Chapter 18
Eighteen
NARDI
I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can hate him.
Sure, I don’t like everything Cullen does. The way he butts into my life, the way he secretly orders bodyguards to spy on me, the way he nags and nags me at every turn is annoying.
But how can I not fall for him when he looks at me so tenderly? When he keeps denying his own happiness to secure my family’s?
The more I push him away, the more Cullen shows up right when I need him. The more he shows up for me, the more attractive I find him.
It’s getting very, very hard not to jump that man at his earliest convenience.
But it’s more than just physical. I want to soothe his pain away.
I want him to be happy.
Which is awful.
Truly.
It stinks.
Cullen asked me not to fall in love with him. And it’s not like I’m gung-ho about falling in love with a dying man either.
I’m not stupid. I know what pain and heartbreak feels like and I don’t ever want to travel that road again. Yet, here I am, trapped in a race car in turbo mode, flying past all the ‘Heartbreak Here, Do Not Enter’ signs.
The more I try to jump out of the car, the more the car speeds up.
It’s Cullen’s fault for being so flipping sweet .
He put Cathleen and the PTA moms in their place just by showing up. He rolled up his sleeves to do the dirty work in the gym, refusing to let me lift a finger even though he’s a germaphobe who despises getting dirty.
He told me to keep my walls intact when he’s the one constantly battering against them. Seriously, who could withstand that? I’m not made of steel. Eventually, I’m going to crumble.
I am crumbling.
Thankfully, I don’t have to battle these tumultuous thoughts in front of Cullen because he takes me home so I can rest a bit before going to the hospital. It feels like hours have passed but, when I enter the apartment, mom and Josiah are still sleeping.
Restlessly, I clean the house from top to bottom until mom gets up. She catches me balancing on a chair, a feather duster in my hands as I wipe the ceiling fan in the living room.
“Nardi Davis, what do you think you’re doing?” Mom scolds.
“Ah!” I teeter on the chair. “Mom, you scared me. I almost fell.”
“That would have been your own fault. Get down from there.” Mom tugs me to the ground and snatches the feather duster from me. “Are you trying to break your other arm?”
As mom glares at me, I start grinning.
She makes a face. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you smirking like a lunatic?”
“Because it’s been a really long morning and I missed you.”
She rolls her eyes, but a smile brightens her face. “You big baby. Sit down while I make breakfast.”
“What are you making?” I ask.
“Fry jacks.”
I skip beside her. “Out of all your dishes, I missed your fry jacks the most. Mine don’t come out as good as yours.”
Mom starts up the stove. It clicks but doesn’t allow any flames. “This burner isn’t working?”
“Yeah, only the three at the back.”
“Humph.” Mom fiddles with the working burners and sets the pan of oil on the flame. “By the way, don’t you usually sell food on Saturdays? Why haven’t you started cooking yet?”
“I’ve been instructed not to,” I tell her, peeling a banana.
“By the doctor?”
“Yeah. Him and Cullen.”
“Ah.” Mom’s eyes crinkle with understanding.
I watch her pour water into a bowl of flour, salt, and baking powder. “What?”
“When you were in Belize, you never listened to the doctor. I had to force you to take your flu meds. And remember that one time you twisted your ankle in PE and the doctor told you not to move it for three days? You were back on the field in two days. But now that Cullen is involved you know how to be obedient.”
“It’s not like that,” I argue. “You can’t compare me now to when I was in Belize. That was a long time ago.”
“Not that long.”
Feeling exposed, I complain to her. “It’s his fault this weekend isn’t going as planned. I closed the food stall because I thought I’d be cooking for Sunny this weekend.”
“Oh?” Mom cuts dough into crescent shapes, carves two parallel lines in the center and then drops the dough in the hot oil. “What gig?”
“A rich couple hired me to cater for a birthday party. The wife’s mother is Belizean and she heard about my cooking.”
Mom twists to face me, her eyes bright with interest. “She’s Belizean? What’s her last name?”
“Not the point, mom.” I set my banana aside. “ Cullen wasn’t sure if my wrist would be okay enough to cook all that food for the party. So he called them and told them to cancel.”
“That boy…”
“I know right! He’s so awful!”
“He’s so smart!” Mom juts her chin down.
I whine. “Mom, you’re supposed to be on my side!”
