Chapter 20
Jordan
When Alex slammed the door to his bedroom, Jordan was on his phone. He texted, “Alex’s house 911 PTSD,” and then he had to do all that he could to calm Shadow down. Shadow was a robust dog, and his training took over—he wanted to be with his person when they were going through an episode. Jordan took every bit of energy to calm the dog so he would not reopen his stitches. He got him back into the kennel and spoke calmly to him. In his bedroom, Alex shouted. Jordan didn’t know how to handle this situation—he hoped that Linda would.
After ten minutes, he called her. She was already in the car and on her way over. He cried on the phone. He told her everything from when they returned to Alex’s house. About the dream, Shadow, and the horror Alex felt responsible for Shadow’s injuries. She cried on the phone alongside Jordan on the drive over. She arrived minutes into their conversation, and Jordan let her in.
“Should I leave?” he asked, in utter defeat and fear.
“No, honey, you stay out here in case I need you. Is Shadow okay?”
Jordan looked over at the dog. He was still anxious but remained in his kennel. “Yeah, he is calmer, though he’s still on alert because he knows his person is in trouble.”
Linda nodded and hugged Jordan tight. “I’m sorry that you had to go through this, Jordan. I know it’s scary.” Linda held him fast. “I want you to wait out here and listen if I need you. Here’s my phone. The unlock code is one-zero-one-four, and in my contacts, you will see Eric Martin, Alex’s therapist. If things go all wild in there, you call him. He’ll pick up if he sees my number. ”
Jordan nodded. “I’m so scared, Linda. He’s in so much pain that it hits you in the face. He thinks he’s responsible for the deaths of this squad.”
“His best friend died that night, Jordan. Someone who loved and respected Alex very much. They were as close as brothers. The night that Brian died, a piece of Alex’s soul died, too. For the last two years, he has been trying to learn how to live without that fragment of his soul that he lost that night in that damn ambush. The closest I have seen to a glimpse of his old self was tonight in my backyard with you. Don’t give up on him, sweetie. He may be scary and smelly, but he is a fine man.”
And with that, and with the determined look of a woman on a mission, she headed to the bedroom.
About an hour later, Jordan heard stirring in the bedroom. The living room where he had been sitting was so silent that he could hear a pin drop. He was wide awake, even though it was past his bedtime. He looked at Shadow lying in the kennel, whose ears perked up, and he looked toward the hallway.
Emerging from the hallway was Alex, looking very tired and defeated. He was wearing a t-shirt that said “Superhuman” on it. Next to him, Linda was holding his hand as they headed into the living room.
“He’s feeling better now,” Linda said. “He's just exhausted, and he wanted to come out and see you and Shadow.”
Still on edge, Jordan looked at Alex’s face and hollow eyes.
“This is the me that I was afraid you would see,” Alex said, sounding defeated. I’m sorry I yelled at you and scared you. If you don’t want me to volunteer at the clinic anymore, I understand.”
Jordan straightened his posture, drawing from an inner reservoir of strength, confidence, and resilience that had remained dormant until that moment. With unwavering determination, he approached Alex, locking eyes with him, and spoke firmly. "Is that all? Is that the best you've got? I've faced scarier bullies in seventh grade, the ones who tried to flush my ‘megaphones’ down a toilet."
He continued, his voice carrying a newfound conviction. "What I witnessed tonight is nothing I can't handle. I've weathered storms, Alex, and I'm much tougher than you might think. It's going to take more than that to scare me away. As for the clinic, do you think we only heal animals there? We help this community and are proud of the changes we’ve made in people’s lives. You are no exception."
Alex looked taken aback by his unexpected response and stood there in silent amazement. Jordan knew that he needed his unwavering support and was going to use his newfound strength as if it were like a beacon of hope, shining brightly in the darkness of Alex's struggle with PTSD to help him.
"You're on a healing journey, Alex," Jordan spoke softly, his voice laced with sincerity. "I've seen the proof of it. You decided to move here, see a new therapist, and volunteer at the clinic—all steps toward healing. This week, I've witnessed the changes when you're surrounded by people who care about you and who support you. You're no longer shouldering the world's burdens on your own Atlas. You have my shoulders, Linda's, the girls at the clinic, and even Shadow's. Let us help you bear the weight you've carried for so long."
Approaching Alex, Jordan locked eyes with him, his voice filled with determination.
"We've got this, Alex. You're not alone, and I'm not running away from you. I'm running to you." With that, he reached out, pulling Alex into a tight embrace.
As the tension in the room slowly dissipated, Linda made to leave.
"Thank you, Jordan," she said. "For everything." Her voice cracked.
"Linda, you've been a true blessing tonight," Jordan replied. "I don't know what we would have done without you."
Linda turned her attention to Alex. She reached out and gently touched his arm.
