Chapter Thirty-Eight
ARINA
I was asleep when we arrived in Santa Fe, and I all but ran off the bus the next morning for fresh air. Being stuck in such a confined space with no reprieve from Zero’s delicious, intoxicating scent, had almost been too much for me to handle.
There was no escape, aside from a shower where I used far too much minty body wash just to get a break from the caramel-covered popcorn. Then, it was back to my bunk to suffer for the rest of our road trip.
After several minutes of standing next to the bus, choking down as much warm, dry air as possible, I finally took a moment to look around.
The vibe was incredibly different from Dallas; there wasn’t a skyscraper in sight.
It was relatively quiet, and the streets weren’t crammed with people heading to work.
We were parked in a small lot behind a wide, pink-colored building with stucco-covered walls.
It wasn’t nearly as large as the convention center in Dallas but plenty big enough to host a circus.
Across the street was a long strip of stores, whose unique architecture left me curious and speechless all at once.
Each store face was a variant of pastel yellow, peach, or beige, and they had distinct wooden columns and wooden accents. I’d never seen anything like it.
The urge to hit the sidewalk and see more of the city was strong, but I didn’t want to go alone.
Maybe Daze would tag along, and we could sightsee together.
I didn’t know how much setup we had to do this morning because our first performance wasn’t for several days, but surely, we’d have some time to slip away and explore.
“There ya are!” Bobbitt’s voice caught my attention, and I looked over to see her head peeking out of the clown bus. “Thought we’d left ya behind.”
I smiled. She knew I was on the bus when we rolled out of Dallas—she’d dragged me there herself after everything was broken down and loaded into the trailers—but maybe she thought I’d managed to flee when we stopped to refuel.
“You aren’t getting rid of me that easily.” I shook my head. “Just needed some fresh air. And now I kind of want to sightsee. Do you know if we’re setting up today?”
Of course, she knew.
Considering how much time she spent with Hallow, I figured she knew as much as—if not more than—Zero.
“Nothing we have to be present for.” Her eyes lit up, and a grin spread across her face. “I’m down to sightsee if you are. I love Santa Fe.”
There was no way I could tell her I’d rather find Daze and ask him to go with me, especially not with how excited she seemed. I’d find him later.
Besides, if Bobbitt already knew the city well, she could lead the way.
“Yeah, let’s go,” I said, eager to get away from the bus.
Away from Zero.
Even as I stood there, part of me itched to get back to my bunk, so I could bury my face in Zero’s shirt beneath my pillow. But the rest of me wanted to run away. I was tired of him always being in my head, in my thoughts, in my dreams.
For my sanity, I needed a break.
“Hell yeah,” Bobbit squeaked, interrupting my thoughts. “Let me get dressed.”
She dipped back into the bus, and I followed behind to grab the little cash I had left to my name.
I could have changed clothes or done something more with my hair, but the shorts, oversized T-shirt, and messy bun would have to do.
I didn’t want to spend more time on the giant, fancy sardine can than necessary.
I headed back outside to wait for Bobbitt.
If I thought she would walk or talk any slower than normal because we were sightseeing, I was in for a rude awakening. It was hard to keep up with her as we strolled through Santa Fe Plaza, and she kept throwing out random facts about the city that I forgot almost as soon as she said them.
Still, I was thankful for her company.
“Did ya know that Santa Fe is the country’s oldest state capital?” she asked as we ducked beneath a low awning and passed a display of hand-crafted knickknacks. “Pretty crazy to think about.” She pointed out a few buildings as we walked by and threw out more random facts.
For breakfast, we stopped at a small cafe with a little courtyard in the middle. Plants and vines hung from latticework overheard, and warm sunlight filtered through the gaps. My stomach sank when I spent my last twenty on breakfast, leaving me with only a couple of dollars and some change.
To my horror, Bobbitt must have noticed my expression.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
Crap.
I shifted in my chair, wanting to talk about literally anything else. We could talk about my panic attack in Revel’s cage, my trip to the club with Daze, mine and Zero’s conversation after my shower the other night…
Anything besides the fact that I was broke, desperate, and unsure how I would eat for the rest of the day, much less survive until I got a paycheck.
