Chapter 37
James
“What’re you doing here, James?” Nessa snarks from the lineup to get into the restaurant. Chez Martin has already caused a huge stir in the foodie community. They boast a unique experience of dinner and a show, except no one knows what the show is and it’s their opening night.
Nessa’s food blog was one of the few lucky people who were selected to appear tonight, not that anyone knows who she is.
I don’t know why she keeps Beauty and the Feast a secret from her friends.
It makes sense though, considering one of them owns an establishment.
She wouldn’t want to be accused of any kind of favouritism.
“You invited me, remember?” She’s asked me to be her date to every new place she’s been invited to. It’s a tradition of ours, so when she mentioned this place opening before Christmas, the invitation, as always, was implied.
“Well, it’s been rescinded,” she says, looking down her nose at me, which is impressive given the foot of height I have on her.
“Seriously, Nessa, I’m coming in with you. We need to talk.”
“You can’t make me.”
“Nessa, I swear to god—"
“Alright, you folks are next,” the man at the door calls, waving us in.
Nessa reluctantly stalks in, a fake smile plastered to her face.
She won’t even glance my way as we get seated at a swanky table off to the side of the room.
The place is low-lit, bougie, and playing soft jazz music in the background.
Fucking pretentious.
I sit down in the too-small chair across from my sister who already has her nose buried in the menu. She’s stubborn, probably needs to eat something in order to be reasonable, so I resign myself to flipping through the booklet set before me.
I’ll admit, the food here doesn’t look too bad. Nothing is foamed or moleculed or whatever the fuck it is they do with food these days. I’m relieved that I understand what’s on here.
When the waiter comes around, Nessa orders a bottle of wine for the table and lists off a few appetizers. One of the perks of going with a reviewer is that we get a wide selection without having to consider price since it’s almost always comped.
I would never say it, but it’s my favourite part of going out with her, second only to actually spending time with my sister.
The two are neck and neck if I’m being honest.
Nessa pulls out her notebook and starts jotting things down. I don’t care that it’s a part of what she’s here to do, right now she’s using it as an excuse to be an asshole.
“Nessa, we need to talk about what happened.” She slaps her pen onto the table.
“And what exactly would you like to talk about, brother dearest?” she asks in a snide tone. “You banging my bestie behind my back? Or our parents choosing you over me once again?”
“Nessa, you know that’s not how it went down.”
“I don’t know that that’s a thing that I know,” she says obstinately.
“Stop quoting chick flicks at me and listen,” I demand in my best big brother voice. Nessa rolls her eyes, crossing her arms as she leans back in her chair.
“The floor is yours, buttwipe.”
“Real mature,” I say, flipping her off as subtly as I can in the packed restaurant. The waiter chooses that moment to drop off our wine and appetizers. We put in our main course orders, and, sensing the tension, he promptly scurries off.
“Nessa, you need to know that Stella and I didn’t want to keep anything from you,” I start, only to be cut off.
“Bullshit!” she shouts, attracting the attention of the table next to us. They glare our way. A pointed look from me has them finding their menus suddenly very interesting. “You could have told me about the two of you at any time. You chose not to,” she accuses.
“You’re half right,” I admit. “Will you let me explain?” She thinks about it before huffing and sweeping her arm out in front of her.
“Whatever.”
“Great. First of all, we didn’t intend for this to happen.”
“When did it even start?”
“Can you not interrupt me?” She makes a zipping motion across her lips. “We met the night of her birthday. You brought her to the bar while I was playing, ditched her, and we bumped into each other. Neither of us knew who the other was. When we realized the connection, we stopped.
“When the snowstorm hit, she ended up staying with me,” I take a deep breath.
“We clicked. We had a lot of fun.” Nessa snorts at that.
“We played games, watched TV, and ate. I had fun,” I say, my voice getting quiet.
“I hadn’t hung out with anyone like that in…
well, ever. I never had that with Beth. I certainly didn’t with any of my hookups.
We knew it was a bad idea. We never wanted to hurt you.
The pull between us was irresistible. We said it would be one time, and for a while it was.
I can’t stay away from her,” I admit. I look up at her broken expression.
“You promised,” her voice cracks.
“I did, and I shouldn’t have.” She can’t mask her shock and hurt.
“It wasn’t fair to either of us to promise that, Nessa.
I want to look out for you, and I have always done my best, but I’m a person, too.
I’m your big brother, and you will always be a priority, and I don’t think you believe that I would ever do anything to intentionally hurt you. ”
“I know,” she grumbles, tears building in her eyes. “But you couldn’t even talk to me about it?”
“You’ve been… a little erratic lately,” I confess.
“I have not!”
“You have, and I didn’t want to cause you further distress. But Stella, she’s…” I trail off, not knowing the words to describe exactly what she means to me.
“Then why aren’t you together? Why didn’t you come out and tell me? I thought we told each other everything?” Nessa asks as she pushes food around her plate, not eating anything. I take a big bite of what’s on mine, some kind of cheese and beef thing.
Goddamn that’s good.
“She didn’t want a relationship. Doesn’t want one,” I correct. “We were enjoying ourselves and agreed that it would be exclusive yet casual. We said it would end when she finally went travelling or when I was forced into the family company. Couldn’t last long enough to make each other miserable.”
“That’s a recipe for disaster,” she snorts. She’s got me there.
“Yeah. Doomed to fail, right?” I take a swallow of the wine.
For something so expensive it’s pretty rank.
Nessa swirls hers around in her glass, still having yet to take a sip.
