Chapter 8 #3
In any case, she was often busy shopping for new clothes with Mrs. Reynolds.
Even so, when she was at the cottage, he made excuses about why he could not be with her, disallowing any time they could spend talking.
They almost never walked out together, and their once precious discussions during that time ceased.
With those choices, he had most assuredly closed her off, had he not?
The uncertainty about his decision to make Elizabeth his wife resulted in many sleepless nights for Darcy.
He cared about her, but questioned whether she truly wished to marry him—or was he simply someone for whom she felt sorry?
If he got too close to her, she might sense his doubts.
Wishing to believe she looked at him with love in her twinkling eyes did not keep him from thinking that look was pity, not affection.
While Elizabeth was busy in Lambton, Darcy took long walks on his own to think.
What was the best way to proceed? Although he did not wish to hurt Elizabeth in any way, his misgivings grew more every day.
How could he ever be worthy of her? Even though he had always been kind to his tenants and servants, his pride often offended people.
Darcy had been raised with good values yet left on his own to determine how to apply them—and had not always applied them well.
* * *
The shopping continued and, within a week, several new garments hung in Elizabeth’s dressing room at the Rose and Crown. They were so beautiful! As the carriage awaited her outside the inn, she was excited to show her betrothed one of her new gowns.
Until Mrs. Reynolds had spoken to her about it, she had not given any thought to the idea that Mr. Darcy had seen her in the same old gowns for months now.
That was what came from being the most poorly dressed of her sisters!
Her mother had never felt it necessary to spend money on her, the daughter who would never marry. Thank goodness all that had changed!
* * *
When Elizabeth entered the drawing room, Mr. Darcy was speaking to the housekeeper.
Mrs. Reynolds turned to Elizabeth. “Miss Bennet, your new gown is just lovely, and that is such a pretty colour on you.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” She turned towards her betrothed, providing him an opportunity to add another compliment. He said nothing. “Mr. Darcy?”
He looked at her and gave a quick bob of his head. “Excuse me. I am late for a meeting with Bethel.”
Her heart hurt. Why had he treated her in that manner?
He had left her standing there and walked out the door.
Mrs. Reynolds silently departed while Elizabeth was frozen in place by his blatant dismissal.
Why had he behaved that way? He had barely acknowledged that she was in the room.
Was his heart also damaged by the fire and now unable to care for another?
She must rethink her future with him. They should end their relationship before the wedding—she cared enough about him not to condemn him to an unhappy marriage.
Not many people were aware of their agreement, and if he wished to end the engagement, she could leave the scandal behind her in Derbyshire and return to London with no one the wiser.
Over the following days, Elizabeth grew more and more dejected about the changes in Mr. Darcy’s behaviour.
He had never been demonstratively affectionate, but prior to the proposal, at least they had spent hours together and had interesting conversations.
Now he rarely spoke to her. When she asked him a question, he was often wool-gathering and not listening to her.
She could not fathom why he had changed.
If their hands accidently brushed against each other, they both pulled away.
It was not that she withdrew because she was repulsed by his touch or even because a shiver of desire ran through her for the man she loved.
But sadly, he did not love her back, instead, her extraction of her hand was because the situation was awkward.
When they did walk together, he kept his hands clasped behind his back and hers were folded in front of her.
It hurt that he did not want to touch her, and she was at odds with her own fear of touching him.
It seemed to Elizabeth that they both had become adept at hiding their disappointment from each other.
Was Mr. Darcy’s behaviour the result of him having enough time to realize the disparity in their social standing?
Their engagement would soon be over—it must be if this was the way they behaved towards each other!
When the carriage arrived at the Rose and Crown the following morning, she asked Perkins, her maid, to hand the driver a note informing Mr. Darcy that Elizabeth was indisposed.
* * *
When the carriage returned the following day without Elizabeth, Darcy was certain she had a change of heart.
Why would anyone tie themselves to a scarred, moody man unable to truly love her as she deserved to be loved?
After three days of not seeing her, he sent a note with the driver in the event Elizabeth did not return in the carriage.
Elizabeth,
Pray, resume your visits; we have missed your presence at the cottage. I hope to see you soon.
Fitzwilliam
* * *