Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
Samaria
It’s been a day since the people of Loxley arrived, and while Agnes and Ulric do their best to settle them, Jarek and Evren take it upon themselves to begin inventory of the Jade Guild. Food, weapons, medicines.
“Let me at least help with something,” I insist.
“We have it under control, Sam,” Jarek says as he glances up from the bags of flour he’s stacking. “Go be with them.”
Them.
The people of Loxley. Nerves flutter in my stomach. I’ve yet to truly talk to anyone other than Ulric and maybe it’s because a part of me is ashamed.
Ashamed I let this happen to our village.
Ashamed I left them to fend for themselves.
“Any and all supplies must be cataloged so we can ensure we’re not over using,” Evren says to Jarek, the two of them cramped together in the Jade Guilds small larder.
“I wish I could sketch this right now,” Tallulah says through a laugh. “Two giant men hunched over some flour and sugar.”
She laughs again when Evren grumbles something incoherent.
“I have to be going,” she says, a smile still on her lips. “I’ll be in the greenhouse, if you’d like to chat later.” She squeezes my arm before leaving, the bag of herbs on her hip swaying from side to side.
Leaving Jarek and Evren to topple over each other in the larder, I sit in the meeting room, feeling more useless than ever. My palms itch, the magick I know is stored beneath me begging to rise to the surface.
“In time,” I whisper to it. Not quite believing myself.
Lead sits on my shoulders and my mind races as I weave about the Jade Guild, thinking of all we must endure the next few days.
Weeks.
Months.
However long it takes to rebuild Loxley.
My home is gone.
The bustle has calmed, but the overflow of extra people inside the Guild is apparent. With the shortages of rooms and space, people are camped down every passage and corner.
I wander through the halls, stopping to say hello to all the familiar faces whenever I can. A few children have set up a game of dice on the stone floor. Their cheeks still ruddy from ash and soot, but they smile wide as they play round after round.
“Sam!” they call, their smiles beaming. “Come play with us!” My chest tightens. I kneel down and kiss each of their heads.
“Maybe in a little while.” Their smiles fade but only briefly before they start up a new game.
My stomach clenches as I make my way past a mother and her two children, napping on the ground, a bed of ivy under their heads like pillows.
Turning the corner, I peer into the greenhouse. Cots have been lined up inside so Tallulah can work on those most injured in her own space. I watch through the window as she chats with Agnes while tenderly treating an older woman who I quickly realize is Marian. Her white hair is stained gray from ash. Her hands are red and blistered, but when Tallulah brushes a strand of hair from her face, she smiles. As if Tallulah’s touch and presence alone has eased her pain.
I make round after round, stopping to chat with those who are not resting. With each recount of the Loxley fires, my guilt grows heavier and a pain forms behind my eyes.
I worry that the lead in my shoulders has become permanent as I sit with Thomas, one of Sorin’s right hand men from Loxley.
“It was a normal day, Sam.” He wipes his hands with a cloth, attempting to free them from the soot still stained from yesterday. It’s still smeared on his cheeks, across his lightly freckled nose. Even his light auburn hair has a coating of ash. “Goats and chickens had been fed. Wards had been checked. We were just about to begin preparations for the full moon when we first smelled the smoke.”
“Where did it start?” I readjust my position on the ground, crossing my legs.
Thomas tosses the cloth down before leaning against the stone wall.
I shouldn’t make him recall this so soon. Sorin would ? —
“It started at your house.” His eyes find mine. “By the time Ulric and I made it, the house was completely engulfed. We couldn’t save anything.”
My throat tightens further. I fold my hands together in my lap to conceal their shaking.
“Then,” Thomas continues, “that’s when we saw the arrows.”
“Arrows?”
He closes his eyes. “Arrows tipped in fire rained down from every direction, Sam.” His gaze meets mine again. His blue eyes, glassy with tears. “Dozens and dozens at a time. I’ve never seen anything like it. They burned your home first. Then hit every roof in the village. Every larder. The barns. The stables.” He shudders, pinching the bridge of his nose. “There's nothing left but stone and rubble, Sam. And my parents—” He shakes his head again.
The pain in my throat intensifies as I attempt to swallow past the lump forming there. “I’m so sorry, Thomas.”
He turns away, trying desperately to wipe his eyes unnoticed.
“Ulric told me you helped get people out. Helped get them here.” I grab his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I owe you everything.”
A tear slips down his cheek, but he brushes it away quickly. As if he hopes I wouldn’t see.
