Chapter 32
Stella
The vibes are undeniably off. Ever since I left James’ place yesterday, I’ve had a sinking suspicion that things are about to hit the fan.
I’m working with Nessa on the bar side tonight.
I helped with the flip, and she came in about an hour later, right as patrons started to fill the seats.
Her smile has been strained all night, even if it’s only noticeable to me.
She slings drinks like the best of them, but her smile is only on when someone is watching.
Her mother’s message must be eating at her.
I can’t imagine being treated that way by a parent.
Yes, my dad hid things from me, but he never went out of his way to harm me.
I haven’t heard from James today either. Usually, we text sporadically throughout the day. So far, he’s been silent. It’s eerie, going from the consistency of James and the chaos of Nessa to… well, nothing. It’s as though I’ve stepped into an alternate universe.
A new band is playing today, one I haven’t seen before, which is odd.
Beck doesn’t usually add new bands, but they’re pretty good.
Even if Nessa seems a little off, I can’t act like I know why.
I can’t let on that I know about the voicemail I overheard, and I know that if she wanted to talk about it she would.
As their set winds down and the playlist Beck set up takes over, it’s like I can finally take a deep breath. I made it through today. Nothing bad happened. I get to go home and sleep knowing that things are going to go back to normal.
It’s odd, though, the more the bar empties, the more tense Nessa seems to become. I’m not sure why. She had a great night for tips, no one started a brawl, and the band performed with no issues. Usually that would indicate a successful shift.
You’d think I’d know better, but I decide it’s better to just ask her about it. Maybe she wants to talk to a friend about her mom’s call. I’ll have to find a way to get her to bring it up without letting on that I heard it.
“Hey, we haven’t talked at all tonight, how’re you doing?” I ask, hoping she’ll tell me about her mom. She doesn’t even look my way.
“Fine.” She says, her tone clipped, and I have a hunch that crap’s about to go sideways.
“Are you sure? We haven’t talked in a while, I’ve missed you.” I’m hoping that appealing to her soft side, where our friendship lies, will soften her a bit.
That’s apparently too much to ask, though.
“We’d probably have more time to hang out together if you weren’t so busy fucking my brother.”
All of the air is sucked out of the room. The remaining patrons cease to exist as I try to comprehend what she just said.
She knows.
How does she know?
What the hell is going on?
I’m choking on my words, trying to string something sensible together.
“How did you find out?” is apparently the best I can come up with.
“Seriously?” she snaps, “You’re not fucking subtle.
You’ve clearly been sleeping with someone, and you’re not a secretive person.
When you wouldn’t tell us, we figured that it was someone we wouldn’t approve of.
” Great. That means Hazel must know, too.
My mouth floods with saliva and I think I might vomit.
“Besides, I’ve seen you wear those yellow shoes before.
You bragged about them last summer. I recognized them in my brother’s entrance.
You were clearly hiding from me, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. ”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say.” And it’s true. I’m flabbergasted, stunned, frozen, unable to string a simple sentence together.
“You’re my friend, Stella. I don’t care that you fucked my brother as much as I do that you lied to me! Friends don’t lie to each other.”
“I’m sorry, Nessa,”
“No, I thought we were friends. Clearly, I was so fucking wrong. I don’t see a reason for Beck to schedule us together moving forward, do you?”
“I’m sorry.” Apparently, that’s the only thing I can get out of my mouth right now. I have nothing to defend myself with. I have no reason for what I did, for not telling her, aside from not wanting to hurt her, which I sort of did anyway.
I’m a horrible person. Not only that, but I’m also a horrible friend. Reality crashes in as I see my friendship crumble before me.
“Lose my number. I’m leaving early. Don’t forget to switch out the kegs and mop. It was sticky yesterday morning.”
That’s it. Over a year of friendship washed away for a few weeks of carnal fun. I should have known this would happen. I should have followed my gut and stayed away from him. How could I be so stupid?
I do my best to keep it together as I say goodbye to the last people out the door and lock up.
I take my time putting everything away and washing the floors.
I’m in no hurry to go home to my empty apartment.
I don’t bother to text James. If Nessa hasn’t told him off about us already, she definitely will now.
When we talked about our arrangement, we agreed that if it ever came down to it, I would choose Nessa over him. I guess it never occurred to him that she wouldn’t choose me back.
The rest of my closing moves in slow motion. It’s like I’m moving through molasses. Beck is still in the back, counting up the last of the tills. He doesn’t work in the evenings much these days, what with his fiancée and happy home to go back to. I go to say goodbye to him before I lock up.
“Everything okay?” he asks at my sullen demeanor.
I think about lying for a second. “No.” Beck’s face softens in understanding. He stands up and simply opens his arms. Without hesitation, I fall into them, letting every tear I’d been holding back tonight fall.
“What happened?” he asks. If Nessa knew about the tryst, there’s no way Beck doesn’t know as well.
“Nessa found out about me and James.” Beck nods in understanding, confirming my suspicions.
“I’m guessing she wasn’t happy.”
“You could say that,” I sniffle. “She said she won’t be taking any shifts with me anymore.” Beck’s brow furrows, however, he doesn’t comment further.
“I don’t love the way she’s going about this, and I’m sorry, but I’m going to respect that for the time being,” Beck says as my heart sinks. “We’ll give her some space. I’m sure she’ll come around.” I can tell he’s trying to be supportive, even if he’s torn. “Are you guys serious?”
“I don’t think so. It was supposed to stay casual. Somehow things have gotten all tangled up. I’m not quite sure where we stand at the moment.” Everything is crumbling around me.
“Don’t worry, Stella, everything is going to be okay,” Beck rubs my arm.
I never had any siblings, or even cousins.
If I did, I hope they’d be like Beck. “You’re going to the band’s Christmas party tomorrow still, right?
” he asks. I had been planning on going.
They arranged it a while ago and James had invited me.
No one had told me not to go, so I assumed that was still the case.
I had thought it was odd to have a Christmas party so late after Christmas, however it was the only time the whole band and their partners didn’t have family stuff come up or a gig.
“I don’t know if I should anymore…”
“Well, it’s up to you. They invited all of the staff, so you’re welcome no matter what.”
“No one wants any drama brought to this party, Beck. I don’t want to stir any pots.”
“You won’t stir anything. Hazel and I will be there too if you need backup or interference. Don’t worry. Everything is going to turn out fine.”
Famous last words.