Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
CULLEN
There was not a romantic bone in my body before I met Nardi. I woke every morning, intending only to lose myself in my computer, barely surfacing to eat, pay bills, and shower.
I lived like an NPC, a soul-less character in the background of a game. Pre-programmed with a tragic backstory, stilted dialogue and destined to disappear as the real, main character took center stage.
Then I met her.
And something inside me jolted awake.
Perhaps if I’d been in love before, I would have known what to call that ‘something’ sooner. In the gaps of my ignorance, I thought it was curiosity.
And then obsession.
Too late in the game, it hit me.
I loved Nardi.
But even what I thought was love… wasn’t at all.
Because love isn’t supposed to hurt like this.
Bleed like this.
Cause this much damage.
As I tighten my hold on her and nuzzle my face into her straight black hair, agony stirs in my soul. It makes me clutch her harder and she whimpers in her sleep, protesting the pain I’m inflicting.
I press my lips to her ear. “I’m sorry, Nardi.”
She doesn’t hear me, yet those soft fingers that had clung to me all night lift to my face. They pat me in comfort before slapping back against the pillows.
A light snore gushes from her parted lips.
I stifle the urge to wake her again, not to invade her body but to simply look into her pretty brown eyes. Hear her voice. See her smile one more time.
We’d exchanged our love all night. I’d been so gentle, it nearly killed me.
Nardi hadn’t made it easy.
My desperation to woo her was met with an equal desperation on her end to blind me with raw, naked lust.
Still, I persisted.
Did she understand? Did she feel it?
The questions burn me, scald me from the inside out. Tonight was my last chance to spill my secrets, to empty out my heart and pour its contents at her feet. I’m already stealing time from tomorrow. The sun will rise in a few hours. We’ll be unable to hide from the truth. Whatever happens next, our story ends here.
I hover my fingers over Nardi’s forehead, down the slope of her nose and to her cheeks. Carefully, reverently, I inscribe her portrait in my heart and hang it in the gallery of my mind.
Does she know? Can she tell that her fiery presence in my life was the sweetest gift to a dying man? Does she realize how completely I’ve fallen for her?
Every kiss I swept across her body came from a place of gratitude and honor. Had we not met, I would have passed through this life, never experiencing what it means to truly live.
My dad was wrong about me.
I won’t die a failure.
But it’s not because of the wealth I have or the company I built.
Now that I’ve come to the end of my life, I see things clearly. Success isn’t about money or power. I can’t take any of those with me to the grave.
But having a team of brilliant technicians who respect and follow me…
Changing the life of a little boy full of potential just by passing on my possessions…
And having a beautiful, intelligent woman like Nardi Davis love me and be able to love her in return?
That is proof that I lived.
And that I lived well.
Moving as carefully as I can, I ease out of bed. Nardi senses my retreat and her hand grabs hold of my ring finger subconsciously. She’s so deeply embedded in my DNA that it feels like I’m tearing off my own skin when I peel her hand away.
She makes a quiet sound and burrows deeper under the blankets.
Emotions rise to my throat as I watch her. There had been an undercurrent of sorrow in the way she held me last night. It had made for a bittersweet moment as, after one of our times together, she started crying.
All I could do was hold her and kiss her and whisper how much I loved her.
She eventually fell asleep.
But I couldn’t have her last impression of me be one of crying in my arms, so I kissed her awake while the tears still dried on her eyelashes. My lips hunted hers incessantly. I gave her no option to retreat, though that might have been the more merciful path. I knew she needed to sleep.
At first, she woke with frustration and I felt that she was about to beg me to give her a break. But I kept kissing her and she didn’t hold back from me, accepting me as I nestled between her legs and fused my body to hers.
It was a struggle to breathe after that, but at least there were no more tears.
Neither were there any more questions.
Nardi asked me not to disappear, but I can’t handle an official goodbye. I meant it when I told her that I wouldn’t be able to leave.
My eyes slide to the cell phone on the nightstand.
Four a.m.
I should leave now. Before she wakes up.
It’s the smart thing to do.
But I can’t think straight.
Not when time is slipping through my fingers.
I pull around the bed to where she’s sleeping and write a short note. Next, I lower to my haunches. A few more seconds. I just want a few more moments with her.
Nardi slides one hand under her cheek and breathes evenly. I resist the urge to kiss her again, knowing it would disturb her. Instead, I pull the blanket higher over her shoulder, tuck it solidly around her and back away.
I listen to the sound of her breathing as I move to the door and there, in the doorway, I linger.
Turn back. One more look. One more kiss. My body pleads with me but, I dig my fingers into fists and force myself to walk away, while praying, hoping, wishing with every breath left in my body that Nardi Davis will be happy without me.