Chapter 34
“Stay here. I’ll find something.”
I leave Lucas in the backyard and run into the house, opening the cabinets of the mudroom, scanning the neatly packed, labeled plastic containers. I see one marked Valentine’s Day , but all that’s in there is sheets of red and pink card stock, some sort of stamp set, and a bunch of stickers.
“Hey, Harper.” I shut the box and put it back in place, sandwiched between St. Patrick’s Day , which is filled with a bunch of green shit, and Winter , which seems to have snow gloves even though we live in Southern California. “Do you have string?”
“What did you say?”
I shut the cabinet and head into the empty kitchen before I duck my head through the doorway, seeing her on the couch.
“I need some…”
My words trail off when I catch sight of Harper’s face. As obvious as it is that she’s been crying, it’s more obvious that she’s trying to hide it.
I walk over as she’s rising from the couch with a smile on her face.
“I was joking about the bears. Were you really that worried?”
“No. I mean, of course I was a little worried and I’m relieved he’s home but…” Harper takes a deep breath. “I talked with Claire.”
It takes me a minute to understand what Harper talked with Claire about.
Me.
Us.
Harper presses up on her toes so she can look behind me.
“He’s outside,” I assure her.
Harper’s body shudders from the aftershocks of the emotion that clearly struck her. “I just…I know we said we’d keep things to ourselves for a little while, but she needed to know, Riley. Claire deserved to know.”
I sigh. I know how important Claire is to Harper, but my stomach twists thinking of her having that conversation alone.
“Are you upset I told her?”
“No, not at all, I get why you had to do it…I just wish you didn’t go through that alone.”
Harper lifts her shoulders in a small shrug before tilting her head toward the bookshelf. “I think I owed it to her.”
I cup her cheek, directing her attention back to me. “And?”
The smile that grows against my skin is her answer. It bleeds happiness into me, so much so that I swear, it strangles my heart a bit.
I know I have to be careful, but I can’t stop myself from pulling her against me for a kiss. The taste Harper leaves on my mouth has an added bonus this time—hope.
Hope that we’ll be a family—me, her, and Lucas.
I catch sight of my dining room table desk.
Tides too .
And that’s when I remember this morning. “Is this a good time to tell you Caroline knows too?”
Harper freezes in my arms.
“And Finn, obviously.”
She pulls back. “I told you. You were being too handsy at the beach. ”
“Get used to it.” For good measure, I squeeze her ass.
“How did she take it?”
“Well.” I lean my head side to side. “Caroline might be good at a lot of things but sharing isn’t one of them. Till this day she still holds it against me that I borrowed her bike when I was eleven.”
“Borrowed?”
“I returned it with dented handlebars.” I let go of her only to rub my shoulder, remembering how I flew off them. “Hit a bump and ate shit. All she cared about was the bike.”
Harper shakes her head with a laugh and gives my chest a playful pat. “I’m happy you’re okay. But I guess, I’m a little sorry about the bike.”
She hugs me.
“I’m so happy.”
And damn, so am I.
Harper steps out of my hold when the backdoor opens. “What did you say you needed?”
“Oh.” I run my hand over my pulled back hair. “String.”
“String?”
“You know, the kind you use when you wrap something up.” I scratch my head. “Like a present.”
“Ribbon,” Harper offers.
“Right. Ribbon.”
“I have some, just…oh.” Harper turns, finding Lucas.
I step around her and whisper, “You were supposed to wait outside.”
“You were taking too long.” Lucas pulls his hand from behind his back and extended the bouquet to Harper. It’s a jungle of weeds, and a few of the neighbor’s flowers that hang over the fence, all tied together with…
His shoelace.
“These are for you,” Lucas says.
She smiles, taking what might be the world’s ugliest bouquet. Bringing the mess to her nose, Harper inhales and then pulls Lucas into her side for a hug. “They’re beautiful. Thank you.”
“You have to go get ready.”
I purse my lips together, fighting a small smile when Harper asks Lucas, “for what?”
“We’re taking you on a date, Mom.”
“A date?” Harper looks at me but I shake my head. She turns back to Lucas. “Do you even know what a date is?”
Lucas rolls his eyes. “Of course I know what a date is. It’s when…you know, you do stuff.”
