29. Rutile Quartz
For the last few days, I’ve spent my time harvesting seeds from flowers, cradling Sama in my arms, and tending to the few women whose infections still hold strong.
When Teo told me that Liana wanted to work on our magic again, I was worried. There is much I need to discuss with her, but a part of me is… worried.
I haven’t had a chance to tell her about my visions, the Bruja witches, my burning light magic, the human-bound book, or Melisa.
It was confirmation to stop avoiding her.
It’s not until I leave the palace that I realize just how early it is, noting that the houses throughout the city are quiet. The song that comes from the clock tower is gentle—like a lullaby meant to encourage the restful slumber of every ear it touches.
The lights above me are dim, but I don’t need to go far.
I walk past the throne room, through the back hallways that pass several meeting rooms, and the Royal Library, and then I find myself in the mushroom garden. Their faint light illuminates the massive statues of Enduares long since passed. As I cross, awareness prickles at the back of my neck. I stop immediately.
Slowly, I turn toward one of the statues, almost instantly recognizing the likeness of my husband. As I look up, I see Teo’s sharp cheekbones, broad shoulders, and veined arms—only the expression and turn of his eyes are different.
I suck in a breath.
“They say that Endu is more stone than god. Like a man carved out of bedrock,” Liana’s voice says behind me.
I startle, squeaking as I turn around to look at the wise woman.
Today, her hair is wrapped tightly around her head in elaborate designs.
Pressing a hand to my head, I gasp for breath, “Gods on their stony throne.”
A smile streaks across her face. “It’s heartening to see how well you are adapting.”
Her hands are clasped behind her back, and she sweeps her eyes up to the towering statue before gazing across in the opposite direction to look at the others.
I swallow. “My curiosity for your gods is endless. I believe that, seeing how regal these men look. Is that Endu?”
She takes a pause.,
“That is Teo’Likh, Teo’s father. The rest are also old kings of the Enduares. Teo’s family line. I suppose it is as much your line now that you are our proper queen.”
I blink and nod my head once.
“Was he always as cruel as they say?” I ask conversationally, trying to ease into such a hushed topic and avoid the subject of my magic.
Teo fears and hates his father. I know he questions whether the old king planted seeds of darkness in his heart. He’s spoken of what it was like to be raised to kill for the throne, and my heart aches each time.
But now, I look at Teo’Lihk with burning curiosity, wanting to know what he once was.
Was he once like the kind man who sings me to sleep and strokes the nightmares away with sweet words?
“He was always hard. Cruel. Don’t you remember? We have spoken of this before,” she says, a little concerned.
My eyebrows draw together, alarmed. “Have we?”
She looks confused. “Yes.”
I search through my memories for the lost moments.
“I remember your telling me that his father sent him to kill the queen, but I remember little else.”
She nods. “You told me that the witches ravaged your memories. Has this faded?”
I scan the ground. “Most… most have come back. Teo helps me.”
She places a hand on my shoulder. “Teo was not present for this conversation. It makes sense that some things might be gone—I cannot show you the memories the same way, but I can tell you. Please let me know if this happens again so I can restore the records.”
There’s a deeply unsettled feeling in my gut, one that distresses me far more than I would like. I have to force myself to take a deep breath, smile, and thank her for her generosity.
“Have you tried writing your memories? In case there are any other stray bits of damage?” Liana asks suddenly.
I look up at her and then quickly close my mouth.
“No.”
“Why not?” Those silver eyes prod at my defenses.
I swallow.
“I can’t write well enough.” It’s only a partial truth, but it broaches the subject of something far too tender to speak about.
She gives me an incredulous look. “You can, and there are those who could help you if needed.”
“Didn’t you call me here to discuss my magic?” I say.
She flexes her jaw. “This is pertinent.”
I let out a long breath. “I haven’t used my magic since we came back to the caves. It’s… unpleasant to think of the power inside of me. Of what it can do.”
Liana’s face softens. “There it is. You feel guilty.”
“Guilty doesn’t even begin to describe it,” I mutter.
“So then describe it to me,” she counters.
I ball my fists. “When I was trying to help heal Dyrn, I ended up speeding up his death?—”
“You were easing him into a less painful death. There’s a difference.”
I shake my head, insistent.
