Chapter 21
Xylina
Hubby
I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for the day after tomorrow. It’s to confirm my pregnancy and find out how far I am. I want you to be there if you can.
Nibbling my bottom lip, I sent the text and stared at the phone, waiting to see if Yosiah would respond.
He had gone back to icing me out at home and I hated it.
I missed his touch and company overall. We haven’t spoken about the pregnancy since the day he kicked me out of his office.
If I decided to go forward with the pregnancy, I hoped he would be there for me.
Yosiah didn’t give me deadbeat vibes, but then again, he hated the thought of having a kid with me.
I rubbed my chest, trying to ease the aching pain hovering inside.
“What do you think of this?” Savannah questioned, stepping out of the dressing room. “I finally got rid of all of last season’s clothes and now I need to replenish for the summer.”
Seeing Yosiah had read the message I sent but didn’t respond caused my shoulders to sink forward and a sigh to leave my mouth. Locking it and putting it to the side, I lifted my eyes to study my friend who was currently checking herself out in the mirror.
“The faded wash denim one would look better on you,” I told her, referring to the halter top romper she wore.
We were at Nay Chic. I needed to grab a couple accessories for Simone, and when I told Savannah I was coming here, she wanted to tag along.
“You don’t think it’ll wash my skin out?”
I shook my head. “No, if you wear those tan wrap around the ankle sandals of yours, it’ll look cute.”
Savannah grinned. “I’m glad to have my bestie back! You always get me together.” She looked me over. “You’re not getting anything? All you did was grab stuff for Simone.”
I shook my head. “No, not really in the mood.” Deepening her frown, she stalked toward me and laid the back of her hand on my forehead.
“What are you doing?” I brushed her hand away.
“Just seeing if you were sick. You don’t want to shop? I never thought I’d see the day.”
Snickering, I checked my phone screen. “You’re so dramatic.”
Savannah gasped and clutched her chest. “Me? Dramatic. Never.”
Laughing, I stood up and shook my head. “Whatever. I’ll grab the other romper, watch my things.”
Heading out of the dressing room, I unlocked my phone and opened my text thread again.
Hubby: Are you going to come? Since this is my first pregnancy, I’d rather not go to my first prenatal visit alone like some single mother with no present dad.
I sent it, and when I saw it was read but no replying bubbles appeared, I felt my irritation starting to rise.
Hubby: We need to talk about things too. Can’t keep avoiding me.
This time, the message wasn’t even read. I was about to type another when I bumped into someone.
“Excuse—”
The woman spun and cut me off. “You need to watch where you’re going!”
My phone dropped and my mouth fell open. The woman in front of me looked as if she’d seen a ghost.
“Mom?” I asked slowly.
Her body tensed before straightening. “Xylina. It’s been a while.” Her voice was monotone. Her chin lifted as she stared at me like I was a stranger on the street and not the child she’d birthed.
“It’s been a while? That’s all you have to say to me? Do you know what daddy did! He stole my trust fund leaving me with nothing and you were nowhere to be found!”
She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Xylina, stop with the dramatics. It doesn’t look good on you.”
I didn’t remember the last time I’d spoken to my mom, let alone laid eyes on her.
Once I got married and was out of the house, her trips became more frequent and our communication more scarce.
To see her in front of me looking like she didn’t have a care in the world.
Her neck, ears, and wrists beamed with diamonds.
Not a hair out of place. Looking at her, you wouldn’t think her husband went bankrupt and was facing felony charges.
Balling my hands at my side, I tried to force my anger down. “I tried calling you, only to learn you’d changed your number. You never even checked on me to make sure I was okay. I met with Daddy too. He told me you left him for another man. What the hell is going on?”
Boredom rested on her face. “Seriously, Xylina, your husband runs one of the biggest upcoming tech companies in the country. You’re hardly suffering for money.
And your father.” She paused and scoffed, balling her face up as if she smelled something bad.
“That man, if that’s what you can call him, is weak.
He used his money and business to make himself feel bigger than he is in more ways than one.
What he has going on has nothing to do with me. ”
“But he’s your husband. What about our family?”