I smirk and Harper cocks her head. “Do stuff?”
“Yeah,” Lucas continues, “you do stuff with the people you love.”
I love the way Harper’s mouth slides into a smile.
“So, me and Riley are taking you on a date. Because we love you.”
Harper’s eyes find mine.
“I’m going to go change.” Lucas jets off, up the stairs.
I hold my hands up in defense. “I said nothing. Only that you missed him a lot.”
Harper folds her arms across her chest. “Marcellos is awfully fancy to bring a kid to.”
“Oh, no. Don’t tell Lucas this, but, a place like Marcellos, that’s for special dates.” I lean down and press a kiss to her lips and give her waist a gentle squeeze when I head to the back door so I can change as well. “And, when we have a babysitter.”
I let Lucas take the lead tonight, so we don’t end up at a restaurant even a step below Marcellos. We don’t even go to a restaurant at all.
“Go,” I hiss as I look down at the dash on my chest. I’ve only got one life left .
“You just never see her coming,” Lucas whispers, his eyes narrowing as he scans our surroundings.
“Oh, I know, man, trust me.” I laugh even though it goes right over Lucas's head. I place a hand on his shoulder. “Be brave.”
Lucas straightens and runs away into the dark, the only light coming from the glow-in-the-dark graffiti littering the walls.
If I’m being honest, I’m dead ass tired after the previous three games of laser tag, but I made a promise to do my due-diligence and provide cover for Lucas so he can make it to the other team’s base and fire at it to win.
I lean against the walls less for cover and more for support and come to the end of an alley, sticking my head out to peek around. Harper’s light hair picks up a hint of the neon-streaked walls.
With not-so-cat-like steps, I make my way behind her. But I don’t bother with my laser gun. I grab her by the waistband of her jean shorts.
“Gotcha.”
Harper sighs. “Took you long enough. I’ve been in this spot for the last five minutes.” She turns around and holds up her hands, surrendering. “Go ahead. Let’s end this round already.”
“I know,” I begin, turning her around. “But I’d rather take you out a different way.”
When I press her against the wall, Harper raises an eyebrow. “How is that?”
I place my arm above her head, leaning closer. “Something slow.”
In the glowing light, I can see Harper bite down on her bottom lip.
It drives me crazy .
“We’re playing laser tag,” she reminds me. “With Lucas .”
I tug on the heavy vest she wears. “I guess this explains the chastity belt then.”
Harper pushes my shoulder. “Do you think he’ll be done after this? I’m about to collapse. Next time, suggest the movies, would you?”
I smile at Harper’s use of next time and about to lean down and give her a quick kiss when the vest she wears screeches and vibrates, indicating Lucas took out her base.
“Riley!” Lucas screams, from god knows where before the lights come on. “I did it!”
I straighten, looping my arm around Harper’s shoulders. “It wasn’t easy, but I took her hostage for you.”
“Good work.” Lucas runs up, holding his hand out for a low five. “What do you think? One last game?”
“I think we have to feed your mom,” I tell him, ticking my head toward the direction of the exit. “You know how she gets. She turns into a total gremlin when she’s hungry.”
Harper throws me a look over her shoulder. “Speak for yourselves .”
We hang up our gear and head out of the arcade.
“Burgers?” I suggest.
“Ice cream.” Lucas counters.
“Protein first, dessert second,” Harper concludes as we walk down the street, stopping at a stand with a line that better be worth the wait. “Why don’t we take it to go on the pier?”
I flick my head across the street. “Take him. I’ll grab the food.”
Twenty minutes later, I’m carrying a bag full of take-out, winding through dozens of people as I scan the crowd, looking for Harper and Lucas.
I stop in the middle of the pier and maybe everyone around me thinks the tall guy with the man-bun and the stupid grin on his face might be mid-stroke, or maybe having an out of body experience. But really, I’m just so fucking happy to be looking for my family .
In the distance, still a ways down, Lucas calls out my name, his voice nearly lost to the crashing waves of the ocean below the pier. But I’d hear it anywhere .
“What’s this?” Lucas pulls out a heavy, styrofoam cup out of the bag I place on the bench.
“Milkshake.”
Harper huffs. “Riley!”
