Chapter 4
Chapter
Four
-LIL-
Azmeer was barren outside its walls, and parts of Eldara that I had visited had been vast, but this was different.
Thick air pressed down on us, as if the pain from memories, or fears of things yet to pass, created a pressure, forcing us closer to the earth.
The sky shimmered with colors, waves crashing across the stars.
I studied the constellations as we made our way through what I assumed had to be a different…realm? Could shadow-stepping go beyond realms?
Closing my eyes, I willed my mental barrier into position. The barricade in which all my negative thoughts and feelings would have to either break down or find a way through. The space in my mind that was free from it all, free from them, and often, free of myself.
“Where do you think they’ve gone?” I said in a voice that I barely recognized.
Dainan strode, hands in his pockets, perhaps in an attempt to hide the fists I knew were clenched.
“Whom are you referring to?” He quirked up one of his eyebrows. My heart raced at the sight of it. An action so minute, so small, but mirrored by his brother.
Snap out of it.
I gestured towards the sky. “They’re all gone. The constellations, well, not all of the constellations. Where do you think they’ve gone?”
Dainan’s expression was pensive. Of the three brothers, Dainan had always been the last to speak, ensuring he said what he meant. It had been a few years since I had spent this much time with him.
“I’m not sure where we’ve found ourselves.” He let out an exasperated sigh. One that told me he was already tired of speaking, despite the fact that he’d barely said more than a few words to me in the last hour? Hours? Definitely hours.
“I think that much is obvious,” I scoffed before regretting my words. “Sorry. I often speak without thinking. My gift, or curse, as my mother would say.”
“Learn to be silent, Lilianna. What male will tolerate you like this?”
The low chuckle that came from Dainan forced me to stop.
“Did you just laugh?” A smile broke out on my otherwise tired face. I met the Luchien brothers when I was a child—and I had never heard Dainan laugh. Alvar, yes, he laughed regularly. Rai, often at his own jokes. Dainan, not once.
Correcting himself, as if he remembered the image he was meant to project, Dainan straightened, “I have no idea what you’re referring to.” He winked and continued walking down the endless path.
“Well, I’ll be damned, Lord Dark One. I didn’t know you were capable of laughing.” I caught up to him. “Wasn’t sure you had it in you. I’ve only known you for… oh, I don’t know, at least two decades.”
“A blink in the grand scheme of everything,” he quipped.
To a man who was several hundred years old, I was sure that was true. “Are you equating me and my life to that of a gnat?” A gust of wind brushed against my bare arms. It was cooler here than Azmeer.
Seconds later, warmth spread through me as Dainan wrapped his jacket around me.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
Another first.
“I should have realized earlier that you would be cool. I’m used to running warm and forget about it sometimes. Suits are also not something I often think of. There are too many pieces.”
“Suits have three pieces in them.” I mused.
“It’s too many. They’re too constrictive. How are you supposed to properly move in one of those things?”
I almost tripped over my feet as I laughed. “A prince complaining about his formal attire—what a privileged life you lead.” I rubbed my arms, attempting to bring warmth back into them.
“You’re a court member now. You’ll run cooler than you used to—as a Court of Reflection member. I know little of the other courts; none of us know much of what the other courts offer, but I do know that you’ll be cooler than you once were.”
“Huh,” I muttered as I pulled the jacket tighter around myself.
It had been such a whirlwind that I hadn’t taken time to think about what my becoming a court member had meant.
What magic that might yield. Dainan’s magic didn’t work here, magic that was linked to his court. If my magic came in, would mine?
A group of chameleons ran across the road, out into the desert. One stopped to stare at us, a look of recognition somehow lingering on its face before it ran off into the distance.
“Strange place,” I whispered.
Dainan nodded in agreement, pulling the tie from his collar, placing it in one of his pockets. “If there is a need for formality, I will worry about it later.”
The wind howled, and chameleons changed their colors in front of us, begging us to forget they were there—something I had done these past few months.
I had been a ghost in the Court of Reflection—doing my best to stay hidden, away from Thalius’s watchful eyes.
And then, under Rai’s. I had begged for the gift of invisibility.
Not that I had ever heard of a court member being bestowed such a gift, not from any of the courts.
But it would have afforded me a chance to escape.
To take Brida and Kadian with me, away from Azmeer.
Away from the confines of expectation, forced unions, the promise of magic.
“Even though I know they’re nothing alike, this place reminds me of when I arrived in Azmeer for the Courting,” I said to an ever-pensive Dainan, who had returned to his formidable self.
“This is when you ask me, ‘Oh, and why is that, Lil? Please do tell me. I would love to have a conversation with you, as it is better than the infinite silence of this place.’” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small smile playing on his lips.
“Please do tell me, Lil. I’m not sure I could carry on without knowing this riveting tale.”
My smile beamed. “Why, Dainan. I’m so glad you asked. But it is too personal of a story to share.” I brushed my hair over my shoulder and sauntered onwards.
“Is that so?”
I laughed, a genuine, actual laugh. I wasn’t sure I knew how to do that anymore.
Maybe I am still in here. The last person to have made me laugh was Kadian. He had me laughing from the moment we met. I hoped there would be more laughter to come.
Stopping, I waited for Dainan to meet me by my side. We fell into sync with one another, a matched melody, one scruffy step at a time.
“I was so excited when I received my letter for Azmeer. Well, excited and terrified. It was my chance to free myself of everything I had known, everything that was expected of me.
My life had few questions. Never had I wondered where I would end up.
Would I even be selected by a court?” The expectations had been set.
Both my parents were members of the Court of Reflection, even though based on what I knew, Mom was cunning enough to have been in the Court of Whispers and fiery enough for the Court of Shadows.
