Chapter 29
Laurel Hardware, West Hollywood, Los Angeles
So the venue for the double date that I’ve been looking forward to as much as a root canal is actually a renovated hardware store.
I thought this was quite fitting considering my penchant for duct tape and zip ties.
It’s actually pretty cool. The lighting is dim enough to hide my anxiety but golden enough to make me look like I’m glowing.
It makes everyone look like they’re glowing, actually.
I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere with this amount of beautiful people.
And that’s really saying something considering the amount of time I’ve spent in places like Cannes, Mykonos and Marbella.
The only complaint I have is that the chairs were clearly designed by someone who hates backs.
I’m not going to voice this, however, as Antoinette would just use it as another opportunity to mention my ancient age.
There’s nothing quite like spending time with a twenty-year-old to make you feel like Methuselah’s maiden aunt.
We’re seated in a back patio area, which is shrouded with evergreen trees dressed in fairy lights. One thing about LA is it loves fairy lights. There’s a slight warm breeze, which carries the smells of cooking food and a heady mix of different perfumes to our table in regular wafts.
Travis is looking almost outrageously handsome. He’s wearing a khaki Henley shirt with black Levi’s and smells of something expensive. I look at him, urging myself to feel something other than a general appreciation for his aesthetic pleasantry.
But there’s nothing.
Not even the ghost of a fanny flutter.
What is wrong with me?
Am I broken?
What if I can never get it up for anyone apart from Charlie for the rest of my life?
I must look panicked because Antoinette kicks me under the table and mouths be cool at me.
I realise I’ve made a mistake.
Not the evening, because I’m actually having an okay time and Travis is good company. But by agreeing to be here with Antoinette and Agnes who are supposed to be keeping things chill.
They are not keeping things chill.
Not at all.
Antoinette has not stopped squealing at the décor. It’s literally like she’s never seen a fairy light before. Meanwhile, Agnes has taken her jacket off to reveal a top that would stop traffic on the King’s Road.
Travis is being very good humoured about our date companions though. Even though Agnes keeps staring at him like he’s something she’s studying.
‘I definitely recognise you,’ she’s saying for about the fifth time. ‘Do you go to Beach Yoga SoCal?’
Travis shakes his head. ‘I just have one of those faces,’ he says. For the fifth time.
She points a finger at him. ‘I’ll figure it out,’ she says. ‘I never forget a face.’
‘Kitty tells me you’re studying at LAAA?’ Travis says in a bid to change the subject from his recognisable face. I suppose it’s not a great selling point for a PI. Agnes is drinking cocktails and has become a little bit full on.
‘I am!’ she says, delighted to talk about herself. ‘Do you want to see my fake crying? I’ve been practising.’
‘No,’ I say at the same time that Antoinette says, ‘Yes!’
Agnes beams at her and then immediately bursts into tears like she’s auditioning for Euphoria. Like actual real tears.
I’m more impressed than I should be.
‘Wow,’ Antoinette says. ‘That is amazing.’ She’s gushing. But it’s cute. I like seeing her like this. Happy, not spikey.
‘Thank you,’ Agnes says. ‘Actually. I’ve got some quite exciting news.’
‘What?’ Antoinette is all ears. And eyes.
‘My agent called me earlier to say that Richard Stone has asked to see me for a casting!’ She claps her hands together and Antoinette does the same.
‘Richard Stone as in the Richard Stone?’ Travis asks.
I look at all of them.
I am clearly the only one here who doesn’t know who Richard Stone is or the significance of this agent call.
‘He’s a super-producer,’ Travis explains to me under his breath. ‘You’ll have seen at least twenty of his movies, guaranteed.’ He reels off a list of movies and, yes, I have indeed seen most of them.
‘Wow, Agnes,’ I say. ‘That’s amazing. Congratulations.’
‘Thank you,’ she beams. ‘I’m really excited.’
‘When is the meeting?’ Antoinette asks.
‘The day after tomorrow.’
‘He’s keen!’ says Travis.
Agnes nods as she takes a sip of her margarita. ‘My agent thinks it’s a good sign.’
‘Well, here’s to you, Agnes,’ Travis says and we all clink our glasses together.
After we’ve eaten, Agnes and Antoinette decide they’re not ready for their night to end.
‘We should go to The Abbey,’ Agnes says. ‘You can’t say you’ve experienced WeHo nightlife without going there.’
Antoinette nods and looks over to me.
I can tell by the look in her eyes that she’d rather I didn’t tag along for stage two of this date night.
‘You go,’ I say. ‘I’m actually feeling quite tired. I’m going to call it a night.’ I pat my stomach, which is full of pasta and broccolini. ‘I think I should probably walk some of this food off anyway.’
