Chapter Twenty-Three
Chloe- 4 weeks later
Things have been going well on the surface for Jayson and I the past few weeks. We have spent a lot of time together in between his work and our classes. I know I said I was going to end it, but I couldn’t do it. Selfishly, I just wanted to have some happiness for a little while longer. And yes I know how self-centered that sounds. I rationalized to myself that Jayson could always find someone new, but I couldn’t. So, I buried my head in the sand and hoped for the best.
Stupidly, I thought I could contain my feelings for him and that I would just look back on us as my first serious relationship. Unfortunately, I didn’t take into consideration that both of our feelings would deepen even more than they already had. I knew it was time for it to end…and I had to end it in a way that would make him never look my way again.
So, lying in my bed watching the sun rise over the city of Houston, I realize that this is the day I lose the man of my dreams. Never in a million years did I believe that I would find my forever at the young age of 21. Or that once I found him, I wouldn’t be able to keep him. My heart literally hurts at the prospect of telling him it’s over.
At this thought, I roll over onto my stomach and the tears start falling hard and fast. I try to muffle the noise so I won’t wake Madison, but soon I hear the door open, and my mattress dips down as she crawls up next to me.
Stroking my back, she asks, “What’s going on, honey? Why all the tears?”
I just shake my head because saying the words means it’s real.
Wrapping her arms around me, she asks, “Is this about Jayson? Are you upset with him?”
I shake my head no, but still don’t answer. Because I’m not giving anything up, the questions keep coming. “Chloe, you’re scaring me. What could be so terrible? Did he cheat on you, hurt you in some way…?” When I again shake my head no, she stares hard into my face and says, “Oh, I see; you’re running. What are you going to do? Are you going to break up with him?”
“Yes”, I whisper.
Madison looks like she wants to slap me. With a harsh tone, she asks, “Why are you doing this to yourself…and to him? Isn’t all the self-loathing good enough? Now, you are going to hurt yourself, not to mention a man that treats you like a queen and looks at you like you hung the moon! Do you have any idea what the rest of us would give to be looked at like he looks at you?”
I begin crying again because my heart is literally breaking. “You don’t understand!”
She snaps at me and says, “You’re right, I don’t, because you won’t let anyone in. You’re about to lose a good man and if this behavior doesn’t stop, you’re going to lose me. I love you, Chloe…more than my family, but I can’t continue to watch you self-destruct. Especially when you have Jayson, me, and even Connor trying to help you.”
I shut my eyes trying to block out what she is saying.
Sighing, I hear her ask tiredly, “So, when is it happening? Because I’m not going to be here when it goes down.”
I croak out, “I’m going to call him as soon as I know he’s up. I know you think I’m heartless, but I can’t do this to him anymore. He’s going to be a freaking doctor, for Christ sake, Maddie. And I know where this relationship is heading. So, what if he introduces me to a colleague and they happen to be from California and know my case. He could lose a promotion over me. Not to mention, just be wholly embarrassed of who he’s in a relationship with.”
Madison looks at me and says heatedly, “You are taking away his choices! You don’t know how he would react because you won’t tell him! So, you would rather hurt him than woman up and let him know that you were a VICTIM!?”
It all becomes too much for me and I scream at the top of my lungs, “I’m not a victim, I’m a murderer…can’t you see that?”
With tears in her eyes, Madison shakes her head. “No, I don’t see that. What I do see is someone so goddamn scared to live their life that they would rather hide away than to accept the love of a man that most girls would give their right arm to have.”
“Get out, Maddie!” I say shakily.
As she reaches my bedroom door, she says, “Don’t worry, I’m going, Chloe. Text me when you’re done. I think I may go home for a few days.”
With everything swirling around in my brain, I decide I am going to go to Jayson’s house and talk to him there. I don’t want him driving while he is upset. Not really caring about what I look like, I take a shower and once I’m out, I pull my curly hair up into a bun on top of my head. I grab a t-shirt that says, “Unicorns Are Forever” and pull on blue jean cut off shorts. I shove my feet into my flip flops and run back to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Once, I’m done, I swipe on some lip gloss, spray myself with perfume…ok, maybe I care a little.
Once, I’m in my car, and getting on the freeway, I call Jayson. I knew I had to wait to call him where there was no turning back.
He answers with a sleepy, sexy voice and with his next words I start to melt. “Hey princess, are you ok?”
Closing my eyes only for a brief second since I’m driving, I say, “Yes, I’m fine. I need to come by and see you.”
His voice sharpens, “You need to see me…what’s all this about?”
“Nothing” I snap. “Can’t a girl come by and see her boyfriend or do I have to schedule a time?” I know I’m being a world class bitch and he’s silent for a moment.
Quietly he says, “Sure, come on by. I’ll have breakfast waiting.”
I say, “Ok, see you in a few minutes” and hang up before he can say I love you.
I drive up to Jayson and Connor’s house and notice there is a strange vehicle in the driveway. Probably one of Connor’s nasty hookups. I ring the doorbell and the door opens revealing a beautiful middle-aged woman. Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Is there no end to the women this guy will screw? I know that I’m transferring my emotion to Connor so I don’t have to deal with what is really eating away at me.
She leans in to hug me and I immediately step back. The look on her face makes me feel sort of shitty, but what does she expect, this isn’t a meeting of the Reece twins’ hook-ups.
She opens the door wider and says, “Come on in, dear…breakfast is on the table.”