“Don’t drink this,” I warn her. “I think it was free for a reason.” She takes a hesitant sniff before grimacing and pushing the glass away from her, switching to her ice water.
“Why didn’t you come right out and tell me? Why did you lie and sneak around?” Nessa prods.
“It didn’t seem worth it. It would have been a fight to try and get you on board with it, and considering we weren’t expecting it to last, we didn’t think it needed to be brought up.
We could keep it quiet, enjoy it, and then, when it was over, move on with our lives.
” It sounds so stupid when you put it like that.
“And then you fell in love with her?” she guesses.
“No, I didn’t fall in love with her,” I protest.
“Then what happened?”
“We became friends. She’s cool to hang out with. Smart. Really fucking funny,” my lips twitch up at the corners. Even thinking about her makes me smile. It’s a reflex.
“You fell in love with her.” Nessa stares at me like I’m a toddler who hasn’t figured out what mirrors are yet.
“I’m not in love with her—"
“Yes you are! I can see it on your face.” She’s laughing loudly at me now.
“Fuck off, Nessa. It’s over now anyway. It doesn’t matter,” I grumble.
“Wait, why would it be over already? You are in love with her—don’t deny it—and I know her. She obviously feels the same way.”
“You think so?” I perk up a bit.
“Holy shit, you’re so deep in it. Yes, she does. So why did things die out? What did she do?”
“That might be my fault. Or Mom’s fault.
I don’t know. She didn’t do anything. It all got so fucked up so quickly.
” I give her the short version of everything that went down, from Mom’s threats and bribes to the band kicking me out, to the fight we had at her apartment that ended in a screaming match.
Nessa listens calmly, not interrupting, which was odd, and nodding along as I explain it all to her.
Once all is said and done, I’m catching my breath.
“Okay, right now, I’m the big sister, got it? I’m going to advise you like you would me.” She says it sternly, staring me down until I find myself nodding along with her.
“You’re a fucking idiot.” She looks at me blandly across the food. Our waiter, who has the worst possible timing, chooses that moment to drop off the rest of our food.
“Just a heads up folks, the show will be starting soon! Please turn off your phones and enjoy” A burning glare from me sends him on his way.
“She would never do something like that on purpose, you know.” Nessa may have a point. I may have jumped the gun a little.
“I’m starting to realize that.”
“Besides, you don’t want to work for Mom and Dad anyway, so it’s not like you have anything to lose.”
“That’s not entirely true, Nessa. You don’t know everything that’s happened, that I agreed to. I can’t cut them out all because they want a different future for me. It might not be as bad as I’m dreading.” I chew on the steak in front of me without tasting it. I’m lost in my own thoughts.
“You can cut them out. I promise it’s not that bad. What’re they going to do, sue you?”
“Nessa, you’re talking about something you don’t have all the information about. I’m asking you to drop it.”
“Why though? Come on, James, it’s not like they’ll miss us.”
“Because, Ness, those are my parents too. I’m not happy with what they did, and I hate what they’ve done to you, but you’re not the only one who lost them.”
“James, come on, it’s not like that…”
“It is, Vanessa. I had to stop them from sending you to a conversion camp. They were going to ship you off to fucking ‘fix’ you when you don’t need fixing. I told them if they did, they would never see me again and as soon as I was old enough I would fight for guardianship and take you with me.”
Nessa freezes, her fork hallway to her mouth, colour draining from her face.
“They what?” she asks, horrified.
“They were going to send you away. I stopped them. Promised I would eventually go into the family business. That voicemail you got, Nessa, they threatened to sue you if you ‘poisoned me against them.’ I can’t get out of this.
Either way, you get hurt. They could go after you, legally, and I don’t know how I would protect you then.
” Helplessness washes over me, the same as when I remember the future that was decided for me by the time I learned how to walk.
“James, it’s not your job to protect me.
” I jerk back. “Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for everything you’ve done.
I didn’t realize how far that went,” she says, sniffing back tears.
“But I’m a grown woman. Some things I’ll need to navigate on my own.
I love that you’ve taken such great care of me, how well you’ve looked after me, but I can’t let you continue to do that at the expense of your own happiness. ”
I look at her quizzically.
“Even if I’m angry that you lied, you still deserve to be happy. If Stella is who you want, I say go for it. Find a new career far, far away from our parents, travel with your girlfriend, whatever. All I’m asking is that you do something for yourself.”
“Joining the band was for myself,” I argue.
“You joined the band to escape. If you hadn’t felt like you needed to, would you have?” I stay silent.
Fuck.
“You need to fix whatever you did. I love you, but Stella is my friend, too. I’m morally obligated to kick your ass if you hurt her.”
“I screwed up so bad, Nessa. I don’t know what to do.”
“Sorry, big bro, I don’t have a head-out-of-ass extractor. You’re going to have to dig this one out yourself.”
“I’m too tired to fight for someone, Ness,”
“That’s the thing, James, you don’t have to fight for her, you already have her. She just wants you to tell her.”
“She said that?”
“No, but I know you. You’re not one to spontaneously share your feelings, so you might know, and you might be showing her, but you still need to tell her.”
“Fuck. I hate when you’re right.” I pull out my phone, opening her contact. I should text her first, not just arrive at her door, right?
Nessa leans over to spy on my phone.
“Why do you call her sunshine?” she asks.
I look over at her, one eyebrow cocked.
“Fair point,” she chuckles. “It’s cute.”
“She’s pretty cute,” I conceded.
“It looks good on you, big bro,” Nessa says softly, her face tranquil.
“What does?”
“Joy.”