“Maybe I would be if I hadn’t seen you climbing on a rickety chair trying to break your neck along with your wrist. You have no boundaries when it comes to caring for others, but you can’t manage to take care of yourself half as well. You need someone firm to remind you that you’re more important than anything else.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “You’re no help.”
“Well, then… since I’m no help, I won’t tell you my idea.”
My eyes widen and I lean forward. “What’s your idea?”
“Get me a bowl and line it with napkins. Then I’ll tell you.”
I hurry to do what she asked.
Mom uses a pronged fork to lift the golden, fluffy fry jacks out of the oil. She lets the excess oil drip into the pan for a bit and then transfers the fry jack into the bowl I gave her.
“What’s your idea, mom?” I prod her when she remains focused on her task.
“I don’t know if the couple have made other arrangements, but if they haven’t, I think it’s worth a shot to offer again.”
“How can I offer again? I still have my wrist brace on and my appointment with the doctor isn’t until this afternoon. And what if he says I have to stay like this for another week?” I lift my injured arm.
“Whether or not you take that thing off doesn’t matter, because you’re not the one who’ll be cooking.”
I stare at my mother in shock.
She nods.
My excitement soars but, after a moment of contemplation, I shake my head and sink my chin against the counter. “That wouldn’t be fair to you. You’d have to do too much work alone.”
“Who taught you all you know about running food stalls?” Mom asks, her chin tipped up proudly.
“You only did it for two months. You said it was too hard.”
“Yes, but I paid all your and Josiah’s school fees from that short go at the business, didn’t I? And people were begging me to come back and sell my rice and beans.”
“This isn’t about how good your food is, mom. I know it’s great. But you didn’t come here to work.”
“I came here to see my babies and help out in any way I can. How long have you been taking care of Josiah by yourself without complaint?”
“That’s different. Josiah’s my brother.”
“And I am your mother. His too. But I haven’t been able to take care of either of you.”
“That’s not true at all. You send us half of your entire pay check every month.”
“That piddly money barely covers anything. You’re the one who makes him breakfast, wakes him up for school, clothes him, takes care of all his extra curricular activities, nurses him when he’s sick?—”
Emotions roil in my chest. I take her dark, weathered hand and squeeze. “Mom.”
“You’re practically a single mother to a son you didn’t birth. You can’t date and have fun like other young women your age. You completely lost your freedom and you didn’t have a choice in the matter.”
“I did have a choice, remember? I sent for Josiah to come to the States. I love my life and I love having him here. It was so lonely without family, mama.”
“I know, but it’s also a burden.” She pats my hand. “Let me do this for you, Nardi. Let me be your mother for once.”
As the tears press against the back of my eyes, I wrap my arms around my mother and hug her tight. I won’t ever admit to her, but there were times when I felt resentful of my responsibility to my brother. There were times when mom called and it seemed like all she cared about was Josiah. And other times, when I felt like she was scolding me for not taking better care of her baby.
The wounds I didn’t allow myself to acknowledge are starting to heal right here in this kitchen.
“Thank you for coming, mom,” I whisper.
“Of course, baby. But can we hug another time? The oil is going to burn if I don’t put another fry jack in.”
“Oh, right.” I back off sheepishly as mom continues with breakfast.
Not one to waste time, I call Sunny right away to ask if she still needs a caterer, but she doesn’t answer so I make a note to call back later.
Josiah wakes up, lured by the tempting smells coming from the kitchen.
I check my watch after we finish breakfast, “Jos, you need to get ready or you’ll be late for the fundraiser. The PTA moms planned all kinds of cool things.”
I may hate their attitudes, but I will admit that those moms know how to throw a fancy party.
“When are you getting your cast off?” Josiah asks.
Both me and mom freeze.
“At two,” I tell him.
He bobs his head. “Cullen’s taking you?”
“Um, he said he would,” I answer, still stunned by the train of this conversation.
“I’ll come with you instead.”
“Don’t you want to go to the fundraiser?” I ask my little brother. “Aren’t all your friends going?”
“What friends?” He snorts and pulls out his phone.
The kid has a point.
My phone buzzes at that moment.
“Is it Cullen?” Josiah asks, craning his neck to look at my screen.
“No.” I glance at mom. “It’s the rich client I mentioned earlier.”
Mom shoos me from the table and I head to my bedroom to answer the call.