Ok, this is weird, certifiably weird. I get to the table and there is Jayson, Connor, and I blink heavily because there is another one of them…granted he is older.
Jayson comes over to me and says, “Hey baby, I see you met my mom.” HIS MOM? Oh hell, the woman at the door is his mom.
“I, uh, I…oh my God, I’m so embarrassed!”
They are all looking at me like I’m crazy. I know there is no way to explain my behavior so I just decide to tell the truth. “I’m so sorry, I thought you were one of Connor’s… friends ”, I whisper loudly. Jayson and his dad look at each other and start laughing so hard, it looks like they are going to burst an aneurysm. Jayson’s mom is smiling, but Connor looks like he wants to really hurt me; I’m not used to seeing him without a smile on his face.
“My mom, little bit? You think I’m fucking my mom?”
Hearing his shocked response, I can’t help but giggle especially when Mrs. Reece says, “Language, Connor…we don’t say ‘fuck’ at the breakfast table!”
He rolls his eyes and says, “Whatever, old woman, you have the mouth of a sailor!”
She smiles widely and says, “Not at the table, I don’t. Besides we have a guest.”
Connor grumbles, “She’s not a guest, she’s a royal pain in the ass!” At this comment, all of them burst into laughter. For a moment, I forget why I’m there and I bask in the feeling of family, one I’m not used to having.
Jayson pulls me down onto his lap and says, “These are my parents. My dad, Dr. Phillip Reece, and my mom aka Connor’s girlfriend, Ava Reece.
I poke him and say, “Shut up! You could have said your parents were here when we were on the phone.”
I realize how normal we sound and I quickly look down at my hands. I have got to get a handle on this. Jayson looks at me strangely and I know he can tell there’s something wrong.
After everyone eats, I help Mrs. Reece, or Ava, as she insists I call her, clear away the dishes. I stand there at the sink rinsing the plates and glasses when I feel the tears start to sting my eyes.
I try to hold it in, but when she puts her arm around me and asks, “Honey, are you ok? What can I do to help?”
Her kindness makes me lose it…I don’t deserve it, because I’m getting ready to hurt her son in the worst way. I shake my head no and suddenly I feel Jayson’s arms around me. We stand there for a moment and I selfishly try to memorize exactly what he feels and smells like.
Looking around, I realize that we are alone. He takes my hand and says, “Let’s go upstairs.”
I start to say no, but he says not to worry, everyone has left for the day. I know I shouldn’t go to his room; it’s too much temptation, and I’m too weak. Once we get up there, he strips down to his boxer briefs and gives me one of his old t-shirts. We get into bed and before I know it, we’re in our position again. It’s like our bodies know and automatically gravitate to each other.
We lie there for a while until he asks, “So, what’s happening in that mind of yours?”
I pull his face to mine and say, “I don’t want to talk.”
Next, I pull down his boxer briefs and pull my shirt over my head.
He tries to slow me down by asking, “Chloe, what are you doing?”
I gather up all my courage for what I’m about to say next. “I want you to fuck me, Jayson. And if you won’t do it, I will find someone who will.”
He looks sick and I wonder at the cruelty within me.
Running his fingers through his hair, he asks, “Why are you doing this, Chloe? You know I want you, but not like this.”
I roll over and straddle him and say, “Really, it feels like you do.” I start rubbing against him and I can see the wetness from my pussy is making him grit his teeth.
With a force, I didn’t think he would ever use on me, he lifts me from his body and says, “Stop this now! I want to know why you are acting like this. Like I’m just some cheap fuck for you to come over when you need to get off.”
In my mind, I know this is it. Just tell him none of it is real, you don’t love him, and you are going to find someone to satisfy you since he won’t or can’t. I open my mouth to say those terrible things, but it sticks in my throat. I know I have to end this so I force it out.
“That’s exactly what you are, Jayson…a cheap fuck and obviously not a very good one since we still haven’t had sex. I knew you were one of those guys that had to have a commitment first. I just wanted to lose my virginity.”
Jayson’s face turns pale and I want to comfort him, but I know I can’t. In a low voice, he says, “Get your fucking clothes on and get out of my goddamned house!” I get dressed quickly while he faces the wall and before I walk out the door, I turn, and the last thing I see is his shoulders shaking…he’s silently crying.
Feeling like I’m going to pass out, I rip the door open and Connor is standing there. The look on his face chills me to the bone and I take a step back.
He says though gritted teeth, “Madison told me you were coming over here to break it off, but I never fucking dreamed you were capable of what you just did. I heard every fucking word! Next time genius, shut the door all the way! Now, you heard my brother…get out of our fucking house!”
I run down the stairs and out the door, trying to reach my car before I lose it. Once behind the wheel, I throw my car into drive, and get the hell out of there. I’m so sick with shame that I have to pull over and throw up the breakfast I ate at the Reece’s house. I don’t know where to go, Madison doesn’t want to see me, and I can’t go back to our apartment.
I decide to go to the one place that always gives me peace…the water. Before I turn my phone off, I book a room on the Seawall Inn in Galveston and hope that while I’m there, I can get some clarity. I’m thinking it may be time to move to another city. I can’t stay here with Jayson at the same school and I don’t think I have a best friend anymore. My memory is haunted with the look on Jayson’s face and the sight of his shoulders shaking. I will never forget it and honestly, I shouldn’t; it’s a reminder to both myself and others of what I’m capable of…nothing but darkness and pain