“I was up at dawn, itching to leave. My parents insisted on coming with me, for whatever reason.”
“I’m not sure I’ve met your father,” Dainan said.
“You’re not missing much.”
“Posture, Lilianna. Always be presentable.”
“You’re smiling too much—the prince expects an amiable woman, not a demonstrative one.”
“Remain silent.”
“When I got into line, I started speaking to a girl in front of me, after she fell flat on her face. I’m not sure what she tripped on, I didn’t see anything there, and I looked.
” I chuckled at the memory of Brida—in the clothes that so clearly represented Escalia.
A working town—nothing fancy. Just practicality.
She came prepared as best she was able. A human with a ticket in her pocket. A chance at a better life.
A stronger gust of cool air whooshed past us as dust in the distance danced in the sky.
“We arrived in Azmeer within minutes of each other, and made our way along the path to the palace. The terrain, the odd plant, the anticipation in the air, the mystery. It reminds me of this.” I looked out onto the similarly blank horizon, taking a deep breath. All I could smell was wolfberry jam.
How strange.
“Would you care to share a story now? I hate silence, Dainan.” I sighed, rubbing my hands over my arms.
“I’ve noticed,” he tilted his gaze down towards mine. “I’ve never been loquacious. I wouldn’t say it’s one of my strengths.”
“Yes, I’d pin you more for dark and broody.” I slapped my hands over my mouth and stopped walking. “Shit. I’m sorry.”
“It’s been a long day.” Dainan gestured us forward with his arm, wanting to move this along. We were trapped in this realm, and on top of that, he was trapped here with me.
You could just be quiet, listen to what’s happening around you…
Wall. In place. Now.
To my surprise and pure delight, Dainan asked a question. “What drew you to Brida? When she fell. You could have just left her there. Most would have.” He said it as a fact. Like he too had been brought into her inner circle and knew of how she’d been treated before her arrival in Azmeer.
I placed my hands into the overly large pockets, looking for something to grab onto, but they were empty. “I never said it was Brida, Dainan.”
“You didn’t have to.” He smiled, one that was tinged with heartbreak. A silent plea.
What bond do the two of you share? Perhaps they were two people who were thrust into a life they hadn’t expected. A human in the world of the Fae, and a reluctant prince.
“She looked so innocent. A child with their hand in a jar of something that was meant to be out of reach. I thought Azmeer would eat her alive. I wanted her to have a fighting chance.” Brida had looked lonely in a way that spoke to my soul. It was a kindred connection.
“She looked for you. Every day you were gone.” He sighed. “She never stops fighting for those she cares about. She never has.”
I removed my right hand from my pocket and moved it in the ways I saw Dainan had earlier.
Perhaps something would happen. I thought of my friends, those we’d left behind, the ones that had been taken, and tried to tap into that part of myself, the place deep within me that should have yielded change, but I didn’t feel any different—no magic coursed through me. No mist, no water, nothing.
“We’ll get back to her.” I inched closer to him, giving him a slight nudge in his side. Gods, this is pathetic. How do I befriend this man? My brother-in-law?
Silence settled over us, but my mind didn’t cease whirling.
I had a purpose. If the Seers were in this place, they would hold the answers.
The ones that would lead us back to Brida, to Kadian.
The ones that would free me from Rai and Thalius forever.
I tried to steady myself. Focusing on the pace of our walk, the tap of my feet against the dirt.
Creating the melody in my head, grasping, reaching for anything.
Where are you, Brida? Kadian, are you okay? The pull in my chest grew taut, more rigid with the silence.
I sighed, the air fleeing my lungs as I lamented the past several months.
Feeling dead in my own skin. As if my flesh had been made from parchment, it had grown so thin, so fragile.
I’d forgotten what it was to experience love, light, tender moments.
I had been stuck on a dance floor, lulled in by the music, the steps increasing in their tempo and speed.
Being forced to match the pace, never falling out of line, knowing every expected movement.
But now I’d let go, and I’d fallen into a new rhythm.
A new world. One which I didn’t belong to, but had I belonged to the one from which I’d fallen?
“Per your earlier question”—Dainan’s voice broke me from my spiral, to which I was grateful— “I don’t know why our constellations are not visible here, but it may be due to the sky telling a story of its own.”
We tilted our heads back to watch a cascading flash of purple beam across the sky.
Images replaced the color that had been dancing along the night sky.
Faces of people we didn’t know, there for an instant, followed by a bright light.
Unlike reflections in water that rippled with the casting of stones, these images were solid before they were washed away.
“Not sure how I would feel about my face being plastered over the sky,” Dainan murmured as we gazed upward.
“Are you fishing for compliments about it being a beautiful face, Lord Ego?”
“I don’t need to fish for what I know to be true.” His tone was dry, and his words begged for retort, but my vision was waning, each step dragging more than the previous.
“Is there is somewhere we can stop for a while?” My voice was drier than the cracked desert floor beneath our feet. “I just need…”
“Come,” Dainan ushered me forward. Fatigue crashed over me like a wave.
They aren’t here. They can’t touch me.
“Would you…” Dainan paused in front of some rocks he’d found up ahead.
“I’m going to need you to finish that sentence, as I’m not a seer.”
Lines deepened between Dainan’s eyes, determining if this was worthy of a fight. “Would you like me to carry you?”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of his question. “While I appreciate the chivalry, I think I just need to sit for a while.”
Dainan nodded, stepping aside, moving chameleons from the rocks while I sat, removing the slippers I’d been wearing from my feet.
“I just need a few minutes to recoup. Then we can continue.” I closed my eyes, rock jutting into my back.
Warmth radiated from Dainan as he took a seat next to me.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “I just need a…”
After months of dodging one another, fearing what would happen under the cover of night, in the lingering darkness, sleep claimed me.