Sunny’s charismatic voice fills my ears. “Sorry I missed your call this morning, Nardi. I’ve been running up and down with the boys. They’re trying to find a gift for my mom and, of course , they waited until the last minute.”
A chorus of young, male protests erupt from her end of the line and I can imagine Sunny’s sons making a fuss about her exposing that to me.
I chuckle. “I don’t want to keep you long, but I had a question. I was wondering if you’d found anyone to cater for the party?”
“We did, but the moment mom heard we were having non-Belizean food, she insisted on cooking rice and beans herself. We couldn’t stop her.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but I do have an offer for you, Sunny. My mother is visiting from Belize?—”
“Oh how lovely!”
“—and she’s available to cater for the party tomorrow. I’ll be helping her, but only in a small capacity. I won’t be endangering my wrist.”
Sunny pauses.
“If you’re hesitating because you don’t want to offend Cullen, please don’t worry. I’ll talk to him.”
“It’s not that,” she stammers.
“Is there something I’m not aware of?” I press, confused by her hesitant response.
“Nardi, Cullen only used your wrist as an excuse. He didn’t want you or anyone in your family working at the party tomorrow.”
“What do you mean?”
Sunny hesitates again.
I’m burning with curiosity now and urge her. “What did Cullen do, Sunny?”
“He spoke to Darrel and I,” Sunny says cautiously. “About you.”
My heart skitters. “What about me?”
“He wanted you to meet us and our friends. He wanted us to make those introductions tomorrow and he wanted you focused on that and not worrying about the food.”
I rub my forehead. “Sunny, I still don’t understand. I’m just a regular office assistant who sells from a food stall on Saturdays. Why would Cullen push you to introduce me to your friends? Why would he try to force something like that?”
I’m trying not to be annoyed and embarrassed, but I am both in equal measures. I feel like that kid on the first day of school who found out her ‘bestie’ only asked her to sit at the cool table at lunch because their moms are friends.
“Please don’t be offended, Nardi. He didn’t mean anything negative by it.”
“Then what did he mean?” I snap.
“He just… thought that you might need support after…”
My throat constricts. “After what Sunny?”
“After he passes.”
A cold chill runs down my back.
Sunny continues in a subdued voice and I can tell she’s trying not to let her kids hear. “Cullen told us that you don’t have many friends because you’re too busy taking care of your brother and working.”
I flinch because it’s true, but it’s also horrid to hear it spoken so blatantly.
“He couldn’t think of anyone who’d be around to support you emotionally when… I mean if… I mean… you know.” Sunny struggles to find the words.
“I can’t believe this,” I whisper, dumbfounded.
“Truthfully, I don’t know Cullen that well. He only talks to my husband and most of what they discuss is private. Darrel doesn’t share confidential matters with me. However, after Cullen summed up the courage to make that request, I knew one thing. He really, really loves you.”
I swallow hard.
The weight on my chest returns, but it’s heavier now than it’s ever been.
Sunny sighs. “I’ve never seen a man more devoted to a woman. And I have many, many friends who’ve sacrificed and changed their entire lives for love. Dare even learned sign language! I thought no one could top that.”
I want to smile. Want to laugh. Want to make this odd, heavy feeling disappear. But I can’t.
Sunny interrupts the quiet. “If you don’t mind me asking, what are your feelings for him?”
“I…” My tongue darts out to wet my lips. “I’m trying…” My voice cracks. “I’m trying really hard not to get in too deep. He asked me not to and I don’t want to either. I don’t want to be hurt.”
Sunny waits a beat, as if she’s thinking hard. “I may not have a right to intervene in this and if I’m crossing a line, please feel free to tell me that. Darrel always warns me that I can be too pushy. People need to come to their own conclusions.”
“No, I want to hear.”
It’ll be such a relief to have someone else chime in on this. My heart is a tangled mess and my thoughts are pure chaos. An outside perspective is welcome.
“You should start thinking about protecting yourself,” Sunny says seriously.
“Protecting myself? You mean…?”
“I mean it might be a good idea to stop whatever you have going on with Cullen.”
Her words are a splash of cold water to the face.
“Cullen is going to keep loving you. And I know, as a woman who is fiercely, passionately and consistently loved, that when a man really takes care of you and meets all your needs, it makes you want to love and respect him in return. It’s very difficult to do anything else.” She pauses. “But if you do that, Nardi, you’ll be stabbing a knife through your own heart.”