Again, another eye roll. “Wake up, Xylina! I knew we should have sent you to school overseas. It seems being raised here in The States didn’t do you justice.
That father of yours was pathetic and only cared for himself.
He’s always had an inferiority complex and it’s finally caught up with him.
Was I supposed to sit by his side and be taken down with him?
It’s a good thing you inherited my looks, so you’ll be fine.
Men are weak for beautiful women. That husband of yours is no exception, so I knew you’d be fine. ”
She flicked her long, spiral curled, jet black hair over her shoulders. It looked like she had just climbed out her stylist’s chair.
“So was Daddy telling the truth? Every time you went out of town you were with a man? You were cheating on him your whole marriage?”
“I never wanted to marry your father nor did I want to be a mother, but once my father learned of my pregnancy, he forced me to marry your father. He was just supposed to be a good time and unfortunately our carelessness ended in pregnancy.” A small smile formed on her face, but it was anything but pleasant, more so full of pity.
Heaviness weighed in my stomach. It was a hard pill to swallow knowing neither of my parents truly wanted me.
Subconsciously, my hand went to my stomach.
Nothing about my mother screamed nurturing.
She might not see it, but she was just like my dad.
Both were self-centered and didn’t care who got stepped on to get their way.
Dread built in my chest. Loneliness and abandonment was all I’d known my whole life.
My mom’s words shouldn’t bother me because deep down I knew neither of my parents truly loved me.
Neither ever spoke those words to me or each other if I was being honest. My whole life they had been too invested in their own lives to pay any attention to their daughter who was spiraling just to get noticed a little by either of them.
“Xylina, dear.” She stepped forward and placed her hand on my shoulder.
“Listen to your mother, as my daughter, you were blessed with beauty and it’s only right that you use it to your advantage.
As long as you keep up your appearance and keep that husband of yours’ attention by any means necessary, you’re set for life. ”
I swallowed hard. “If I were to have a baby, I hope they never feel like you and my father made me feel.”
She laughed. It was like nails on a chalkboard.
She patted my shoulder and stepped back.
“Please, Xylina, seriously. It’s like there’s not even a brain in that pretty head of yours.
Kids are a headache. They make you sick and fat.
Babies cry and try to steal your beauty.
It’s a hassle you don’t want. I had to get a whole tummy tuck, breast lift, and lipo after having you. Trust me, it’s not worth it.”
Sadly, I knew she was serious. My mom hardly said things she didn’t mean.
My whole life she had been direct in what she said and didn’t care who she offended.
With all brothers and being the youngest girl, she was spoiled rotten by my grandparents and her brothers.
It was no wonder that she believed her words to be true.
Mom pulled her phone out. “Anyway, I need to go. Robert is waiting for me and I’m running behind.” She turned and proceeded to walk off.
“I’m having a baby!” I called out after her. She stopped but didn’t turn around. “And when it’s born, I’ll make sure it knows how much I love it. I’ll never make it feel unwanted or lonely. And to my child, you and Daddy will be dead in their eyes. I’ll finally have a real family.”
Mom snorted. “Such a foolish girl. You got that from your father.” She glanced over her shoulder at me. “You are your mother’s child, Xylina. Being a mother just isn’t in our blood. Save that child and yourself and give up that thought and become a kept wife instead.”
Not giving me a chance to respond, she continued to walk off.
Savannah walked up behind me and said, “Hey, did they not have the romper in my size? You’re taking forever.”
I couldn’t find words to answer her. My mom’s words stuck in my head.
I worried that maybe she was right. I never had a real mother and had no example of how to be one.
There were a few nannies growing up that could be counted as a stand-in, but I was too much of a brat back then to appreciate it.
Then there was Yosiah; he didn’t want this baby.
By the way he treated me throughout our whole marriage, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t allow his resentment to trickle down to our child.
A lump formed in my throat.
I never even wanted to be a mother. In a lot of ways, I was like my mom.
Money and beauty had guided me my whole life.
Without one or the other, I didn’t even know who I was.
Bringing a child into the world would only make everyone unhappy.
Maybe it was time to reconsider things before it was too late.