CHAPTER FIVE
RIKER
“Is it me or are you in an unusually good mood this morning?” Sid’s leaning over the side of the round pen watching me work Nox.
“I’m here at the crack of dawn taking care of this damn horse like I am every morning. I don’t really see what part of that is supposed to put me in a good mood.” Nox snorts. I swear that son of bitch understands every word I say.
“Don’t give me that shit. I know you don’t hate him nearly as much as you’d like him to believe you do.” She swings her leg over the top board and jumps inside. Waiting until he passes her, she continues toward the center where I’m standing listlessly swaying an old lead rope back and forth to keep him moving. It’s habit, really. Nox is trained on voice commands, so I’m really just holding the rope for my own sake, not his.
“What? You don’t have enough shit to do this morning, you gotta come here and give me a hard time too?”
She laughs. “Oh, I’ve got plenty to do. You know that. Running this place keeps me busy every second of every day. But that doesn’t mean I won’t squeeze in a little time here and there to check in with you. Especially since I know how much you hate it.” She nudges me in the side with her elbow. “Now spill it. You’ve been acting weird since last Sunday. And this morning when you pulled up, I heard you singing along with the radio. So think twice before you try to feed me some line we both know is total bullshit.”
Sometimes I forget how well she knows me. “Let’s just say your little drugstore run actually went to good use.”
Her eyes look like they’re about to pop out of her head, and her jaw is dangling somewhere near her belly button. “Are you shittin’ me? You got laid?”
“Damn, Sid. You could at least act like you thought it was a possibility.” I drop the rope. Nox notices instantly, slows down, and walks toward me. “What the hell did you buy me all those condoms for if you didn’t really think I’d ever get around to using them?”
She shrugs and brings her jaw back up to where it belongs. “I figured if it at least got you to reenter society with some miniscule hope of maybe meeting someone again, it was worth the investment.”
I pat the black stallion on his neck, running my hand under his long thick mane. If he didn’t drive me absolutely insane, I’d have to admit that I understand exactly what my grandfather saw in him. He’s smart. And kind. And probably the most beautiful horse I’ve ever stood shoulder to shoulder with.
“Well, joke’s on you, because I didn’t go anywhere near society. She just showed up at my house. And as far as the second part—“
“The wanting to meet someone again?” she finishes, a small hopeful smile on her face. It’s small because she knows. I’m not someone anyone ought to be wasting a lot of hope on.
“Yeah. That. Let it go, Sid.” Nox’s halter in hand, I start for the gate. “I have.”
“But what about this mysterious woman who just showed up on your doorstep? I mean, that sounds like it has fate written all over it!” Sid isn’t ever going to accept it. I get that. She needs me to find happiness again. Because somehow that will give her reason to believe that she’ll find it as well someday. But I can’t be the one who keeps us both from disappearing in this purgatory we’ve both been stuck in for the last few years.
“It’s not fate, Sid. It’s just sex. It’s amazing sex. But it means nothing. Not to me. Not to her.” I close the gate behind us. “So it definitely shouldn’t mean anything to you.”
QUINN
“Where are we going?” The trees outside my window get denser the longer we drive. The last time we were this far inland we were headed to the Shepherdson Ranch for Sophie’s birthday party. And I don’t really remember seeing much else that would interest Kirsten. But then, I’m still new here, so there are plenty of places I haven’t seen.
“Sophie has her first riding lesson today.” Kirsten winks at her daughter in the rearview mirror, and she giggles in return.
“Riding lessons? I didn’t know you signed her up for those.” I shift in my seat, suddenly fighting the urge to vomit all over her pretty BMW. I really hadn’t considered running into Riker anywhere other than his apartment. And even though we established that we wouldn’t be pursuing a relationship, I didn’t get around to mentioning the importance of keeping our little arrangement from my sister.
“Well, if you hadn’t been so busy flirting with the scuzzy barn hand, you would have been around to hear me talking to Miss Sidney about getting Sophie into lessons with her.” Her perfect little nose is scrunched up, and I know she’s totally disgusted with me right now. And she doesn’t even know about the stuff I did with the scuzzy barn hand after we left. Although, honestly, he’s so the opposite of scuzzy. I don’t know why she’s being such a bitch about it.