“I know.”
“It’s still your choice, and I hope you don’t think I’m looking down on you or trying to tell you what to do. I think you’re awesome and, given how much Cullen loves you, I know you must be a good person. With time, I can see that you and I will be dear friends.”
Sunny’s tone is soothing and sincere, but it’s not enough to stop the bleeding of my heart. Like she said, the knife is already there. It’s just a matter of how deep it goes and how long before it ends me.
Cullen picks me up before my appointment.
Josiah’s the one who opens the door.
“Cullen!” My brother squeals.
“Josiah!” Cullen pats my brother’s shoulder as Josiah passes him to go through the door. “Ready?” Cullen asks me.
“You shouldn’t have walked up the stairs,” I scold him. “Why didn’t you wait in the car?”
At my harsh tone, his eyes flicker over my face. “Waiting is torture. I’d rather see you now than sit in the car for two minutes until you get downstairs.”
I frown at him.
His small smile quietly disappears. Guilt pinches my chest. I know my cold attitude is a total one eighty after how well we were getting along at the haunted house.
Thankfully, Josiah pulls Cullen aside. “I’ve been working on something. I want to show you my idea for the simulation.”
“Sure, man. We can have a chat after Nardi’s appointment.”
Josiah beams.
I walk down the stairs behind them, watching Cullen closely. His shoulders look especially broad in the simple grey T-shirt and jeans. His beanie looks soft and warm. He’s not breathing hard or moving carefully as we walk down the long flight.
But it’s all a facade.
Cullen doesn’t have much time left.
I had a bad feeling when I saw Sara on the verge of tears when she said goodbye to us this morning. The documents, the share agreement, the bodyguard and now setting up an emotional support group for me. Every move he’s making, every big decision—it all surrounds taking care of me and Josiah after he’s gone.
Sunny’s advice runs circles in my head.
Protect yourself and cut it off now.
A warm hand slides over mine. Cullen gives my fingers a squeeze. “You look deep in thought. Is everything okay?”
I pin my lips together and nod.
He watches me as if he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t say more. Silently, he opens the passenger door for me and I get into the car.
On the way to the hospital, no one speaks. Josiah is busy on his phone while Cullen drives with both hands on the wheel.
I feel stuffy and uncomfortable, so I roll down the window. The wind buffets my face and the roar of the highway fills my ears.
“Nardi, the AC is on. Why do you have the window down?” Josiah asks.
“No reason.” I roll it up.
Cullen glances at me and then returns his eyes to the road.
I tap my finger against my purse, trying not to look at him.
Josiah snorts. “Why aren’t you two talking?”
I glare at my brother through the rearview mirror, but Josiah doesn’t see it because his head is ducked behind his phone.
Cullen clears his throat. “Why isn’t your mom coming with us?”
That question doesn’t seem to be directed at anyone in particular, but I answer, “She’s staying at home and working on some dishes to bring to the party tomorrow.”
“The party?” Cullen’s eyebrows hike. “Your mom is cooking?”
“Sort of. Sunny said mom and Josiah could be my plus ones, but mom didn’t want to come over empty handed.”
Cullen nods.
I fiddle with the strap of my purse as silence thuds between us. Should I confront him about asking Sunny and her friends to ‘adopt’ me after he’s gone? Technically, I shouldn’t know about that at all and I decide to keep my thoughts to myself.
Neither of us say anything more until we get to the hospital.
Thankfully, the doctor is available right away. After some more tests, he declares that I can take off my wrist brace. I rejoice when I finally bid that arduous companion goodbye.
“How does it feel to be free, Nardi?” Josiah asks, gracing me with a rare smile.
“Really great.” I twist my hand around. “Although…” I compare my two hands. “Doesn’t this wrist look scrawnier than the other?”
Josiah peers over my hand.
Cullen observes too.
“I don’t think so,” Josiah muses.
Just then, I see a familiar face up ahead. It’s the doctor we met the last time we were here, the one who knew that Cullen was sick.
“What are you staring at?” Cullen asks, looking in the direction that my head is turned.
“You guys go ahead,” I mumble. “I need to use the bathroom.”
Holding my purse tightly, I dash after the doctor. She turns a bend and I lengthen my stride to catch up to her.