“It’s not just the Fuegorra. While I was in Zlosa, I found this tight, glowing thread inside of me. When I pulled on it, I shined like a star. When Rholker touched me, he was burned. That’s never happened before. What if I do that to someone here? Teo? Or Arlet? What if I hurt little Rila?” My voice wobbles. “I’ve caused enough pain.”
Liana purses her lips. “Now I see.”
“See what?” I ask.
She cocks her head to the side. “You believe that you deserve the pain you’ve been put through.”
I stiffen.
“Yes, that’s it, isn’t it?”
I say nothing.
“It’s hard to make mistakes, even grave ones at times, and then have to learn how to overcome them.”
I finally meet her gaze. “It’s easy when someone is all good or all bad. I am… both.”
She smiles. “Things are rarely black and white, even in regards to our enemies.”
I take a deep breath. “I fear what I can do with my body.”
She nods and places her hand back on my shoulder. “Even with my visions of the future, there is much I don’t know. One thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is that if you don’t train, you will always fear your magic. It will make you dangerous later down this path.”
I grit my teeth.
“I don’t want to hurt anyone else.” Then I amend with, “Except Rholker.”
She pats my cheek. “Understandable. But you won’t ever truly have the freedom to promise yourself that if you don’t learn control. Do you understand?”
I nod despite my burning eyes.
“It’s good that you train with Svanna and the elves. They will teach you how to fight as a woman should. Now, you must train with me as a wise woman should.”
I nod my head. “You are right.”
“Of course I am. Lesson one, forgive yourself for the mistakes you made and, most importantly, change,” she says firmly.
I manage a soft yes through the moisture gathering in my eyes.
“Come now, my child. Don’t let the shadows swallow you up now, not before we have a chance to start. Follow,” she commands, letting me go and walking down the steps toward the scrying grotto.
I do as she asks, focusing on keeping my breath even, so that I might not spiral into the unknown abyss that still lurks in the back of my mind.
Passing into the grotto is difficult, as it is on an incline that descends into a chamber. I have to use my arms to lower me down and then crouch to reach the right spot, avoiding sharp crystals.
Once inside, however, it calms me down. The harmony in this space is intoxicating and peaceful all at once. The ebbing pulse of mineral music and magic massages my skin, making my scalp tingle and my fingers itch to touch each surface, smooth or jagged.
I stop my perusal of the area when I spot a figure. Liana wasn’t alone, apparently.
“Lord Vann?” I say, surprised to find him sitting, legs crossed on the ground.
I wipe under my eyes quickly, drying any evidence of my high emotions outside.
Around him are dozens of small pots filled with shimmering liquids. With a small brush, he paints on rectangular pieces of black obsidian.
He looks up at me with a stiff expression.
“My Queen, good morning. I was helping Liana paint her cards,” he says simply.
“What cards?” I ask.
Vann hands Liana a card and a brush, and she begins to paint, too.
I knew that she had been wanting to speak with me, but I knew nothing about cosmic pictures of humans and stars on the cards.
She jerks her head to the side, gesturing for me to sit between Vann and a sharp spike of pale yellow citrine.
“Come, gaze upon the hlumscri.”
I let myself smile despite my mind being weighed down with Liana’s words and thoughts of Melisa and her choice to leave.
“Hu-loom,” I fumble. “That means glow in Enduar.”
She smiles. “Glowing cards, in the common tongue. Very good. Sit, sit. Vann won’t be rude. See if you can tell me what kind of stones I’ve crushed to make the paint.”
I blink and then gingerly reach forward to collect one of the cards. As I pick it up, I let it shimmer in the light emanating from flecks of dozens of different gems. It takes practice to open not only my ears, but my heart. There’s a beating song that seems to latch onto the negative thoughts in my mind and steal them away. The movement of the sound reminds me of the ruc’rad scavenger rats that steal food.
“I hear the obsidian for certain,” I say.
She huffs a laugh as the card itself is clearly razor-sharp obsidian. “Do you, now? How about anything else?
I press my lips together, glancing at Vann as he holds a shard close to his face with expert precision. Listening carefully, I also notice the evergreen song of malachite.
“Malachite?” My voice has an uncertain wobble to it that I know causes the frown on her face.
