Chapter 31
James
Imay have overdone it with the flowers. When we agreed to be friends with benefits, the rules were simple.
No dates, no PDA, no sleepovers, exclusivity, and an end date, which we haven’t actually set yet.
It’s more of an ambiguous, looming thing that neither of us have actually addressed.
There was nothing in the rules about buying flowers or making her food or lending her my favourite fantasy novel to read.
Those are things friends would do for each other, right?
Stella doesn’t seem to be of that opinion. Even though she’s trying to relax, I saw the way the colour drained from her face a little bit, the way she holds tension in her shoulders now.
By the time we’ve eaten, the air in the room hasn’t changed. She’s a little more aloof, a little more distant.
Yeah, that won’t do.
She appreciates that I cut the shit when we talk, that I’m honest. Well, I’m not about to stop being that way now.
“Okay, why are you being weird?” I ask as we’re putting away our dishes.
“I’m not being weird, James,” she says, pointedly not looking at me.
“Bullshit,” I call back, crowding her against the sink.
“Lay off it,” she says, pushing her hand against my chest until I step away.
“Oh no you don’t,” I say, winding my arm around her waist and pulling her further into the apartment when she makes her way towards the door.
“Seriously? Let me go, James.”
“Nope. Not until you tell me what’s going on.” She shoots me a withering look. I plunk her down in the living room and cross my arms, meeting her glare. “You promised me honesty, Stella. Your rules, not mine.”
“That’s not one of my rules,” she pouts. I stare at her, stone-faced. If she can make me talk, I can do the same to her. “Fine! You made it weird.” She looks at me, eyes blazing in defiance, daring me to contradict her.
“Okay, I’m sorry. What exactly was it?” She looks shocked at my admission. I know what’s bothering her, but I need her to tell me. I need her to face it.
“You’re being too nice! You bought me flowers and you cook for me, you never kick me out, you give me passive affection, I don’t know what to do with that!”
“You want me to be meaner to you?” I’m sort of teasing her, sort of confused as to where her head’s at.
“I’ve never had a boyfriend, it’s hard to tell what things are supposed to feel like.”
My sweet girl.
“Would you rather I fuck you the second you walk in the door?” I ask, loving how her expression turns indignant.
“Do you want me to tell you to get the hell out while my cum is still drying on your legs?” Her breath hitches.
“If you want, I can treat you like a fuck toy, sunshine, all you have to do is ask.” I grin wickedly as her expression turns wary.
I’m done with this conversation. I bend down and scoop her over my shoulder. I love how much she hates it. As she wiggles, I pull down her borrowed sweatpants and leave them behind.
“Hey! Just because you’re a giant doesn’t mean you get to throw people around!” she shouts, smacking her hands against my back when I don’t respond. “This is no way to treat a woman!” I quickly swat her ass, making her shriek.
“Did you just SPANK ME?” she cries, outraged.
“Brats get punished, sunshine.” I swat her ass again, firmer this time. She wriggles against my hold, forgetting I can see the damp spot on her panties spread. I know she’s enjoying this.
“I’ll show you a brat!” She starts pounding her ineffectual fists against anywhere she can reach as I walk into the bedroom. I drop her onto the bed, letting her bounce against the mattress. Before she can get up, I pull her flat by her ankles. She looks furious and disheveled.
I’ve never wanted to fuck her more.
I divest myself of my clothes and stare at her hungrily, splayed out on my bed in nothing but my shirt and her panties.
“You, James, are a caveman!” She sputters. She has no idea what I have in store for her. She wants me to treat this as casual? Like she’s here for my pleasure and mine alone? I can give that to her.
Grabbing her, I spread her legs, exposing her to me. The hunger in the pit of my stomach grows ravenous as I prowl up her body, settling myself between her thighs, my frame looming over hers.
“Are you saying you don’t like it?” I run my nose along the column of her throat, a low groan rumbling through me when her breath hitches.
“I—" I nibble her earlobe, cutting her off. I trace up the centre of her underwear, using just enough pressure to show I know exactly how she feels about what I’m doing.
