Chapter 29
James
“Did you know that only five people showed up for my dad’s funeral?” are not the words that I expect to come out of Stella’s mouth. I keep silent and incline my head, encouraging her to continue. She’s not speaking to me, so much as wrenching out the words.
“It was weird. For my mom’s funeral, everyone showed up.
Friends, her family, even some of her old students came.
It was a beautiful day, which felt so weird.
The ceremony was lovely, we played her favourite music.
There were flowers everywhere. Everyone cried.
It sucked, but it was kind of nice, you know?
” Her voice is flat, effortfully emotionless as she fidgets with the edge of the blanket.
“My dad… he didn’t deal with the loss well. I was still in middle school, and all of a sudden, my mom was gone and Dad, he was a shell of himself. I took care of us for a while. Made sure we ate. Cleaned the house. Fielded calls from family. It was like both of them had died.”
Small rifts snake their way through my heart, breaking off tiny pieces with every word she says.
“When he finally came back to himself, he said he would take care of us. He promised. He found all of my mom’s old postcards, said she would have wanted me to have them, that she couldn’t give me the world, but she could inspire me to explore it.
We even started collecting our own, expanding on what she started.
We used to dream together of all the places we’d see, where we would have our adventures.
” She’s wistful , her expression softening as she remembers out loud.
“We were really close, best friends more than parent and child. We hung out all the time. There were some expenses that insurance and healthcare didn’t cover while my mom was in the hospital.
He couldn’t take out a loan, his credit score was shot.
Mine was still intact though. Pristine. So, when he asked if I would help him get some credit cards to keep us afloat, of course I agreed. I trusted him.
“Somehow, though, it was like no matter how much he paid off, the debt just kept getting bigger, so he was always taking on more shifts. I’m pretty sure he spent all of his time between me and work.
Even when I moved to the city, we were each other’s worlds.
” She lets out a huge sigh, worming her way further into the couch, hiding herself away.
This is no longer my bubbly girl. This is Stella with every layer peeled back, exposed and vulnerable.
Gone is the cheery facade and positive outlook.
“One day, last year, he had to cover for Sharon. She had found out a few weeks prior that she was pregnant, and she was nervous to go to the job site. Everyone knew that some safety measures weren’t…
adhered to. She was scared that it could put her and the baby at risk.
And my dad, being how he is, went in without question.
Despite some of the things he did, he was a good guy.
As much as he helped out for the money, he also just took pride in being there for people. So he went in.”
“And the scaffolding collapsed,” I finish for her. Her eyes are surprisingly dry. She must be tough as nails to be holding it together like this.
“And the scaffolding collapsed,” she confirms. “His legs were completely crushed. Nothing they could do for them. Then, when the worker’s comp and insurance didn’t come through, we had all this debt and regular bills to pay.
I was taking on every shift at Booze & Brews that I could, but nothing I did was ever enough.
If I wasn’t at work, I was visiting him in the hospital. ” Her voice is small, uncertain.
“You did as much as you could, sunshine.” I want so badly to reach out and hold her, but she looks like she might dissolve if I touch her. I need to let her get through this.
“They amputated pretty much right away. We all knew there was no saving his legs. The recovery was brutal. While he was in the hospital, I tried to save up to help renovate his house for him. Make it more accessible. I found some more notices while I was there. He wasn’t just in debt. He was drowning.
“He developed a gambling addiction. While I was off gallivanting in the city, he had been struggling and I didn’t even see it.
The payments he needed to make were astronomical.
I started to panic. I drove straight over to the hospital to talk to him about it, make a game plan, but I walked in…
” Her voice hitches as she swallows back a sob.
I can’t take it. In one move I’m across the couch, pulling her into my lap, pressing her into me, holding her as tightly as she’ll allow. She takes a few deep breaths, her muscles relaxing against me.
“I walked in, and the charge nurse was there to meet me. She’d tried to call me, but I was driving and didn’t answer. He’d gotten a blood infection. A vicious one. By the time they found it, there was nothing they could do. He coded then and there.”
“Sunshine, I am so sorry. No one should ever have to go through that.” I stroke her hair and she presses her head into my palm. I want to wrap her in a bubble and never let anything hurt her again. My bubbly girl is strong. She made it through this. She’s still making it through this.
“It was so weird to be at his funeral. It was me, his brother, and a few close friends of his, but that was it.”
“Why did no one show up?” That’s the part that makes the least sense to me.
“Your dad,” she says simply. My horror must be all over my face as she winces sympathetically.
“Sharon reached out to me afterwards. She had been on maternity leave and didn’t realize he had passed.
Apparently, people knew about the drama and didn’t want to go in case there was retaliation.
