Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
NARDI
A birthday banner hangs from the ceiling. Balloons have been blown and tossed around, adding color to Cullen’s monotone living room. A cake has been purchased. Pizza boxes fill the entire counter. There’s juice in the fridge for Cullen and a wide array of alcohol for the others.
A mixologist friend that I worked with in the past graciously agreed to help out despite the late notice. He shows off his bartending skills, shaking out a perfect mimosa topped with an olive and sliding it to me.
I doubt anyone will be able to drink too much since it’s the middle of the day, but I figured a little alcohol will help make things more festive.
Music pounds from the speakers and I repurposed the strobe lights to add a bit of excitement to the decor. This may be a party that was hastily thrown together, but it’s shaping up to be a great sixty minutes.
And yet I can’t shake the feeling that I made the wrong decision.
With every second that passes, Cullen seems to shrivel a bit more. For such a tall man, I’m stunned at his ability to shrink further and further into himself.
Should I tell everyone not to show up?
It’s too late. The doorbell rings and Sara arrives.
“Hey, Sara.” I give her a hug. “Wow. I haven’t seen you since Jenna…”
“Since Jenna what?” Cullen asks, folding his arms over his chest and giving Sara a stern look.
His assistant shakes her head. “It’s not what you think. She didn’t do anything to Nardi.”
Cullen visibly relaxes.
“Jenna got drunk and came over to Cullen Tech, crying and begging for you to forgive her,” I say. Now that I think about it, Cullen and I have been so distracted that I haven’t been able to ask him about that. “I heard everything. Are you really not going to sue her?”
He frowns grimly. “I considered it. I’d long suspected that there was something shady about our data being leaked, but I had no way to prove it.” He sighs. “But Jenna was the one who rushed me to the hospital the day I collapsed and she also confessed to her crimes and agreed to testify in the lawsuit. Suing her won’t fix anything now. The damage is done.”
Sara shakes her head and rolls her eyes, clearly disagreeing with that conclusion.
“Sara, can I speak to you for a moment?” Cullen asks.
She and Cullen walk over to his computer room to discuss something privately and I try not to be jealous at the way they shut me out.
I understand Sara’s role in his life. She’s his right hand, and I get why it’s easy for him to confide in her, so I talk myself out of overthinking it and continue to prepare for the other guests.
Asad and Dr. Young arrive around the same time. I’m glad to see them. Asad, especially, makes me laugh as he marvels at how big Cullen’s house is.
Sara and Cullen emerge from the computer room when they hear Asad’s boisterous laughter. I’m smiling but, at the sight of Sara’s ashen face and Cullen’s somber expression, my intuition tugs at me.
Something’s not right.
That feeling only grows stronger as our other guests arrive. Darrel and Sunny make a jaw-dropping entrance. They’re both tall and extremely attractive people. Sunny’s holding a giant gift bag and offers it to Cullen who thanks her in a quiet, restrained voice.
Not long after Sunny presents the gift, Cullen and Darrel disappear.
Something is definitely, definitely up.
“Great party,” Sunny says, smiling at me.
I turn to the bartender and lift a hand. He slides a drink over to me and I knock it back in one go.
“Why are we having a birthday party and the birthday boy is nowhere to be found?” I mumble, tapping the counter for another drink.
Sunny’s eyes dart to me and then slide around the room. “You’re right. He and Darrel have been talking for a while.” She peers at me. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is great.” I drain the cup as the foreboding sensation gets stronger.
Sunny’s eyes fasten on the wedding ring hanging from my neck. “Ooh! That’s pretty.”
“This?” I run my fingers over the ring. “Cullen got it for me.”
Sunny looks surprised. “Why aren’t you wearing it on your finger?”
Unease flashes through my chest. “Because…”
She places a hand on my shoulder and it’s only then that I realize I must look as conflicted as I feel.
“It’s okay,” Sunny says.
Sadness swelling in my chest, I admit, “If I put the ring on, I’ll eventually have to take it off and when I do, it’ll break me. So I’d rather not.”
“Nardi, if you ever need anything?—”
“I know.” I give her a grateful smile. “And I will.”