"Take care, dear," she said. “Call me tomorrow, okay?” He nodded.
“Aunt Lynn, thank you for coming over so late and for talking me off the ledge. Thank you for always being there for me throughout my life.”
Linda approached Alex and Jordan and reached up to hug Alex tightly. “I agree with Jordan, honey, we’re not going anywhere. She threw back a phrase that Alex has used with her over the years, “I have your six!” She smiled, and Alex laughed.
Jordan walked her to the door. "I'll stay the night, Linda, just to keep an eye on Shadow," he mentioned, knowing full well that his presence was as much for Alex's sake as it was for the recovering dog .
“Call us when you get home so we know you made it safely,” he added. She nodded and bid them both goodnight.
After her departure, Alex and Jordan found themselves in the quiet of Alex's living room, the weight of the evening's events still hanging heavy in the air. Shadow lay in his kennel, peaceful and still.
Jordan, his heart full of compassion and understanding, moved closer to Alex. He reached out and gently took Alex's hand, a silent gesture of support. Their fingers intertwined, and they stood silently momentarily.
Finally, Alex spoke. "Thank you for not running away," he whispered, his eyes searching Jordan's.
Jordan smiled. "I'm not going anywhere," he replied softly, his thumb gently caressing Alex's hand.
“So, you’re staying the night, huh?” Alex asked.
Jordan nodded. “Yeah, I want to be here in case Shadow needs me.”
Alex smiled at Jordan knowingly. “Shadow is grateful that you were here tonight and that you’re staying.”
Jordan kissed Alex softly, tasting a hint of salt from Alex’s dried tears. He walked over to the kitchen counter, took out his hearing aids, and sat them on a paper towel in the center of the table.
“Feels good to get those damn things out.”
Alex walked over and gently massaged his head and ears where the hearing aids that Jordan hates so much reside. Jordan closed his eyes and let him. It felt perfect.
“So, I’ll just crash on the couch tonight,” Jordan said casually.
Alex turned to face Jordan. “Well, when Shadow and I sleep, I put his kennel beside my bed. I’m not sure how you’ll be able to hear him stir out here. Maybe for Shadow’s sake, you should come to sleep in my bed tonight,” Alex said with a smile on his face.
Having fed Shadow and given him his meds at Linda’s house tonight during the barbeque, Jordan said, “Well. For Shadow’s sake, okay. Let’s run him out one more time to go potty.”
Lovingly and humorously, Alex said, “Potty? Really?”
“The other day in the breakroom, you said, 'I’m going to the head.’ The ‘potty’ isn’t worse or better than your military bathroom reference. Full transparency, though, when I heard you say it for a moment, I thought you said, ‘I’m going to get head.’ I laughed about that all morning to myself,” Jordan said, and Alex laughed along with him.
Going outside slowly with Shadow, they held each other as they waited patiently for Shadow to sniff every part of the yard, looking for that sweet spot.
As they came back inside, Shadow walked directly to his open-top kennel and went in and laid down. Jordan walked over to the table, picked up the cone of shame, and walked over to him.
Alex faced Jordan and said, “I hate that thing; he thinks we’re being mean to him.”
Jordan shook his head in amusement. “He does not. It will help him to heal.”
Alex shook his head in mock disgust.
Alex picked the kennel up and walked it into the bedroom, with Jordan following him. As they entered the bedroom, Alex set the kennel down on the right side of the bed.
“Are you okay on the left side? I’m a righty,” Alex asked.
Jordan laughed. “Yep, that works perfectly. I sleep on the left usually.”
“I have some extra toothbrushes if you want to brush your teeth.” He paused a second after seeing the smile on Jordan’s face. “No, I don’t have men over a lot—I bought them from Costco.”
Jordan looked at him innocently and said, “I didn’t say a thing.”
Jordan’s phone rang and vibrated, and he saw Linda calling.
“Can you answer? I took out my ‘Sonic Boomers’ already.”
Alex nodded and took the phone. He answered the phone and turned away from Jordan, heading into the bathroom. He returned a moment later with a pack of toothbrushes, with one missing from the pack, and handed the pack to Jordan.
Hanging up the phone, Alex said, “She’s home safe, and she said to say thank you and sweet dreams.”
Jordan nodded. “She’s so incredible. I wish I had an Aunt Lynn.”
Alex laughed. “You are not the first person who has said that to me.”
The moonlight spilled through the sheer curtains, casting a soft glow in the bedroom as Alex and Jordan prepared for bed. Jordan made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth .
The bathroom was a cozy enclave of warmth and intimacy. Cream-colored tiles lined the walls, and a small potted plant perched on the windowsill, its leaves rustling softly in the night breeze. The mirror above the sink reflected the muted colors of the room, creating an atmosphere of calmness and peace.
