Chapter 23
Alex
“That was fucking mind-blowing. Where did you learn to do that with your tongue?” Alex said, panting, leaning on a tree with his shorts around his ankles.Jordan rose, covered in Alex’s come from a very loud and heated orgasm moments ago.
“So I didn't oversell myself when I said you would like it?” He grabbed Alex’s shirt from the ground and wiped his face.
In horror, Alex gasped. “Not my shirt! I have to wear that the rest of the day.”
“Hey, it’s your fault,” Jordan said, laughing. “You could have aimed for the ground, but I saw that look that you wanted to mark your territory.I work with animals and date a neanderthal. I know your moves, sunshine.By the way, jiggling your dick over my head as you’re about to have an orgasm, saying 'get ready for your protein shake' isn’t as sexy as you think it is.”
Alex giggled, acting like a fourteen-year-old. He grabbed his soiled shirt from Jordan and put it back on. “You suck. We better stop at your place before we head to the clinic so I can change.”
Alex grabbed Jordan by his shirt and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. He tasted the saltiness from his ejaculation on his lips. He pulled Jordan in tighter and let him know he was his.
The two of them were on the clinic property, taking Shadow out for a walk on a beautiful summer afternoon.They were on their lunch break, and Alex had made a small picnic lunch for them.The twenty acres that the clinic sat on were beautiful. It even had a small pond near Jordan’s cabin with lots of wildlife.They had set up a trail camera next to the pond this week to watch the wildlife come and go .
Separating from the kiss, Jordan said, “I told you it would be a good idea to keep some clothes at my place.”
As they made their way to Jordan’s place, Shadow limped beside them, his tail wagging. It had been five weeks since his injury. His injured paw slowed him down, but it didn't stop him from enjoying the outdoors.
After a quick change at Jordan's house, they returned to the clinic, Shadow in tow, his spirits high. Brenda and Lisa walked through the doors.
"Look who's got a fresh shirt on!" Brenda called out, her voice carrying across the reception area.
"Did the picnic get too wild, Alex?" Lisa chimed in, her grin wide and mischievous.
Taken aback by their sudden attention, Alex could only laugh. He tried to get on with his duties around the clinic. Brenda and Lisa followed him from room to room. They teased relentlessly.
"Did something happen on the picnic you want to tell us about?" Brenda peeked into the recovery room. Alex was checking on a sleeping labrador.
Lisa added, "Maybe he lost his other shirt."
“It's because he flexed to impress squirrels in the woods,” Brenda said.
Lisa could barely contain her laughter.
Alex played along, his responses equally witty. He gave them a grin and a flex. “I impressed the squirrels a lot.”
The next day, Alex sat on Jordan's porch, his mind reflecting on the phone call he just had with Brian’s widow, Amanda.
Jordan walked out onto the porch, the morning sunlight highlighting his compact physique wrapped in a towel. He paused for a moment, taking in the sight of Alex sitting there with his tea, the steam curling up in the cool air. Jordan's hair was still damp from his shower, and he radiated an effortless grace that never failed to captivate Alex.
“How did the call go with Amanda?” Jordan asked, his voice gentle but curious .
Alex looked up from his tea, his eyes reflecting a mixture of emotions. “It was... it was good,” he began, taking a deep breath. His face was flush, and eyes puffy from crying earlier. “It was hard at first, but we both needed it. Brian’s death is still hitting us both pretty hard. I thought she would be mad at me for not keeping in touch. It was the exact opposite, she was more concerned about my well-being and how I was doing.”
Jordan sat down next to him, his presence a comforting anchor. Alex continued, his voice softening as he recounted the conversation. “We cried, both of us. It was like all the walls I had built up over the last two years came down. We talked about Brian’s goofiness and how he made us laugh even in the worst situations. We remembered his infectious laugh that could brighten the darkest day.”
A faint smile touched Alex’s lips as he recalled the memories. “We talked about how much he loved us, how he always made sure we knew that. She told me that Michael is having a hard time understanding why his dad isn’t coming back. It breaks my heart, but it was good to talk about it, to share those memories and keep Brian’s spirit alive.”
Jordan reached out, placing a supportive hand on Alex’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you for making that call,” he said sincerely. “I know it wasn’t easy, but it sounds like it was really important for both of you.”
Alex nodded, feeling a sense of relief wash over him. “Yeah, Dr. Martin was right. I needed to do this. It helped, talking to Amanda, remembering the good times, and acknowledging the pain. We agreed to call each other once a week to check-in.”
Jordan squeezed his shoulder gently. “I’m sure Brian is proud of you. You’re honoring his memory by working through your trauma to be there for his family.”
Alex looked into Jordan’s eyes, finding comfort and love there. “Thank you, Jordan. For everything. For being here, for understanding.”
Alex glanced at his watch, noting the time. "I have to see Dr. Martin at ten a.m.," he said, a mix of anticipation and trepidation in his voice.
Jordan looked over, sensing the complex emotions behind Alex’s words. "How are you feeling about it?"
Alex took a sip of his tea, letting the warmth steady him. "Each session with him is a fucking challenge. It’s like I’m walking into a firefight every time we talk about my memories. The fight or flight reflex that I have now hurts both emotionally and physically. My flight is to isolate, my fight is to berate myself. Most days, its like I’m walking through a fog, but with every session, I feel a sense of release, like I’m shedding layers of pain and fear. I’m a fucked up onion"
Jordan nodded, his eyes filled with understanding. "It sounds intense, but it also sounds like progress."