Just then, the doorbell rings and the Richard Sullivan walks in. He’s wearing a three-piece suit and carries an air of importance that money just can’t buy.
Asad nearly drops his drink.
Dr. Young fumbles with his collar.
But Sunny walks right up to the billionaire and gives him a big hug. “Dare, why didn’t you bring Yaya?”
“I wanted to, but she’s at a photoshoot and couldn’t rearrange her schedule in time. Where’s Cullen?”
“Talking to Darrel in there.” Sunny points to the computer room.
Richard Sullivan moves as if he’ll go over, but Sunny stops him. “Just a second, Dare. Let me introduce you to Cullen’s girlfriend.”
I’m hunkering around the counter but, when I see Sunny gesturing to me, I quickly wipe my hands on my pants and approach them.
Richard Sullivan’s eyes light up as he shakes my hand. “So you’re the woman who turned Cullen from a robot into a human.”
“I…” I have no idea what to say to that. “It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Sullivan.”
“Please. Call me Dare.” He smiles and the crow’s feet around his eyes deepen. It only makes his already chiseled face more appealing.
“Cullen thinks very highly of you,” I say shyly.
“That I don’t believe. I may be the investor, but Cullen does what he wants. I’m just along for the ride.”
“I want that in writing,” Cullen says.
We all turn and find Cullen and Darrel leaving the computer room. Though there’s a welcoming smile on Cullen’s lips, he’s shuffling as if every step is painful.
Sullivan laughs, goes up to Cullen and pats his back. “Hey, I didn’t know it was your birthday.”
Cullen says nothing.
Sullivan’s smile turns awkward. “Well, my gift is in the mail. Usually, my wife helps me pick out these things so don’t blame me if you don’t?—”
“Can I speak with you?” Cullen says abruptly.
Sullivan isn’t smiling now.
Cullen carefully avoids my eyes as he and Sullivan hide themselves away next.
Frustrated, I turn back to the bartender.
Sunny takes my drink when I reach for it. “Nardi, maybe you should slow down.”
“It’s a party. We should be drinking,” I murmur, snatching the glass from her.
Darrel appears behind his wife. Slipping an arm around her waist, he whispers to her, “Let me.”
Sunny nods and steps away to chat with Sara, Asad and Dr. Young.
I turn to look at the therapist. Darrel stands like a rigid soldier, no obvious emotions on his face.
“Are you going to tell me what you and Cullen discussed?”
“You know I can’t do that,” Darrel says patiently.
“Then I don’t want to talk to you.” I sip my drink. I’m not usually this rude but the alcohol amplifies my annoyance. Cullen is shutting me out for some reason. I don’t have it in me to be pleasant.
“That’s fair. You went to a lot of trouble to throw this party and Cullen is too busy to appreciate it. Anyone would be upset,” Darrel says in a steady voice.
“I don’t want a session right now,” I grumble.
Darrel lifts a hand to the bartender and accepts the beer that’s slid his way. “Then I’ll drink with you.”
I frown at him.
He says nothing as he takes a swig.
Being quiet when I have a listening ear suddenly feels stupid and I start to vent. “He’s planning something again, isn’t he?”
Darrel says nothing.
“He did the same thing last time. He went off by himself and made all these grand arrangements for my life and yet he didn’t have a conversation with me once. Not once. ”
“Have you asked him what his plans are?”
I take another swig, but the alcohol is bitter and I end up coughing.
Darrel hands me a napkin and points out, “Is it that you don’t want to ask or you don’t want to know?”
The weight on my chest increases and I turn away as tears glisten in my eyes. “I just want him to focus on now. On us. But he keeps trying to prepare me for when he’s gone. He thinks he’s being subtle about it, but he’s not.”
Darrel speaks calmly. “Cullen is very future-oriented. His expression of love is to prepare the future for you, even if that means letting you go in the present. On the other hand, you are present minded. You want to live in the moment, and you’d rather not think about the future until it gets here.” He pauses. “You and Cullen have chosen a very difficult path. Would you like some advice?”
I turn fully to him, ready to listen.
I think,” Darrel chooses his words carefully, “that the more desperately you insist on being in the present, the more worried he is for your future. Even if it hurts, don’t be afraid to paint a picture for him where you’ll be happy even if he’s not here. He needs that. Now more than ever.”
