lip wobbling.
I could have left.
I should have turned around and walked away.
Instead, I pushed off the cabinets and dared a few steps closer, stopping right in front of her.
Just like the first time I laid eyes on her, she was so small.
Frail, weak. But rather than the surge of dominance I expected, the wave of power that came with knowing I could snap her in half, the alpha urge to protect her swelled in my chest.
It didn’t make sense.
She wasn’t an omega; I shouldn’t feel this strongly about taking care of a beta, especially after I worked so hard to get her thrown out of the circus.
None of this made sense, and the next words out of my mouth stumped me even more.
“I’m sorry.”
Arina’s jaw dropped, and her brows furrowed. “For being a giant prick? Noted but not accepted.”
A growl vibrated in my chest, and I fought to keep a grip on my temper.
“Could you stop being a fucking brat for five seconds and let me be nice to you?” I asked, my jaw hardening. “I came to check on you, came to make sure you were okay?—”
“So you could convince me to leave?” Her tone was icy. “Or to make yourself feel better, Revel? You don’t care how I feel, you never have, and that’s fine. Pretending now doesn’t fix anything; It just makes you look like a self-serving asshole.”
We stared at one another for a long second, Arina still clinging to her unlaced dress to keep it from falling to her feet. She was insufferable, and I was beginning to regret coming at all.
“Fine. You want to leave? Go,” I said, throwing my hands up. “Good riddance.”
With a final scathing glare, I turned and marched back toward the front of the bus, my hands balling into fists. My temper was getting the better of me, and it would be best if Arina wasn’t around for the fallout.
I’d caused her enough strife, even if it wasn’t my intention. And if she wasn’t willing to accept my apology, there was no reason for me to stay.