As Alex entered, Jordan flashed him a smile, a silent welcome into the shared space. They stood side by side at the sink, their reflections merging in the mirror. Alex reached for his toothbrush, his movements mirroring Jordan's. They applied toothpaste in tandem, a quiet choreography born of natural chemistry.
Jordan watched Alex through the mirror, observing how he closed his eyes slightly, focusing on the task with a serene expression. Alex opened his eyes and met his reflection, their eyes locking in the mirror.
The foam gathered at the corners of their mouths, and they rinsed in unison, the water swirling down the drain in a symphony of tiny whirlpools. They wiped their mouths with soft towels, the fabric whispering against their skin.
As they turned off the bathroom lights, their hands brushed, a fleeting touch that sent a current of warmth through them. They exited the bathroom, stepping back into the bedroom where the night awaited.
“Can I borrow a huge t-shirt and a pair of shorts to sleep in?” Jordan asked.
Turning to face him, Alex said with a playful sneer, “You sleep in clothes?”
Jordan laughed. “Yes, you neanderthal, I sleep in clothes. I’m a doctor, and sometimes I must rush out of bed for emergencies.” He looked and pointed at Shadow’s kennel.
Alex laughed and walked over to his dresser, pulled out a pair of workout shorts and a t-shirt, and tossed them with a smile to Jordan. “Suit yourself, but I sleep naked.”
Faster than Jordan had ever seen anyone get undressed, Alex has ripped off his shirt, jeans, and underwear and was standing there in all of his naked glory.
Jordan blushed, but he didn’t look away. He was mesmerized. Alex was absolute perfection and everything that Jordan had ever wished for. Seeing his beauty, he suddenly got self-conscious .
“Well, I definitely can’t take my clothes off in front of you; no way I can compare to that,” he said, pointing toward Alex.
Alex approached Jordan, who held a pile of clothes in his hands, unsure how to proceed. With a reassuring smile, Alex gently took the clothes from Jordan's grasp and placed them neatly on the nightstand.
Standing before Jordan, Alex's actions were tender. He knelt to untie Jordan's shoes. Jordan touched Alex's broad shoulder lightly, silently acknowledging his actions. Alex carefully removed each shoe and sock. Jordan's breathing, slightly heightened by the moment, was the only sound. Alex rose and met Jordan's gaze.
Gently, Alex helped Jordan out of his clothes. The removal of the belt was done with care, the fabric gliding smoothly through the loops. The belt was rolled and placed alongside the other items.
When Alex lifted Jordan's white t-shirt, Jordan raised his arms in cooperation, like a dance.
"You are breathtaking," Alex whispered.
Jordan's response was a soft blush. Together, they carefully removed Jordan's khaki pants. Jordan's hands found Alex's shoulders again for balance. Jordan was left in only his black briefs.
Alex reached for his t-shirt that said, “No better friend, no worse enemy.” He kissed Jordan softly and then put the shirt over his head. He held it so that Jordan could put his arms in the sleeves. The t-shirt was comically huge and very soft on Jordan's skin. Alex reached for the shorts and lowered down as Jordan placed his hands back on Alex’s shoulders to balance. Alex raised the huge shorts onto Jordan’s thinner frame.
Alex reached into the nightstand drawer, pulled out an extra phone charger, and plugged it into the wall, then went for Jordan’s phone and plugged it in to charge. Walking around the bed naked, he plugged his phone in and set the alarm. They both got into the bed and faced each other, no words spoken.
In the soft glow of the evening, their eyes met. The world seemed to pause, the air charged with anticipation. Slowly, deliberately, they moved closer, their breaths mingling in the space that diminished between them.
Their eyes closed as the distance closed, and time seemed to stand still. Their lips met softly at first, a tentative touch filled with deep longing and gentle curiosity. The kiss deepened, a harmonious blend of passion and tenderness as if they were discovering a hidden language known only to their souls.
Alex's hands found their way to Jordan's face, fingers gently caressing his jawline, while Jordan's arms wrapped around Alex, pulling him closer, deepening their kiss. The kiss was like a spark igniting a fire, a slow build of warmth that spread through them, filling every corner of their hearts. It was tender yet passionate, like a melody harmonizing two souls, where every touch and breath felt like they were writing their own love story with each passing second.
Their hearts beat in unison, the kiss growing more intense yet somehow remaining gentle, a perfect balance of intensity and softness. The world around them faded into a blur, the sounds and sights of the evening melting away until there was nothing but the two of them, lost in the beauty of the moment.
As they slowly pulled away, Jordan’s eyes opened, reflecting a mixture of awe and wonder. The kiss had been more than a mere touch of lips. It was a conversation without words, a journey through the depths of their emotions, leaving them breathless and yet more alive than ever before. It was a kiss that encapsulated hope, healing, and the unbreakable bond of two hearts intertwining.