“Kirsten, I wasn’t flirting with him. And even if I was, so what? I’m twenty-two. I may not be a ten like you, but I can still walk out in public without wearing a paper bag over my head to cover the ugliness, so, you know, on occasion, men may find me attractive.”
The car stops and I realize we’re here. “First of all, you are gorgeous. Second, I’m not a ten. A nine, maybe, but that’s not important right now. And third, I want men to find you attractive. In fact, I would love nothing more than for you to meet a wonderful guy and fall in love and have the kind of life I have with Nate. What I don’t want is to have to worry about you. And when I see you falling right back into your old life, that’s all I can do.”
I want to get out of the car so badly right now, just so I have a door to slam in her face, but I don’t. And for Sophie’s sake, I clench my jaw and grit my teeth to keep from shouting. “How can you even say that to me, Kirsten? I’m not the one who keeps dragging us out here. You are. I’ve done nothing to start up old habits. Nothing.”
She shakes her head. “You honestly don’t see it.”
“See what?” I can see me losing my freaking mind if she keeps this up, but that’s about all.
“He’s Jackson,” she whispers so Sophie won’t hear.
The sound of his name is enough to send chills down my spine, and a brick lands in the pit of my stomach. I can’t even answer her.
“That guy. He’s totally Jackson—the way he dresses in those jeans and long-sleeve work shirts. The whole unshaven thing and the horses. It’s so obvious, Quinn. And in the months you’ve been here, he’s the first guy you’ve been interested in. Why do you suppose that is?”
I close my eyes as if that will somehow take away the sound of her voice and the words she’s saying, but all it does is make me see the thing that makes me scream in the dead of night and sends me running for comfort from the only person who’s ever been able to give it.
“You’re wrong, Kirsten.” My voice is eerily calm. “About him. And me.”
“Quinn, you don’t even know him—”
“I knew Jackson. And the things that attracted me to him had nothing to do with the way he dressed or that he was too lazy to use a razor more than once every two weeks. The horse thing, fine, that played a role. But all the other stuff, the stuff that sucked me in and held me captive, all that stuff you never saw. But I did. I know what it looks like, and I’m telling you that if I ever see it again, I won’t be flirting, I’ll be throwing punches and a swift kick straight to the balls.”
This time I do get out of the car, although I miraculously manage to refrain from throwing the door back into place. Wouldn’t have mattered either way, because Kirsten is already out as well and headed for the back seat to get out Sophie.
Her lips are pressed into a thin line. For once, I don’t think it’s because she’s mad at me. Mostly, I think she’s not convinced she doesn’t have a good reason to worry. Hell. Maybe she does. I am sleeping with a man I hardly know and have no intention of getting to know any better. Although, from where I’m standing, it’s the smartest thing I’ve ever done when it comes to men. Maybe that’s because it’s the first time I can honestly say my heart isn’t in it and my brain is making all of the decisions.
For the time being, Kirsten seems to be done scolding me, though, so I put on my semi-polite public face and follow her toward the main barn. A woman in her early thirties with black hair cut in one of those cute short pixies is walking out to greet us. She’s pretty, and for some stupid reason I feel like I know her. I probably saw her during Sophie’s party, although I honestly have no recollection of her. But I was in a pretty foul mood for the most part that day, so who’s to say what I did or didn’t see.
“Well, hello there, Miss Sophie,” she greets. “Are you ready to get some serious one-on-one horse time with our Sassy girl today?”
Sophie starts jumping up and down, squealing a loud yes. I’m thinking she’s ready.
“Hi, Kirsten.” She shakes hands with my sister before turning toward me. “And you must be the famous Aunt Quinn. I’m Sidney. Sophie was telling me all about you and your barrel racing days last time she was here. ”
I nod uncomfortably. Barrel racing seems like a lifetime ago now. “Yep, that’s me. Although I’m pretty sure I’m not nearly as famous as Sophie made me out to be.” At least not for the years I spent in the rodeo circuit.
“Well, we’ve always got plenty of horses in need of exercising if you ever want to come out and ride. Experienced riders are hard to come by around here.” It’s a really nice offer, but I know I can’t accept it.