“Arina,” she said, her expression going deadpan. I felt like I was being scolded by an older sister, even though I never had one to know what it was like. The way she stared at me with stern concern had the truth burning up my throat. “What is it?”
“Do you have any idea when I’ll get paid?” I asked, embarrassed heat crawling over my skin.
Because I don’t have money to eat.
I hated the thought of having to admit it, and I hated the worried look that crossed Bobbitt’s face even more.
She knew I ran away from home with nothing more than a backpack, but I didn’t want her to think I was some useless burden the way the troupe alphas did.
I didn’t want her to think I was desperate—even though I kind of was.
I just wanted to earn my keep, perform, and make enough money to get by.
That would be enough.
“I’m not sure,” she said softly, picking at her leftover sweet potato fries. “We normally get paid every Friday, but I can ask Hallow.”
Friday. That was still three days away.
I could hardly survive on two dollars until then.
“Is something wrong?” she asked when I didn’t say anything.
My insides churned, and my cheeks burned even hotter. I might as well tell her—she’d find out anyway if I started skipping meals.
“I’m… uhh… kind of broke,” I admitted. “Okay, really broke. And I’m… uhh… not sure what I’m going to do.”
Her mouth opened in a silent O, and I braced myself judgement to follow.
It didn’t.
“Ya should have said something, doll!” she whispered sharply, thankfully keeping her voice down. There weren’t many people eating around us, but I didn’t want any eavesdroppers. “Don’t worry about it—we’ll take care of ya.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t exactly understand.” I chewed the corner of my mouth uncertainly. “Is there like a pantry of food on one of the trailers or…”
I felt like a complete idiot for not knowing what she meant, but Bobbitt only smiled softly.
“Let’s get out of here, and I’ll explain.” She shoved away from the small, hand-carved table and gestured for me to follow. I did without a word. We weaved our way back through the tiny restaurant and past the hostess stand near the door.
It wasn’t until we were back on the sidewalk that she said anything.
“Sorry, I was getting a little claustrophobic in there.” She giggled and turned to lead us farther down the strip of shops. “Anyway, you don’t have to worry about food, or anything else, before you get your first check. The sideshow will cover it.”
I cocked an eyebrow at her, still confused.
“I had no idea. No one said anything about it,” I said, thinking about Daze paying for my food. Why hadn’t he brought it up if it was an option? Did he forget or not think it was important at the time?
“That’s something Hallow started when they took over the circus,” she explained.
“Some people have what they need when they join the troupe—savings, or enough cash to get them by—but that’s rarely the case.
Most people come to us broken, afraid, and destitute.
We take care of them.” She nudged me affectionately with her elbow.
“You’re family now, doll. We’d never let ya starve. ”
My lip wobbled, but I immediately scolded myself. I wasn’t about to cry in the middle of sightseeing in this beautiful city, especially not where Bobbitt could see.
“That’s amazing.” I cleared my throat. “I… I don’t know what to say.”
“Ya don’t have to say anything.” She smiled sympathetically. “As soon as we get back, I’ll talk to Hallow; don’t worry, it’ll stay between us if you want.”
“Please.” I forced a dry chuckle. “I’d rather not give Zero anything else to lord over me.”
Bobbitt zipped her lips and threw away an invisible key.
“Although, if Zero is saying fucked up things to you, I can probably bring that up to Hallow, too,” she offered. “I know it’s hard with him being in charge half the time, but?—”
I shook my head. “Nope.” I didn’t want to open that can of worms and make Zero resent me more than he already did. Who knew what he would do if I tried to turn Hallow against him? “It’s fine, really. But yes, please, keep this between us.”
“No problem, doll.”
We dipped into a clothing store and wandered through the racks of vibrant clothes.
Bobbitt was like a kid in a candy store, grabbing things and holding them up to her.
She put them all back and didn’t buy anything, though, and I wasn’t sure if it was because she didn’t need any more clothes, or because she didn’t want to make me feel worse.
