Sebastian
Isprinted like a madman through the ward as I reached the door-frame of the room Aria was in.
I caught my breath. She hadn’t noticed me yet.
Her back was towards me, and she was packing clothes in her bag.
My heart sank into the pit of my stomach.
My lungs felt like they were suffocating, struggling to get oxygen because she was the air that kept me alive. She was my everything.
A whole week she’d been in here.
A week I couldn’t get to her, to be with her when she needed me the most.
The news of the Organisation had hit me hard, the loss of Logan gutting me from the inside out.
I felt numb. Broken.
It was like I was wandering through a dark cloud of fog, and I couldn’t find my way out. It was my fault he’d died, because I’d let Callum in. I’d believed every word he said. I’d allowed him to be part of us.
I couldn’t face coming back to England until Hassan got a call from Kai that Aria was in the hospital. He’d been trying to get hold of me for days. I had to get to her; I needed to be with her.
She turned, startled to see me at the door-frame, like she’d never expected me to show up.
Did she not think I’d come to her when she needed me?
I rushed over, placing my hands on her jaw and looking into her beautiful grey eyes, which were filled with so much sadness.
Neither of us were able to look away. They were dull, like she’d been drained of every little bit of light she had.
Her skin was cold, pale; it wasn’t its usual warmth that I was so used to.
She let out a heavy breath and removed my hands, severing that connection.
“Nyx, I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“Where were you?”
“I … I had business I needed to take care of.” I couldn’t tell her about the Organisation. About losing a person I cared deeply for—a person we both cared deeply for—when I didn’t even know why she was in hospital.
“Stop lying to me.” She raised her voice, frustration running through it. “I know, Sebastian. I know everything you’ve been doing with the Organisation. You should have told me the truth.”
My heart ached with that word. I should have told her. I should have done so many things differently.
“Nyx—” I went to touch her cheek, but she hit my hand away.
“No, you can’t do that this time. You can’t make this disappear with your charm. You promised you’d never lie to me again. I hope it was worth it.”
“Everything I did was for you. It’s always been for you.” I went to take her hands, but she took a step back, shaking her head in disbelief. “No. Don’t you dare do that. This is on you, Sebastian. You had a choice, and you chose to go back and do all those things.”
“You have to believe me. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
“I was pregnant.”
I tilted my head, my eyes widening. “You’re pregnant?”
Shit. I was going to be a dad. It wasn’t something I’d expected right now, but I was filled with a weird sense of happiness, even after everything that had happened. Then guilt took over for even thinking I could have happiness after what I’d done.
I’d never wanted children of my own until Aria. I saw us having a family together one day, and I’d love our children so fiercely that they’d never know what it would be like to never feel it.
“Was. I’m not anymore.” She turned to finish packing her bag.
“I … I don’t understand.”
She let out a heavy sigh, turning back to face me. Her face was different this time. Like she wasn’t truly there. Like she’d given up on everything in life.
“It was an ectopic pregnancy. I lost the baby.”
I froze. My body felt numb. My legs were weak, and I leaned my hand on the table to keep myself up.
Our baby was gone.
Was this my punishment for what happened to Logan? For his daughter losing her dad?
Anger started to bubble in my stomach. She knew she was pregnant with my baby, and she didn’t tell me?
“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” I snapped at her.
If I’d known, I would never have left the country, and Logan would still be alive. He’d still be breathing.
“Wow, really? Look at you, Sebastian!” Her eyes trailed up and met mine. “Do you really think I’d want to raise a baby with a man like you? The last time I saw you, you were covered in someone else’s blood.”
She was right. I was a fucking mess, and the last time I’d seen her, I’d treated her like shit. What kind of man was I to do that to someone I loved? I wasn’t fit to be a father.
“Our child,” I said softly.
“You lost the right to that when you decided to put the Organisation first. I needed you, and you weren’t here!”
She pushed my chest, causing her to suck a breath in and wrap her arms around her stomach. I gently took her arms, helping her stand back up.
“Don’t, Nyx.” I placed my hands on her jaw; this time, she allowed them to stay. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
I was sorry for everything I’d put her through. She should have come first, always, no matter what. I’d abandoned her.
She blinked, tears falling and creeping down her cheeks.
I grazed my thumbs over, wiping them away.
My heart broke like a shattered mirror that had fallen to the floor.
The shards cut me deep from the inside out as I looked at all the pain that filled her beautiful eyes.
It felt like I was bleeding out, choking on everything I should have done.
“All I wanted was for you to be there. To wrap me up in your warmth and tell me everything would be ok. But you weren’t. You left me alone, and I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that.”
“I should have been there for you. I let you down. Please, I promise you, I won’t ever leave you again. I can be better. I will be better.”
“I can’t do this anymore,” she whispered.
“Don’t say that.” I rested my forehead against hers as she blinked, releasing more tears.
“We can’t keep doing this, Sebastian. I don’t trust you anymore.”
“I can’t lose you, Aria. I need you more than you will ever know.”
“You lost me the minute you decided to lie to me.”
“Do you want me to beg? Because I’ll get on my knees and beg you to stay.”
With that, I lowered to my knees and gently wrapped my arms around her waist, kissing her stomach softly. She was the only woman who could ever make me fall to my knees. The only woman I would love with every fibre in my body.
It was her, it had always been her.
I couldn’t lose her. I wouldn’t lose her. She was the only thing I had left.
“Please, Nyx. I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me. I can’t breathe without you.”
“Sebastian.” She placed her hands on my cheeks and lifted my head to meet her eyes. “It hurts to love you this much. I’ve always loved you, my heart has always been yours, but it can’t breathe anymore. I can’t have secrets and lies, not again. I can’t live like that.”
“You promised you wouldn’t leave me,” I whispered as the tears formed in my eyes.
“And you promised you’d always be there.” She kissed my forehead softly, then broke free from my embrace, picked up her bag, and walked away.
Away from us.