“Thanks, but I haven’t ridden in years.” I glance over at Kirsten, surprised she hasn’t chimed in yet. Then we both see Riker at the same time, and her mouth opens instantly.
“Horses were really more of a childhood phase for her. Unfortunately, I do believe she’s grown out of them.” She gives me a look I don’t have to struggle to interpret. She’s reminding me of our little conversation about Jackson. As if I need reminding. It was less than five minutes ago.
“Well, that’s too bad. But if you ever change your mind, our barn doors are always open.” Sidney smiles warmly. Then she notices Riker as well. Kirsten’s face looks like it might explode when Sidney actually waves him over. “Hey. You got a sec?”
He rolls his eyes, clearly wishing he was too busy to agree to her request. I’m a little offended since he’s definitely seen me at this point.
“What’s up?” He completely ignores the rest of us, instead busying himself with readjusting the baseball cap he’s wearing today as if it’s a really big, really important job. On the plus side, I’m assuming the talk about keeping our hookups a secret won’t be necessary.
“Sophie’s here for her first lesson, but I haven’t had a chance to bring Sassy in yet. Do you mind? I’m going to go take her down to the tack room and start there.”
He nods. “You got it, boss. ”
She laughs. “Yeah, okay.” She shoves him playfully. “Just go get the horse, would ya?”
He doesn’t smile, or even do the half-grin thing, but I can tell he likes giving her a hard time. He likes her. And suddenly ignoring me makes all the sense in the world. It also totally pisses me off. I don’t mind being used since I’m using him too. But the whole point of what we’re doing is for no one to get hurt. If he’s got a thing going with Sidney, that sort of negates the whole premise right there.
I watch as he takes off toward the pasture behind the main barn.
“Right this way, ladies.” Sidney begins leading us all inside.
I tug at Kirsten’s sleeve to get her attention. “Hey, give me your keys. I forgot something in the car.”
She frowns but hands them over anyway. “Don’t get lost.”
“It’s a straight shot between the barn and the parking lot. I think I can manage,” I say as she turns to catch up with Sophie who’s already inside. As soon as Kirsten is out of sight, I follow the same path Riker disappeared down.
When I find him, he’s standing at a gate sorting through a collection of halters.
“Are you and Sidney together?”
He spins around, startled by my outburst. I don’t blame him. I kinda scared myself a little.
“What, you following me now?” That sly grin begins to creep in.
“No, jackass. I was duped into coming here, as usual.” I walk up beside him. Next thing I know he’s dumped the whole load of halters into my arms, making it easier for him to untangle them. “I notice you conveniently avoided answering my question.”
He doesn’t break his focus from his task for even a second. “Why do you care? I’m not with you .”
I forcefully cram the load of halters back against his chest. “I don’t care. About me. Or you. I do care if you’re cheating on some innocent bystander. I don’t want any part of that. ”
His jaw grinds back and forth for a moment. Apparently, he needs to contemplate his answer. Which probably isn’t a good sign.
“I’m not cheating on anyone. And not that it’s any of your business, but you’re the only one I’m sleeping with.” He untangles the halter he was looking for and places the rest back over the fence post.
“Oh.” I’m not really sure what to say now. “Well, good. Because I’m not sleeping with anyone else either.”
He grins again. “Yeah. I kinda already knew that.”
I feel my face flush and hate him for it. “Keep it up and I won’t be sleeping with you either.”
Riker’s deep-blue eyes go dark as he lowers his head to be level with mine. He’s not grinning anymore, but he’s got the look in his eye. The look that turns my knees to mush and sends a sea of butterflies ripping through my stomach because I know what’s coming. And the anticipation is already killing me.
“You know, you really shouldn’t make threats you can’t deliver on.” The throaty rasp in his voice is enough to give me chills.
“You don’t know the first thing about what I can and can’t deliver.” My stubborn side is showing again, but the way I nearly stuttered while muttering my lame comeback, it’s probably not all that convincing.
Riker takes another step closer, his tall body towering over me, his face barely an inch from mine. “Quinn?”
“Yeah?” I can’t even swallow. I’ve forgotten how to freaking swallow.
“Don’t make me prove you wrong right out here in the open for the whole damn world to see.” His lips brush over mine as he speaks, taunting me .
