Chapter Thirty-Six
DAZE
My heart sank to the floor.
The trailer slipped away, and I felt like I was falling.
Night’s glimmering sapphire eyes, locked unwaveringly on mine, were the only thing keeping me grounded. His scarred lips were pressed into a firm line, and a furrow formed between his dark brows.
No matter how well I knew his features, it felt like I was seeing him for the first time. This wasn’t the same alpha I’d shared a bed with for the last few years. Not with that mate mark on his shoulder.
This was someone else entirely. Someone I didn’t know.
The countless hours I spent preparing for this moment had been a waste. All the hypothetical conversations I practiced earlier in the day suddenly felt like cruel jokes. I’d tried not to get my hopes too high about tonight, but this… this was worse than anything I imagined.
“Don’t leave,” he signed.
It barely registered.
I was lightheaded, unsteady, and the trailer felt unusually claustrophobic. Despite wanting to turn around and run back to the aerialist bus, I stayed rooted to the spot. My feet refused to move.
My heart ached, even though I knew I had no right to be upset. Not really.
Night and I were nothing more than glorified fuckbuddies. Roommates with benefits. That had always been true, since I moved in with him. But some small part of me hoped that despite his cold disposition and constant distance, I meant something to him.
Obviously not.
Sure, I went to the club with Arina and even kissed her a few times. Yes, I had some kind of feelings brewing for her that I didn’t understand. But that wasn’t the same as a goddamn mate bond. A bond was something permanent, binding.
And he did that in the two fucking days I was gone.
I felt sick.
“Wh-who bit you?” I asked, my voice wobbly. I cleared my throat and shoved down the emotions bubbling up. My thoughts were spinning faster than I could keep up, and I just wanted answers.
Even if they hurt.
Even if they meant this was the end.
I needed to know…
“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” he signed.
“If you say that was an accident too, I’m leaving,” I snapped, deadpan. The couch and blinds I could believe but not forming a soul-tethering bond that couldn’t be broken.
He sighed. “It wasn’t an accident.”
Not an accident?
I swallowed hard. An intentional bond didn’t make it any better, but at least he was being honest.
My brain jumped into hyperdrive, churning through questions, trying to figure out what he was going to say before he said it. If I could work it out beforehand, maybe it would hurt less.
Probably not. But I tried anyway.
Had he stumbled upon an omega in Dallas? Somehow found his scent match? Both of those things were so rare that neither seemed plausible. I know it didn’t belong to a beta; we couldn’t make bonds. And I doubted it belonged to an alpha… they didn’t bite each other.
Nothing made sense, but the mark was there, plain as day.
“So you didn’t mean to make a bond with someone, and it wasn’t an accident?” I asked, fighting to keep my voice level. “You know that sounds crazy right.”
He nodded.
“Sit ,” he signed again.
I shook my head defiantly. I didn’t want to get comfortable and let my guard down. I didn’t want to stay any longer than I had to.
I just wanted an explanation and some clothes and then I could drag myself back to my temporary bed on the aerialist bus. Probably cry myself to sleep just to work through the torrent of emotions threatening to crush me.
Night shifted in his seat without breaking eye contact. “The mark is Revel’s.”
I froze, feeling like an invisible hand had reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. It twisted violently as every thought and emotion in me shattered.
Surely I misunderstood.
“I’m sorry… Revel’s?” I blinked at him. “The stuntman? The asshole motorcyclist in our circus? That Revel?”
He nodded.
What. The. Fuck?
Confusion set in slowly, my brain struggling to process the idea of Revel biting Night. Of all the possibilities, that would have never crossed my mind. I could see Zero swinging both ways, or fucking around and biting Night as a sadistic joke, but not Revel.
Did I miss something crucial over the last few years that might have instigated this? Was I really too blinded by my feelings for Night to see something right in front of my face? I wasn’t sure if it being someone I knew made things better or worse, and I was too numb to figure it out.
“How long has that been going on?”
I hoped not long.
If it had been happening behind my back for months or years without me knowing, I would be heartbroken. Then again, we were never a thing. Never official. I couldn’t hold him to a different set of standards than I held myself, and if I was allowed to talk to other people, so was he.
It didn’t make it hurt any less though.
