Chapter 32
Chapter
Each new session with Minerva, and each new night that passed, helped me drive those cursed memories away.
The image of the dark haired man grew ever fainter, as if at last it were smudging, dissolving, fading from my mind.
I felt the poison that had tainted my thoughts for so many months slowly leaving my body.
I did not know how much of it was Minerva’s doing, and how much belonged to Durminas itself.
The fortress looked cold and austere from the outside, but inside it was pulsing with life.
It was different here. I felt more myself than I had ever felt in White City.
Less burdened, less hunted. As if with each day I could truly breathe again.
Even the fashion of this place began to please me.
The day dresses the servants brought to my chamber were light and easy, they did not bind my limbs.
Slits at the sides let me walk freely, but they still looked stately.
They were mostly gray, the color of the family, with silver and golden accents.
One of the maids even pinned my hair in the style of Durminas, drawing the front locks back and fastening them with a palladium clasp.
I looked different. I felt different.
That morning I had only a single session with Minerva.
I saw Kael and Brenn practising with local knights at the yard.
I was thinking about joining but being tortured by Minerva was enough training for me.
Aidenar was nowhere to be found. He went to the nearby villages and mines to see the state of things.
Durminas rested upon his shoulders now, and it showed.
As I walked along one of the long corridors, I saw Tristan. He stood lounging against a column, as if he had been waiting for me, watching me with that all too easy, all too confident gaze of his.
I had thought Aidenar’s eyes were those of a woman hunter, but Tristan was even worse. Dressed with care, he looked at me without the slightest shame.
“Aidenar was forced to ride out,” he said in a soft voice, as if it were an excuse. “Allow me to keep you company.”
I did not know what to say. I inclined my head a little, and we began to walk side by side through the passageways of Durminas.
In truth, I did not trust him. I had never liked such men. Too sure of themselves, convinced the world lay in their hands and that every woman must fall at their feet.
Aidenar had been the same. Then why did I fall for him? Because he was different with me? Because he had changed? Had he?
Tristan led me slowly through the fortress, breaking the uneasy silence with tales of the stronghold. After a time he turned to other matters.
“It’s interesting,” he began mildly. “During my absence Aidenar and I wrote to one another often. I kept him informed about all that happened here, and he told me of White City. But not once did he mention you. Not a single word.”
He saw the flicker of confusion on my face.
“I wouldn’t see that as a bad thing,” he went on. “Rather the contrary. Aidenar would usually write of his conquests, and of the secrets he had gathered. But nothing about a long-legged, red-haired beauty who had turned his head.”
My annoyance grew with every word. What in all the gods was he aiming at?
“Secrets?” The word pricked my ears.
“How shall I put it,” he said. “Girls talk. More than one thinks. Aidenar was very good at listening.”
I blinked. Everything clicked into place like tumblers in a lock. The endless parade of noble daughters. The careless rake everyone believed him to be. He had been playing his own game.
A sour taste filled my mouth. Had I been merely another source? Another conquest that yielded useful information?
We were crossing the courtyard near the well, and the water felt my anger. I had no time to control it. The water leapt from the well in a sudden burst, rising several feet into the air.
People in the courtyard sprang back.
In White City all were long accustomed to strange things.
Here, everyone went still. It had been long since I last called upon my element, and the longer I stayed from it, the harder it became to control.
I had to vent my force, and since the rat attack I had had no such chance.
I knew using my power would make it easier to control my mind.
Tristan halted and looked at me with that cursed curiosity of his.
“Fascinating,” he said, his blue eyes fixed upon me.
I only wished to move away and draw less attention. I turned on my heel and walked faster, longing for an end to this wretched talk. Tristan followed with easy steps, unhurried, but always at my side.
“Forgive me,” he said in a gentle tone. “I didn’t mean to irritate you.
It is only that… a lot of people want to take advantage of Aidenar.
I have never trusted Velena and her Family.
Most women want something from him, power, position, wealth.
I have always stood by his side and guarded his back.