"It is," Alex agreed. "Dr. Martin is like a bright light in that fog. He helps me navigate my emotions, making sense of the chaos. It’s a part of me that will always be there, but it doesn’t have to have power over me."
Jordan reached out, placing a hand on Alex’s knee. "I’m so proud of you, Alex. It takes a lot of strength to confront those memories and emotions."
Alex smiled, a mix of gratitude and determination in his eyes. "Thanks, Jordan. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Every session makes me feel a little lighter, a little more in control."
Jordan squeezed his knee gently. "You’re doing amazing, and I’m here for you, every step of the way."
Alex looked into Jordan’s eyes, feeling the depth of their connection. "I know you are, and it makes all the difference. Thank you for all you have done for me."
Jordan smiled warmly. "Hey, you have been there for me too, Mister. We make a great team. Now, go shower before your appointment. You smell like sweat and sex. I’ll go make up some oatmeal and eggs. How does that sound?"
Alex nodded, feeling a surge of hope and strength. "That sounds perfect."
As they headed inside to prepare for the day, Alex felt a renewed sense of purpose. With Jordan by his side and Dr. Martin’s guidance, he knew he could face whatever came next.
Alex unlaced his running shoes, as Jordan entered the house. His thoughts drifted to Jordan.
The past month felt like a journey from darkness to light.
He used to wake up each morning feeling dreadful. The weight of the world pressed down on him. His mind was a battlefield of anxiety and memories. But now, each morning brought a sense of anticipation, a flutter of excitement for the run with Jordan.
There was a lightness in his step, a feeling that the heavy chains of his past were slowly loosening. The nightmares that used to disturb his sleep were less frequent. Holding Jordan while they slept was calming. Jordan was always cold and enjoyed being held while he slept. Even though Alex couldn’t get him to sleep naked yet and least he started sleeping shirtless. The skin to skin touch each night as they spooned helped his sleep patterns return to a somewhat normal cycle.
When a nightmare would emerge, Shadow was always present. The loyal German Shepherd had a sixth sense. He woke Alex up with a gentle nudge or a soft whine before the trauma could take hold. Shadow was his Guardian Angel. He brought Alex some much-needed peace and comfort.
Looking back, Alex realized how incredible the month had been. It was like he had awakened from a suffocating dream. The path ahead was still complex and uncertain, but it was a path he now walked with a lighter heart and a clearer mind. He genuinely felt excited about his future for the first time in a long time.
After his shower, he sat down to an amazing breakfast of bacon, eggs, hash browns, oatmeal, and fresh fruit. Fresh flowers from the front of the house were in a vase. He looked at Jordan and smiled.
“What’s all of this?” Alex sat down and started building his massive oval plate.
Jordan replied, “I made oatmeal and eggs. The other stuff was leftover from what you made yesterday, so I nuked it. I figured you could use a hearty meal this morning.”
Alex noticed Jordan was wearing his hearing aids a lot more lately.
At first, it was during their morning runs. Jordan wore his hearing aids and listened intently to everything. Then, Alex noticed him wearing them during their intimate moments.
Curious, Alex asked about it. "I've noticed you're wearing your hearing aids more," he said with a mouthful of bacon.
Jordan looked at him, with a smile touching his lips. "I'm trying to absorb every nuance when we're together, even the ones where you talk with your mouth full and act like a big goon" he said, his voice cheerful. "At first, it was casual, trying them out more. But with you, it's different. They become less of a hassle in my ear. You're a wonderful distraction apparently."
"Can I ask you about your hearing loss? I mean, what level of hearing loss do you have?" Alex's tone was gentle.
"Of course you can ask. Right now, I have about a fifty-decibel hearing loss," he replied.
Alex nodded, encouraging him to continue. He wanted to understand more, to know what Jordan's world was like.
"That means moderate hearing loss. It's like being in a constant state of hearing things at a lower volume," Jordan explained. “Everyday background sounds are non-existent when I don't wear my hearing aids. I hear someone speaking, but it’s like their voice is coming through a thick wall. I have a hard time making out what they're saying."
Alex grabbed a handful of strawberries and put them on his plate while Jordan gave Alex examples to paint a clearer picture. "Imagine a running faucet. That sound is simple to most, but for me, it's like hearing it from another room. It like listening while having cotton in your ears."
Alex listened intently, his eyes fixed on Jordan.
Jordan continued. "Without my hearing aids, the world isn't completely silent. It's quieter and less defined. But the volume gets turned up when I wear them, like now. I can hear the nuances in your voice, the crunch of your chewing, and the distant sounds of the birds in the yard. Everything is more vibrant, more alive when I wear them."
Alex processed what Jordan had shared. He had a better understanding of the obstacles and events that influenced Jordan's life.
After a moment, Alex said, "It's incredible how you navigate the world, with or without your hearing aids. You've adapted in ways I can't even imagine."
Jordan smiled. "Thanks, Alex. But it's my normal. And having someone like you who wants to understand, respects, and cares about it makes it much easier. The pain they cause because of the rawness in my ear canal is a constant challenge, but I’m trying new ointments and drops to make the pain less. Having you in my life makes me want to be less isolated and experience all of the sounds I can when you're around."
Alex replied as he put four strawberries in his mouth. “So I’m a real pain in the auricle huh?”
Jordan laughed. “That is the outer ear, and how do you even know that term?”
Alex smiled. “The word was on Shadow’s chart the other day, and I asked Rebecca what it meant.”
They both erupted in laughter.