“You aren’t wrong, but I’m sad you can’t hear more.” She picks up her own card. “This is a tradition amongst wise women. It is an exercise akin to tuning an instrument. It should, in theory, open up your soul.” She reaches up and taps my forehead. “It should also open your mind. Perhaps you will have another vision.”
My brow crinkles under her strong, warm fingertips as I look back down at the cards. A few are still drying from their fresh paint.
“Can I touch the others?”
She nods. “Yes, but mind the edges. Why don’t you pick the three that you feel the most called to?”
“I don’t?—”
“You want to get better at magic?”
I sigh. “Yes.”
“Learn to connect to your greater self. As mortals, we call to the stars above. We ourselves are made up of ancient spheres long since crushed to dust that traveled to our planet and created all that we are. If we are merely another configuration of dust, then why not speak to our kin?”
He’s going to be in the room while I pull on my lyre string and release my magic?
I look at Vann once more, and she sighs. “Kor’Vann, leave us be.”
He looks down at the half-painted card in one hand and his paintbrush in the other. “But I’m not?—“
My power has been an important tool, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid of it. Having him watching, even if that observing is good-natured, blocks off my desire to pluck my mystical lyre string and make the gem glow to life once more.
“Please. This is difficult for me.”
He takes a deep breath, and I dislike the hardness I find there. He is such good friends with Teo, but we have little interaction outside of that.
But his large, silver-blue eyes soften as they watch me. “Very well, My Queen.”
Relief flashes across my body.
“Thank you.” I smile as he carefully sets down what he was working on and leaves the cavern with a friendly wave.
Satisfaction blossoms in my chest as I watch him go, but Liana is insistent.
“We are alone now.”
Watching the wise woman trail her fingers across a line of beryl and quartz is mesmerizing as each stone flickers for a second, like a light bug, and then fades back to their glimmering darkness.
I swallow hard.
Liana frowns while she watches my reaction. “Enough. Turn off your worries for a second—listen.”
My eyes return to the sparkling ground and scan the different images, taking particular note of the image of the human woman and Enduar entangled together like two swirls of water rising up from the ocean. They crash together in a mess of browns and blues. It’s a beautiful sight.
Slowly, I pick up the card and bring it closer to my face.
Liana is silent, but I can hear her pleased expression through the stones around us.
How strange..
It is as if each crystal is fine-tuned to her and all her needs. Even I can admit that kind of skill is appealing.
Shifting the stone in my hands, a jagged edge nicks the side of my finger.
I hiss and place the injured digit in my mouth as I look at the others. It’s no great harm, and the bleeding stops in a few moments, thanks to the Fuegorra.
As it does, the enormous piece of Fuegorra crystal in the middle of the room flickers to life.
My pulse races as I look at it.
Something presses at the back of my mind, seeking entrance. I furrow my brow.
“Focus. You can play with the gems after,” Liana snaps.
My gaze lowers back to the ground, and I look at the other images, some of the starry nights with glowing jewels and a variety of chalices. One such card, as Liana called it, catches my attention, and I lean forward. The stars are written with six chalices of glowing silver and gold paint. Four remain upright and organized while two spill their cosmic contents upon the land.
I pick this one up, too, and place it next to the image of the passionate lovers.
As I wait, looking around, there’s an image of a skeleton reclining on a throne, dressed up and regal like a king. It taunts me with its haughty smirk, bony chin resting atop its fist.
Rholker’s face flashes in my mind, and I think of revenge. Of the pretty dresses and the expectation that I would be his. I pick up this hlumscri and place it below the others.
Liana watches my choices carefully, and then her eyes return to mine. There’s a new type of harmony in front of me.
Each card has the most subtle differences. The tune comes to me easily, showing me the right cards. It’s almost like plucking different strings of a single instrument.
“Do you feel you’ve chosen correctly?” she asks.
I look down at them. “I don’t really know what I was meant to look for.”
“A wise woman acts from deep in here.” She places a hand on my belly.
I recoil, and all echoes of another being in my mind slide away.
“I’m using my magic right now. I don’t want to burn you,” I say, panicked.
“Then don’t.” She replaces her hand, and there is no smell of sizzling flesh. “You worry about many things. That is felt in here.” Her other hand comes to my breastbone where tension bunches under her fingers.
Her strong touch reassures me, and it is… empowering. The twisted knots inside of me start to melt away.