What does he mean ‘now more than ever’? I want to ask, but before I can, the front door opens.
“Nardi!” Josiah’s voice interrupts us.
I whirl around, stunned to find my mother and my little brother entering through the front door. Mom is clutching her purse in discomfort, but Josiah seems happy. He bounces right over to Asad and Dr. Young. The men, in turn, welcome Josiah with high fives and wide smiles.
“Jos, what are you doing here?” I ask, moving over to them. It’s great to see them both. I’ve wrapped myself in a little cocoon of love with Cullen, so I haven’t gone to visit them in a while.
“Cullen asked me to invite your family,” Sara explains.
I mumble to my mother, “I thought you didn’t like Cullen?”
“I don’t like you sticking around in a bad situation. It has nothing to do with Cullen.” She rolls her shoulders. “Anyway, I felt bad about deleting Josiah’s video, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to drop in for a few minutes.”
I smile.
Mom sticks out a hand. “But only for a few minutes. He has to go home and do his homework.”
Just then, Cullen and Sullivan emerge from the computer room.
The moment Josiah sees Cullen, he runs over and looks up at him with a big grin. “Happy birthday, Cullen.”
“Thanks, little man.” Cullen offers his fist.
Josiah bumps it.
“Alright, now that the man of the hour is here,” Sunny says, checking her watch, “and we only have ten minutes left, how about we sing and cut the cake?”
Cullen subtly touches his chest before nodding and walking over to the cake. Alarm bells peal through my head and I barely hear a word of the song. Is he in pain again?
After he cuts the cake and takes a photo, everyone cheers.
“Here, here!” Asad lifts his champagne. “Happy birthday, boss!”
“Happy birthday!” Sara yells.
Dr. Young lifts his glass too. “Happy birthday, Cullen!”
“Thanks for coming, everyone.” Cullen’s eyes swerve to me and linger. “Thank you, Nardi, for putting this together.”
A lump forms in my throat. There’s a sheen of sadness in Cullen’s eyes and it makes me feel like I’m being stabbed in the heart.
“I, uh, ehem,” he clears his throat, “I was originally planning on announcing this through an email, but since the core players are here…” He nods to Asad and Dr. Young. “Now is as good a time as any to say… I’m officially stepping down as the CEO of Cullen Tech.”
Gasps rip from Asad and Dr. Young’s corner of the living room.
Josiah frowns.
“Asad, Dr. Young, Sara… I’ve enjoyed building the company and working side by side with you. You, along with the rest of Cullen Tech, put your blood, sweat and tears into the PLP. Because of you, we were able to build a functional simulation.”
“What’s the PLP?” mom whispers.
I whisper back, “It’s Cullen’s life’s work.”
“Ah,” mom nods.
“My intention,” Cullen speaks boldly and firmly, “was to take this all the way from a simulation to manufacturing until finally, we incorporated the PLP into every airline. But life has other plans and so…” He inhales a deep breath. “My last decision as CEO is to hand the PLP over to another company.”
“You’re selling the PLP?” Josiah cries.
Asad looks shocked.
Dr. Young sets his drink down on the counter, his face pale.
“I want Asad and Dr. Young to be able to take Cullen Tech in a different direction if they so choose.” Cullen’s smile is sad. “The PLP was my dream. It doesn’t have to be your burden.”
“It’s not a burden,” Dr. Young says fiercely. “It’s our heart and soul.”
“Do you know how many hours of sleep I lost because of the PLP?” Asad lowers his head. “Look, I’m going bald right here.”
Sad chuckles break out.
“Don’t sell the PLP, Cullen.” Dr. Young firms his lips. “We’ll see it through to the end.”
“No matter where this next stage takes you, rest assured, we will put pilot-less planes in the sky,” Asad says determinedly. “You have my word.”
Cullen’s nostrils flare and I can tell he’s trying hard to keep his emotions in check.
Sullivan puts a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Josiah walks up to Cullen. “Don’t worry. I’ll help them if they ever get stuck.”
“Can he do that?” Sunny asks.
“This little guy is a genius,” Asad tells her jovially. “You bet we’ll be coming to him for advice.”