Next, we wandered through a pottery store, admiring the most intricate, beautiful pots and vases I’d ever seen. Bobbitt gave me a quarter to toss into a fountain in the plaza, and she encouraged me to make a wish.
“It can’t hurt, ya know?” she said, closing her eyes as she tossed her own quarter into the shallow water.
I stared at the gleaming coin in my hand, turning it over as I contemplated my wish.
What did I want most? To not be caught by the Stone pack and maintain the freedom I managed to find with the Knotty Sideshow. However, I hated to waste a wish on them.
I hated to give them any energy, to let them occupy my mind at all. I was two states away, and I would only be traveling farther in the coming weeks. Every bit of logic told me I was safe from them, but the fear still loomed at the back of my mind.
What if they catch up?
What if they find me?
Reluctantly, I made my wish to stay hidden from them forever and tossed the quarter into the water.
Once we’d made a very thorough trek through Santa Fe Plaza, we agreed it was time to head back. Bobbitt wanted to talk to Hallow, and I, as much as I hated to admit it, wanted to find Daze. It felt like forever since I’d talked to him—I’d hardly seen him yesterday when we loaded the trailers.
We cut through a little alley to another street and headed back toward the convention center, walking beneath several awnings to avoid the hot sun.
I was focused on getting back to the caravan, Bobbitt rambling on about an annual festival here in the city, when a billboard hanging on the outside of a storefront caught my eye.
The words ?Qué Buscas? were across the top in bold, bright letters.
I slowed to look at the collection of flyers and business cards hanging there; they were crammed onto the board, covering every inch of the cork. Dog walking services, babysitters, home repair, boutiques, food trucks… There was so much.
But two words in particular had my heart falling to the ground and the air sticking in my lungs: Omegas Wanted .
My pulse hitched.
Someone was looking for omegas.
It was a romantic looking flyer with red and pink flowers in the corners, but something about the corporate, blocky text told a different story. They were too rigid, too sinister, to convey comfort. Nevertheless, it piqued my interest.
“Do you see that?” I asked before I could stop myself, pointing the flyer out to Bobbitt.
I’d never seen anything like it back in Floral Ridge and wasn’t sure what to make of it.
I squinted my eyes and read the first line of the flyer.
“ John Howard Institute for Designation Studies is offering $5,000 for omegas to participate in clinical trial of new state-of-the-art ? —”
Before I could finish the sentence, Bobbitt shoved ahead and ripped the paper off the bulletin board. Without hesitation, she crumpled it in her hands, and my jaw dropped.
“I hate seeing this trash.”
I watched her, stunned. “Trash?”
“This.” She lifted the crumpled paper. “Government organizations posing as omega research facilities. The omegas go in for testing, and they never come out.”
“R-really?” My throat was tight. I knew omegas were always being hunted—hell, my own father had sold me because of my designation—but I never understood the extent of the danger.
If what Bobbitt said was true, not even medical facilities could be trusted.
An unsuspecting omega could walk in, hoping to help with research, and be handed over to the government.
I’d heard of breeding programs in distant parts of the country, but this was the first time I’d seen anything concrete.
Chills raced down my back.
“Omegas have a hard enough time without this shit,” she grumbled and continued down the sidewalk. When we passed a trash can, she tossed the crumpled flyer into it. “So I tear the flyers down whenever I see them. It’s not much, but it helps me sleep at night.”
I didn’t know what to say.
I’d never considered how betas felt about the other designations, but her reaction shocked me to my core.
It gave me the tiniest bit of hope. Maybe there were more people out there who wouldn’t trade me in for a bounty at their first opportunity.
Maybe there were people out there who would protect omegas from psycho packs and forced bonds.
Maybe Bobbitt is one of them.
“Sorry.” She looked at me and giggled, her cheeks suddenly going pink. “That was a bit aggressive. It’s just… important to me.”
“No, no,” I said, throwing up my hands. “I totally agree. Omegas have the shit end of the stick, and you’re doing a great thing. Really.”
A smile curled her lips. “Thanks. I just want to make a difference, no matter how small.”
“You are. You’re helping more than you know.”