“Let the crystals focus you. They’ll naturally bring out your power.”
I can do this.
“You have a gift. It cannot be taught to someone who does not possess it; it can merely be nurtured, respected, and strengthened over time. Do you understand?” Her voice is low, and her tongue is much less sharp than it often is when we discuss such matters.
I close my eyes, giving way to my body. Liana’s hand pulls away, but the humming and sparking against my skin doesn’t. It continues to skitter across my skin with pulses of fire.
“Estela,” Liana’s voice comes again. Louder, but not sharper. “Are these the ones you wish to select?”
Liana wasn’t lying when she said this would focus my magic. The Fuegorra blazes to life on my chest, then flows through me. It covers my arms and legs, extending past my fingertips, beyond the grotto, filling the cave. The crystals around me wish to hold it, amplify it, but it’s too much power. The brightness burns my retinas through my eyelids.
“Pull back, Estela,” Liana insists.
The lyre string inside of me vibrates back and forth, but doesn’t still.
“I can’t,” I grit out. “The string inside of me moves too fast.”
“You can. You control yourself. Reach out and grab it. Don’t worry about getting hurt.”
Gathering every ounce of strength in my body, use my mind to reach toward the magic. When I grasp on, I wobble, and a pain splits through my head. But then… the light starts to fade.
Relief spreads across my skin, cooling the heat from before.
As a child, I would’ve thought that magic was mostly wielded through one’s hands and body. I never knew how I would have to protect my mind. First, I learned to keep unwanted thoughts away from Teo. Then I had to push past destroyed memories and regain the truth.
Now… I learn to control myself.
“Do you think you chose the right cards?” Liana asks, breaking through my thoughts.
My eyes snap open, and I take a deep breath.
“Yes,” I say.
Liana shifts, crystals gently hitting together as the fabric rustles.
“The second of the crystal cards you’ve selected symbolizes loss and hope. Some of the chalices are pouring out their contents, lost to time and the vast space around us. You cannot get them back, but look at those who are still full. You must accept what you’ve lost, and rejoice in what you have.”
The interpretation confuses me, especially since the first name that comes to me is my brother’s.
“Mikal is not lost,” I say, my voice low and icy as I glare at the woman across from me.
She shakes her head.
“It doesn’t need to be a person. Estela, you have just spent a month tortured and humiliated every day. Perhaps you have… lost something.”
I press my lips together.
She picks up the next card. “You are in love with your mate. Your future will be blessed with every wish that either of you desires. It is a strong union—one strong enough to take on new challenges.”
I swallow. Teo has always been the better half of my soul. It truly was a gift from the gods that I was given him when I wasn’t prepared to be anything other than bitter.
Liana’s fingers trail over to the last card, pausing.
“The last card speaks of death. Of rotting riches and decomposing power.”
“Is that one foretelling Rholker’s fall?” I ask, unease curling in my stomach.
Yes. Death suits you, a dark voice whispers from somewhere deep within.
Liana tilts her head to the side.
“It could be…” she trails off, and a new feeling builds in my stomach.
“Could be what?” Sweat is gathering on the insides of my palms.
She takes a deep breath.
“I do not mean to speak doom, but we are planning to do many dangerous things in the next few months. Traversing the sea is not simple—neither is taking down one king, let alone two. The death could be someone else.”
I think of the worries that weigh down on me in the moments alone, the crass, bloody words spoken about my people. I think of Melisa’s sacrifice and her willingness to return.
What if it is she that will die?
Or you.
Taking a deep breath, my heart races in my chest.
“Melisa will go back to Zlosa to look for ways to free more humans and find out what Rholker is doing. I wish to give her something to part with.”
Liana listens intently, then nods, looking around the room at the reds, blues, and greens that twinkle. “What do you think would make an acceptable parting gift?”
I look around me, trying to recognize the names I’d learned before. Citrine, Fuegorra, topaz. Each has its own song. My eyes snag on a few stout pieces of beryl, the crystals that used to be in my bathing pool in my room.
I stand up and walk to the red stone, one that matched the dresses she wore when I first met her and stroke a finger along its surface.
All other songs fade, and deep in my gut, there’s the feeling of supreme rightness.
Turning back to Liana, I say, “This. I’d like to give her this.”
