Chapter 35
Thirty-Five
Sorin
“Tell me you’re okay.” I graze Elora’s back with my fingers but she curls tighter onto her side. Her hands are pressed firmly against her ears.
“Elora, look at me.” She doesn’t so I slide closer to her. “We don’t need to talk,” I whisper, “but I need you to remember that I’m here.” I peel her hand from her ear, leaving my fingers tangled in hers.
She pulls my hand tighter to her chest. “It’s all too much.” Her voice breaks at the end and there’s nothing I can say to ease her pain, so I don’t try. “The entire time I kept wondering to myself, what kind of person could leave my mother? She deserved so much more. And yet—” She buries her face into her pillow, muffling her words. “And yet I am selfish because all I can think about now is what a gift it is that he is here .”
I keep my arms wrapped around her and give a kiss to the back of her head. “You can wish for two things at once. You can wish your mother had better while also wishing to know your father. It doesn’t make either wrong and it certainly doesn’t make you selfish.”
Her breathing stutters, her fingers clawing at my arms so I settle in, committing to this spot for the rest of the night if I need to.
“You don’t have to stay,” she says but I shush her.
“I’d like to see you make me leave.” This earns the faintest of laughs and before long, we both drift off to sleep.
“We should have a party.” Letty and Eviey’s voices marry together as I join the others in the main room of the keep several hours later. It must be the middle of the night, given how dark the inside of the keep is, but by the sounds of Letty and Eviey, they have no plans to rest anytime soon.
Elora is still sound asleep, and while I plan to head right back to my spot by her side, the dryness of my throat forced me to wake.
The large, stone fireplace crackles at the center of the room, a few chairs scattered about it. I spot the kettle and pour myself a cup of tea.
“No parties,” Sam says, shaking her head. Jarek smiles widely, the bruising on his face a slight yellow now.
While the Loxlians and most members of the Jade Guild have been transported to Onyx, the few of us that remain fill a hole in my heart.
Agnes and Letty and Eviey. Sam and Jarek. Elora. If I squint my eyes hard enough, it almost feels like home.
“It’s the least we can do, Sam.” Jarek kisses her and it’s small, but she flinches. “You have your magick!”
Shite.
With so much going on and now the revelation about Calix and Elora, I haven’t even congratulated my sister. Her eyes find mine from across the room and I brace myself for the harsh look. But she surprises me, smiling instead.
“Dancing!” Letty shouts. She pulls Sam and Eviey to the center of the large, open room, spinning them in a circle. Eviey laughs as they spin, and for a moment, I’m transported back to the night of the full moon celebration.
Loxley.
Home.
My throat burns at the image, so I look at the flames.
“Something interesting in there?” Sam steps beside me, bumping me with her shoulder.
Shaking my head, I glance at her. She looks less tired. Her eyes are as bright as the fire before us and her skin glows under its warm light. “You broke away from your dance so soon?”
She rolls her eyes. “The twins want to have a party before we leave tomorrow evening. As if the brink of war is the time for celebration.”
“Of course it isn’t.” I close my eyes, listening to the twins and Jarek sing behind me. “But you are worth celebrating.”
She’s waited too long for this.
Much, much too long.
And as much as I’m dying to tell her everything Calix told me, I bite my tongue instead. She deserves this moment. She deserves everything.
“Very true.” She smiles at the flames. “Plus, once that one starts singing, you know he won’t stop.” Her finger is directed at Jarek, and as if hearing her, he begins singing louder than before.
“We steal from the rich, even more from the richer. You better watch out, or Sam’s arrow will get ya!”
My sister and I share a laugh and I didn’t realize just how much I needed that. How much I need her. “Tell me of your magick.”
She glances at me quickly, something warring in her eyes. “It’s late,” she says. “We can talk about it tomorrow.”
“I want to know now.” I cross my arms and shoot her a grin.
She sighs, looking down at the fire. “According to mum,” she says, “I’m a Spirtiwalker.” She turns to face me again. “I saw Father. I spoke with him.” My mouth drops open which makes Sam smile. “That’s exactly how I felt.” She laughs, but it’s quiet. Nervous.