“Quick. Take a bite of your burger first,” I tell Lucas before turning to Harper. “You said dinner first. You didn’t specify first in full or first bite .”
She rolls her eyes. “Like there’s any doubt you could be anything but a lawyer.”
Shrugging, I take a bite of my burger. “Check them out, Lucas.” I point out in the distance. “Sometimes, the sunset surf is the best.”
Lucas tips his head up but quickly refocuses on his food.
“What do you think about giving that board I got you for your birthday a try this week?” I ask. “Pretty soon, you’ll be too big for it.”
“Maybe one day.”
A soft, defeated look appears on Harper’s face.
I tongue my cheek. “Did you know your mom can surf?”
Both Harper and Lucas turn to me.
“No she can’t,” Lucas says adamantly. “Dad could.”
I stuff a few fries into my mouth. “She’s better at surfing than she is at laser tag. I bet she could teach you,” I continue.
“ You’re the surf teacher, Riley.”
“Instructor,” Harper corrects him.
“Call it what you want,” I tell both of them. “But your mom taught me a lot of stuff.”
Lucas scrunches his face. “Like what?”
To believe in myself would be the most honest answer. That seemed like an impossible feat at one point. But I give Lucas an answer which includes that and so much more .
“All about magic.”
“It’s way past bedtime,” Harper says. “You can watch Avengers tomorrow.”
Lucas stops in the doorway after I open the backdoor, pouting at me. “Riley?”
Harper gives him a gentle push inside. “Oh, don’t even think that would work on him. And I already said no . Go on upstairs and shower. I’ll be up in a few minutes.”
I shut the door as Lucas trudges out of the mudroom. “It does work on me, though.”
“You’re a sucker.”
“It’s spring break. I did a lot worse on spring break than stay up past my bedtime.”
“Were you older than eight when you did these worse kind of things?” Harper tosses the question at me before she shakes her head. “Actually, never mind. I don’t want to know.”
“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t risk messing up whatever good thing we have going by telling you anyway.” I make my way to the dining room table.
Harper follows, unable to help herself from straightening a sloppy stack of papers. “How about a night cap? He’ll be out like a light.”
“Tempting,” I hum, unable to stop myself from running my fingers along the smooth skin of her forearm, tracing her scar. Relaxed beneath my touch, she yawns. “You know, how about a rain check for the date and the night cap? You’re tired.”
Harper tilts her head. “Is that your way of telling me I look like shit?”
“That’s my way of telling you that you got your ass handed to you in laser tag.”
“It was two on one,” Harper reminds me. “Try playing offense and defense and seeing how you fare.”
She yawns again.
“Fine. I’m hopping in the shower and then off to dreamland I go.” Harper grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze before letting go. “I’ll meet you there. ”
I raise an eyebrow. “Where?”
“Dreamland.”
I take her hand in mine. “You can always find me there.”
Harper peeks over her shoulder at the stairs, but I don’t let her gaze linger too long. I tug on her arm, bringing her back to me so I can raise my mouth to meet hers for a quick kiss. Until we decide how we roll this out with Lucas, I’ve got to make the most of every opportunity presented to me and lower my expectations.
But because I never err on the side of caution, I kiss Harper again. A little longer this time.
“Go,” I mumble against her lips before releasing her arm, watching her walk upstairs with a pout.
It’s not unusual for me to focus poorly. Background noise, even light music distracts me. My eyes will try to bore a hole through a wall if I hear a TV on in the other room. But tonight, something else calls to me, even in silence. It’s the bookshelf that houses more framed photos than actual books. My head keeps tilting in that direction, away from my screen, away from the words I want to say but can’t quite express.
Thirty minutes pass.
Then forty.
And before I know it, it’s nearing midnight and the only thing that’s changed is how dry my eyes have gotten.
“Tomorrow,” I tell myself, like always. “I’ll finish it tomorrow. Hard deadline.”
I swear, I mean it this time.
I turn off my computer and stand, crossing the room to switch off a lamp that sits beside the club chair.
And that’s when I see the difference I swear I felt before. It’s the photo— our photo—framed.
I run my finger along our faces in the glass that protects what I realize now might be my most precious memory, back when Nate was gone, but not really.
Back when Harper wished it wasn’t me.