“I don’t think you want me to stop, sunshine. Do you want me to stop?” I hook my fingers in the side of them, pulling them away to expose her swollen, sopping flesh. “Or do you want me to fuck the brat out of you?” That’s all it takes for her fight to leave her.
“Ja-ames” she whines, “Pleeeease!”
“Good little sluts take what they’re given, isn’t that right, sunshine?” I use my leverage on her legs to flip her over and pull her up to her knees.
“I swear to god, Ja-AMES!” she squeals as I push into her in one solid thrust, pressing my hips flush to her ass as her hands scrabble for purchase on the sheets, moaning into my pillow.
The gentle roll of my hips that makes the head of my cock scrape against her g-spot has her writhing. I wrap her hair around my fist and tilt her face to look at me. Her lust-blown pupils blink up my me blearily.
Fuck, she looks so pretty like this. Even better when I pick up my pace, pressing her deeper into the mattress, fully presented to me.
It doesn’t take long for either of us to come, her body twitching and writhing out her pleasure under me, dragging me over the precipice with her.
She’s sweaty, and flushed, and panting by the time I’m done, finishing across her back.
Her limbs have lost strength, like a newborn giraffe, and I help her clean up.
I pull my sweats and shirt back on her, snuggling her up in my lap.
“Is that what you wanted, sunshine?” I ask, nuzzling her hair.
“Well, stud, I’m not going to say no, although that wasn’t quite what I was thinking,” she says, sassing me sleepily. We only stay this way for a few moments before there’s a knock at the door. We both look at each other.
“Were you expecting someone?” Stella asks.
“No… stay here.” I quickly get dressed and look out the peephole.
Of all the times for my sister to pop by unannounced, this is most definitely the worst.
Fuck my life. There’s no getting out of this. I do the quickest scan of my apartment that I’ve ever done in my life. Nothing here screams “I just fucked your best friend, she’s hiding in my room,” so I take a steadying breath and open the door.
“Nessa!” I say loudly enough to be heard in the bedroom without making Nessa think I’ve totally lost it. “What’re you doing here?”
“What a warm welcome from my big brother!” Nessa says as she skips into my apartment, shedding her coat and boots. She walks in like she owns the place and makes herself comfortable at the kitchen table, right in view of my bedroom door which is, thankfully, closed.
“Nessa…” I say, putting a fair amount of warning into my tone. It’s unlike her to drop by like this unless she needs something.
“Fiiiiine,” she whines, “I’m here because Mom called me.” That stops me in my tracks. What was she told? Does she know Stella came with me for Christmas?
“What did she say?” I ask cautiously.
“She left a message, I didn’t answer. I’m…” she pauses, looking around, “I’m scared to listen to it. You know the kinds of things she says.” I step fully into big brother mode.
“Do you want me to listen to it?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“Please?” Nessa says, her voice wobbling a little.
She hands me her phone, which I already know the password for and I go to open the message.
“Actually, could you listen to it in your room? I don’t want to hear what it is, just in case.
” In case it’s bad. In case it’s not something I think she should hear. But Stella’s in the room. I’m torn.
“I got you,” I say, giving her shoulder a squeeze before heading to my room. I quickly slip in before she can see inside. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper to Stella who’s half-hiding under my covers. It would be funny if I weren’t stressed enough to shit diamonds right now.
“It’s fine,” she says softly, gracing me with one of her beautiful smiles. My heart fucking melts.
I put the sound on low and play it. Stella starts scrolling through her phone and I’m grateful that she’s at least pretending to not overhear anything, even if there’s not much she can do. My mother’s voice rings out.
"Vanessa, this is your mother. I would say I expect you to answer the phone when I call, but we both know that I shouldn’t expect anything from you.
We are calling to inform you that your trust fund has been dissolved.
We have tried for years to make you see reason, to stop with your insane, disgusting behaviour, but you are adamant in being a disgrace to the family.
We ask you not to contact us in the future.
Should you attempt, you will receive a cease and desist. And Vanessa, if you involve your brother or poison him against us in any way, more than you already have, we will be taking legal action.