“Let's have the party,” I say, my mind still in disbelief. “Tomorrow, a proper celebration before we leave.” I wrap my arm around her shoulder and despite the tension between us the last few weeks, she hugs me back.
“Can you see it, love?” I ask, pulling her back tighter to my chest. “Right there.” I point just past her shoulder.
A tiny yellow bird is perched on a low branch of a nearby pine.
She glances at me over her shoulder, a smile stretching across her face. “What is it?”
The bird sings, high chirps drifting through the woods. Its bright yellow and dark feathers are prominent in the otherwise gray and green surroundings.
“It’s beautiful.” She takes a step closer but raindrops hit heavily on the branch, causing the bird to fly away.
“A goldfinch.” I step forward and wrap my arms around her middle.“They’re meant to bring good fortune.” I kiss the side of her neck, savoring the jasmine scent of her hair.
“You believe that superstition?” she asks over her shoulder.
“Of course,” I say.
Her smile widens, a spark of light catching in her amber eyes. I’m not sure I really do believe in superstitions as such, but seeing the bright look on her face, I’ll go along with it. If it makes her look like that, I’ll be the most devout believer in Teravie.
The rain increases, soaking our hair and clothes. Laughing, I grab her hand as we sprint through the forest.
“Some good fortune!” she yells over the rising storm.
“I never said good weather !” My laughs are muddled through the rain and thunder. Dark clouds roll in, blocking any light from beyond the pines. A gall of wind splits between us, breaking our hands apart.
“Where are you!” she screams.
I stumble, tripping over an exposed root, losing sight of her. I try to straighten myself but I’m pulled down by another root. They encompass me, holding me tightly to the ground
“My love—” A vine snakes its way around my mouth, muffling my voice.
“Help me!” she screams again and again and no matter how hard I try, I can’t reach her.
The dream startles me awake, a cold sheen of sweat coating my forehead. Rolling onto my side, I watch Elora’s back rise and fall, the steady sound of her breathing relaxing the tension in my shoulders. I run a hand through my hair, gripping it at the roots. The dream, while not necessarily a nightmare, felt so real that I need something tangible to hold on to. It also isn’t the first time I’ve had it.
Me, Elora, and a rising storm. It always ends the same as well. Her needing me. Me unable to reach her.
Elora stretches next to me, so I roll closer to her. “Good morning,” I whisper against her hair.
The sun is still tucked away, only fragments of moonlight slipping through the small, round window.
“Is it morning?” She rolls over, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“I have no idea.”
“Have you slept?” she asks, threading her fingers through my hair.
I shrug, pushing her hair from her face. I don’t tell her that no, I’ve barely slept. Too many racing thoughts. Too many scenarios playing in my head for me to relax. Too many dreams that feel like memories.
“How about you? Did you sleep well?” She does the same, shrugging at my question instead of answering, but there’s a hopeful glint in her eye that settles my stomach. “Do you want to talk about Calix?”
“I don’t know what there is to say.” She looks away from me, chewing her bottom lip. “I suppose it doesn’t change much, does it?”
“Maybe it will,” I say.
She slides her hands from the back of my neck and places them on my chest instead.
“You get to decide what kind of relationship you want, and if you choose none, then that’s all it will be.”
She frowns, but nods.
“The twins want to have a party today.”
This makes her smile, which steadies the erratic rhythm of my heart. “For what exactly?”
“Sam,” I say. “But knowing them, they’d throw a party just to celebrate waking up.” I laugh, leaning forward to kiss her. The soft moan she lets out shoots through me, so I roll on top of her, bracing my elbows on either side of her face. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that sound.” I kiss her again, cupping her chin and holding her close to me.
Her teeth graze my bottom lip as she pulls away, but I pull her right back and kiss her deeper.
Then, the vision hits me again.
Elora and myself in the thick of a storm.
Three old women, their skin wrinkled and worn. Their eyes, glossy and white.
Elora breaks our kiss away, gasping as she does. Her eyes are blown wide, and when she parts from me, the memories stop.
“Kiss me again.” I grip her chin and she does as I say. She kisses me harder than before. tangling her fingers in my hair, raking her nails against my scalp and neck.
And just as I suspected, the dream comes rushing back.
