Chapter Thirty-Nine
ARINA
As soon as we got back to the caravan, Bobbitt disappeared to go talk to Hallow, leaving me to my own devices.
I wandered around the parking lot, trying to work up the courage to knock on the door to the aerialist bus, but I gave up and retreated to my bunk instead.
I lay there, bored out of my mind, wishing I had a way to pass the time that didn’t involve napping or staring at the underside of the bunk above mine.
It would take me some time to get used to the vast amount of downtime that came with touring; when we weren’t setting up, breaking down, or performing, it was kind of boring.
Bobbitt returned an hour later with a fat, unaddressed envelope that she stuffed into my hand with a smile on her face.
“What’s this?” I asked, squeezing it experimentally. It felt like it was filled with paper.
“Open it.” She plopped down next to me on my bunk, folding her hands in her lap and waiting expectantly.
Curious and confused, I lifted the flap of the envelope and peered inside. My stomach pitched toward the floor when I noticed a stack of crisp twenty-dollar bills.
“I can’t accept this,” I told her, my eyes wide in horror. “It’s too much.”
She threw a hand up, refusing to take it back.
“Family, I told ya.” She shook her head firmly. “There’s more where that came from, if ya get in a pinch.”
More where that came from? Yeah right.
I stared down at the envelope. I’d make this money stretch or starve.
No way was I asking for more.
“Thank you,” I whispered, crossing to my cabinet and tucking the envelope beneath a stack of clothes for safe keeping. “And tell Hallow I said thank you, too. Please.”
She grinned widely. “Can do, doll.”
Then, it was back to hanging around the caravan and wasting time.
Syxx offered to let me borrow her tablet to watch movies, which I suspected had something to do with Bobbitt, but I didn’t argue. I curled up in my bunk with Zero’s shirt wrapped around my head and watched cartoons until my stomach began to growl again.
Bobbitt was nowhere to be found when I decided to go find lunch, and I still hadn’t seen any sign of Daze. I could have asked Syxx or Sevyn to join me, or even one of the other clowns I’d yet to talk to, but I got nervous at the last second and headed to the restaurant next door alone.
I took my time to peruse the menu, enjoying the feeling of not being rushed. Ever since I ran away from home, my life felt like a whirlwind; I was constantly rushing. Even sightseeing with Bobbitt had felt hurried because of how quickly she walked and talked.
But for the moment, I could relax.
I could take my time.
Best of all, I could let my guard down and stop worrying about the future.
This —traveling with the Knotty Sideshow, eating at adorable restaurants, and performing for crowds around the country—was my future.
And it feels amazing.
I finally bumped into Daze on my way back from lunch, and my heart shot into my throat at the sight of his rainbow hair.
“Daze!” I called and ran to catch up before he could disappear again. He was actually wearing a shirt today, along with some black shorts and sandals. “Where have you been hiding?”
He smiled weakly. “Not hiding, just a little busy. We’re about to start setting up some of the highwire stuff.”
“Oh.” I tried not to sound disappointed and failed. “Well, if you have time later, do you want to get dinner?”
“Possibly.” He flashed me a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I’ll come find you later.”
“Promise?” I asked.
He nodded. “Promise.”
Then he was gone again.
Trying not to feel like one of Bobbitt’s deflating animal balloons, I headed back to the clown bus, yet again, and watched movies until Syxx’s tablet died. Then, I waited around like a lost puppy for Daze to come find me or dinner—whichever came first.
It was dinner.
By then, my optimism was shot.
I tried not to feel too let down; Daze had more important things to do than babysit me, no matter how badly I wanted to hang out with him. But I thought he would at least keep his promise.
He didn’t.
I waited until the sun set, turning the sky into a stunning blend of reds and oranges, and even sat outside the clown bus until stars were twinkling overhead.
Finally, when my eyelids began to droop, and I found myself yawning every other minute, I headed back to my bunk and cocooned myself in my blanket.
Clutching Zero’s shirt to my chest, I fell asleep before the bus lights were even dimmed for the night.
A whisper dragged me out of my dream, and as I blinked myself awake, I realized it was saying my name.
I nearly screamed when I saw a face hovering over mine in the darkness, but a hand quickly clapped over my mouth. I shook my head and grabbed the hand, trying to free myself, but when I blinked again, I realized it was Daze.
The fear burning through me was instantly replaced by relief.
“What are you doing?” I whispered when he removed his hand again.
The tour bus was dimmed, meaning everyone was probably asleep. It had to be the middle of the night.
When he’d promised to find me later… this wasn’t what I expected. It was actually a little creepy, and the more I thought about it, the more my insides twisted with nerves.
Did something happen? Was there an emergency?
“Come with me,” he urged, keeping his voice low.
I didn’t understand. Why would he be dragging me out of bed in the middle of the night?
Is this another twisted dream?
To double check, I bit the inside of my cheek until I winced. The pain was sharp and clear.
Definitely not a dream.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
He shushed me by pressing a finger to his lips and jerked his head, signaling for me to follow.
I probably should have been more reluctant, and if he were anyone else, I would have been. But I trusted Daze; he’d never given me a reason not to.
Quietly, I rolled out of bed and joined him in the aisle.
I gestured to the tiny shorts and T-shirt I’d worn to bed, wondering if it was suitable for whatever we were doing, and he nodded.
Not entirely convinced, but also not wanting to stop and change, I slipped on my combat boots and laced them quickly.