“Thank you, Josiah,” Cullen says weakly.
“I won’t forget anything you taught me.” My little brother’s voice shakes. “I won’t forget you, Cullen.”
Silence rings out for a moment.
The atmosphere in the room shifts.
Sunny turns into Darrel’s chest, her eyes glassy.
Sara covers her mouth with the back of her hand, muffling a sob.
Mom blinks rapidly and turns her face away so I can’t see her tears.
I watch as Cullen kneels in front of my little brother. “I won’t forget you either, Josiah. No matter how far I go, I’ll keep you right here.” He taps on his chest. “I promise.”
Josiah gives him a hug and I lose it. Grabbing a napkin from the counter, I wipe away the tears that fall silently from my face.
Mom takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. I’m glad she doesn’t hug me because, if she had, I’d probably start weeping loudly and theatrically. It takes all my strength to pull myself together enough to lift my glass in the air.
“To Cullen,” I sniff.
Cullen’s silver eyes fasten on me, shining with emotions.
The others lift their glasses and in one voice they say, “To Cullen.”
I drain my glass and join the others in applauding the quiet, stubborn, persistent, capable man who changed all of our lives for the better.
Mom and Josiah hang around after the others leave, but my crying spell mixed with all the drinking has left me with a splitting headache. I retreat to the downstairs bedroom and Cullen has to see everyone out alone.
I expect him to be drained from having to carry the responsibility of socializing. However, when he steps into the guest room, he seems calm and relaxed.
“Are you up?” he whispers, moving carefully.
“Yeah.”
“Everyone is gone,” Cullen says, sitting on the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling? I saw you drinking a lot.”
“How did you notice? You were in meetings for most of the party,” I accuse.
Cullen goes quiet.
I struggle to sit up while the world spins around me. “Were you talking to them about selling the PLP?”
“Yes.”
“Was that all you talked about?”
Cullen runs a hand over his beanie. I’ve come to understand that as a subconscious soothing mechanism.
In the dimness thrown from the lamp, I watch him. He looks back at me with a half smile as tears gather in his eyes.
And I know.
I just know .
“It’s time, isn’t it?” I whisper, reeling back.
“It is.”
“Did something happen earlier today? Did you collapse and didn’t tell me? What should I…” I panic and my breathing turns erratic. “Should we go to the hospital?”
“Nardi, do you remember our deal?” Cullen asks.
My chest heaves and I shake my head. It’s not that I don’t remember. I just don’t want to think about it. I wanted more time. Given his three week deadline, we still have a week left.
“You asked me not to disappear on you.” He swallows hard. “I asked you not to follow me when I leave.”
In the back of my mind, I hear glass breaking. It’s the facade shattering completely, leaving nothing but cutting shards behind.
“When are you leaving?” I ask.
“Tomorrow.”
My heart bleeds out and I press a hand to my lips to stifle a cry of disappointment. “So soon?”
For the first time, I see him waver. “If I don’t leave now, I won’t ever want to.”
Neither of us say anything for a beat.
My heart in my throat, I scoot over. “Snuggle with me.”
He gets into the bed. However, Cullen doesn’t like being the little spoon. Reaching over me, he takes my hand and shifts me to his other side so my back is to his chest. His long legs bend under mine and it feels like we’re Russian nesting dolls that fit snugly together.
I slide my fingers over his, relishing his closeness. In a thoughtful voice, I murmur, “Why haven’t you asked me?”
“Asked what?”
I swallow hard and struggle to say the words, “About my hysterectomy.”
“You’d tell me if you wanted to.” He nuzzles his nose against my neck. “I don’t want to minimize how painful that was for you, but for me, it doesn’t matter. You’re still Nardi, whether or not you can have kids.”
Touched, I turn to face him.
Cullen looks down, watching me in that intense way, as if he’s memorizing every inch of me.
“The old Nardi wouldn’t have been able to believe that. Back then, I felt like a failure,” I whisper. “My world was completely destroyed. I so badly wanted to be a mom and to have my own baby. When that dream was ripped from me… something inside crawled under a rock.”
He reaches out and rubs his thumb over my cheek.
