Chapter 31
Chapter
Iwoke when the sun was still high. The older servant sat in an armchair, calmly working her crochet as if time itself had no claim on her. I was in a nightgown. I did not remember anyone changing my clothes.
“How long did I sleep?” I asked in a hoarse voice.
“Oh, my Lady wakes at last,” she said gladly, setting her work aside. “I began to fear for you. You slept all day and all night.”
I pushed myself up to sit on the bed. I felt dull and heavy, yet, strangely, rested. For the first time in weeks. As if a great weight had slipped from my shoulders.
“I am hungry,” I said as I rose from the bed.
“I shall send for food at once,” she answered, and hurried from the chamber with an energy I certainly did not share.
I turned to the window. The valley lay wrapped in a pale mist, and the sunlight gleamed on the silvered rock.
High above the trees, eagles circled on the rising currents of air.
Their wings cut through the sky like sharp blades.
Their cries echoed off the stone walls of Durminas.
They were like sentinel guardians looking after their lands.
I watched the view from the very edge of the room.
I had no courage to step out upon the balcony, the abyss below still set cold shivers running down my spine.
After a little while someone knocked upon the door.
“Enter,” I said, without turning from the window.
Aidenar stepped inside with a wicker basket in his hands.
“I am glad you are awake,” he said, setting the basket upon the table. “Forgive me that you had to endure that. Mina told me there was no other way.”
“Gentleness is not her strongest virtue,” I sighed.
“That is true,” he answered with a faint smile. “How do you feel?”
“Strangely better. As though something had been lifted from me. A stone. The dreams grow dim.”
Aidenar drew out fruit, bread, and several cheeses from the basket, then sat in the armchair opposite, taking a bite from an apple.
“Will you sit there and stare at me while I eat?” I asked in mock indignation.
“I prefer to make certain you regain your strength,” he replied calmly. “Don’t you want to go out onto the balcony?”
“The view from here is good enough” I allowed myself a small smile.
He smiled back, his old, mischievous smile, one I hadn’t seen in a long time.
“You’re afraid of heights,” he said with amusement.
“None of your business,” I snapped, looking away.
Aidenar rose, laid the apple aside, and came toward me.
“Stay away,” I warned, taking a step back.
“The all-powerful Nerissa Veymaris, Lady of Waters and Seas, trembles to step upon a balcony,” he said with feigned solemnity.
“Shut up,” I was already standing at the edge, clinging to the stone wall. Before I could do anything, he stepped out onto the balcony and stood on the stone railing. The chasm yawned beneath.
“Aidenar, please, come down!” My voice broke.
“Are you worried about me?” He asked, looking down as if it were just a small cliff. “That I’ll fall?”
“If you fall, I shall be left alone here with Mina.”
“Then drag me down.” He laughed.
“No way. I’d rather let you fall than step out there to get you. I will lay flowers on your grave.”
He began to laugh, truly laugh, loud and unguarded, with a boyish carelessness I had longed to hear from him again. Then he turned his back to the abyss, stretching his arms out to either side. I covered my eyes with my hands.
A moment later I felt him beside me. He gently took my hands and drew them away from my face.
“It is good to know you are not always so hard and ruthless,” he murmured.
He lifted my arms and wrapped them around his neck.
I felt the tension in his nape, the heat radiating from his skin.
His hands rested on my waist. He stepped closer, until my back met the chill of the stone wall.
He leaned in, his nose brushing my temple, then my cheek.
My breathing quickened, my heart started pounding.
And then the door burst open.
“By the Four Gods,” the servant said. “My Lady, my Lord, forgive me. I only wished to see if the food had come.”
Aidenar did not even flinch. He did not look at her, did not draw back so much as a finger’s width. He stood as he was, as though the world beyond the two of us had fallen away.
The handmaid froze upon the threshold, then quietly turned and slipped out, pretending she had seen nothing at all.
“You could have at least pretended to be embarrassed,” I whispered once she had gone.
“Embarrassed of what?” he raised a brow. “That I desire you.”
Heat flared in my face. He watched me in utter seriousness, no trace of jokes in his eyes.
“I will wait. Until you are ready,” he said, more softly, his voice lower, roughened at the edges. “But I do not promise what will happen when you let me in. I want you, Nerissa. All of you. When you let me in, I will take every inch of you.”
I swallowed and slipped away from him and the wall, pretending nothing had taken place. I did all in my power to turn my thoughts back to breakfast, rather than to the young Cavareth who just set my blood aflame. He just grinned like a cat that allowed his toy to run away.
“You have another meeting with Mina today,” he reminded me.
“And I must see to the matters of the mines. I must admit, your ships handle the deliveries with remarkable swiftness. I think this will be a long-term partnership.” He stepped to the table, took up the apple, and went to the door. “Until later, Veymaris.”
I dressed in leather trousers and a white open-necked shirt and went to meet Mina.
I had no wish to go there again. All I could recall was the pain of the previous session, yet I knew I needed her.
I entered her study, but she was not there.