“Excuse me,” I call out. “Excuse me?”
She spins around, her white coat fluttering behind her.
I skid to a stop in front of her, breathing hard from the run. “Hi, Dr.—” I read her name tag—“Dr. Briar, I have…” I pant, “a quick question for you.”
Her eyes narrow as she tries to place me. “Have we met?”
“I was here with Cullen two weeks ago.”
“Cullen.” Her eyes widen in recognition. “Yes, he was with a woman. Was that you?”
I nod. “Can you spare a minute?”
Dr. Briar checks her watch. “I have a meeting now, but… sure. How can I help?”
“It’s about Cullen’s treatments.”
Her eyelashes flutter. “I’m afraid I don’t know much about his treatments as he wasn’t a patient here.”
“Yes, but you found out he was sick. Can you tell me exactly what happened to him?”
“I can’t discuss patient details with you unless you’re family. I’m sorry.” She shakes her head.
When it seems like she’ll walk away, I grab her arm.
She seems surprised and I drop my hold. “Wait. Please. I… I just… Cullen said he’s dying.”
Her eyelashes fly up.
“Do you know where he got his treatments?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“I’m his fiancée.” I pat my chest, pleading, “I’m not asking you to disclose his condition, but you must have referred him to a cancer treatment center. All I need is a name.”
Her eyes search mine and she dips her head. After a few deep breaths, she confides softly, “It’s Belvedere Cancer Center.” She sticks out her finger. “But you didn’t hear that from me.”
“Thank you.” I breathe out. “Thank you.”
Her shoes slap the floor as she walks away and I turn in the other direction. Cullen and Josiah are sitting in the lobby.
Cullen sees me first and shoots to his feet. Josiah follows more slowly, his eyes locked—as always—on his phone.
“Why are you two waiting in here? Why didn’t you go to the car?” I ask.
“Cullen was in pain so he had to buy a bottle of water and take pills,” Josiah tattles.
My eyes widen.
Cullen shoots my brother a look of betrayal.
I swoop toward the tall programmer, my heart in my throat. “Do you need to see a doctor?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“There are plenty around,” I insist. “I’m sure we can find someone who can check on you.”
When I try to grab his hand to pull him toward the nurse’s station, Cullen tugs me toward his chest instead.
“I’m okay, Nardi. It was only indigestion. Nothing serious.”
I don’t believe a word he’s saying. Especially because he didn’t look me in the eyes for that entire sentence.
“If it’s just indigestion, then you shouldn’t mind a quick consultation,” I insist.
“Nardi.”
“It’s just a doctor, Cullen.”
“Nardi, you’re shaking.” Cullen grips my arm.
“I’m fine.”
I’m not fine. My heart is thudding in my chest. There’s an air of desperation to my words. I don’t know where the urgency is coming from, but it feels like something precious is about to slip through my fingers and I have no control, no way to save it.
Cullen tries to steer me toward a seat. “Sit down.”
“I don’t want to sit down! I want you to see a doctor!” I snap, throwing his hand off.
I don’t realize that I’ve shouted until the people in the lobby look at me and Josiah lifts his eyes from his phone.
Shame creeps into my chest and I struggle to calm my breathing.
The tips of Cullen’s ears are red, but his voice is calm when he speaks to me, “Okay, Nardi. If you really want me to, I’ll see a doctor. But not today. Let’s just leave now and get Josiah home. You and I can talk when we’re alone.”
Josiah’s head whips up. “But you promised I could show you my idea.”
“Another time, Josiah.”
I rub my forehead in frustration. “No, it’s fine. Josiah came with us because he wanted to spend time with you.”
Cullen observes me carefully. Then he turns to my brother. “How about we talk over ice cream?”
Josiah’s head bounces up like a Jack-in-the-box. “I want cookies and cream.”
“You’re not supposed to have dairy with your medication,” I remind Cullen. “Isn’t that what Sara said this morning?”
“I’ll have a fruit smoothie then,” he says.
I don’t have an argument for that.
We pile into the car and Cullen drives us to the mall. It’s a short ride, but the air between us is so tense that it feels like we’re driving for hours.
At the ice cream store, Josiah and Cullen walk to the glass counter. My brother orders two scoops of ice cream for himself and I order a liter for mom.
“What about you?” Cullen asks, taking out his card.
“I’m not in the mood for ice cream,” I grumble.