“Who could have done this?” His voice shakes as he presses the heel of his palm to his eyes. Thomas is close to Elora’s age, perhaps only twenty three, but I often forget given how mature he’s always held himself. Until right now, with the shake of his voice and the tears staining his cheeks. The loss of his home and parents settling into the faint creases of his face.
My heart constricts knowing the burden he’ll wear, thinking there was something more he could have done. He shouldn’t have been there to care for Loxley alone.
It should have been me.
“They knew right where the break in the wards were,” Thomas says. “They waltzed right in as if they had been there before.”
My stomach turns in on itself.
Not all those you trust are worthy.
“Get some rest, Thomas.” I brush a piece of his hair from his forehead and wait until he’s asleep to leave.
Before heading to bed, Evren called me for a meeting with Tallulah and Jarek. I sit silently, my eyes bouncing between the three others around me.
My home is gone and there is nothing I can do about it.
Anger pools in my stomach, sharp and acidic, begging for a release. Yet what use is it? It won’t bring Loxley back. It won’t change the fact that Sorin and I were not there when our people needed us most. In a way, I’m grateful for the rage. It takes up so much space, it hardly leaves room for anything else.
Especially sorrow. For that, I have no time. Not yet anyway. Not when so many around me have been through so much worse. I sigh, rubbing my fingers along my temples to soothe the ache. In every story told to me today, it all started the same.
They knew just where to get in.
“They can’t all stay here,” Evren says, snapping me from my haze. “We counted the rations and then we counted them again.” Evren sighs, glancing up at the ceiling.
“Evren.” Tallulah grabs his forearm but he shakes his head anyway.
“The amount of food it will take to feed everyone…” Evren rubs the heel of his palms over his eyes. I hadn’t considered what these last few days must be like for him. All of us invading his home. Threatening the peace he fought so hard for.
“The folk of Loxley are no strangers to working hard,” Jarek says. His hand finds mine under the table, giving it a squeeze, but it does nothing to stop the pain coursing through me, settling into each one of my veins.
“That won’t make the crops grow any better.” Evren lets out a long sigh. “Won’t make more provisions suddenly appear. More animals to hunt.” His weariness shows in his green eyes as he settles back in his chair. “We haven’t been unaffected by this blight. We barely grow enough to feed those who live here and as we head into the cold months…” He scratches at his bearded jaw.
“We can hunt,” I say. Tallulah and Evren glance at me. Jarek’s hand tightens around mine, so I tighten back. “We can garden. Sew. Forge. Heal.” Nerves flutter in my stomach as everyone’s attention remains locked on me. But I swallow the feeling down and do what I know Sorin would do.
Talk.
“The people of Loxley have made a life for themselves out of nothing. Do you think Agnes or my father had assistance when they fled Valebridge?”
Evren’s jaw tightens but his mouth remains shut.
“They built our village from the ground up,” I say. “Those who found them, the people you are now harboring, are some of the most loyal and hardworking people I have the privilege of knowing.”
Tallulah’s smile catches my eye, but it’s Evren’s frown that pushes me forward.
Make him understand, Sam.
“I’m not saying it will be easy and I can’t imagine the pressure you must feel with the blight.” I release Jarek’s hand, placing both of mine upon the table. “But we have just lost everything. ” Thomas’ face replays in my mind. His shattered voice and broken spirit fuel my confidence.
He lost his parents , for Mother’s-sake, I want to scream.
“Our livestock. Our larders. Our homes and even some of our people lay in rubble. At the end of the day, are we not fighting for the same justice? Against the king? We’ll pull our weight. We’ll ration whatever food we can. My people will be eternally grateful. I will be eternally grateful. And when this is all over, my brother will repay you tenfold. You can mark my words.”
Evren’s eyes shift to Tallulah’s. She nods, their words unspoken but seemingly understood.
“Spoken like a true leader.” Evren’s voice is so quiet I almost miss his words. My skin prickles. I am anything but a leader, I wish to say but bite my tongue instead. “But if the plan in Valebridge goes awry and King Roman finds out it is the Jade Guild who has harbored you?—”
“Then we will be ready.” Jarek stands. “You’re not alone in this fight.” He extends his hand to Evren who takes it. Then, to Tallulah. I do the same, wiping the sweat from my palms before grasping each of theirs.
“All right, then.” Evren pulls Tallulah into his side.
“We’re in this together, now,” she says, not knowing the impact that one little word has on us.