‘Can I walk you home?’ Travis asks and I say yes because it’s never a good idea to walk alone at night as a woman.
Even when you kill predatory men for fun.
Plus I’m way too full to have to activate vigilante mode.
‘You two be careful,’ I say to Antoinette and Agnes as they leave.
Antoinette rolls her eyes. ‘We’ll be fine,’ she says. ‘We don’t have PrivatePool.’
And then they’re gone, into the WeHo night.
Travis, gentleman that he is, helps me slip my cardigan on.
‘Antoinette and Agnes are cute together,’ he says. ‘How long have they been dating?’
I laugh. ‘Oh God,’ I say. ‘They’ve literally just met. Like a week ago.’
He raises his eyebrows, surprised. ‘Wow. They’re like they’ve known each other for ages.’
‘I know,’ I say. ‘I’m surprised. Antoinette is usually much pricklier. Agnes brings out her softer side. It’s nice.’
We’re outside on the street now and Travis smiles at me. It’s the sort of smile that should make me melt, but I still don’t feel anything.
It’s not fair.
Travis is gorgeous and sweet and funny.
I should be wanting to drag him home and rip his clothes off.
But all I can think about is Charlie.
How on my first date with him he gave me a Hello Kitty keyring that I still carry around with me.
How I’d thought it was super-tier cheesy, but it had charmed me anyway.
How we’d walked and walked and somehow ended up in a proper London boozer that was completely not the kind of place I would usually go to. But we’d ended up having the best time.
‘Are you okay?’ Travis says. ‘You look melancholic all of a sudden.’
‘Melancholic?’ I say, teasing, trying to lighten my mood. ‘Did you swallow a thesaurus before you came out?’
He thinks for a moment. ‘Pretty sure it was just a plain old dictionary.’
This makes me laugh.
I need to stop thinking about Charlie.
We fall into a steady pace, but the silence is loud.
‘What would you like to talk about, Mr Dictionary?’ I say, hoping that easing Travis into conversation might stop me feeling so sad. He’s lovely. I wish I could just enjoy his company.
‘Tell me about London,’ he says. ‘What’s it like living there?’
‘That’s a big question,’ I say. ‘Um … I’ve never lived anywhere else so it’s just normal for me. But I love it.’
Outside it’s still balmy but not so much that I don’t need the cardigan I’ve brought. I wrap my arms around myself to keep warm.
‘I’m glad you came tonight,’ Travis says as we start walking towards the villa.
‘Me too. I’ve enjoyed myself.’ It’s not a total lie.
‘So, how long do you think you’ll be sticking around for? Just, you know, a ball park.’
‘As long as it takes,’ I say and catch his questioning glance. ‘To find that guy.’
‘Not long then?’
I smile and shake my head. ‘Probably not.’
‘Well, in that case, I don’t want to miss a moment.’ He stops walking and turns to face me. ‘May I kiss you?’
He’s paused right under a streetlight and the beam is catching on his hair, making him look otherworldly handsome.
Maybe him kissing me wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
Maybe his lips can somehow wash away the last parts of Charlie that are still lingering on my own.
Maybe, like a fairytale prince, this man can help heal the parts of me that Charlie left broken.
I look up at him.
‘You may.’
His lips touch mine and I wait for the miracle to happen. The romance-novel moment where my knees weaken and my pulse quickens and my memories of Charlie melt into nothing.
But that’s not what happens.
That’s not what happens at all.
Travis has me in his arms. They’re not letting me go anywhere. They’re gym-toned and strong.
My heart is beginning to quicken.
An alarm starts going off in my brain. No, not an alarm, a siren. The relentless screaming of an emergency phone alert. Danger to life.
Danger to life.
Those arms.
They’re not letting me go anywhere.
They’re not letting me go anywhere.
I pull away and Travis is smiling down at me. But it’s not Travis’s face anymore. It’s a face that haunts my dreams, my nightmares.
A buzzcut and a sneer.
The man from the beach in Cannes.
Connor.
But I killed him.
How is he here?
Travis is still holding me tightly and I struggle in his arms. Those arms that aren’t letting me go.
That could hold me down and keep me there.
The hands that could easily slip around my neck and squeeze my last breaths out of me.
I’m breathing hard now and I need to escape.
That’s the only thing my brain can focus on.
It knows I’m in danger and I need to run.
My legs are buzzing with the need. I barely realise I’m doing it but my knee is rising and then it hits its target.
He falls to the ground, holding his groin, looking up at me in confusion.
But I don’t have time to think about the man on the floor because flight has taken hold and I’m running and running and running.