“We should celebrate your wrist being healed,” he coaxes. “Don’t you want anything?”
I shake my head, still upset by what happened in the hospital. I’m aware I made a fool of myself, but what frightens me even more is that I would do it again. Had I pushed a little more, would Cullen have given in and seen a doctor? Did I just miss an opportunity to save him?
The server hands over Josiah’s ice cream and the tub for mom. We find a bench and Josiah flies past me to claim the seat next to Cullen.
“I’ve been thinking about the mainframe’s infrastructure, and I was working on this new program,” Josiah says, showing Cullen his phone.
“Wow. You coded that by yourself?” Cullen sounds impressed. “This sequence wasn’t in the data you sent me yesterday.”
I watch the two of them, noticing how my brother adores Cullen.
My fingers curl into fists.
Cullen glances up and sees my expression. He reaches out to hold my hand, but I pull back. Standing abruptly, I murmur, “I’m going to ask if they can keep mom’s tub in their freezer until we’re ready to leave.”
I feel Cullen’s silver eyes follow me, but I don’t look back.
The coolness of the ice cream container seeps into my hand. I press my palm further into the container, welcoming the frosty discomfort.
What is wrong with me? Get your emotions together, Nardi.
After making my request at the counter, I leave the tub with the teenaged server and swing back to the booth.
As I near Josiah and Cullen, their hushed conversation makes me slow my steps.
“This is an incredible idea, Josiah. Truly. But I’m afraid we don’t have the technology yet to replicate data at the level your program will need,” Cullen says.
“But we will someday. And I was thinking, after I graduate college, I could work with you at Cullen Tech and we can create that program together.”
I stop short.
My heart slams against my ribs.
All I can see from here is Cullen’s back as his muscles tense. “Josiah… I might not be here to see you graduate from college. But I know you can do it. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you have everything you need to make programs just like that one in the future.”
“What do you mean? Where are you going?” my brother asks innocently.
My breath hitches.
Cullen’s voice drops to a hoarse tone. “I… uh…”
Is he going to tell my brother that he’s dying? He can’t. That’ll crush Josiah.
I stomp ahead, ready to cut the conversation short when Cullen says, “I’m going to Mars.”
My feet sink into the ground.
I can’t move.
Can’t breathe.
“Mars?” My brother’s voice rings with excitement.
“Yeah, it’s a project I’m working on.”
“But aren’t you working on planes at Cullen Tech?”
“I was. I mean, I am.” Cullen nods. “But that’s only one project. Cullen Tech has a lot more projects to create. And one day, you’re going to take all your great ideas and you’ll find people who’ll help you build your own company, just like I built Cullen Tech.”
“But I don’t want to have my own company. I want to work with you ,” Josiah says.
“I’m afraid that won’t be possible,” Cullen answers brokenly.
“You can send texts from Mars,” Josiah says.
“Not from the part where I’m going,” Cullen responds.
“How often can you come back to earth from Mars?” Josiah asks, licking his ice cream cone.
Cullen chooses his words carefully. “Mars time flows differently than earth time. If I come back, it might not be in your lifetime.”
“What about Nardi?”
Every molecule in my body freezes.
“I heard when you said you wanted to marry her. Are you going to take my sister to Mars too?”
Cullen shakes his head slowly. “Nardi would miss you too much if she went to Mars with me. So she’s going to stay with you. I’m going to need you to keep her safe while I’m gone. Can you do that for me, Josiah?”
My brother licks his ice cream cone happily. “Of course. But can you do something for me too?”
I want to hear more, but my nose is clogged.
A tear spills down my cheek, followed by another.
Since I’ve met him, Cullen has spoken about his death and, now that he’s telling Josiah that he’s leaving, it really feels like the end.
But what if it wasn’t?
What if he doesn’t have to die?
Panic sinks its claws into my heart.
If I can consult with his doctors and find out what’s really going on, maybe I can convince him to get treatment before it’s too late.
Determinedly, I wipe my tears away and square my shoulders.
Hope blooms fresh in my heart.
Sunny was right. I do have to protect myself, but cutting off my feelings won’t lead me to a happy ending. Neither will blindly falling deeper and deeper with Cullen when he’s not here to stay.
The only way I can write this story to a satisfying conclusion is if I find a way to keep Ronan Cullen alive.