Goodbye. "
Eighteen seconds. That’s how long her message was. My parents just destroyed whatever they had left with their daughter in eighteen seconds. And if I want to ensure that they don’t go after her legally, I have to pretend like nothing has changed.
For the first time, I’m lost. I can’t protect her from this. I know she sends them messages here and there, hoping to keep a part of the relationship alive, and now they’ve shat all over it. I can’t fix this. I can’t make it better.
This is going to kill her.
I can’t find my heartbeat anymore. I can’t tell if I’m breathing. I’m locked up, panicking, distraught. Everything I’ve been protecting Nessa from has officially come crashing down around me. My breath starts to come in short bursts. I can’t get enough oxygen in. Holy fuck, am I dying?
Small arms twine around me as a soothing voice starts saying… something. I can’t hear anything past the rushing in my ears. I’ve been in contact with them, trying to foster a relationship between them, suffering, and it was all for nothing. I betrayed my sister by associating with them for nothing.
I barely register as Stella crawls into my lap, wrapping her legs around me and pressing my ear to her breastbone.
“Just listen to my breaths, breathe with me, stud,” she says, her voice a gentle whisper. It’s enough to get through to me. I feel the way her chest moves, trying to move with it. I inhale her sweet scent, allowing it to calm me as much as I can.
When I come back to my senses, tears are streaming down my face and I’m gripping her like a lifeline.
She’s combing her fingers through my hair, quietly holding me.
She’s playing with the dark curls that have grown out since my last haircut.
I love when she plays with my hair, so even though I’ve never worn it this long before, I’ve been putting off buzzing it again.
I take a deep inhale, bracing myself for the conversation I need to have. I exchange a wordless look with Stella, and she nods sympathetically. I delete the message before I stand up and walk out to see Nessa.
She’s standing by the entrance, staring at her shoes, looking perplexed. Her head whips to me when I step into view, and she must see it on my face because her walls immediately go up.
“That bad, huh?” I nod, walking over to her and holding her tight, hoping that she feels how deeply I love her through osmosis.
“I’m sorry,” I say, not sure how to elaborate.
“Wanna give me the CliffsNotes?” She asks, her voice full of fake bravado. She doesn’t want this to hurt her even though I know how much it does. She’s an adult, she knows how much she can handle.
“They’ve dissolved your trust fund. They said not to reach out anymore.
” I can’t say more than that. I don’t want there to be any guilt about involving me, or stressed about how awful it really was.
I didn’t even know my mother could be that cruel, even if I should’ve seen it coming. Nessa nods, her lips pursed.
“Alright.” She slips on her shoes and grabs her coat.
“Before I leave,” she starts, looking at me curiously.
“Whose shoes are these? They’re obviously not Beth’s.
” My stomach drops to my ankles. Sitting right next to Nessa are Stella’s bright yellow, hand painted converse that she should never have been wearing out in this weather.
They’re incredibly identifiable. Nessa laughs half-heartedly at my panic.
“Don’t worry, you get back to your girl. I’ll see you later.”
Guilt like I’ve never known floods me as I hear Nessa walk down the stairs and out the building. I had to give her some of the worst news of her life AND lie to her AND hope to god she doesn’t pick up on it.
I’m the worst big brother.
Stella creeps out of the room, checking to make sure the coast is clear.
“She’s gone?” she asks.
“Yeah.” I have nothing more to say. I’m still reeling.
“I’m so sorry,” Stella murmurs as she folds me into her arms, doing her best to comfort me.
I accept it for a minute before I separate us.
“How did she take it? I couldn’t hear from the room.
” Concern colours her expression, and I appreciate it, but I’m about to go into a meltdown.
I’ve already had one today, I can’t have another in front of my girl. My pride can’t take it.
“Could you,” I start, “would it be okay if…” I don’t know how to phrase this without being a complete jackass, but she gets it. Of course she does, it’s Stella.
“I’m going to head out, let you gather your thoughts.” She quickly exchanges my clothes for her jeans and sweater. I’m relieved at her understanding. All my words are stuck in my throat, choking me when I try to speak.
I give her a brief hug on her way out, and when the front door closes, I collapse in on myself, hating that there is absolutely nothing I can do.