Chapter 36
Stella
Idon’t know what part of me thought he might come in today.
I was the first one in this morning after I asked Beck to put me only on the café side from now on.
Nessa only works the bar side, and I doubt I’ll be seeing James in the café any time soon.
Beck had seemed sad when I asked him but agreed to my request anyway.
I didn’t give him any more information than that, despite how clear it was that he had questions.
I simply need to keep my head down, work hard, and figure out my next steps.
When the morning rush dies down, I dip into the kitchen to get started on some baking.
This is my retreat, my refuge in the café.
It’s the one place where people don’t usually bother me.
I get started mixing my dry ingredients, figuring out what kind of muffins to make.
I trail my hands over the options. Chocolate chips, dried cranberries, walnuts, the options have grown since Beck saw what I could do with my baking.
I stop, my palm hovering over a pint of blueberries someone must have pulled from the fridge earlier.
You said you wanted to make muffins at work, but the supplier was out. I saw them when I grabbed the flowers.
I stare at them, remembering how much that meant to me at the time. That one thought is enough to drag me into an onslaught of recent memories, bringing all that pain that I’ve spent the day pushing down to the forefront of my mind.
I pull myself out of my thoughts, grabbing chocolate and some nuts. It’ll give a warm, cozy vibe to the space and smell incredible. I’m ready to put them in the oven when Kyle pops his head in the back. He’s a good kid, if not a bit of an idiot.
“Yo, Stella, Miriam’s here. She asked if you were working, said I’d grab you.” He gives me a goofy smile before going back up to the front without waiting for an answer. He knows that I’ll stop whatever I’m doing to see her.
I slide the tray into the oven, quickly rinse my hands and go looking for my best (last) friend. I spot her puff of white hair right away and slide on up to her.
“Miriam! It’s so good to see you,” I say, flashing a genuine smile.
“Oh dear, look at you! I haven’t seen you in ages! Have you grown?” She’s teasing me. It’s refreshing.
“I haven’t grown since I was fifteen, nice try,” I laugh along with her.
“Where have you been? That sweet young thing over there is terrible at making my usual, I was about to hunt you down!” Kyle’s head pops up from behind the counter, having heard us, and he looks like a deer in headlights, eyes wide and alert.
“Don’t be mean to him, he’s just a kid,” I chide.
“Well, you have to shame the stupid out of them young,” Miriam says offhandedly.
“Ah, I love you.” The words slip out before I can stop them. Miriam’s face lights up as she swings her arms around my middle.
“I love you too, girly. Now, sit down with an old woman and let’s have a chat.” She says it with such authority that I plunk down next to her. I check my phone timer, knowing I have a while before the muffins are done.
“So,” Miriam starts, sitting across from me with her hands balanced on the top of her candy pink cane. “Tell me what’s going on with you.”
Miriam might be a witch.
Within five minutes, my entire story came pouring out of me. I told her about my parents, James, the drama with Nessa, wanting to travel, the debt, everything. Not once did she interrupt or ask a question, merely nodded along, humming occasionally in agreement.
Once my guts are fully spilled between us, she finally speaks.
“That’s quite a story,” she starts. “First things first, let me remind you that you still have one friend left in the city, so don’t go running away too soon.
” She covers my hand with hers. It’s small and pale, the blue veins prominent.
If my grandmother had lived this long, I’m sure hers would look like this now, too.
“Secondly,” she continues, “Do you regret it?” That makes me pause.
“Regret what?”
“All of it. Moving to the city. Working here. Making the friends you did. James and the time you had together.”
“Well, no.”
“And do you think you did anything that was so unforgivable that your friends, who you’ve described to be all relatively level-headed people, won’t ever look past a fling?” Her brow is raised, as if daring me to refute her logic.
Which, I’ll admit, is sound.
“No,” I pout.
“But you think that you should move because one fight with your friends means that they don’t love you any more and you should move on to greener pastures?
” I don’t answer, hating how right she is.
She’s not done. “That is some of the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard in my life, and I’m eighty-nine years old. ”
Holy crap. She’s spry for someone of that age! I would’ve pegged her for seventy at the most.
“Miriam, I totally get what you’re saying… I don’t know that you understand exactly how close those two are—"
“And that will be for them to figure out. You are not responsible for how they sort out their own relationship. You’ve done nothing wrong.
Well, except for the lying.” She leans forward in her seat.
“You seem to believe that everything and everyone in your life is temporary. I understand that, I do. You’ve been through and lost more than most have, especially at your age.
You have to remember, though, your past does not always define your future. Not if you don’t let it.”
Her words cut deep, through all my layers of bullshit. She saw right through everything to exactly what was going on. I sit, trying to process everything that was just said. I’m still reeling when my phone timer goes off.
“Shoot, that’ll be the muffins,” I mutter, slowly getting up.
“That’s alright dear, I should get headed anyway.
” Miriam smiles, back to her spitfire ways.
“Grab me one to go? I’m going to see how much I can make your barista blush before I get out of here,” she says, waggling her eyebrows and slowly puttering off to the counter.
Kyle sees her approaching and turns white.
I can hear him stammering as I duck into the kitchen to take out the muffins.
Perfect, I think to myself. If nothing else, this is something I can always guarantee will work out.
I smile to myself, putting one of the muffins in a paper bag and taking it out to Miriam.
Kyle might be in a state of shock, judging by the way his mouth hangs open.
I laugh at him as I pass Miriam the bag.
“Thanks dear, and don’t you worry, Kyle! You’ll grow into them eventually!” She salutes him as she walks out the door, a cold gust announcing her grand departure.
I turn to Kyle. “Grow into what?” I ask.
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” he mumbles, returning to the mop bucket, washing the floor in a daze. When I’m done for the day, I grab the baked leftovers as usual. I move to go out the back door, when it bursts open, all of Heartbreak Tuesdays pouring through the door.
Except for one of them. I refuse to meet their eye as I push past and out the door, fully intent on avoiding them, only to run tits first into Jill.
She stares at me awkwardly as I glare her down, daring her to say anything. She starts trying to speak, floundering until she gives up, scurrying away to get set up.
Coward. I’m not even sure if my judgment is directed at her or at myself.
I trudge through the back lanes, making my way to the bus stop. Unfortunately it’s that time of year where riding my bike is no longer an option. It may be freezing, but it’s better than walking.
I spend the majority of the ride reminding myself of what Miriam said earlier, that things aren’t nearly as bad as they seem right now. Maybe things just need time.