Slicing our hands, our blood dripping into the mossy earth. Thunder claps loudly around us, and even though my grip is strong, Elora slips away from me until she is gone. Gone. Gone.
Our kissing grows frenzied, her hands are pulling at my hair, teeth grazing my bare shoulder and neck.
“Open your eyes,” I say, desperate to see her.
Elora’s eyes snap to mine.
“Please tell me I’m not the only one having these–”
“Visions? Dreams?” she says, still a bit breathless from our kiss.
“Yes.”
“I’ve been having them too,” she says. Her cheeks are flushed, her hair wild and untamed around her face. “In Valebridge, I had dreams of you that were so vivid, so real I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me.” She smiles, brushing a piece of hair from my forehead. “Which isn’t unusual, so I didn’t think anything of them.”
I roll off of her, giving her space to move onto her side to face me. “Tell me more about them.”
“It always starts the same?—”
“With a storm,” we say at the same time.
“Yes,” I say again, relief unclenching my shoulders. “You and me in the forest. The storm.”
“Don’t forget the bird,” Elora says through a smile.
“A goldfinch.”
“It’s almost as if we’re being shown pieces of our future. Moments not yet lived. Maybe it’s the fates giving us something to look forward to.” She curls into my chest, her body warm against mine.
My heart sinks when I realize our dreams must not share the same outcomes. I don’t tell her more details. How my dreams always end with us separating in one way or another. How she screams for me and I’m unable to reach her.
“It still feels foreign to say,” she says against my chest, “but I love you.”
I tilt her chin up so she’s looking at me. “I love you, too.”
Her lips are soft against mine, that little noise she makes heats up my entire body. I’ve hardly had time to think of the fates and how they’ve entangled mine and Elora’s lives together. After the memory I had in the Wicked Wood, our connection has only grown stronger. Deeper.
Elora sits up, propping herself on an elbow. “I need to say something.”
“Okay.”
She takes a large breath, closing her eyes for a moment. “When my mother died, I thought the only way to stay protected was to build a wall around myself. Strong enough to keep any and everything out. I thought I was content with that. Thought it was exactly what I deserved.”
“Elora…” I take her hand, but she shakes her head.
“Let me say this.” She tightens her fingers around mine. “I need to. I have learned, albeit the hard way, that there’s no point in keeping yourself so guarded. Even if life hurts, there’s so much to be celebrated. And all of these middle moments, small or large, I don’t want to take any of them for granted.”
“Am I part of your middle?” I smile, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“No,” she says. “You are the beginning, middle, and if I had my way, the very end. I know it hasn’t been long?—”
“You don’t have to do that.” I kiss her knuckles. “What we feel for each other doesn’t have to be based on a construct such as time. You and I love each other, and we don’t have to prove it to anyone.”
She lays back down, her head on my chest. Her fingers dance along my stomach, each line they make is followed by a familiar electric charge.
“I hate what happened to you,” I say. “I hate that it was someone I trusted that hurt you.”
Her fingers pause, her head tilting again so she can see my face.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she says.
“In every moment of your absence, one thought pressed forth more than all the rest.” She tilts her head to the side, and I have to take a large breath to settle the swirling nerves in my stomach. “When I’m king, I’ll need a queen.”
Pink flushes across her cheeks, her freckled nose crinkling slightly with her smile. “Are you asking me something, thief?”
I sit up, bringing her with me so she’s straddling my lap. “Begging, love.”
She parts her lips, making our kiss effortless and smooth.
“Marry me,” I say between kisses. Her lips turn up, smiling against my mouth. “The thought of you by my side, as my queen…” A shudder runs through me as another vision teeters on the edge of my mind.
She nuzzles her face into the side of my neck.
“There’s no other ending for me.”
“You want me to be your queen. Your wife?”
Heat blooms throughout my chest. All of the small moments we’ve spent together building to something greater. Every lightning filled touch. Every hurdle and heart ache. The memories of our mothers. The visions of our future. There’s nothing I’m surer of than this.
“I want you to be my wife,” I say. “But more than anything, I just want to be your husband.”
She pulls back, a wide grin splitting across her face. “Of course I’ll marry you.”