Liana nods thoughtfully. “Beryl is a beautiful stone. It heals, but it also promotes love. Giving her such a thing could be a mistake when she travels back to her master.”
I purse my lips. “But she is wounded deep inside. I feel it the same way I did for my mother. I want her to be safe—I trust that she will not be carried away down incorrect rivers.”
Liana smiles. “You have grown so poetic. What a very Enduar way to speak.”
I grin, feeling lighter around her for the first time in weeks.
“Yes.” It only takes a gentle press of my fingers to loosen the crystal and pull it out of the wall. While rubbing away bits of dirt and debris, my mind wanders back to the blessings that Teo mentioned Liana gave him before he left the caves. The hlums’dor.
The wise woman is crouched over, picking up each of the cards that had been laid out for my convenience, I realize. She was waiting for me.
Bless her patience.
“It is time for you to approach the Fuegorra,” she says, gesturing to the enormous crystal jutting up from the ground that matches the one in my chest.
I take a deep breath. The last time I did, it gave me a vision of my future—of power. I place the crystal in my pocket and walk over to the small step in front of the gem.
Flickers of red and orange spark as I draw close.
“Hold your hands up as if you were about to touch it,” Liana says. “Loosen your shoulders.”
I obey each command and wait. Before, it had been instant, and while there is activity, it is not as potent as I once felt. The life force of the Enduares is… complex.
The seconds drag on, and I glance over my shoulder at her.
“Am I doing something wrong?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “No. Your connection is strong, but unpredictable. I need you to look into the ruins of the underwater city to see if you can spot the artifact.”
I purse my lips. “I’ve never done anything like that.”
She sighs. “The cards were supposed to help you, but it seems they have just added to the weight on your shoulders.”
I can’t deny it.
“Try touching the gem again. It shouldn’t work, but maybe you just need contact,” she says.
I nod and reach out.
As my finger grazes the smooth face of the stone, my own gem glows to life. “This keeps happening. Do you know why it’s so bright?”
“Sadly, I do not. Put your other hand on and think of Iravida.”
As soon as my other palm connects with Fuegorra, my vision swims with billowing black and silver glimmers. When the cloud of confusion clears, I see a massive city stretching out in all directions at the bottom of a sea. Lights glow and bob through the water, with large glowing apexes positioned in the middle of buildings.
I gasp.
“What do you see?” Liana demands.
It’s unnerving to be speaking with her while I see the ruins of an ancient world.
“Iravida—it’s beautiful, but why is it so bright?”
No answer, and then,“Push outside of the city—past the castle.”
Without moving a single muscle, I picture myself moving forward and shoot ahead like a spear. A part of me knows that I’m underwater, but since I don’t feel wetness against my skin, my usual panic doesn”t ignite.
When I reach the outskirts of the massive walls, I see black. Not just darkness, but utter blackness.
“I can’t see anything—it’s too dark,” I say. “It feels like there’s something down there.”
“Something? Like the artifact?” Liana asks.
I wait in the ebbing darkness. The longer I stare into it, it almost feels like it’s staring back at me.
“No, just… something. Something vast and unknowable.”
“Are you all right?”
I nod.
“Good. Then maybe it’s best if you release your hold. Just do it carefully.”
I nod and then begin to peel my hands away.
The vision fades, and I press a hand to cover the new blinding light that burns my eyes.
“Did I do it right?” I ask.
She smiles and steps forward to put her hand on my shoulder.
“You did it exactly right. Well done.” Then she squints. “Gods, why is it so bright?”
I laugh. “The witches—Brujas, as slave legend says—called me the Daughter of the Light Weaver.”
The wise woman cocks her head to the side and bites her lip piercing. “What does that mean? Is it a title among your people?”
I frown, a little deflated. “No, it isn’t. I’ve never heard of it before. I had hoped you would know.”
She looks thoughtful. “We shall study it after we bring your brother home.”
A weak smile spreads across my lips, eager to change the subject.
“How do you give a hlums’dor blessing?” My gaze travels around the room, and I take a moment to practice pinpointing each crystal’s song. My mind clears as the citrine sweeps through my mind, clearing all the thoughts that have been compounding. Beryl seeks to heal the aches in my joints, while amethyst gives me a light feeling.
It is easy to understand why Liana would want to be here when every inch of the room loves whatever sparks of magic we carry.