“Nothing is going on.” His eyes narrowed on me.
“Yeah, okay, and I’m supposed to believe you when his teeth marks are buried in your shoulder,” I spat. “Be fucking serious.”
“He was trying to ? —"
I held up my hand to cut him off, suddenly overwhelmed by the thought of Revel and Night in filthy positions before the stuntman sank his teeth into him.
“I-I can’t do this.” I shook my head, stepping backward toward the trailer door. “I’m sorry. Whatever happened is between you two. I’ll come back another day but I… I have to go…”
He started to sign something else, but I turned my back on him, heading for the door.
I needed to get out of the trailer and away from him before the numbness wore off and my emotions came rushing back. I didn’t want him to see me break. I definitely didn’t want him to see me cry, which was a good possibility at this point.
It was silly for me to be upset, and I knew that, but it didn’t matter.
I was reaching for the door handle when Night grabbed me and spun me around, slamming my back against the trailer door. He pinned me there, his hands fisting the front of my shirt.
“What the hell are you—” His lips slammed onto mine, cutting me off. He tasted like bourbon, his scent growing stronger as he shoved his tongue into my mouth.
The kiss was passion and desperation all rolled into one, and the way he caged me in with his hands on the door had warmth brewing in my stomach. For a delicious, stunned second, I lost myself to the feel and taste of him, enjoying how needily his lips moved against mine.
Then, reality slammed into me, and I tried to shove him away.
“Get off,” I demanded, even though it was the last thing I wanted.
He shook his head, his hands still pressed against the door, trapping me in place.
“Why not?” My voice broke, and I caught my bottom lip between my teeth to keep it from wobbling. “I’m not what you want, so please… let me go.”
Jaw hardening, Night stood up straight and signed, “You are what I want.”
“Liar.”
“I’m not lying.”
“What would Revel say?”
Anger flickered in his eyes. “I said there’s nothing going on with Revel. He saved my life.”
“Saved your life?” I whispered the words, even more confused. My eyes bounced between his and the mark on his shoulder. “By biting you.”
He nodded. “It kept me from going fully rogue.”
“W-when?” My brows furrowed.
“After you left.”
My jaw fell slack, and my shoulders sagged. Did it happen while I was at the club? While I was enjoying myself for the first time in forever? If he’d texted, I would have come back, even though he told me to leave.
But he hadn’t.
Confliction twisted my stomach, along with a bit of guilt.
“I almost”— he hesitated— "lost control. Revel found me.”
“And the temporary bond brought you back?” I asked, my eyes lingering on the perfect outline of Revel’s teeth again.
Night nodded, and I took a shaky breath.
“Please.” He stepped closer, his alcohol-tainted breath washing over me. “Stay. Just for tonight.”
“Night,” I said, uncertainty clouding my thoughts.
I hadn’t planned to stay. I just came to grab some clothes before the caravan headed to Santa Fe in the morning.
Besides, we had a lot of things to talk about, serious things to work out.
If I stayed tonight, very little talking would happen, and in the morning, he’d probably go back to giving me the cold shoulder.
It was what he did best.
But the way he was looking at me, with more sincerity than he had in… hell, probably our entire situationship… was more convincing than any amount of begging he could do. More than any false promises he could make.
He leaned in closer, his body pressing against mine and pinning me to the door.
This time, I didn’t try to shove him away, despite the indecision roiling in me.
He brushed his lips over mine, painfully slow.
One of his hands found my hip and dragged me toward him, while the other snaked up to cup behind my neck.
“Please,” he muttered softly against my throat, his deep voice shooting through me like an arrow and making me catch my breath. My eyes flew open and I stood there staring, frozen.
Did he really just beg me to stay?
Out loud?
Neither of us moved, each waiting for the other, and an excruciating moment passed. Time seemed to stop as our eyes locked, my heart beating double time in my chest.
My throat tightened before I could answer, and when I finally spoke, it came out strained. “Okay.”
Night’s eyes glinted hungrily at the word, and he closed the distance between us, catching my mouth with his. He kissed me like the world was on fire, like this was the last chance he’d ever get to do it.
Skeptically—and enthusiastically—I lost myself, eager to drown in his aura and melt beneath his touch.