The first time I leave him for a handful of weeks and he brings home a girl no one has ever heard of. ”
I laughed, and the sound rang harsh against the stones.
“You think I am using him?! Why do people of White City always measure others by themselves,” I added, more to myself. “I want nothing from you. He was the one who came to me for help.”
My temper had nearly reached its limits. Tristan saw that he had pressed too hard. He softened his voice, as if to soothe me.
“Perhaps I fear you will break his heart.”
I laughed even louder.
“His heart cannot be broken. It was forged in countless affairs in White City.”
Tristan gave a short laugh of his own and looked off into the distance, as if remembering something, though he said nothing.
After a pause I added, “What is it you want of me, Tristan?”
“To know you better.”
I rolled my eyes.
“For today I have had enough of that. Minerva’s sessions take their toll. I am tired.”
“I shall see you safely back.”
There was no sense in protesting. We climbed the stairs that led higher toward the living quarters. On the way we came to a narrow bridge that joined two wings of the fortress, hung high above the main courtyard.
My fingers trembled.
I hated heights.
Tristan noticed that at once and offered his arm.
“Easy. It’s just a few steps.”
I didn’t wish to touch him, but I didn’t wish to faint and fall either. I took his arm, and we crossed with care. When we reached the door of my chambers, I saw Aidenar.
He stood with some guards, speaking in low tones. He turned, saw us, and his gaze turned to ice. Exactly as he saw me with my hand upon Tristan’s arm.
“I was only escorting Nerissa,” Tristan said, all false innocence.
“I see,” Aidenar answered, his voice cool. “Meet me in the office later. We have matters to deal with.”
Tristan only inclined his head and slipped away like a shadow.
Aidenar came up to me, little irritated.
“I managed to return earlier than planned,” he said, trying for an ordinary tone. “I thought we might eat together before I return to my work. Unless you are… occupied.”
I shot him a fierce look.
“Don’t be spiteful. I would gladly eat with you.”
We entered my chamber together. A small table had already been set for the two of us. Aidenar settled himself with his usual ease, unfastened one button of his shirt so that I glimpsed the line of his chest, leaned back, and watched me for a long moment.
“You look different,” he said at last. “That dress is from here?”
“Yes. The maids brought it.”
“It suits you,” he paused. “You suit here.”
I rolled my eyes. Aidenar also looked different here, less lavish, more rough. But I could not hold myself back from the subject Tristan had opened.
“Tristan showed me around the fortress.”
“I saw,” Aidenar said, his jaw tightening.
“He also spoke of your amorous adventures in White City. And kindly enlightened me on how well you gathered information. I had heard of strategies founded upon bedchamber conquests. But not usually on the part of men.”
Aidenar shut his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose between two fingers, as he always did when something irritated him.
“I will kill him,” he muttered, more to himself than to me.
“Was I another noble girl with valuable information?” I asked, folding my arms and pretending to be offended. I watched with dark satisfaction as his face grew ever darker.
“I will rip his fucking blond head off,” he growled, staring off into the distance.
“Is there anything else you’d like to share?” I asked sweetly, sitting down and meeting his gaze head on.
He looked at me in earnest.
“Neri,” he said softly, and I loved the way he spoke my name like that when we were alone. “I just wanted to spend some quality time with you. Yet it seems that after we are done eating, I must strangle my brother.”
I laughed. Torturing him with his past was my new guilty pleasure.
“Do not exaggerate. I knew well enough what you are.”
“What I was.” he corrected me, his tone hard and cold. “Not anymore.”
I fell silent and studied him.
“And afterward,” I asked at last. “When… if all of this is done. Will you go back to the capital?”
I had never thought of it before. We had lived in the present moment. How would our lives look when the Plague was gone, if the danger truly passed. He looked at me so gravely I almost wished to draw back.
“I will not go back there. My mother can live there. Tristan may go as he pleases. It is not my place. It has never been. I see it more clearly now than ever.”
I was stunned. When I had seen him in White City I had thought he was made for that life. Perhaps returning home had woken something in him. I didn’t wish to press him further. I was not certain I was ready for the questions that would follow.