“Ah. Excellent question. Is this about the one called Melisa again?”
“Yes,” I say.
She smiles. “A blessing isn’t nearly so formal as a rite. Tell her what you hope she will find on her journey—safety, peace, rest. Then let your Fuegorra speak to hers. You felt the connection we have with the others during the ceremony.”
“She doesn’t have one,” I say sadly.
“Hmm. You are correct. Thenyou will need to listen to your Fuegorra to see into her soul.”
My eyes grow wide. “How do I do that?”
She looks back at me. “You know how to do it with Teo.”
“Yes, but he is my mate,” I respond.
She smiles. “Part of being a wise woman is being a seer. There’s a good chance that your mother had this gift—perhaps that is what the witches meant when they said she was a light weaver—it’s possible she saw that which many simply ignored. Your gifts will let you look into someone’s soul, sealing whatever hopes you have upon them. It helps to touch their head.”
It doesn’t sound exactly right, but my curiosity is piqued, so I turn toward her.
“I would like to practice.”
She draws back, looking at me through slitted eyes. “I need no blessings. I care for the Enduar Court.”
“How can I practice?”
She waves a hand. “Find Teo.”
I shake my head, stepping toward her. “No, I’d like to practice here, with the wise woman who is experienced in such things.”
She lets out a long breath. “Very well.”
Then she turns to face me with her tall, lanky frame. Every inch of her weathered grace is beautiful against the backdrop of the crystals. She holds out her hands on either side and then lets them fall to the side.
“Give me a blessing, Lady Estela.”
I smile and then feel embarrassed. Reaching forward, I touch her shoulder.
“I bless you with…”
My words dry up. Scanning through every hope I’d have for this woman who, in so many ways, has cared for me with a depth I can’t ever adequately thank her for.
“With—” I try again, “With rest. With joy. That you will feel the depth of love those around you have.”
Her eyes are impenetrable as I look into them, trying to find some sort of confirmation that I was doing this right.
Then I place a hand on her forehead, and a glowing crack appears in her well-protected emotional barrier.
She blinks as I feel the weight of age, duty, and time seep into my soul. No one would look at her and think that she was anything other than fiery and well-lived, but there’s a heaviness that sags against me as the connection between us grows. Her eyes see the past and the future with a clarity I don’t possess. Even the fragments and pictures the Fuegorra gives her are so… perspicuous.
An air of ancient, sacred weight presses down, lightly accompanied by the screams of a dying people. One of the wraith mother’s vast crystal wings unfurls before me. Liana’s unbound hair scandalously billows behind her as she holds onto a saddle attached to drathorinna’s back. Her eyes glow like moonstones as she chants. Then the scales beneath her light up with the same power.
I can’t look away—can hardly pull back.
When I do, her eyes meet mine, fully aware of everything I felt. She looks down at me, waiting for me to speak.
But the words have run dry.
Every time we train, there is something new that I learn. A miraculous, hidden world revealed to my eyes.
“You rode drathorinna. You are… powerful,” I say dumbly. An ache starts up in my chest as I think of approaching the wraith. The crystal beast draws me in with her power, and yet she has not asked me to return to her cavern.
Liana smiles.
“Of course I am, child. If you think you are ready to take on my soul, perhaps I have underestimated your powers. We should return to drathorinna soon. As you saw, it’s been too long since she’s ridden into battle.”
I suck in a breath. “Really? I should tell you that she called to me when I returned.”
Liana cocks her head to the side. “That is a marvelous sign. What did she say?”
“She told me to wait.”
Liana smiles and brushes a strand of hair from my face. “Hmm. Then, sadly, you must wait. I apologize for promising a visit I cannot guarantee. Go, run along, and meet me here after. I still need help with the final crystal suit.”
“But I have more questions,” I protest.
My hand goes to the book in my pocket, and I prepare to pull it out, but she shakes her head, and her white bun glistens in the light.
“Later. I have more to work on.”
I let out a disappointed sigh. “Thank you, Mother Liana.”
She smiles and waves me off.
I take one more moment to luxuriate in the warm joy inside the cave of crystals, all perfectly attuned to those like me, and then slip out.
The sword training will start soon. The energy flowing through me needs some kind of release. Hopefully, Ulla will be glad to see me.