I have to avert my eyes to even string together a coherent sentence. “I wouldn’t try if I were you. I’d only embarrass you.” The words have barely passed the tip of my tongue when his mouth comes crashing down on mine and I lose all sense of reason and responsibility.
By the time I become aware of my surroundings again, I’m straddling Riker, who’s sitting on a stack of hay bales near the fence line. His hands are in highly inappropriate places, as are mine, and I have to double-check to make sure I’m not completely naked. Because let’s face it, based on my previous experiences with the man, my clothes do tend to magically wind up on the ground without my knowledge of how or when.
“Fuck,” I gasp, breaking away from his kiss while simultaneously jumping out of his lap.
He smirks. “Later.” Then he stands up, brushing the hay from his jeans. He loops the halter around my back and brings me toward him, then bites my lower lip before sliding his tongue inside my mouth again. I’m about to melt into his embrace when he smacks me hard on the ass, slapping me back into reality. “Now stop being so damn difficult. There’s no need to complicate a good time.” He kisses the tip of my nose before he releases me and returns to the gate.
“You know, you’re pretty cocky for a thirty-something-year-old man who lives in a one-bedroom garage apartment and can’t seem to accomplish even the small tasks of adulthood like grocery shopping and the occasional load of laundry.” I have no reason to still be standing here hurling insults in his direction other than I’m not ready to walk away yet.
Leading a solid-looking red roan, he comes through the gate. “And yet you still can’t seem to get enough of me.” He keeps walking with the mare, leaving me standing here unable to even muster a solid response, desperate to fall into step behind him and follow him wherever he’s going next .
It’s like he’s got some sort of mysterious magnetic force pulling me toward him. Except it’s really not all that mysterious. It’s lust. Love’s ugly stepsister. That manipulative bitch is always doing whatever it takes to get her way, because she’s selfish and has a one-track mind that’s unable to formulate any thoughts other than, “What will it take to get laid again?” Stupid, stupid lust. I always thought I liked her better than love. I was wrong. Really wrong.
I take another thirty seconds or so to shake off the lingering effects of my new drug of choice before I sneak back up around the barn and do my best to fake a trip in from the parking lot.
“So much for not getting lost,” Kirsten says the second she sees me. “What on earth took you so long? And it better not be wearing dirty jeans and a backward baseball cap.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Sidney’s expression perk up, but I try not to react to either one of them or their assumptions.
“Mom called while I was at the car, and you know how that goes.” My mother’s a worrier. Anytime I go longer than forty-eight hours without checking in with her, I’m setting myself up for a lengthy conversation complete with tears and a guilt trip. As it is, I’ve been due for one since yesterday, but I’ve managed to dodge her calls thus far, and will have to keep doing so at least until we get back home and I get some privacy, at which point I’ll have to hurry up and get it over with before she speaks to Kirsten and blows my little lie here to shit.
“You really shouldn’t go so long without calling her.” Holding Sophie’s hand, she starts walking to the opposite end of the barn where Riker has turned up with Sassy.
“I hardly think three days is a long time. Besides, what do I have to talk about? I don’t do anything different from one day to the next,” I grumble as I follow behind everyone else. I have to keep my head down to avoid accidentally exchanging some sort of a loaded glance with Riker. With Kirsten’s eagle eyes watching my every move, there’s no way even a hint at a flirtatious smile would go unobserved.
“Sassy give you a hard time?” Sidney asks when we reach the crossties.
He takes a step away from the mare, letting Sidney take over to start her lesson. “Wasn’t Sassy’s fault. Someone else was feeling a little feisty and caused a bit of a distraction. But it’s all good. I straightened her out.” He looks and sounds completely serious, so the fact that I’m turning a thousand different degrees of red right now is entirely unfounded and, thankfully, goes unnoticed by my sister. She’s only all too happy to get back to her daughter’s riding lesson so she can get this part of her day done and over with.
With everyone else once again occupied, Riker takes off to do whatever it is he does around here. I have every intention of ignoring him as he passes me by, but lust, the traitorous bitch, ignores me and lifts my eyes to lock with his. He doesn’t smile or even smirk. He just winks, and I swear my panties evaporate into thin air.