The smell of baked bread wafts through the halls as I pass by Eviey and Letty in the kitchen on my way back to mine and Jarek’s room. Flour is dusted on the counters and over their wrinkled hands.
“You are a menace,” Letty says, throwing her hands in the air.
“It’s only a bit of honey.” Eviey laughs. “A little extra sweet might do everyone some good around here.” Smiling at the familiarity of the forest witches and the baked bread, I leave them to it for the night.
The growing darkness is sprawled across our small room, and as I collapse onto the bed, the cry I held so tightly before breaks free.
The weight on the bed shifts and Jarek is there, his eyes trained on me.
“Hey.” I sit up, wiping my face with the sleeve of my shirt. “I didn’t know you’d be in here so soon.”
“You don’t have to hide,” he says, rolling to face me. “Sit with your tears, Sam.” I lay back down and roll onto my side so we’re face to face. He leans forward and kisses my wet cheeks but his body is rigid. His eyes finding focus just past me.
“Something ails you.” I trace a finger down the center of his nose. He closes his eyes, a sigh leaving his lips.
“After seeing everyone today, seeing how broken they are…” His eyes open, their piercing blue color bright even in the dim light. “I could only think of one thing. In each broken face, through each cry and wail, I could only see them. Cora and Helen and Ma.”
My heart freezes in time with my breathing.
“When this is all over, when it’s safe to finally cross the Holden Sea I have to go back, Sam. I have to go home.”
I worry my bottom lip, pressing my eyes shut so tightly little stars of white dance behind them. In the deepest corners of my mind, I knew this day would come. The day Jarek would travel home, back to his country.
Back to his family.
But leaving like this, when everything is so uncertain, I can’t imagine it.
“Say something.” His whispered words ghost my skin, leaving gooseflesh in their wake.
“What can I say?” I wipe a tear from my cheek.
Jarek’s brows pinch together. His hand finds mine, pulling me closer into him. “Your people need you here,” he whispers against my hair. A truth I’m desperately trying to avoid.
“It’s Sorin they need.” My defensive walls click into place, my body going stiff under his touch and words. I have never been the one that’s needed and the fight in my chest is ready to burst forth.
“No, Sam. Sorin will rule Teravie if all goes as planned, but the people of Loxley will look to you for guidance. They’ll need your strength to rebuild if that is what they choose.”
My body begins to tremble, so I slide away from him.
Jarek’s hands cup my face, scooting closer to me, closing the gap I just created. His forehead meets mine, and the part of me forged together by the two of us, snaps in half.
“Leaving without you by my side,” he whispers, “will change the rhythm of my heart, Sam. I think it’s forgotten how to beat on its own, without you. I won’t ask you to leave your people, not when they need you most.” The burning in my throat intensifies as Jarek looks me in the eye. “But I want to make it clear, this is the hardest decision I’ve ever made and it’s not one I take lightly.”
“Then don’t make this decision.”
Don’t leave me.
Pulling back, his hands slip from my face. “What would you do if you were me? If it were Agnes and Sorin?”
Anger ignites in my chest, blooming through my lungs and burning up my throat. Not at Jarek but at myself for not seeing sooner how he longs to be home. How could he not? He was stolen from his sisters and mother. Did I expect him to be complacent never knowing their fate? “I’ve been selfish for keeping you here.”
“You are anything but selfish, my queen.” He kisses my knuckles before sliding away from me. My head spins as he stands from the bed.
“What if I wanted to come with you? What if that was my choice?”
When he turns, his face tells me what we both already know. I could never leave the people of Loxley like this. Couldn’t fathom leaving Agnes in her current health or leaving Sorin to undertake all he’s about to on his own. The tightness in my throat eases against my will, making room for a sob to rise in its place.
Jarek returns to the bed and pulls me into him. “My love for you won’t cease just because there’s an ocean between us.” He kisses my forehead, then my lips. “We’ll find a way, Sam.” He kisses me deeper, his hands gripping my back so tight, my lungs strain under the pressure. “I promise we’ll find a way.”
I claw at his shirt, guiding him back onto the bed. His lips find mine, his hands roaming my body. Piece by piece, our clothes shed. His rough hands glide up my legs and then between them. My back arches into his touch, but when I close my eyes, all I see is him leaving.
Boarding a ship and sailing an ocean away.
I break apart our kiss and roll onto my side before he can see the tears as they slip from my eyes. He doesn’t question why I’ve stopped. Instead, he lays next to me, so I bury myself into his chest. His breathing grows heavy, and only when I know he’s truly asleep, do I allow the rest of my tears to shed.