“That’s when I started working like crazy. I wanted to bring my family over. If I couldn’t have a husband and a baby, then I’d make do with what I did have. I promised myself that I’d take care of Josiah and mom like they were my kids.”
“I can see that,” he assures me. “You’ve done a great job taking care of them.”
I smile, feeling the gravity of this moment. Now that our time is up, I realize there’s so much more I want to do with him, a thousand more conversations I want to have.
Cullen rubs my temple soothingly. “That’s how I know you’ll be an amazing mother someday. However you choose to go about it, you will have a family.”
“I will,” I say firmly.
“What else does the future hold for Nardi Davis?” Cullen asks, staring at me.
I remember Darrel’s advice and though I want to break down and cry, I speak confidently instead. “The future is bright,” I tell him, dreaming as I go. “I’ll keep selling at the food stall and hire help so I can cater to more people. And I’ll film myself every step of the way so that potential buyers are invested in my journey. I’ll share the day I buy a building, how I decorate, how I decide the menu, I’ll show them everything so they’re begging to visit my restaurant when it opens.”
Cullen smiles as if I’m giving him the best news and he nestles his forehead against mine. “What else?”
“I’ll continue to grow my social media. Most restaurants fail in the first two years, so I need to be more of a marketer than a cook to stay relevant. I want to use my cooking videos to funnel people through the doors. And, when the restaurant is stable and Josiah’s eighteen, I want to start thinking about having a family.”
Cullen frowns. “Why wait until Josiah’s eighteen?”
“I told you. Josiah and mom are my kids. I need to make sure they’re okay first.” I roll my eyes at his frown. “Hey, this is my dream. Don’t judge me.”
He laughs.
“Adopting a baby as a single woman is difficult, but I want to give it a shot.”
Cullen shakes his head. “You don’t plan to get married?”
“No.”
“Nardi.”
“It’s not because of you. I didn’t plan to get married before I met you either.”
He contemplates my words and then rejects them. “You’re too beautiful and amazing to be alone.”
“I’d rather protect my peace than choose just anyone.” I roll into him, pressing my chest against his chest. “And whoever tries to date me next will have really big shoes to fill. The last guy bought me a building.”
Cullen doesn’t smile. Instead, he eases back. “I don’t want you to be stuck grieving me for the rest of your life.”
“I won’t.” I stare into his stern eyes. “Cullen?”
“Mm.”
“I love you.”
He stares down at me with a bittersweet smile. “I love you too.”
“Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I mean that sincerely.”
Cullen looks touched. He leans down and presses his lips to mine. I feel something wet trail down my cheek and I can’t tell if it’s his tears or mine or perhaps, a mixture of both.
Cullen’s hand press into the pillow beside my head and the mattress dips as he rolls over me. My head tilts back to accept the change in angle. The weight of his body pushes me deeper into the bed.
My hands slide around his slim waist and I arch my back, meeting every motion of his mouth, falling deeper into him.
He eases away and hovers over me for a second. Silver eyes peer into mine, pulling me into a galaxy of stars and moonlight.
His love for me is a literal fire burning in his gaze. I feel the warmth of it, the steadiness of it. There are no walls here. The dam has broken and everything he’s been holding back is gushing out.
“I love you, Nardi,” he whispers. “Dead or alive, that will never change.”
Cullen kisses me again and I expect this kiss to be hungrier and more demanding, but it’s not. He keeps the same, breathless cadence. His hand settles on my hair and traces down my cheek, touching me with such exquisite tenderness that I barely feel the brush of his thumb along my cheekbones.
My hands run down his back and up his sides. They tighten behind his neck and then brush his shoulders. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve never been held like this before. There’s something so… intentional about it. So final.
Cullen captures my wrists, traps them on either side of my head and keeps kissing me like I’m his everything.
His caresses are impossibly slow and painfully tender. I feel like I’m drowning, helpless against the rush of unbridled, unrestrained love.
After claiming my mouth so thoroughly that even the seam of my lips rings with the taste of him, he makes his way down my neck.
“C-Cullen,” I come back to myself when I feel him start to unbutton my shirt and press kisses on every inch of skin that’s revealed, “your chest pain. Can you do this?”