Then I hurried after the aerialist.
The night air was warm and still, the city almost silent. A black, star-flecked sky stretched overhead, and moonlight fell from a fat crescent moon to illuminate the parking lot in a ghostly glow.
I closed the bus door as quietly as possible before turning to face Daze. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he assured me. “I told you we could hang out later, but I didn’t get a chance. I’m sorry.”
“So you woke me up in the middle of the night? What time is it?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
He produced a cell phone from his pocket and checked the screen. “Almost one. If you want to go back to bed, you can. I just figured it would be easier while everyone else was asleep.”
I cocked a curious eyebrow at him. “Easier to what?”
“I want to show you something.” He smiled excitedly. “But if you’re too tired, like I said, you can go back to sleep. I’m sorry for waking you?—”
“It’s fine.” I shook my head, unwilling to sacrifice alone time with him, even if it was to get a few hours of much-needed sleep. Besides, I was already up. Might as well see what he was so excited about.
His smile widened, and he held out his hand. As butterflies erupted in my stomach, I took it and let him drag me toward the darkened event center. I thought maybe we would turn and follow the perimeter of the building somewhere else, but he was steering me straight toward one of the back entrances.
My brows furrowed. “Uh, Daze? Isn’t the building locked?”
“It’s supposed to be.” He chuckled once. “But I… might have gotten crafty.”
I glared at him as we climbed a short set of stairs leading to a window-paned door. A plaque on the door read STAFF ONLY.
“What did you do?” I asked.
Rather than answering, he reached for the door handle and turned it. The door swung open, revealing a dark hallway. “I might have done a little entering.” He smiled bashfully. “Took a page out of your book.”
My jaw dropped.
“I didn’t actually break into anything though,” I whispered sharply. I checked over my shoulder to make sure there was no one in the parking lot; we were completely alone. “What if we get in trouble?”
He lifted a shoulder. “What if we don’t?”
I stared up at him. Maybe I’d been wrong about him all along. Maybe he would end up corrupting me before everything was said and done.
“We’re not going to get in trouble,” he assured me. “I promise. Cross my heart.”
I thought about pointing out that he’d broken his last promise, but he hadn’t. Not really. He eventually came to find me.
But I couldn’t risk getting into trouble, especially not when it involved breaking and entering. I was safe from the Stone pack, but not safe from the cops; I had to be cautious.
Daze batted his eyelashes at me, and I shifted my weight back and forth. At least, I wouldn’t be alone.
He could take the fall if anyone showed up demanding answers. I could tell them he forced me against my will.
I cringed internally at the thought. Throwing him under the bus… again?
Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.
He better have a solid fucking alibi.
After another moment of hesitation, I sighed. “Fine.”
His eyes lit up, and I reluctantly followed him into the building. The door clicked closed behind us. He led the way down the darkened hall with ease, like he knew exactly where he was going, despite not being able to see where he was walking.
Had he already scoped the building? Had they performed at this venue before?
We made a left, then a right.
I was easily lost, but Daze seemed to know exactly what he was doing.
I barely registered when we stepped into the wide, empty arena, and he reached for a breaker on the wall.
Lights popped on overhead when he flipped it, filling the performance space with a warm glow.
Meanwhile, my brain struggled to catch up.
“Daze?” I said as he let go of my hand. “How did you know exactly where the lights were?”
“If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and my stomach sank before he burst into laughter. “I’m kidding! I used to work here.”
“Really? When?”
“Santa Fe is my hometown,” he explained with a solemn expression. “I was working in this very venue, when the Knotty Sideshow performed here three years ago. That was when I joined.”
“Oh, wow.” I tried to imagine what pre-circus Daze would have been like. Without the rainbow hair, without the crazy outfits… probably required to wear a shirt every day. Just a young guy working a regular job in his hometown, near all his friends and family.
It was a nice image, one I envied, until I considered the opposite.
What if he’d been eager to get away? What if he, like me, had wanted to escape and that was why he joined the sideshow?
“Are you happy to be back?” I asked, deciding to test that theory.
For the first time, his smile faltered, and I saw a flicker of pain behind his warm brown eyes.
“It’s… bittersweet,” he said, and left it at that.
Grabbing me by the hand again, he led the way across the arena floor.
The Santa Fe Convention Center was much smaller than the one in Dallas. There weren’t a ton of off-shooting hallways or smaller performance areas. There was only the main hall where we would perform.
The trapeze rig that the bars and silks hung from had already been set up, along with the giant safety net beneath them. Because this event space was much smaller, it looked like things were going to be rearranged from the performance in Dallas.
Will all of it even fit?
“I hope you’re not afraid of heights.” Daze smiled and gestured to the ladder on the trapeze rig.
“You want me to climb up there?” I swallowed hard, my eyes following the metal frame up toward the ceiling. I wasn’t the biggest fan of heights, but at least he hadn’t brought me to ride motorcycles. That was a plus.
“Unless you don’t want to.” He shrugged. “We can stay down here if you’d prefer.”
I met his eyes and pursed my lips. It wasn’t a challenge; he wasn’t forcing me up the ladder. But I wanted to prove myself to Daze the same way I’d wanted to prove myself to Zero.
I wasn’t afraid, not as much as I would have been without him.
Besides, I trusted Daze with my life much more than I did the demented clown.
“Am I going first or you?” I asked, perching my hands on my hips.
Daze thought for a second, then motioned toward the ladder. “Ladies first.”