She called to me from deeper within the chambers. I followed her voice into another room.
There were wide windows in the wall, but they faced the mountain, and water slowly trickled down the rocks. The stone formations looked like great shining mushrooms, growing one atop the other. It was a kind of natural fountain. Two chairs stood by the inward window, set opposite each other.
“It is beautiful,” I said, my eyes still on the water.
“I am glad it pleases you,” Minerva answered with a gentleness I had not expected from her.
“I thought you might feel safer by the water. Today there should be less pain. Or at least not the same kind as before. We will try something new. I will attempt to draw your memories out, and you must stop me”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“Turn to the water, but only in your thoughts.” She paused for a heartbeat. “I would prefer not to have my chambers flooded.”
“And if I fail?”
“Then we pause, and try again.”
I closed my eyes.
I heard the roar of waves. I stood upon the cliffs near Thalrock in the heart of a storm. I raised my hands toward the heavens, and Minerva stood beside me like a shadow. The sea was me, and I was the sea. Upon the waves the last ship struggled to reach the harbor.
“Please, stop,” I said, opening my eyes.
“Once more,” she replied gently. “You cannot be such an open book. When you feel another presence, you have to shut it out. Stop it. During your nightmares, were you able to flee?”
“At times. Toward the end, less and less.”
“How did you do it?”
“I sank into the water. I drowned.”
“Good. Perfect. Then let us drown,” Mina smiled madly.
I closed my eyes again.
A cliff in a storm. The rain was falling harder.
I was already on my knees. There was no ship.
Just me in the rain. I hesitated. I stood up and jumped off the cliff, falling into the foam of waves.
But beneath the water, it was quiet and peaceful.
I floated in the darkness that enveloped me.
I was alone. Minerva was no longer with me.
I opened my eyes.
“Good,” Minerva said. “Very good. A new memory.”
I closed my eyes once more.
This time I saw my chambers in Thalrock. I wanted to forget that day. I was not ready. I did not want this. Rickson’s hands on me. Then his cruelty.
“Please, can we not…” I whispered, lowering my head.
“I take no pleasure in this,” she answered softly. “But you must learn to stop it. This remains between us. There is no other way to train it. But we may end here for today. We will just prepare you more for the night.”
She rose, walked around the chair, and stood behind me. I felt her hands upon my face. I knew what was coming. I gripped the arms of the chair, my nails biting into the wood.
The dark haired man in my mind screamed with all his strength, however his voice was distant. Farther and farther away. I heard the laughter of his sister. I felt as if someone were tearing out my hair by the roots.
Then the pain broke. I sat in the chair, swaying. I touched my nose and saw blood on my fingers.
“It happens,” Minerva said calmly. “It has been a long time since I last worked so deep. Hot tea will mend it. You may go.”
I could not rise. I felt bruised and hollow.
“How shall I defeat them,” I asked in a low voice, “if I cannot even defend myself here.”
“Oh, my dear,” she smiled under her breath. “You may not realize it, but there are very few people in the entire Dominium who could turn your mind to scrambled eggs. And lucky for you, I’m one of them. You’re doing well, better than Aidenar.”
“Aidenar went through this as well.”
“Of a sort. I didn’t have to cleanse him of the Plague. But before I sent him to White City, I taught him how to guard his thoughts. Sofia went through the same.”
“What is the nature of your power? Is it still air?”
“Not all things are simply black and white. Your gifts are strong and obvious” She smiled faintly. “Does your mother possess a gift?”
“It is hard to say. She has visions, she senses things.”
“In my case it is somewhat alike. From childhood I learned to slip into the minds of others. I give you my word, when we are finished, you will know how to guard your dreams. And even more.”
I nodded, and when strength returned to my legs, I left her chambers.
Evening drew near. I put on a blue gown, fastened the diamond Elementar at my neck, and went to the great hall. A dozen or so folk were gathered there, Minerva, several nobles, a few stewards. Aidenar spoke with someone, but when he saw me he came at once.
“You look beautiful. I’ve missed you in the gowns,” he said with a smile. “Come.”
He offered his arm, and I laid my hand upon it. The gesture did not escape the notice of the guests. We walked over to the Minerva. He sat down in the lord’s chair and seated me down next to him. I felt a dozen gazes upon my skin, Tristan raised his brows.
“Don’t make a scene,” Minerva said dryly. “Have you never seen two young people before? This is not White City, where you must stare and pry. Sit down, everyone, I’m not waiting for you.”
All obeyed her at once. Tristan sat next to me, staring at me with interest. Aidenar gave my hand a light squeeze beneath the table and smiled at me.
I had no strength left for talking with anyone.
After Minerva’s training I was utterly exhausted.
Nobles talked about various things. About the coming winter and the palladium mines.
About the south and the savages who were increasingly attacking the Dominium borders.
Dricus came back to my mind. The voices slowly faded, and my thoughts drifted away.
That night, I fell asleep immediately. And for the first time in a long time, I dreamed of nothing. Only peace and quiet.