“I took enough pain killers. It won’t hurt for a while,” he promises. And then his mouth falls down a bit and I gasp as he sucks at a sensitive spot.
My heart is pounding in my ears. I force myself to remember the time we’d gotten hot and heavy in the car. He’d seemed to be in total agony back then. I know what overdoing it can do to his health.
“Cullen,” I try again, but he moves his attention to another sensitive spot.
I groan.
My back arches.
I can’t remember what I was going to say.
Nothing but pleasure dominates my thoughts as Cullen explores every part of me, from my waist to my neck.
I’m strung tight, humming like live wire by the time he’s finished with his patient inspection.
“Please,” I beg, my body throbbing and my fingers clawing his pale shoulder. “I want you, but not if it hurts you.”
Cullen looks down at me. His beanie and his shirt have been flung away by my impatient fingers. He looks so handsome in the darkness, so firmly resolute.
“I made you a promise, and I’m going to keep it. I’m ready, Nardi.”
I bite down on my bottom lip, watching him as he throws off the rest of his clothes and smiles down bravely at me. Cullen knows more than I do how much this night with me will take from him, but he isn’t crying about it like I am.
“Nardi,” he calls my name again in that soft, gentle way.
I stare into his silver eyes, overcome with emotions. “Yes?”
“Will you be my first?”
The struggling desperation to give this man the whole world makes my fingers tremble. I reach up to grip Cullen’s cheek, rub my fingers against his stubble and pull him into me.
Cullen moves just as gently and deliberately as when he was kissing me. I wait for him to tear into me, but he doesn’t. His lips linger on my mouth and his hand tangles in mine as if he has all the time in the world. As if he will not be rushed by our cruel fate.
And Time must take pity on us—the two, doomed mortals holding each other tightly—because it really does feel like we’re no longer bound by reality. Moments stretch into infinity. I spend eternity trapped in his arms, dazzled by his love, humbled by the way pleasure flutters through me in response to his tenderness.
Cullen keeps his promise of breaking me only to build me back.
I am ruined for anyone else.
After, he retreats to the other side of the bed. His back is turned, but I can tell that he’s clutching his chest. Every part of me wants to spring on him and ask if he’s okay, but I give him space instead.
Reaching for his T-shirt, I pull it on and tiptoe to the kitchen where I pour a glass of water. I don’t know which of his medication he can take, so I bring them all and set them on the dresser.
Cullen offers a pained smile. “Thank you.”
I nod and hug myself, watching as he takes another pill and settles into bed with a grimace.
He notices me giving him a wide berth. In a strained voice, he pats the sheets that are rumpled from our passion. “Come back, Nardi.”
“I don’t think we should do that again.”
“Was it not good?” He looks worried.
“No, it was amazing.”
He smiles.
“But I’m afraid you might end up in the hospital if we push it.”
“As long as you’re willing, I want to spend all night with you,” Cullen says faintly.
I’d feel better about lovemaking all night if he wasn’t flinching just to speak.
He pats the bed in a way that brooks no arguments. I get in, keeping my distance. A long, pale arm bands around my stomach and I’m being drawn up against his body. With no other choice, I snuggle against him. For a while, we just bask in each other’s company.
Until Cullen interrupts the quiet.
“I want you to build the restaurant with the money I leave you,” he whispers.
My eyes widen. “Cullen.”
“I want to be a part of your dream. Even if it’s just financially.”
I sigh.
“And I want you and your mom and Josiah to live in a bigger house. I don’t think you three can fit in that apartment forever.”
I nod, a lump in my throat.
“And,” Cullen says sleepily, “I set up a trust for your mom. I can tell she’s a very proud lady and she won’t want to take you or Josiah’s money. So she’ll have her own account. I already talked to my lawyers about it.”
“Cullen.”
“Sh.” He wraps me in his arms and pulls me against him. “Everything hurts. I don’t have it in me to argue.”
I can’t tell if he’s over-exaggerating the pain or not, but it’s enough to scare me into silence.
Time passes, and my eyelashes start feeling heavy.
But just as I’m about to sleep, Cullen rolls me onto my back and kisses my lips until I respond to his touch. He whispers his love for me and buries himself in me and I know the night is not over yet.