They didn’t want to risk their jobs, not after seeing how poorly the company was willing to treat them. ”
“Fucking hell.” I scrub my face. I thought I knew what kind of man my dad is, but hearing this puts a whole new light on it. “Did you tell Nessa? Or Hazel?”
“No. After everything, I couldn’t handle any more pity.
I thought I would take some time, tell them after the funeral, but the stuff with Justin had just hit the fan, and Hazel was recovering.
Nessa was struggling. I didn’t want to burden them.
So I put it off and put it off and it became easier to not talk about it at all. ”
“And you still visit him, so no one’s any the wiser.”
“Exactly. I don’t want to bring anyone down. The world is bleak enough without me adding to it. They think I took vacation to visit him, but I was finally wrapping up his estate. It took forever.”
“They would have listened, you know. They would have helped.”
“I know.”
“So now you’re stuck dealing with a fuck ton of debt and grieving the death of a parent all on your own?”
“Yeah. Collections took the house and his car to pay off the gambling stuff and some hospital fees, but everything else, the credit cards, the line of credit…”
“Was in your name.” Holy shit. “You had to take on his debt because you’re a joint account holder.”
“Yup. I am now the proud owner of 100k of credit card debt.” She tries to laugh it off. It comes out watery and thin.
“I’m so sorry, Stella. For the accusations, for not trusting you, it was fucked up.”
“I’ve seen the household you grow up in, I get being a little paranoid about being manipulated.” I wish she weren’t so understanding. I wish she would get mad at me, but she’s just so… sweet.
“Didn’t you get any life insurance from him? Or your mom?” Something like that would have helped immensely, and the insurance company couldn’t deny it like they could for other things as his death wasn’t intentional, even if they believed his other actions were.”
“I can’t touch it, it doesn’t feel right.” That takes me aback.
“What do you mean? This is why people have life insurance, so they don’t saddle their children with a shit ton of debt and ruin their lives.”
“Can you stop with all the unsolicited advice, please?”
“I’m your friend, Stella. Consider it one of the benefits.”
“Well, I don’t want to touch the money. I was the sole beneficiary for my mom’s sum. It was put in an account in my name for when I’m older, and my dad’s… is still in an envelope on my fridge.” Shame colours her voice at her last confession.
“You’re sitting on two life insurance policies but say you’re broke enough to have to thrift your clothes? What the fuck, Stella?”
“It’s blood money.” Her words are vicious and determined.
“You know, they wouldn’t have wanted you to—"
“Respectfully, James, you don’t know what they would have wanted. I wanted my parents alive. We don’t always get what we want.”
“I know, sunshine.”
“You actually don’t know. You have your parents, and yeah that relationship is hard, but you HAVE them. You don’t know what it’s like to lose that relationship.”
“Actually, I do.”
“What do you mean?”
“When they realized Vanessa was bi, she was in high school. She hadn’t come out yet, but she had a crush on a girl in her class.
A huge one, and it was super obvious to everyone, including my parents.
Nessie brought her home one day… All hell broke loose.
” I sigh, mustering up the courage to tell her this.
Up until now, only myself and my parents knew this.
“They were going to send her away. To a camp.” My voice cracks on the last word as Stella puts a hand over her mouth, eyes tearing a little.
“A conversion camp. I overheard them talking about it one night, planning it all. People were going to come take her in the middle of the night, bring her god knows where, and I couldn’t…
I couldn’t let that happen. I needed to keep her safe.
” I can’t catch my breath, like I’m back there watching my parents plan to destroy their only daughter.
“James, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“I do.”
“Okay.” Her small hand slips its way into mine, an anchor in the storm. “What happened next?”
“Nessa was out with a friend, so I stormed in there and demanded answers. I had graduated the year before, so I told them if they did this, I would take her from them. Convince a judge to give me custody and they’d never see either of us again.”
“You would have done it.”
“In a fucking heartbeat.” I squeeze her hand, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles.
“I had enough dirt on them that they knew it wasn’t a battle they could win.
We came to some terms. She stayed. So did I.
In return, I have to take over the company and keep it in the family.
I’m pretty sure there’s some less-than-legal dealings that could come to light if it changed to the wrong hands.
Everything changed after that. My parents saw my threat as a betrayal, Nessa saw my keeping ties with them the same.
So, here I am. Forever stuck in the middle of a battle that no one is ever going to win. ”
“Did you ever tell her?”
“No. She still wants a relationship with them. She wants them to love her as she is so badly. I can’t crush her.”
“You’re a good brother, James.” She leans over and places a quick kiss to my jaw.
“And a really good person.” Before she can pull away, I thread my fingers into her hair, holding her still as I bring her lips to mine.
Her hands flutter to my chest as I gather her to me, deepening our kiss and groaning into her mouth as I taste the sweet burst of strawberries still on her tongue.